I shouldn't be here. I should have been out on the fields with my father, fighting the Mandalorian Raiders: Defending my home. I should be dead, just like him. But no, instead I locked myself in my room and hid in the cupboard until Mira fished me out and took me to live with her and her son Shen. I was afraid. I was only 10 when it happened...
My father and I had a strong force connection. He said he'd shared one with my mother before she left. He taught me how to shield my thoughts from his when I was having girl's problems. He didn't want anything to do with girl problems. He said our house keeper Diane was better of dealing with those things. But sometimes, I felt so much pain that my father would come into my room, telling me it'd be ok. Sometimes I just couldn't keep my thoughts in place. However, sometimes he couldn't keep his. One occasion I remember especially. It was on the anniversary of when he'd first met my mother. I remember sitting in my room, looking at the setting sun when I suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of grief. I remember getting up and finding my father in the living room; his head in his hands. It was the first time that I realised how much my father actually missed mum.
The worst feeling in the world is that of someone else's grief. Once my father noticed my presence he called me over. I could see that he had been crying. I walked over to him and sat next to him.
"Jakkie," He said quietly. I had the feeling that he had more to say, but he just stopped, put his head in his hands again, and continued his crying. I hugged my father. I hated seeing him in any sort of trouble. He was just one of those people who attracted it. He hugged me back and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that it was nothing and instructed me to go to bed. I did as he told me, like with everything else. But that night neither he nor I got one wink of sleep.
That's how's it's been for me for the last couple of years. I've dropped my Jedi training and stopped sleeping. Shen's loud snoring in the bed across the other side of the room is not the only reason why I don't sleep anymore. I keep feeling the pain that I did the day my father died. I knew when he had been killed: I could feel it through the bond we had. My father had told me that he did not know the extent of pain felt through the force, but he said he'd been told that when a padawan was killed the master became wounded. He did not know about the other way though. He had this theory that when the master died, the pain may be so extreme that it killed the padawan. This did not happen to be the case between us though.
Once Mira had found me hiding and crying in the cupboards, she pulled me out and took me to her ship. She told me that my father was dead. But I didn't need her to tell me; I already knew. I travelled with her to Nar Shadda where she and her son lived in a hidden room off the space docks. It was crowded and smelt really bad. Mira told me that I'd get used to it. She also persisted on calling me Cakey.
"Why do you call me Cakey?" I eventually asked one day.
Mira smiled. Her devil red hair went with the draft. "I don't know your name."
I stood there and realised that she was correct. Not once had I told her or Shen my name. "My name's Jakkie with two Ks."
Shen got up from his seat and looked at me. His eyes full of confusion. "What kind of name is that?"
"It's my name. I was named after my father." I replied sourly. I didn't like people picking on my name.
Mira hushed Shen and turned to me. "I've always known you as Cakey, even when you were little. However, if you wish me to call you Jakkie..."
"No. It's alright." I replied.
Mira smiled and left us to take a seat at the table.
"Why were you named after your father?" Shen asked.
I raised an eyebrow. I had no idea why, and I suddenly realised something else strange. My father's name was Atton.
"I have no idea." I replied truthfully.
I turned to where Mira had gone to sit down. She'd known my father for a long time now, and I'd decided to ask her. But when I turned to her, she wasn't there. I turned back to Shen who was as surprised as me.
"Where'd she go?" He asked. I shrugged. I had no idea. I walked up to the table and noticed a message on it.
Property of the Exchange: Mira. Is all I read. It was all I needed to make me curious.
I turned to Shen. "What's the exchange?" I asked him.
That's when we heard the sound of blasters.