Disclaimer: me no own, me to poor.
warnings: graphic language, graphic images, random plot twists.
I hate spiders, like I really fucking hate spiders. Of you were here a few months ago, or read my last book, you would know why I hate spiders. Now wig monsters, those fuckers are a different story altogether. Don't even get me started on Molly, the fucking wonder dog. She has died three times now, yet she's still here. I mean literally, she is on my counter trying to get the jar of cookies on top of the fridge.
Anyway, before I get too far into this story, I feel the need to tell you again. I am an asshole, and I'm not sorry. If you have read the first two books, or even if you have seen that jacked up movie, which painted us in a much better light by the way, you already know John and I are assholes. We don't exactly try to be, but life has felt us a really shitty hand. I can't even count the number of times we have almost died. John actually did die, now that I think about it. But don't worry he's better now, well he's alive anyway. I don't think either of us will ever be better per se…
Let's get back on topic, spiders, fucking creepy little bugs. I never use to mind them, until they started crawling up your ass, and living in your fucking mouth. I mean, set aside the horror from that incident, you have a spider covered in your own fucking shit sitting in your mouth! I don't know about you, but it's fucking sick. It's like that shitty human centipede movie all over again, but it was my fucking life. Now I can't even kill the damn things, I have to have Amy do it for me.
Yeah, Amy is still here, we are actually dating now. Well, kinda… see she lives with me, and we sleep together, but she won't call me her boyfriend. But she still insists I'm her girlfriend, so I don't know what's going on there. It's not just that either, lately it's just not the same. It's like we are distancing ourselves from each other. We talk a lot less, and she seems to go out with her friends more often now.
Shit, off topic again, I'm sorry this has been happening more often lately too. More side effects of the sauce, we never should have taken it again. It just started a whole new set of problems. So it all started about three weeks ago I think...