Waiting for my love, my Edward, to return to me from the night, waiting for Charlie my father, to be snoring, I find it hard to even be patient with my father about my relationship, my engagement, with Edward. He took the news well, but yet he has many reservations about Edward, but it has only been 9 days since that horrid day that we broke the news to him.
I make my mind stop thinking about Charlie, instead, my mind wonders to more important thoughts at the moment, thoughts that would make me blush, these are the thoughts of what Edward and I would do after the wedding.
Lately I have been thinking intently in anticipation of what I should expect, I shouldn't have these thoughts, I shouldn't try and imagine what will happen, get my mind all twisted around every aspect that I could possibly imagine.
At moments like these, I am very grateful that Edwards can't hear my thoughts. I would have to turn several shades of deep red upon the knowledge that he could peer into my perverted brain.
"Good evening, Bella." Edward's velvety voice pierces thoughts and causes me to close my eyes for just a second to clear my head.
Edward approaches from the window and glides into my bed next to me planting a subtle kiss on my forehead.
"Hi," I say with a smile, amazed by how fast the time flew by.
" So do you think that you will be up to spending some alone time together tomarrow?" he asks stroking my hair with his free hand.
"Alone time, what did you have in mind." I ask eagerly…wanting to be away from Alice and her planning, but this was an unexpected turn of events.
"Well, I thought that we could spend the day at my house, Carlisle are Esme are going to be away at a medical conference, Alice and Rosalie are going to the city to make some more arrangements and Emmet and jasper are going hunting for a few days. So I thought it would be a great time to spend the day with you my love." Edward put his arms around me and pulled me close into his body.
"Sounds great…" I said with a yawn. Resting my head on his chest feeling comforted and ready to drift off into sleep.
"Bye, Dad," I yelled as I left the house with Alice and Rosalie the next morning, early before Charlie left for the station. They dropped me at their house and headed off to the city to make arrangement for Edward and mine's wedding. I am relived that they decided not to subject me to another whole day of wedding planning, I desperately needed a break. I walked up the steps to the Cullen's front door and as I reached to last step Edward appeared in the open door awaiting my arrival.
"Is everyone already gone?" I asked hesitatntly.
"Yes, it is just you and me today." Edward said grabbing my hand and pulling me through the front door. "Shall we relax down here or upstairs?" A smile spread across his face.
"Umm….I…." I stammered suddenly my thoughts from last night popped into my head and I didn't have words to answer his innocent question. I felt my cheeks redden and I suddenly felt the urge to study my shoes.
Edward placed his hand on my chin and tilted my face upward so that my eyes met his, confusion and intrigue glinted in his eyes as he perplexed over my reaction. My heart seemed to skip a beat and then race, as I felt his eyes upon me once again inquiring, looking for some hint from my actions to give away what I was thinking.
"What are you thinking, Bella?" his voice sounding playful but confused.
"Ummmmm…lets go upstairs, I'll tell you up there." I said trying to delay the inevitable, I turned and started up the stairs to his bedroom diverting my gaze once again from his eyes. Trying to think of something anything that I could tell him, something that I could, I couldn't tell him what I was thinking, how embarrassing.
He opened the door to his bedroom and I took a seat in the middle of the floor of his room in front of the couch. Edward joined me and wrap me in his arms breathing in the scent of my hair. Edwards sweet scent filled my lungs and slowly wrapped a calming feeling around me. My mind was soaring at a mile a minute searching for something to say the was not was he wanted to know. I looked up from where I had diverted my eyes only to realize that Edward was staring at me waiting, "Bella." He pleaded for me to tell him what was I thinking.
Instead I turned to kiss him to breathe in his aroma, his lips followed my queue and for a while we kissed taking away my thoughts increasing my hope that he wouldn't remember. Edward had been allowing much more kissing than usual when we had time alone, but the way his lips moved today beckoned me further, the buttons on his shirt were all but undone, his chest he allowed me to trace with not only my hands but also kisses, my hands roamed towards his shoulders towards stomach feeling his musculature. I felt the urge to bite him, I scraped my upper teeth down his chest and slowly brought my mouth closed a bit giving him a soft bite. He tensed beneath me and I stopped and looked slowly up at him…he pulled me gently up and towards his side so that I was once again seated next to him on the floor.
"Bella, what are you trying to do to me?" he sighed kissing me gently on the forehead.
I looked down away from his face only to realize something else completely related that caused me to blush into a much darker shade of red, although I was intrigued I had never noticed if it had ever happened before when we were being intimate. I had to turn away from it, I turned into his chest hiding my eyes and gasping.
"Bella, what's wrong," Edward exclaimed not noticing what I had noticed I kept hiding my face in his chest but I looked up at him hoping he would never guess.
