Title
10/Rose
Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
Summary: The Doctor saves worlds and lives. Sometimes things go wrong. But rarely do they go as wrong as this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, the BBC does. I'm just having a touch of fun with the characters.
Chapter 1
Rose sagged back against the TARDIS doors, her breath slowing. She watched the Doctor standing at the console, slowly flicking a switch here, changing a setting there, his mouth in a rare frown. Instead of his normal manic energy he was subdued. Positively slow and depressed, actually.
The reason for this was obvious. Behind Rose, outside of the TARDIS, the reason was all too clear. And inside the TARDIS, on her face and hands, and on the face and hands of the Doctor. So much blood, so much destruction and death.
The Doctor had meant to take Rose to the first Antigravity Olympics. Instead they landed on Ainogana and accidentally found themselves involved in a bloody civil war. The Dictator, enraged by what he saw as a new weapon against him, had taken the TARDIS and locked Rose and the Doctor behind bars, interrogating them, assuming they were there to kill him. In anger, he stepped up his battles against his opponents as well. Three days later Rose and the Doctor escaped into the TARDIS and 80% of the population was dead. Dead because the Dictator thought they were there to assassinate him.
Rose was so used to the Doctor figuring out a way to solve everything and save the day that it hadn't occurred to her until they escaped that all those people were dead – and it was their fault. The Doctor didn't save the day this time.
It weighed heavily on his face. People had died because of him before, and he remembered them all. This time 400,000 people were dead. The planet was demolished.
Rose could read his features. Stoic, trying hard, but she could see he was remembering his own planet, caught up in war and destroyed. The orange skies burning. His family, his friends, everyone he knew, dead and burned.
Finally pushing herself away from the door she walked slowly to him. "You all right, Doctor?"
"Of course. I'm always all right." He glanced quickly at her, then back down at his console. "You, Rose? Are you ok, then?"
Rose stared at his profile. She reached for his arm, and when he didn't pull away she slid her hand down until his hand was held in hers.
"Doctor, look at me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're ok."
He looked at their joined hands for a moment, then let his eyes travel to hers. Her heart clenched when she saw the sadness and horror that lay in his soft brown eyes. They were glistening with barely contained tears.
The Doctor swallowed hard, gave her hand a squeeze, and then released it, turning his attention back to the TARDIS. "I'm always all right," he repeated.
Trying for a different tactic to distract him, Rose pointed to his face and hands. "You've been hurt."
For the first time the Doctor looked at his hands, and then he turned and looked at Rose. "You're hurt too." His hand reached up and cupped her chin, turning her head to the left, then the right. Then both of his hands ran down to hers, and he looked them over.
"Jack's nanogenes would take care of these in a second, yeah, remember?" Rose said, thinking of the last time the Doctor had stared at her hands in this way.
"I'm pretty good too, actually," said the Doctor. "I don't have nanogenes, but I have a dermal regenerator. Come on, off to the infirmary!" And with that he grabbed hold of Rose's wrist and dragged her behind him, his mind onto the next topic.
Chapter 2
In the infirmary Rose hopped up onto the couch, then watched as the Doctor took a blood sample from her, and then another from himself. He popped them both into the computer, and set about fixing the cuts on her hands and face. When he was done with hers he showed her how to work the dermal regenerator and she took care of his wounds, with occasional words of encouragement.
When their skin was once again whole the Doctor got the information back from their blood, and ran full scans over both of them. Rose noted that he made no comment about superior Time Lord physiology during the tests. Just quietly scanned their blood and bodies. They had not been beaten terribly during the time they were held. Just not handled with kid gloves. There had been food, though it had not been a lot, nor tasty. They were not provided with blankets, but the Doctor's long jacket had been enough to cover them for the most part. They hadn't slept much. The Doctor had stayed awake the entire time, watching over them. Rose had slept fitfully and rarely. She didn't suspect that there was anything to worry about with the tests, just the Doctor being thorough.
"We're both slightly malnourished, you more than I, though," said the Doctor, reading the results. "The food was a rough grain cereal, and human bodies are not as capable as Time Lords as digesting it. For the next couple of days take it easy when you eat. Go slow, start out with a liquid diet, and just make sure you listen to your body. I'm going to prepare some injections for us to replace the missed nutrients."
Rose nodded. He was being very clinical. He had another project to work on, but she could tell he just wasn't himself.
"Otherwise we're both now just in need of a shower and a good night's sleep, then a good meal in the morning." He gave them each their injections, and then standing he extended his now smooth hand and lead Rose from the infirmary back to her room.
