Prompts:Monthly Challenges for All
Spring Bingo
Space Address (Prompt): 2A (rainbow)
Hogwarts Challenges and Assignments
Assignment 8 - Advanced Warding: task 2 - Iron - Write about an unwelcome visitor
Auction: (dialogue) "Oops?"
Word count: 3,568
Warnings: A lot of homophobia, especially internalized homophobia. Anti-Muggle and Muggleborn talk in the last scene.
The Dark Lord pressed his wand to Regulus' left forearm, and it took every ounce of willpower Regulus possessed to repress his screams.
He'd expected it to hurt, but he had underestimated how much. The pain radiated from his arm to every cell in his body, and he longed to curl into a ball and cry. But he couldn't. Such a thing would show weakness. He'd be cast aside for someone better and stronger, no matter what his last name was.
The pain subsided as the Dark Lord dropped his arm, but ghosts of it still lingered throughout his body. Regulus' chest heaved as if he'd just run a marathon. He couldn't bring himself to look at the mark he knew now graced his skin.
Pushing away the desire to cover the mark, he fell back into his place in line. He blinked away the tears that stung in his eyes, determined not to let them fall.
Regulus had been buzzing with nerves since Adam had invited him over, sure that his lies would be uncovered thanks to the new mark against his skin. That fear somehow didn't stop him from pressing closer as the other boy kissed him. Adam was intoxicating that way. Regulus has been confident that he could live his life denying how he felt about boys until the Ravenclaw had shoved his way into Regulus' life and become an intoxicating, and often infuriating, presence.
Regulus' half hearted attempts at keeping his physical distance that night were thwarted the second Adam got close, drawing him in with his charm.
Adam's hands reached for the clasp of Regulus' robes, and Regulus' mind cleared just enough to push them away, ending the kiss as he did so. Adam leaned back into the sofa, looking at him with a furrowed brow. Regulus tried to keep his thoughts on track as Adam's heavy breathing threatened to distract him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Regulus looked away as he tried to get his own breathing under control.
"Everything's fine," he said.
He distracted himself by straightening his robes and smoothing out the creases that had formed. When he finally looked up again, Adam was watching him with one eyebrow raised, and Regulus hated the feeling the look stirred in the pit of his stomach. He'd known coming over was a terrible idea, but he'd never been able to resist Adam's draw. He'd known it would lead to disaster even at fifteen.
"Obviously, everything is not fine," Adam said.
He moved closer before pausing to see if Regulus would move away. He didn't, determined to hold his ground even as Adam continued his journey towards him. Adam reached for his right hand, and Regulus let him take it, holding in a sigh of relief that it hadn't been the left.
"You haven't pulled away from me since the first time I got those robes off you," Adam concluded, a smirk of satisfaction on his lips at the memory.
He moved his hand that wasn't holding Regulus' onto Regulus' thigh, and Regulus tensed. It took all of his power not to flee from the couch and Adam's touch.
"Can I not just want to have a nice night with my boyfriend without having sex?" he asked roughly, pulling his hand from Adam's and swatting the other away.
"You've been acting weird since you got here," Adam said, pout on his lips from having been rejected. "Something's up, and I want to know what it is."
He stared at Regulus for a moment, but he didn't get a response that he wanted. Instead, Regulus stared back in defiance even as his heart raced in his chest.
"Come on," Adam pressed, leaning forward and capturing Regulus' gaze with an intensity the other man couldn't avoid. "I accepted a long time ago that you'd never admit to your family that you were dating a blood traitor, let alone another guy. I accepted that our relationship would always be a secret. But one thing I refuse to accept is you keeping secrets from me."
Regulus sucked in a shaky breath.
"I've never wanted to keep secrets from you," he said quietly.
"Then tell me what's wrong."
Regulus' mind raced through possible ways to extract himself from the situation without revealing the mark that had been branded into his skin. The one that would make Adam leave him for good more effectively than keeping secrets ever would.
"We won't be a secret forever," Regulus said despite not fully believing it. He wanted it to be true. "One day, we'll be together openly. We won't care who knows."
"Really?" Adam asked with a dark laugh. "You expect me to believe that?"