The embarrassment on my face must have giving something away, "everything is okay, Bella, I didn't mean to frighten you."
I pulled away from him slowly to look at his face, obviously he thought that my reaction was to him stopping me, thankfully, but it made me curious and I couldn't help the smile that formed across my face at the thought that I could do that to him.
"Bella, what are you thinking, you have been acting very strangely today?" Edward questioned me playfully.
"Mmmmm, mmmmm…I don't think I can tell you."
"Bella, you can tell me anything." He said stroking my hair.
"it's just….well…did…i…um….just … you …that …." I stammered unable to form a complete sentence.
"it's okay you just caught me off guard again with that bite."
"So you didn't think I was horrible for doing it." I whispered and looked down
again.
"You have no idea how good it felt."
I got up my courage to ask after that comment I whispered it slowly not looking at him again. " How often does it happen when we or doesn't it do I just not notice?" I blushed, my cheeks were very hot, I felt ashamed to ask.
Edward was silent, I slowly clamored together the courage to take a peek at his face, I slowly leaned away from his chest and turned my eyes towards his. He smiled at me gently and kissed my lips ever so slowly and whispered in my ear, " It's not the first time, love, I my not be human, but I am a man."
nothing remotely obvious could have prepared me for the feeling that washed over me at that moment, I felt somehow powerful but also embarrassed. What did that mean, was I making it harder for Edward to be around me more so than it already is?
He not only has to fight the urge to eat me but let alone deal with that, I couldn't pull myself towards the idea of what that was.
What is running through his mind right now, I don't want to know, am I ever going to be able to look at him again, what am I thinking of course I can look at him, I love him, nothing could keep me from him… my mind wonders away from my fears and heads towards that path filled with my darkest desires that I, me alone could not even grasp, how could I know something that is beyond what I have experienced, but I long to know the feeling the impending lust that drives me further to the point where danger lies.
"Tell me what your thinking Bella." Edward's voice drew me back to the present situation.
I looked away shyly not wanting him to know the inner thoughts in my mind, "I'm just thinking about you." I say timidly keeping it rather general.
"Bella, please you can tell me anything," he pleaded with me wanting to know what my innocent little mind was pondering.
"I'm thinking of your hands, your lips, your…" I trailed off as I turned a deep shade of red and looked down embarrassed that I almost said something as I was caught up in the moment.
I couldn't tell him I was thinking that he would be mortified, he's from the 1900's where girls acted much more proper than what my thoughts were thinking at the moment…he would think badly of me, could he think badly of me, doesn't the fact that he responded as such prove that he wants me beyond what we have done, is it enough for him.
He moved lower towards my neck and my collarbone and trailed gentle kisses along my neck and shoulders. "is this where you thought of my lips?" he whispered is a hushed voice. His hands around my waist pulling me closer towards his icy cold frame, "is this where you thought of my hands?" he said in a deep exhale.
My heart raced as he repeated what I revealed to him, mostly due to what I expected he would say next, did he know what I was thinking, by my expression upon my face, did he know truly how much I wanted him to explore me further to let his guard down to ravage me further. Instead of continuing the third degree, he continued his insatiable kisses, although I felt his hands brush my body at those pivotal points that separate and divide what I desired and the innocence that we coyly delved in.
No sooner than my thoughts headed towards that line that, we were meandering across, that I heard the front door open with a loud gush or air escaping from the raining afternoon. Edward slowly brought his hands towards my face and gave me one more gentle kiss on my lips before he broke away smiling at my flushed expression.
"Edward, Bella!" Alice called from the stairs.
I looked towards the window and I gasped when I realized that I was dark outside, had I really been that consumed in my time alone with Edward that I failed to notice that we had been playing around in his room for hours.
"is it that late already?" I asked Edward looking confused.
"Bella, where have you been all day?" Edward smiled menacingly at me peering into my eyes as if he could truly read my mind, knowing all my secret desires, all my tempting idol fantasies of being with him.
"How was your day Bella?" Alice exclaimed in her sing song voice as she pranced through the open door of Edwards room.
"Great, I smiled." As Edward drew me closer to him pulling me onto his lap.
"Did I interrupt something…" Alice thought outloud. "mmmmm….no I don't think I did." She said glumly.
"Alice." Edward exclaimed seemingly a little shocked at her attitude towards the whole situation.
"Sorry I'll leave you two alone." She said walking out the door.
I was mortified not to mention embarrassed by the whole situation, Alice walking in on the end of a day long intimate session with Edward. Being with him makes time fall away and entwine itself into the most glorious of complexities where existing and living no longer are contrary.
All of my soul wanting to continue to push the boundaries of our passion to the point where I know we would have to stop, but I feared that that point would drop us off a cliff thus making stopping an impossibility and not a risk worth taking.
