Under the Moonlight Sky-1

Gabriela Vo

Trigger Warning: Self-loathing, Self-esteem issue.

You're going to mess up.

Go away!

You know it. You know they will watch you fail. All of them. Every. Single. One.

Deep breath, Cres. Crescent Nguyen takes one more breath. Come on. Come on!

Let's go. Let's get out of here. It's still not too late to run. Pack away your violin.

N-No… I-I have to…

Oh, but you don't. Let's just get out.

My eyes glance at the clock. Tick. Tick. Tick. The medium hand moved. Another minute passed.

Still time. Still time to run away.

B-b…

Look at how many people are here. Do you want them to see you fail? To laugh at you?

N-n…

Of course, you don't. Pack away. That's right. Pack away your violin. Very well. The door. Just, just walk to the door. Look down and walk to the door. Nobody will notice.

I should have known. Whatever courage I mustered up for this left me as soon as I showed up. Like any other time in my pathetic life, I once again ran away from putting myself out there, too afraid to even try. Thankfully, Heartland Café gathers a slightly smaller crowd than usual, most likely due to the unappealing rainy Wednesday. Nobody will notice or even care of a missing performer in the open-mic schedule. In a couple of minutes, my name will be called without reply, and it will quickly fade like my insignificant existence.

Give it up for Miss Crescent Nguyen, who once again ran away like a little scaredy cat that she is.

What makes me think that I could do this? I have never been able to perform in front of a crowd before.

Yup. You're absolutely right, Cres. And the price is losing the orphanage. Good job trying to save your one and only home. You really saved the day this time.

Leave me alone!

Oh, but we're bond for life. See. I am you. Albeit more realistic and logical. Seriously Cres? Winning the city's classical music contest next month and use the prize to save the building? How naïve are you? You're useless. A helpless, fragile little weakling. You can't even perform at a low-stake open-mic night.

"Are you okay?"

A calm, almost serene voice reaches me, interrupting my own cruel thoughts. I turn around to see a beautiful stranger with the deepest purple eyes that I have ever seen in my life. His eyes are like doors to an enchanting sea that you could get lost in, mesmerizing anyone whose gaze happens to bestow them. For a moment, my thoughts and emotions silence, allowing me to snap out of their persistent grabs.

"I… I am okay. Why do you ask?"

He must be a stranger. There's no way I could forget a handsome man with such unique eyes' colors and bright ginger hair. Not to mention, his voice is strangely calming, like a comforting blanket during cold winter nights. I wouldn't be able to forget a voice like that. My ears, trained with violin lessons, would be too sensitive to forget such a tone.

"You seem down. And I don't think you have performed."

The stranger replies, referencing to the fact that it's still a few minutes before the open-mic begins. His response makes me fluster, am I going to admit my defeat to a stranger?

"Um… I… I think I will do it another time. I don't think I will perform well this time anyway. Uh… I just don't want people to suffer some terrible music because of me not giving it all, you know?"

I smile weakly, desperate to keep my façade going.

He gives me a curious look, then smiles kindly.

"You decide not to do it because you think your performance won't be good?"

As I nod hesitantly, he continues.

"But how would you know if you haven't played?"

"Because the idea is already in my mind. It's a sign that I am not ready."

"No. It's not a sign. You can't always control your thoughts. They just… are. Besides, this seems like something important to you. It will be a shame if you can't go through with it."

I find myself surprised as for how much he seems to know about me. It is as if he could read my mind. I feel a desire to let this person knows what I was going through. It is suddenly a relief to finally able to share with someone.

"But my thoughts are just so difficult to ignore. It's overwhelming and I don't know how to quiet them."

I admit, realizing that somehow, it is strangely comforting to have someone listen, to feel like they understand what I am going through.

"Well. What do you do to tune them out usually?"

He speaks with certain care and gentleness, making my heart beats in a way I have never felt before.

"I focus on music. Just play my violin and let myself enjoy every note that comes out."

I speak with joy, reminded of the wonderful feeling that comes along with the elegant sounds from the instrument. Maybe I can do this after all?

"Sounds to me like you will do fine once you start playing."

His warm smile once again steals a heartbeat. He really convinced me to go through with it, and I don't even know his name. For the first time in forever, it seems possible to try.

"Thank you so much. Oh, where is my manner? My name is Crescent Nguyen."

"I am Damien Anderson. And thank you for letting me help you."

My face blushes as I consider asking Damien for another favor. He helped me so much already and here I am, about to trouble him further. Again, as if he somehow reads my mind, Damien interrupts the thought.

