Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.
The Truth of the Matter
"Thanks for coming to see me." Puck said as he seated himself across Kurt in a small booth at the far end of the Lima Bean.
Kurt gave his old friend a small smile. "No problem. I was in town, anyway." Kurt lowered his eyes to his untouched slice of cheesecake. "I can't believe it has been six years. In New York, I keep waiting for Finn to call. I keep checking my messages for '80s rock lyrics. I keep expecting emails that will never come. I keep..."
"I know," Puck softly replies. "I've been there. I'm still there. I keep thinking: 'What if I had not gone to temple with my Nana, my mom, and my sister that day? Would things have been different? Could I have changed things?'"
Kurt shakes his head. "The University of Lima was the safest university in the country. I think it still is, in spite of what happened. Even now, Finn's death remains the only student death they have ever registered. You could not have known. None of us could have. Besides, I know you are, deep down, a bad Jew. You were only at temple that day to humor your nana," he tried to joke.
Puck chuckled in spite of himself and to indulge Kurt's weak attempt at humor. "Hell yeah, I am," he half-heartedly boasted before visibly deflating. He clasped his hands together. "Believe me, man. If I had known..."
Kurt shook his head. "I have had time to process it all these past few years. I have read the police report as well as the internal report of the university many, many times - over and over. In both, witnesses said Finn took any and all pills, shots, and whatever the hell else his new friends offered him that night, boasting he could not feel the effects. Molly, Aya, Ames - they found every goddamn drug in his system. I mean, I understand he was celebrating getting a full ride but that was just..." Kurt banged the table with his fist hard in frustration but because the cafe was unusually busy that day, nobody else but Puck noticed the noise the impact created on the hard wood.
Puck nodded in understanding. That had been his initial reaction, too.
Kurt continued, his tone getting angrier and angrier. "I think that was why up till now, I had always deflected whenever other people asked about how it happened. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of how he died. I was ashamed of how stupid it all was. Most of all, I was ashamed that I was not there to save him."