All the while I was thinking this I had buried my face in my knees, which I had pulled up towards my face so that I could some what hide my facial expression from Edward.
"Bella, what are you thinking?" he velvetly whispered in my ear, startling me out of my mind's complexities.
"Nothing," I cautiously voiced diverting my eyes from the floor to his probing eyes.
"Bella…" He said looking at me in wonder, pondering what truly I was thinking within the vault that is my mind. He smiled that smile that dazzles me beyond anything else, melting my will power to next to nothing.
"You really want to know what I was thinking," I say playfully hiding my face by turning it away. " I was thinking about you." I chickened out how could I tell him it was too embarrassing maybe he would infer what part of him I was thinking about.
"Yes." He sighed looking at me intently.
"Well, I had a question about …" How was I going to ask him my question, I mean I know how it is suppose to work and all and I guess he should too, I mean he went to medical school and well he is a vampire but does he know those things I wonder, "uh.."
"Please continue." Edward said smiling.
Okay I will need to get this all out very fast so that I don't stop before I am finished and he thinks I am asking something else entirely. " Okay so I know how it is suppose to work for human males, but what I don't know is how it actually happens for you, but not you specifically, but all males like you of your sort, but not that I think about other male vampires cause I don't well eww, anyway so what my question is how does it work when you know you don't have any blood or a working heart to make it all go and other parts of the whole shabang." Wow that was a mouth full I now felt very embarrassed as I worked through me ranting my voice increased in intensity and pitch. I felt the urge to look at the floor very intently.
"Bella, my Bella, that mind of yours never ceases to amaze me." Edward said with a smile that I caught as I sneaked a peak at his face.
He saw me looking at him of course I could escapes my self induced torture any more than I think he could if he wanted to, talking about the physiological aspects of our non-existent sexual relationship works wonders for self confidence. Not to mention that I let a few statements slip during my rant that I am sure caught Edwards's ear more than the actual question.
"Well, the whole shebang as you put it is relatively similar to the inter-workings of humans but instead our venom is the sole source of the.." Edward seemed to be at a loss for what to call it and I was not certain I could voice my opinion about what to call it either. Edward coughed stalling until he found his voice. " event."
I couldn't help myself after that one 'event' what is he thinking why couldn't he use a commonly used slang term or something remotely close to what it is. I let our a slight giggle upon him completing his explanation.
"Be serious Bella, you're the one who asked." He said closing his eyes and leaning back against the side of the couch.
"So Edward how exactly does it happen? I mean what causes it to happen?" I asked looking off into the darkness just knowing that my face could not appear any redder.
"Bella Swan are you asking me what turns me on? Edward said with a smug smile as he directed my face towards him.
"no" I said too quickly, "not that I wouldn't want to know that but I meant how you know like a health class kind of how not that other way."
"Oh…" Edward said as his face returned to a hard mask with a contemplating expression.
"Come on Edward I'm just curious." I said leaning into him.
"Just as when my venom flows when I smell blood, it pools within my mouth, but it is something that I have some control over but little at that the same effect takes place…uh…the venom flows else where emmhumm when that part of me takes over." Edward said very quietly almost at a whisper.
Just like when I first heard about the mechanics in health class it took me awhile to grasp the concept of how it all works. Although my mind was instantly brought back to the other part of our conversation that Edward did not elaborate upon. What did turn him on? What did I do during our kissing that brought this on, has it ever happened before…how could I not notice. What he ashamed? Questions tore through my mind faster than I could comprehend them.
After a few minutes Edward stood up and indicated that he should bring me home. Fear one word traveled through my mind, his family had heard our discussion and they were beyond that door.
"E-Edward..I don't want to leave." I said wide eyed and horrified that I would have to face his family and their comments.
"Bella, what's wrong." Edward said looking me in the eye.
"I…I don't want to see anyone right now. "I said looking down and towards my feet as I know my face turned red again.
"It'll be okay, love." Edward said gently pulling me towards his chest and out of his bedroom door.
I was surprised to say the least that the halls were empty and no one was lingering to confront me and Edward as we descended. We made it out to his Volvo with out so much as a word, although I am sure Edward would receive the grunt of it all.
As I laid awake in my bedroom waiting for Edward to return, I couldn't help but ponder what his siblings were taunting him with as he waited for my father to drift off to sleep before he returned. I would have to see them all tomorrow I was suppose to hang out with his family around the house, I all but turned red lying in my room alone thinking about what they would say or not say maybe hopefully just think.
I must have fallen asleep but I remember feeling cold arms wrap around me at some point in the night, although my dreams were not all that comforting, something about a classroom and Edward being part of a demonstration about male anatomy is all that I can recall.