Title: Stay Another Day
Summary: Paul is gone. Embry is broken. His life has taken a serious downturn and his behaviour has become destructive. He thinks back to every moment he shared with his love, trying to ignore the pain that hits him with each memory. Who can save him before it becomes too late? EmbryxPaul, AH, One-shot
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all Twilight references. East 17 own their song.
This is a one shot that I decided to write specially for the festive period. It is based on the Christmas number one of 1994 'Stay Another Day' by East 17. It is boyxboy, rated M. Told in Embry's POV.
Baby if you've got to go away,
I don't think I can take the pain,
Won't you stay another day?
The pain was unbearable. I cried out and slammed my fists against the pillow on my bed. It had been almost a year since he had left me. That had been the worst Christmas of my life. What kind of person leaves the one they love on a Christmas morning? I'll tell you. The most wonderful, funny, gorgeous man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
We had only meant to have a bit of a summer fling. He was experimenting at the time. Didn't know if it was guys or gals he was more interested in. Turned out it was definitely guys. Well, just one guy. Me. I was totally in love with him by the end of our second week of being officially together. He just knew everything that I needed or felt and came to my rescue. When I got mad about something he would calm me down and tell me about when he had the worst temper in the world and all the things he would get up to.
I used to laugh, but now that he's gone, there is nothing good in my life. Paul's gone, and I'm a mess.
Oh don't leave me alone like this,
Don't say it's the final kiss,
Won't you stay another day?
I had been so excited about Christmas last year. I really was like a little kid. Paul always thought it was 'cute' that I was getting so excited about the holidays and even went with me to see Santa's Grotto at the shopping centre in Seattle.
On Christmas Eve I had snuggled down next to Paul on the sofa and watched 'Home Alone', my all time favourite Christmas movie. I had almost fallen asleep a few times as warm hands ran all over my body and light kisses caressed my skin. I could still feel his touch now, his large, rough hands always making me feel so safe and secure, as though nothing would ever hurt me. Little did I know that only a few days later, those same hands would pack away his half of the wardrobe and drop his keys back into the key jar for the last time.
On Christmas Eve we had gone to bed early. He kissed me so passionately that I almost forgot who I was. The stretch and burn as he filled me soon turned to waves of pleasure and I was writhing and gasping under him. He had whispered sweet nothings in my ear, telling me how much he loved me and how good I made him feel. I lapped it all up of course. Paul gave me so much pleasure that night that I slept like a log. The last thing I remember before I did drop off to sleep was the searing kiss he gave me. I went to sleep with a smile on that night.
Don't you know we've come too far now,
Just to go, and try to throw it all away.
Thought I heard you say you love me,
That your love was gonna be here to stay.
I've only just begun to know you,
All I can say,
Is won't you stay one more day?
To think, six months had passed from the time I started seeing Paul to when he left me. It passed in a flash, but still, after the first month we both uttered our first 'I love you'. And boy did I love him. There wasn't a moment of the day when I wasn't thinking about him, about how he made me feel.
We moved in together after four months. October 3rd. I remember it so clearly. He had been nervous all day, twitching his fingers and laughing nervously about anything, even if it wasn't remotely funny. Then when I kept probing him about why he was in a strange mood, he asked me to move in with him. And so I did. October 5th was when I officially went to live with him. I swear we broke the record for how much sex two people could have in one day.
I laugh bitterly to myself as I sit with my back against the wall, a bottle of half drunk beer in my hand. Everything had been so perfect. I thought he was going to be in my life forever.
I finished the beer and tossed it to the corner of the room where it joined the rapidly growing pile of empty bottles and cans. A loud sigh emanated from me and I slowly staggered to my feet. Some moron was battering on my front door.
"Embry open this door or I swear I will not hesitate to break it down" yelled a voice from outside.
I groaned. It was Sam, my half brother. He had this thing about trying to help me. I didn't need help. I didn't need anything.
"Fuck off, Sam" I yelled, falling against a wall on my way to the bathroom. Boy, I really needed to puke.
I stumbled into the bathroom and collapsed to the ground, retching and heaving into the toilet. I vaguely heard the front door crash open and the pounding feet along the hallway.
"Christ, Em" sighed Sam from behind me. I slowly turned and looked up at him.
"What?" I said grouchily. I was quite happy to get drunk and throw up all by myself.
"You're a mess! Look at you, your clothes are dirty, you haven't shaved for days, and bro, you really stink" said Sam waving his arms at me.
"Fuck you" I hissed at him, hauling myself to my feet and making my way back to the sitting room.
I yelped when I was suddenly shoved against the wall in the hallway.
"Embry, you need to pull yourself together" yelled Sam, getting right up in my face, "you need to accept that Paul's gone, he probably isn't coming back, and you still have a life to live. Oh and you're coming round for Christmas lunch at ours next week"
I gawped at him. How dare he talk about Paul like that. He would come back, I always believed it. That's why I kept the house, our house. And no way was I going to Sam's for Christmas. It would be all happy and joyous while I would just have the horrifying memory of waking up a year ago to that day, with a cold, empty space next to me in bed.