"Is there something else that I could help you with?"

The blush on my face intensifies as I form the words to ask him.

"If it's not too much trouble, can you sit somewhere that I can see you during the performance? You have been very kind to me and it will calm me down a lot to see at least one familiar face when I play. Besides, if you don't mind, I will love to get you something as a thank you for your help after the show."

"I can do that, and you don't have to get anything for me."

"B-but, I want to. That's the least I can do. This means a lot more to me than just a casual performance and you help me go through with it. So, if it is not too much trouble for you, I would love to get you something to drink after."

"Okay. You should get ready though. They will call your name soon."

He must have been paying attention to the time because my name was called shortly after. I rush to the stage with one hand raises in the air to signify my presence. My nerve quickly comes back to haunt me as I stand in front of the crowd. Gosh… There… There are more people than I thought… Adjusting the mic to capture the sound from my violin, my eyes search for Damien, hoping to calm myself down with his peaceful presence. As I catch his tranquil gaze, a wave of relief passes through, and I am ready for my first public performance. My voice struggles to come out at first, but I am determined to go through with this.

"M-My name is C-Crescent Nguyen. Um… Ah… I am going to play one of my original songs for you tonight. It is called 'The Ballad of The Lost Children.' I hope you will enjoy it."

The crowd stays silent, seemingly unamused with my stuttering. Alright… I… Let's go. Let's do it. And then we can get off the stage as soon as we're done.

With that, I begin. The first few notes come out hesitantly, as if to reflect my uncertainty and nervousness. I close my eyes, letting myself focus on the melody and the story that I want to tell. That's right, this is a song that I poured my heart and soul into. It was a dedication to my siblings at the orphanage. The song was my life, baring out vulnerable emotions that I felt for the audience's ears. Through the notes, rhythm, and melodies, my violin sings the feelings of being lost, invisible, and doubts. Once upon a time, there was a girl, whose parents did not want her. She grew up abandoned and was clueless of her place within the universe. But then, she found other lost children, and together, they were not lonely anymore. A band of orphans, who were abandoned, unwanted and treated like mistakes became family. The melody and tones shift to a more positive tune, recalling my happy memories with everyone. No matter what the future holds, we have each other so that none of us is lost anymore. I let myself free to feel the intense love that I have for the orphanage, for my siblings and our tender caregivers. Just like that, my first performance ended before I knew it.

I open my eyes, allowing my senses to bring me back to reality. My eyes glance at Damien, noticing him quickly wipe away tears. Was it that good? I allowed myself to let go with my emotions so there were definitely technical mistakes here and there. Nonetheless, I was happy and proud of myself for going through with this. Maybe I can try to win the prizes from the classical music's contest after all? The audience, as if finally snapped out of a trance, start to applaud. They… They're applauding… me. I slightly bow, shocked at the crowd's reactions. The manager gives me a huge smile as he approaches me, asking for my potential participation at the next open-mic. He assures me that it was one of the best performances he has seen in this space, which fills me with even more pride. One thing is certain, this is my new beginning.

I sit down next to Damien, can't help but smiling shyly.

"Hi. Are you okay?"

His face flusters, showing clear embarrassment.

"Yeah. It was beautiful. I couldn't help it."

He must be referring to his tears, which I find adorable. To a performer, there's no greater compliment than to see their work leaving a powerful reaction on the audience.

"Thank you. And thank you so much for helping me do this, Damien. What would you like to drink?"

Before he could respond, his phone interrupts us. He quickly apologizes and picking up the call as I reassure him that it's okay.

"Mathew? What's wrong? What did Diana do this time? Is Mika okay?" His expression changes to worry quickly.

"I will get back as soon as possible."

He hangs up and looks at me apologetically. Before he has a chance to apologize, I smile.

"Maybe another time? Would you mind us exchanging numbers though? I still want to give you that drink."

I never go back on my promises, but it was not the only reason why I want his number. A part of me shamefully admits that I would like to see him at least one more time, knowing that there's something drawing me to Damien. I think I held my breath when he agreed to. It is all so strange how he makes me feel these foreign feelings.

As he left the Café, I smile involuntarily. Today, my life begins to change for the better. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me. A part of me feels… excited? The thought of seeing Damien in a definitive future makes my heart beats wildly, is he… somehow the key to my happiness? I laugh at the random thought. What am I even thinking? We just met. Well, he was right though, a thought is just that. And no matter if it is true or not, it excites me of the endless possibilities tomorrow brings.

(To be continued)

Thank you so much for reading this fanfic. I hope you enjoy it.

Gabriela Vo