"To believe in me and how much I love you? Yes. All I can think about at night is a future where we can be together with the whole world knowing how much I care about you."
His words were thick with emotion. His eyes stung with tears as he looked at Adam and imagined a world where no one cared that they were both men. It was a world that felt impossibly out of reach, but he thought he could dream it into reality if he tried hard enough.
Maybe in a world without Muggles, where it wasn't as imperative that Regulus increase the pureblood population, it would be possible. The thought had stirred in his brain as he'd listened to his friends and family talk about their own visions of the future. Not that Adam would ever see the possibility the same way Regulus did. It would have to become a reality first.
The other man stared at him, a spark in his eyes that Regulus knew meant doom for him. No one else knew how to challenge him like Adam did. It would be his ultimate downfall.
"If you want everyone to know, then prove it," Adam said, he leant toward Regulus as if he couldn't stop himself. "There's going to be a rally in Muggle London in three weeks. One day to show the everyone that there's nothing wrong with us loving who we love. Come with me."
"Muggle London?" Regulus repeated with a frown.
"Would you rather hold my hand in Diagon Alley?" Adam asked. "Does the thrill of one of your parents' many respectable acquaintances possibly seeing us turn you on?"
Regulus bit the inside of his cheek. Hard. He ignored the taste of blood.
"I'm not asking you to kiss me in the middle of the street," Adam continued when he didn't get an answer. "All I'm asking is for you to go with me. We don't even have to tell people we're a couple. We'll just be there with other gay people. That's it. For all they know, we're just a couple of straight people who want to be supportive."
Bile burned at the back of Regulus' throat. He knew it was ridiculous to believe they wouldn't be immediately labeled as deviants by those who saw them, but the hope in Adam's eyes wasn't something he could ignore.
"Okay," he said, his voice little more than a rasp.
His lack of enthusiasm didn't quell the smile on Adam's lips.
There were far more people packed onto the street than Regulus had been expecting for a public gathering of people like themselves. As far as he knew, the Muggles had as strong an opinion on homosexuality as wizards did, so Regulus couldn't understand why so many of them were willing to stand around with clasped hands while proclaiming to the world what they were. It baffled him.
Adam was strangely at ease by his side. He kept slight smile on his lips as they were engulfed by the group. Regulus didn't understand how Adam could be unbothered by the fact that their mere proximity to the others was a neon sign over their heads declaring what they were. One man even held a flag that seemed to possess every colour of the rainbow. Regulus knew it was attracting the eyes of every Londoner who walked by. Regulus himself was transfixed by it in a way he loathed.
He stared at it for too long, only looking away when he was startled by someone bumping into him.
His reaction was immediate and strong. The man, who had done little more than brush against him, smiled sheepishly, but Regulus could only glare at the man holding a sign that proudly declared himself gay.
"Oops?" the man said, laughing uncomfortably in response to Regulus' severe expression. "I'm sorry about that."
When Regulus still didn't say anything, the man hurried away as if worried about getting into an altercation. It was only then that Regulus realized what the man had probably expected. It didn't make him feel sorry for his actions.
On the contrary, he was brought of himself for not stunning the man in a reflexive use of magic. Such a thing was not how one stayed discrete in front of a group of Muggles. Otherwise, he would have done it. Then he would have set that horrid rainbow flag on fire.
Adam gave him a small smile that Regulus didn't return, but he didn't say a thing about Regulus' clear discomfort with the gathering as he pressed further into the crowd.
Regulus kept taking small steps away from Adam as if that would be enough to convince anyone who saw them that they weren't a couple. They were certainly showing less physical affection than others around them. Regulus has never seen so much behavior that he felt was better left behind closed doors. Two particular women had even dressed themselves in what was clearly men's clothing.
The people around them were all Muggles, Regulus kept reminding himself. He didn't care what Muggles thought of him. He could do what he wanted among them as they were of no consequence. That was why he'd let Adam drag him there in the first place, but it was hard to remember that when the crowd was surrounding him. Not because the Muggles mattered but because he couldn't shake the fear that another wizard would happen upon the gathering and recognize them, shattering the careful illusion that Regulus had spent most of his life creating.
