AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hiiiii. Alright, so. Just a quick update, theatre is finally done for the year but I have a lot of work so it's sort of hard to get shit like this in, no matter how much I love it :(

It's really cool to look through my traffic stuff and see that 2000 people have read a story that I wrote, all from different countries. I never thought that so many people would love my writing like this. Thanks for all the sweet reviews, too! God, I'm so grateful for all of you 3

Anyway, I know this is terrible, but here's a (kinda long) one-shot about Homestuck and you can teAR ME DOWN WITH THIS SHIP. OKAY. ALSO. My premise for this was just that I was really bored one day and sort of emotional and I realized that tranz and Gamz rhymed so... there you have it. I'll shut up now. Enjoy!

So he never really thought of him of being different.

Or weird.

Okay, maybe a little weird.

But the way that he was staring at himself in the mirror seemed a bit alarming to him.

"…Gamzee?"

"Fuck," was his immediate reaction when he realized that Karkat was there, making the shorter one laugh, then cursing himself for finding humor in someone. "What is it?" Gamzee asked, turning back to the mirror.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Just making sure you're okay?"

"Oh. Oh yeah I am," he paused, somewhat differently than he usually would. "Thanks."

Karkat bit on his lip, giving a sort of sad thumbs-up. He had been like this a lot lately, and Karkat didn't know whether to be angry or feel bad. Maybe both. Whatever he was feeling though, it definitely wasn't positive emotion. He backed away slowly before returning to their bedroom and sitting on the bed.

A sudden thought jolted his mind. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe all of this hatred and shit was rubbing off on Gamzee. Maybe he thought it was personal. Desperately trying to get that thought out of his head, he called out, "Gamz?"

Another weird pause.

"Yeah?"

"Is it something I did?"

An immediate reaction: Laughter.

Karkat froze. His laugh always did that to him. That was the first reason he first realized he felt something different to the crazy-ass clown troll than he did towards anyone else. It had always sent chills down his spine.

"No, Karkat. You didn't do anything." Gamzee appeared in the doorway, hand through his already-tangled hair. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You seem different."

"Oh. Well, sorry motherfucker, but I'm not changing."

Karkat was the one to laugh this time. Nothing he had said was funny, it was mostly just to lighten the mood. He knew that Gamzee was lying, his crooked smile was crooked in the wrong way. He had looked at him enough to know the layout of each of his expressions.

Karkat sat there for a moment, waiting for him to say something. When he just stood there like the his normal idiot self, Karkat blurted out the first thing he thought of.

"I love you."

Another pause. Fuck these pauses.

"I love you too. So much." Almost on instinct, or to clear the space between them, or to prove his point, Gamzee leaned in the littlest bit, leaving Karkat to close the gap.

No matter what he thought, this clown's lips would always be nice to him. He smiled before bringing his arms up to wrap around Gamzee's shoulders. It made him feel more secure, more at-home. Like if there was anything grounding him, it was this idiot right here and his kiss. No matter how many times they did this, it would always feel new to Karkat. Each movement the other made would make his heart skip a beat. He loved the thrill of adrenaline that would go through him.

Oh god he wanted to go further so badly. He wanted kissing to be the least exciting thing that they were doing. He wanted Gamzee's lips, that's for sure, but he wanted them to at least leave his mouth for at least a minute, and to move on to other places. Without even realizing it, he was pulling at the other's shirt, fingers skimming the hems and trying to pull it up. He felt fingers against his own, pulling it back down.

Karkat pulled back for a moment, attempting to bring sadness into his dark eyes. "Please?" he asked. "Just once?"

Gamzee looked down before bringing his eyes up again and shaking his head without saying a word.

He sighed. "Fuck! Why not?"

He didn't answer.

"Asshole." To show his affectionate aggressiveness, he brought himself back into another kiss.

It was almost the same as before, except for the fact that Karkat was trying to get Gamzee to give him the permission to at least take off something.

He suddenly felt coolness touch his lips. Salty. That's new.