Sam let go of me suddenly and moved to the front door.
"Jake, Quil get your butts in here" he yelled outside.
I tried to scramble away from them but they held on to me with all their strength. Damn, how I hated being the small, skinny one of the group.
"Let go of me" I snarled, trying to kick them.
"Nope, we're here to help you sort your life out" said Jake cheerily. Damn him, and damn his forever happy emotions.
"Get him in the shower, I'll sort out the cleaning of the house" said Sam, wrinkling his nose as he looked at the empty cans in the corner.
I gave up struggling as my two former friends dragged me upstairs to the bathroom. Maybe I should clean up, just a little bit.
I touch your face while you are sleeping,
And hold your hand,
Don't understand what's going on.
Good times we had return to haunt me,
Though it's for you,
All that I do seems to be wrong.
As the water cascaded over my malnourished body, my mind drifted back to all the times I had shared with Paul. I closed my eyes, remembering his touch and how he would lather up my body in the shower before rubbing himself against me and telling me, 'like my own personal soap, I always want to have you on me'. I shuddered. It was almost as if I could feel him in here with me.
Paul had seemed kind of low and always lost in thought throughout most of December. I never really got to the bottom of it. He said he was thinking of the best Christmas present for me, he wanted it to be perfect. I had beamed when he said that and started attacking his lips. His present was already wrapped and hidden safely away in the bottom of the wardrobe, a place where it had remained to this very day.
Even as he slept during that dark December, he had frown lines creasing his forehead, making his beautiful face look stormy and agonised. I watched over him every night for at least a couple of hours, until the frown had disappeared from his face. I always kissed his forehead before I drifted to sleep, my heart thinking I could kiss away his worries. Then I would lace our fingers together and snuggle up close to him, his much larger body providing the protection and love that I so desperately craved.
The day before Christmas Eve had been a nightmare. Paul had woken up in a bad mood and kept lashing out about every little thing, before running to me and wrapping me in his tight embrace and telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. I never pushed him on the matter, if he wanted to talk, he would in his own time. Maybe I should have asked, just once, then maybe I would have seen it coming.
Baby if you've got to go away,
I don't think I can take the pain,
Won't you stay another day?
Oh don't leave me alone like this,
Don't you say it's the final kiss,
Won't you stay another day?
Waking up to nothing was the worst feeling in the world. I had shivered and rolled over, expecting to find my man only a few inches away. I sat up when I realised he was gone from the bedroom. I had called out to him. Maybe he was in the kitchen. He sometimes got up early to go for a run, that could be it. I went about getting ready for the day, humming to myself as I made bacon and fried eggs for breakfast. Breakfast for two. It was about 11a.m. when I really started to worry. I called everyone I knew, begging them for any news about the man I loved. No one knew anything. I searched the house for any clues. The first was that all the clothes in his drawer were gone. I had screamed. Never in a million years had I thought he would leave me. My eyes caught sight of a small piece of paper fluttering to the floor as I hit the top of the chest of drawers.
I love you
X
That was it. The last words he ever wrote to me. How could he love me? He left!
So many emotions passed through me that I thought I was going to faint. It was too much, the pain, the hurt, the sorrow. And on Christmas day of all days! How heartless could one person be! But he wasn't heartless. I knew him too well to think that. He was so caring and thoughtful. There must be another reason. He's gone for a quick holiday. Random timing, yes, but why else would his clothes be gone, and a note expressing his love, be left?
A sharp sting on my cheek brought me back to the present.
"Sorry man" said Quil apologetically, wiping the razor on a towel.
I stood up and looked in the mirror. I looked clean, cleaner than I had done in almost a year. But I didn't miss the haunted look in my eyes, the hollow cheeks, the thin, frail body under the baggy blue t shirt that had once fitted me perfectly.
"I need help" I croaked, watching as tears welled in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.
I looked around, blinking away the tears as I heard the sighs of relief from my brothers. Sam pulled me into a tight hug and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I had pushed him away from me for so long, but he was always there for me when no one else was.
"I'm proud of you little bro" he whispered in my ear.
The week rushed by. Sam got me started with a therapist and had me round for lunch and dinner every day so that he made sure I was eating properly. My whole house was cleaned from top to bottom, giving me hope for a fresh start.
Then it was Christmas Eve. My heart was pounding all day long. It was nearly a year and what a year it had been. But I was stronger now, he wouldn't hurt me this year.
I woke up on Christmas morning, my eyes cracking open and I wiped away the dried tears from my cheeks. It was not uncommon for me to wake up having cried in the night. I was used to it now. I sighed and got myself ready for the day. Sam was expecting me early. He wanted me to help Emily with the cooking.
When I got to their house, it was packed. All of my old friends were crammed into the sitting room, talking and laughing merrily, reminiscing over their year. I smiled awkwardly and sat down next to Jake who smiled happily at me. I tried to laugh along with them but there was a constant lump in my throat.
"Ok, kissy time" yelled Quil, always the fool. He grabbed a stick of mistletoe and hung it from a pin that just so happened to be stuck above the door frame.
