How to Annoy Jack Sparrow

How to Annoy Jack Sparrow

I know that we all either love Jack or we hate Jack. But really, there isn't much difference between love and hate, is there? (My conscience taught me that. It's the fault of Beckett and his British influence.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, no matter how much I beg.

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1. Whenever he tries to say, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow" walk up behind him and scream, "We get it you overstuffed Spanish peacock!" (Highlander reference)

2. Bake him muffins. Make him eat one. Tell him that they were from Will, expressing his undying love for him.

3. Throw a stuffed peacock at his face and proclaim that it is his long-lost wife, and now they can be joined in magnificent bird-love forever.

4. Only call him Mr. Sugarplum-fairy-princess. (Pirates in the Present reference)

5. Whack him in the back of the head whenever he talks to Scarlet or Giselle.

6. Burn all of the rum, and tell him that you want to be just like Elizabeth when you grow up.

7. Whenever he talks about living forever sing the song "Who Wants to Live Forever". Sing it off key, and loudly enough to make Freddie Mercury roll in his grave. (Yet another Highlander reference)

8. When Jack says that his eyesight is perfectly fine when questioning him about the Black Spot, say, "Well, your hair is falling out." Rip out a dreadlock for good measure.

9. Explain to him what haggis is in great detail, and tell him that you could get Davy to make some for him.

10. When he is in a drunken stupor, yell "KRAKEN!" and hit him with a toilet plunger.

11. Follow him everywhere.

12. Stalk him obsessively and persistently. When he tells you to leave him alone, cry and say, "B-b-but I thought we had something s-special!"

13. Pretend to be drunk and fall flat on your face, right at his feet. If anyone asks you if you are all right, calmly slur, "Wellll, of courses I are." Then wave your arms and shout, "Because I'm Capt'n Jack Sparrow!"

14. Ask him why he used the hair on his back instead of the hair on his head to rope sea turtles.

15. Pretend to be drunk again and walk in an almost straight line with your arms out singing, "I want to be an airplane…" (Yes Dani I am making fun of you. Don't take it personally)

16. Steal his compass. Tell him it's broken, and it keeps pointing to him. Give him a weird look.

17. Call him the Dancing Queen. Teach the crew that song and get it stuck in their heads.

18. Make up an interpretative dance about him. End it with being eaten by the Kraken. Make him watch.

19. Let him find you in his cabin wearing his clothes and sniffing his hat. Stroke it and call it your precious. (LotR reference)

20. Steal his kohl. Rub it on your face and hum the Mission Impossible theme.

21. Cut all of his hair off. Say, "You're in disguise. This way, no one will recognize you." (Highlander reference)

22. Get a tattoo of Barbossa.

23. Agree that Barbossa owns the Black Pearl.

24. Make half of the words that leave your mouth swears. Direct them all at Jack.

25. After you do all of this, pull him over to the edge of the ship. Randomly kiss him and then push him off of the edge of the ship. Shout "whelp overboard!" and point to him in the water.

26. Repeat.

Almost all of my ideas were completely original! I am so very proud of myself. Thank you all for coming.

Please review.

Ta