Getting pulled from his haze, he opened his eyes and closed his mouth, leaving them still extremely close to each other and Karkat's hands still at Gamzee's hips, but just looking into each other's eyes for a moment. Karkat's mind scrambled for a moment before letting go, allowing both of them to pull back.

A light shade of purple danced down Gamzee's cheeks.

Karkat tried his best not to show his awe. He had never seen a highblood cry. It was almost… beautiful? He was so used to red filling his own eyes and messing up his entire complexion. To see such an honored color that resembled lilac cornfields and floating dreams coming from pumpkin colored eyes was definitely a sight. It reminded him of an Earth sunset.

He suddenly snapped out of it, realizing that Gamzee was fucking crying. "Oh shit. Fuck. Sorry. Fuck," he went to get up but the other troll pulled him back down.

"Don't be sorry, motherfucker. It's fine. It's not your fault. I should be sorry, you little shit. I can't satisfy you… Well it's not that I can't, it's that…" he didn't finish.

Karkat took hold of his hand, not knowing what else to do. "You think I won't like you? Is that it? Because that would be one of the most annoying reasons for not going through with this."

He shook his head. "No. I just know."

"Know what?" he sighed.

"I just know that whatever happens, I'll wake up someday and you'll be gone."

Karkat looked down, feeling red pool in his eyes at the thought.

"It's not like I'm a normal person in the first place. I don't need to admit everything that makes me strange."

He looked up again, wiping some of the purple off of Gamzee's cheeks. "I know you're strange, goddamnit. If you weren't strange then who the hell would you be?"

He smiled the littlest bit. "Your tears are interesting."

Karkat hid his face in his hands. "I know. They're disgusting. Just shut up about it."

"No. No, I think they're actually interesting, motherfucker. God, I don't fucking hate you as much as you think I do."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure. But now, why the hell won't you commit to this with me? I told you, I'll… I'll fucking love you no matter what."

"Goddamnit, it's sort of hard to explain…"

Karkat met his eyes again, cherry glazing over his golden irises and melting nicely into his large, night-sky pupils. "Is it that…you don't trust me with something? Is that it you grubfuck?"

Gamzee attempted to wipe away some more lilac tears, "No. I really do trust you, motherfucker. You're the one I trust the most. I mean… hell that's corny."

He laughed.

Before Karkat knew what was happening, Gamzee's lips were on his again and his heart was the one begging this time. It pounded against his chest, his face suddenly wet with… magenta. Their hands tangled together, pulling the other closer until it was almost impossible to go further without mending into one.

He could feel Gamzee's sharp fingernails digging into his knuckles. Before Karkat could realize what he was doing, he pulled back and brought his knees to his chest. "Please don't draw blood," was all he said, smaller than usual. "It's… it's cherry red. It's not… It's a mutation and it's disgusting and please don't."

He nodded, and then they were kissing again. His heart racing and fucking candy tears still running down his face, he found a way to wrap his legs around Gamzee's hips.

Pulling back just enough to get a few words out every other second, Gamzee managed to start saying two words over and over again, "I'm not, I'm not, I'm not…"

"What… the fuck are… you not?"

Karkat could feel himself being kissed harder, like it was the last time they would ever see each other. He didn't fight back though, it was the closest they had gotten to…

"A guy."

Karkat paused. He must of paused for too long, because Gamzee shot up off the bed and started to walk away, trying his best not to have eye contact with Karkat while biting on the inside of his cheek.

"No, stop," Karkat managed to say. He paused again, making sure it wasn't too long this time. "…What did you say?"

"I'm not a guy," his voice wavered.

"Like…"

Gamzee nodded before he could even come up with a question.

Karkat sat there for a moment. He thought about all the possible words to say. Insults, jokes, profanity, anything and everything. However, all he did was stand up, face blank. He swallowed and, upon realizing there was no one there either then them two, stepped forward so that they were close again.

There were now two ways this could go down. Either he could grab his shirt and pull him back into a steamy kiss, proving that he was still down to go further, or he could tell him to leave. To get out of his life forever. He shifted the options around in his head.

However, instead of doing either of these things, Karkat wrapped his arms around him. It took Gamzee a moment to do the same.