"Jared my man, get up here" called out Quil, he was so plastered.
"Dude, no way" snorted Jared, snuggling up to his girlfriend, Kim.
No one wanted to kiss Quil and then his attention fell on me.
"No, no way" I said, shaking my head violently from side to side. But Jake had pushed me up and was laughing.
I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. Nothing. Silence. My eyes snapped open and I span around. He was here, standing right in the doorway. Oh god, please let the ground open up and swallow me. My eyes started stinging with tears. I ran. I pushed past him and ran outside heading for my truck. I cried out when I was pinned against the door before I could open it.
"Emie, why are you running?" he said in a deep husky voice, his old nickname sending shivers down my spine as I cried harder.
"You left me, you fucking left me" I yelled, trying to fight him off me.
"I didn't want to leave then, but I wanted an extra few days with you. I was going to leave on the 22nd" said Paul, as though saying that might explain everything or make it better. I was livid.
"You knew you were going to leave me, you horrible man, how could you! What, was I a joke? You didn't want me anymore? You should have just told me instead of just leaving like you did" I screamed at him, pain lacing every word. I felt him release me and I stumbled against my truck.
"But I left you a note" he said in a confused voice, "I wrote a letter explaining everything"
I turned to look at him then, confusion on my face too.
"You only left a tiny scrap saying that you loved me" I whispered, staring up at him, getting lost in how gorgeous his face was. He looked horrified and started shaking his head.
"No, I left a letter on the cupboard in the hallway. You didn't see it?" he asked, his face forming that frown that I had grown to hate.
I couldn't even speak. I just shook my head as more tears spilled from my eyes. All of the feelings I had for him were rushing back. I was falling for him all over again when I knew I shouldn't. It was wrong.
"Emie, baby, I joined the army. I had to go away to train" he whispered, slipping one of his hands into my shaking one.
It was then I noticed what he was wearing. Combat trousers, a beige t shirt and a dark green jacket. His muscles had grown even more. I started to cry all over again. He pulled me against him and held me tight, like he always used to when I was scared or upset.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" I sobbed, my fingers clutching at his t shirt.
"I didn't want to say goodbye to you. I didn't want it to seem like we were parting" he said softly, tucking kisses into my hair.
I couldn't even speak, I was so overcome with tears. He held me and rocked me as I cried. I breathed in his scent and felt the pain that had settled in my chest, start to lift. I wanted him back. I didn't care about him being away because he had come back and I wanted him so badly. I began to cry harder at these thoughts.
"Let's go home" whispered Paul, giving me one last squeeze as I nodded into his chest.
I let him drive back to our house but I turned sideways, watching him like a hawk in case he suddenly disappeared and this would all have been one cruel dream. He smiled a tight smile at me. I knew that smile. It was his 'I really want to cry but not in front of you' smile.
Once we reached the house he went straight to the cupboard and ripped it away from the wall, revealing a cloud of dust, an old Indian takeaway leaflet, and a plain white envelope with my name on the front. Paul handed it to me and turned away, but not before I saw the tears start to roll down his face.
I opened the letter and read. I read about how he had hated keeping it a secret but he didn't want me to worry about him. He didn't want to say goodbye, so he left, he thought it might be easier. He wrote of the pain of imagining a year without me. He wrote of how much he loved me.
"I still love you Em, more than I can ever say. Can you ever forgive me?" asked Paul in a choked voice.
I stared at him, unsure of how my words would come out of my dry mouth. I dropped the letter and ran to him, flinging my arms around his neck and pressing my lips against his, every raw emotion thrown into the kiss. Paul moaned and shoved me against the wall, plundering my mouth with his tongue. God, how I had missed his taste. He pulled back and started attacking my neck. I gasped at the pleasure. Pleasure I hadn't felt for so long.
"Don't ever... do that... again" I breathed out. Paul stopped his actions. He knew what I meant and nodded before attacking my lips and whispering how sorry he was over and over.
I felt blood rush to my groin as he shoved his leg between mine and rubbed ever so slightly. I needed more, so much more, from the man who I thought was gone forever but had now returned. Paul sensed what I needed and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned as he bucked against me.
"More" I rasped out.
Paul looked into my eyes and made a rumbling sound in his chest before rushing us both to the bedroom.
"I love you so much" he whispered as he shed us both of our clothes and began to prepare me.
I couldn't speak as the overwhelming pleasure took over and he thrust into me. I made a high pitched keening sound as he moved slowly in and out, brushing my delightful bundle of nerves with every thrust. I heard him say something that sounded like 'perfect' as he brought me to the edge and I climaxed, spilling my seed over both of our stomachs.
"I love you too" I panted as I felt him release his seed deep inside of me, filling my heart with happiness and warmth.
As he pulled me against him and I snuggled into his chest, I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now I could get past the nightmare of the last year and finally have the man of my dreams for as long as we both shall live.
So thoughts for this one shot? I quite enjoyed writing it.
All reviews are welcome! It is Christmas time, so maybe leave a review as a present ;)
~ShadowFin