"You goin' to be all right tonight, Doctor? You're not acting yourself is all." Rose looked at the Doctor as he stood in her doorway.
He smiled slightly at that. "I've told you, Rose. I'm always all right. Good night."
------
Three hours later Rose lay awake, unable to sleep. Her mind was wracked with images of the dead and dying, the horrors of the last three days forever burned into her memory. But constantly at the forefront was the Doctor. Rose had seen him angry, depressed, enraged, sad, happy, curious, a whole gambit of emotions. But she'd never seen him this detached before. And that worried her more than anything.
Rising from her bed and slipping her robe over her shoulders she made her way toward the Doctor's room. As she approached she could hear him moaning in his sleep. She knocked gently on his door, just because her manners had told her you always knock, and then she let herself into his room, staring at his face as he slept.
He was sweating and breathing hard, his fists were clenched at his side. His head twitched constantly as he appeared to be struggling against something. His legs had kicked aside his blanket.
Rose approached him and poked his shoulder. "Doctor? Doctor, wake up." He didn't wake, just kept thrashing about on his bed. Sitting down next to his hip Rose tried again. She took his hand. "Doctor, please wake up!"
When that didn't work Rose put her hands on his chest and gave him a hard shake. "Doctor, wake up!"
The Doctor sat up suddenly awake, Rose's hands still on his chest. When his eyes cleared and when he saw her he grabbed her in his arms and dropped his head to her shoulder. Rose pulled her hands away from his chest and wrapped them around his thin frame. He shook in her arms, and she could feel the dampness from his tears on her shoulder.
"I couldn't save them, Rose. They died because of us. All of them, dead. Oh Rose, what have I done?"
Rose rubbed her hands up and down the Doctor's back, feeling his hearts being under her hands. She didn't know what to say. If he was anyone else she'd just tell him that he's only human, but he wasn't. And he knew it.
"Men, women, children. All gone. Dead forever, Rose. I killed them! It's my fault. It's my fault! Just like Gallifrey, it's my fault!"
At this he broke into a new round of sobbing, the sound breaking Rose's heart. His arms clutched her as if he was scared she was going to disappear, another person gone. She still hadn't said anything, just kept her arms tightly around him, rubbing his back and neck, letting him know that she was there for him.
As he started to calm down Rose closed her eyes and placed her head on his shoulder. "You are a good man, Doctor. You do so much good in the universe. This week hurts. But hopefully soon you'll remember how many people are still alive because of you. How many people are watching their sun come up on a new day, laughing with their kids, running through the grass, just getting up and going to work, all because of you. There are people out there who will forever remember when the mysterious Doctor came through and saved them. There are people who won't know your name who still owe their very existence to you. Even when bad things happen, Doctor, you are a good person. Do you hear me?"
She felt him nod slightly against her, his body still occasionally trembling. She continued to run her hands up and down his night shirt, his heartbeats slowing down.
"Good," she said, and pulling her head off of his shoulder she pulled back so she could look at his face. As he had so many times for her, she wiped his tears from his face, and held his head in her small hands. She leaned in and gave him a small kiss on his head, then just stared into his eyes, hoping that he would see in her eyes how much she cared for him and believed in him.
He must have seen something because suddenly his eyes opened wide and he sucked in air. His hands went to hers on his head and held them there, his eyes never breaking contact with hers. After a few seconds, though, he took her hands in his and set both of their hands in his lap. He gave her a weary smile.
He wanted to thank her. For being there, for saying those things, and for opening her mind enough to him for him to see the truth behind her words. Her faith in him, still strong even after these events, helped him start to feel whole again. He was still raw, but he knew Rose was right.
As the Doctor's mouth open and closed, trying to find the right words, Rose extracted one hand from his and held a finger over his lips, silencing him. She smiled back at him and simply nodded. She pulled her other hand away with a squeeze, and then stood.
"Rose?"
His voice kept her from moving.
"Doctor?"
"D'you think you could stay tonight?"
Rose smiled. She actually thought that sounded like a great idea. The only good thing about this week had been sleeping next to the Doctor at night, trying to keep warm under his jacket. She had been missing the feeling of his arms curled around her.
"Sure. Budge over, you." With that she removed her robe and straightened the Doctor's covers from his struggles and climbed in next to him. His arms came around her, and she rested her hand on his chest, feeling his hearts beating again. This time they were relaxed.
"Rose Tyler," the Doctor's sleepy voice said. "What would I do without you?"
With a smile Rose rested her head against the Doctor, and they slept.