Karkat bit at his lip. Fuck don't cry, fuck don't cry, fuck don't cry, even though this shit has been sitting on this his entire…

Fuck he was crying.

"You know, it's not really that bad. I mean… it could be worse," he managed to say. "Nothing to get all worked up about."

He could feel him laugh sort of pathetically. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

At the sound of his voice, Karkat grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Fuck you."

Gamzee squeezed his hand back. "You too, motherfucker."

They clung on to each other for no other reason than for love, although neither wanted to admit it. They allowed themselves to cry because, one: no-one was around. Two: Sometimes that's just what happens. Sometimes you cry, no matter what color, and the tears make your face look like hell and your eyes so red that it seems like someone stabbed you straight into the pupil. But in those rare times, there's most likely going to be someone crying with you. Not because they have the exact same problem, or any problem at all, but because they love you. Because they love you and they don't want you to cry. And in even rarer times in which you love them back, even more tears will come streaming down your face because you don't want them to cry. It's an endless – and maddening – cycle.

Karkat smiled a bit as he realized this. Here he was crying like an idiot because so was the idiot that he loved. He pulled back to look at him, staring in awe for the second time at the purple that danced down Gamzee's cheeks. Goddamnit they were so fucking beautiful.

"I'm kinda sorta…" he paused to wipe away the crimson gathering at the corners of his mouth. "I'm kinda sorta gay," he laughed, realizing it was the first time he said it out loud. "But… but I like you."

Gamzee snorted. "That makes no sense."

"What I mean is… I'm not going to fall out of," he paused, lowering his voice a bit, "love…?" He asked it as though he was afraid it wasn't right. When Gamzee didn't interject, he continued, "I'm not going to fall out of it just because my sexuality doesn't confirm with what's under your clothes. You're still a guy, and I'm still fucking gay. Get it now, you grubfuck?"

He laughed, for real this time, causing Karkat to almost fall over. His laugh always made his heart stop and his knees weak. "Sure. If it means you're not going to fucking… fucking evacuate me or some shit, I'm fine."

"That's not how you use tha-"

"I know."

Karkat felt the corners of his mouth curve into a wide grin. This was more like it. He had almost forgotten how good it felt to laugh at this clown's stupidity. He looked up at him, putting his arms around his neck again.

"I love you… you shithole."

"I love you, too motherfucker."

"You need a new wor-"

"I know."

Karkat, realizing there was nothing else to say necessarily, closed the gap in between them. Slowly but surely, he was able to switch places and push Gamzee onto the bed and climbing on top of him.

"No more filter? It's all good?" he asked.

"…Sure."

He smiled. Well fuck, it's about time.

Before he could say something else, Gamzee pulled him back into a kiss. And well, shit. If it's possible to completely lose yourself and your ambitions in someone's lips, that's exactly what Karkat did. Eventually, all he was positive with was that his heart was beating. It thumped against his ribcage so hard that he had to break away every few moments just enough so that he wouldn't go into cardiac arrest.

So he never really thought of him of being different.

Karkat, through his fuzzy thoughts, realized that no one else could make him feel this way. No one else could make him feel this satisfied. No one else could make his heart beat this fast. No one else could smile and make it stop beating. No one else could flood his chest with crazy warm emotions that made him smile. No one else could he love as much as he loved Gamzee, however insane that might sound.

For once, Karkat accepted that he was wrong.

He was the most different than anyone he had ever met.

He beamed uncontrollably no matter how hard he tried not to. He didn't know if he was smiling at the fact that it was the first time he accepted that he was wrong, or just because he was happy that he was wrong. Shaking the thought, he pulled back to look down at Gamzee's flaming eyes and eye-catching grin. One word entered his jumbled mind.

Perfect.

Another Author's Note

Hi. Me again. Just wanted to say that I know it's not perfect I only wrote it once. Also, I could go on with this one and do a bunch of chapters of Gamzee being trans and shit, or I could make a new fic that's just a bunch of Homestuck character one-shots. Or I could do both XD. You choose.

Reviews are also appreciated!

:)

Have a good day - Wirogmaraf