Quickly flicking his eyes away from a couple as one of the men wrapped his arm around the other's waist, Regulus noticed that Adam was smiling widely at the public show of affection.
"How are you so at ease?" Regulus hissed in his ear, turning his back to the men so he wouldn't have to see it.
Adam's smile turned to a frown as he looked at Regulus. It was as if he'd forgotten his boyfriend was even there until that moment.
"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Being surrounded by people like us just feels right to me. Don't you feel like you belong—really belong—for the first time?"
"No," Regulus shot back through gritted teeth. "I don't feel at all comfortable surrounded by these idiotic Muggles intent on making a show of themselves. Have you not noticed that gaudy flag they insist on waving around?"
"The rainbow one?" Adam said with a small, somewhat sad smile. "A gay man in San Francisco designed it, and it's getting popular, even here in England. Each of the colours represents an idea—"
Regulus snorted.
"That's ridiculous. You know as well as I do that they're only waving it around to attract attention. Someone should throw it in the rubbish."
"Regulus," Adam said, leaning close to avoid being overheard. He placed a hand on Regulus' arm, and even though the touch was only to hold him in place, Regulus clenched his hands into fists. "They want people to accept them. It's no different than what you and I want. The flag is just to make people remember that we're here."
Bile burned at the back of Regulus' throat.
"Seems like an idiotic way to get people to accept you," he shot back. "Making yourself look like even more of a freak."
He kept his eyes on a shop window a ways down the street, unable to look at Adam. He knew what hurt look was on his face because he'd seen it many times before, but that didn't stop him. He didn't like being there with the stupid Muggles and their stupid ideas that did nothing but make things worse.
He hated all of it, and he couldn't believe he'd agreed to come. It had been a terrible mistake and one he never should have been stupid enough to make.
"If you're set on being an arsehole, Regulus, then go home."
Adam's hand was gone from his arm, leaving goosebumps despite the warm summer air. Regulus had thought he hadn't wanted it there, but the ghost of his touch lingered in a way that was worse. Regulus groaned as Adam stalked away. He'd gotten his chance to escape, but he had trouble fleeing as he watched Adam approach some of the Muggle men, quickly laughing with them.
One might have thought that he'd never cared much about Regulus at all.
Regulus' head pounded the next morning as he stood in front of Adam's door. The five drinks he'd downed at the Leaky Cauldron after fleeing Muggle London the day before had been a bad idea. He'd known that at the time, but it hadn't stopped him.
He gripped the bar of Honeydukes Best tightly in his hands. He knew the offer would be scoffed at, yet it still felt better than coming empty handed after their fight the night before.
After his knock, he had to wait several minutes before Adam opened the door, his face already set in a deep frown.
"Go away," he said before Regulus could speak. "I don't want to talk to you."
"Please," Regulus pleaded, stepping forward and holding out the chocolate. "I was scared, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."
"Go away."
"No, please talk to me. Just let me explain."
Adam made no move to leave the doorway.
"How can you possibly explain more than you already have?" he asked. "The problem isn't that I don't understand what you're scared of, Regulus. The problem is that we disagree wildly on how to deal with it."
"Please," Regulus continued to plead, not knowing what else to say. His voice was growing softer as it became more difficult to speak. "Please just let me come inside."
There was a long moment of silence where Adam's hard gaze analyzed him. Regulus had never felt so much like he was being picked apart at the seams. It was as if he'd offered himself up for sacrifice and was letting the Healers dissect him like a Muggle cadaver.
Adam didn't say a word as he stepped aside, letting Regulus enter the flat. He took the chocolate from Regulus and tossed it on the coffee table without watching where it landed. Though Regulus had been in Adam's home more times than he could count, he felt like an outsider as he stood on the rug in front of the sofa, not brave enough to take a seat as if he was welcome.
"If we're doing this," Adam said, hovering in front of him and speaking with a trembling voice, "then you can't give me the same shit you've always repeated over and over. I want something new."
Regulus tried to swallow, but there was something blocking his throat. He couldn't find the words he needed even though he'd been desperate to explain himself minutes before. Adam filled the silence for him.
"You're scared. I get it, Regulus, but I can't live like that. The idea of pretending like we hardly know each other in front of everyone person we know for the rest of our lives sounds like a kind of hell. I can't keep my true self from the people I care about. Maybe we lose friends or family members; that scares me too. But I have to do it for myself, and I want you to do it for yourself too."
He took a shaky breath.
"I can't keep doing what we've always done, Regulus. I can't be your secret, and I've never wanted you to be mine. If that's all you can offer, then things can't work between us."
He reached for Regulus' left arm, and Regulus was too stunned to stop him. It was meant to be a show of comfort or perhaps a silent plea for him to make the choice Adam desperately wanted him to make. The mark branded into Regulus' skin burned as if it were on fire, and Regulus cringed, keeping his eyes tightly shut and refusing to look up at Adam. He tried to back away, but Adam's grip only tightened.
"Can I really not touch you anymore without you being disgusted by it?" he asked, a few tears starting to fall down his cheeks.
Regulus sucked in a breath.
"I'm not disgusted by you," he said, stepping forward as if it would help his argument. "I never would be. When you touch me—" He took a sharp breath. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced, even if no one around us would think the same."
"Yet you cringe when I touch you now," Adam said with a sharp laugh. "What are you hiding from me?"
Before Regulus could wrench his arm from Adam's grip, Adam had lifted the sleeve of his robes, revealing the mark. The air that hit it stung as if it were made of needles. Regulus pressed his lips together as he gave in and let Adam's eyes rove over the mark.
"No," he whispered so quietly that Regulus barely heard the sound. "You didn't. Regulus, please tell me you didn't."
But there was no use denying it when the evidence was there for both of them to see. Adam backed away from him, and the fear in his eyes was worse than the anger Regulus had received the day before. Tears streamed down his cheeks, leaving tracks that Regulus yearned to wipe away.
"Why?" Adam asked.
"He stands for everything the Black family has stood for since its founding," Regulus said in a quiet voice. He'd rehearsed this part over and over again in his mind, but he knew it wouldn't be enough. "The Dark Lord wants nothing more than for the natural order of things to be restored. Sacrifices are necessary to achieve the end goal. We can't keep letting Muggles destroy us. All we want is to be left to our own devices. At one point in time, there was nothing shameful about that view. We don't want to hurt anyone Adam, not really. We merely recognize that certain sacrifices must be made to achieve order."
Adam stared at Regulus as if he was a mirage. He was shaking his head as if he wasn't conscious of the act.
"The natural order," he mocked, letting out a desperate laugh. "I don't know if it's natural, but you're right that your precious Dark Lord has a view of how the world should be. Him in power above everyone else, that's all that's important to him. Your precious purebloods are only a tool he can use to get that power. I've told you before, Regulus, but you're too trusting. You think Voldemort would be kind of a half-blood like me in the end, don't you?"
Adam took a step forward, but he made no move to touch Regulus again.
"You claim that you want others to accept us one day, but you're a fool if you think You-Know-Who acting like some kind of king would mean acceptance for us. You being with a half-blood would be bad enough in their eyes, but you being with a man? He'd have you killed as quickly as he put that mark on your arm."
"The Dark Lord has said nothing—"
"It goes without saying, doesn't it?" Adam said, voice rising to cut him off. "Everything he says is just the same shit the purebloods have been spouting for centuries. You said as much yourself. Sure, his priority right now is dealing with Muggleborns, but do you think it all stops once they're gone? Maybe it's half-bloods next. Then he might bother with the blood traitors, but he would get to to gay people eventually. There's no room for people who are different in his world, Regulus. That would only become more true in the future."
They were close enough that Regulus could have kissed Adam if he'd been stupider. Part of him still wanted to as he held on to the desperate hope that Adam would change his mind and come to see things the way Regulus did. The Dark Lord wasn't perfect, but he was, at the very least, no worse than Regulus' own family. But Adam had never been a fan of them either. He didn't understand; he couldn't understand, having had the upbringing he'd had.
"Leave," Adam said, his tone unlike anything he'd directed at Regulus before.
He turned away from Regulus to face the wall, his shoulders tense. Regulus stared at him for several moments, but he received nothing more, not even another request for him to leave. Choking on a goodbye, Regulus Apparated from the flat with little sense of where he was going and little forethought to help him get there safely.