Title: Moving On
Author: geekluvsg
Rating: K+
Pairing: Jane/Grayson
Summary: Grayson thinking about Deb and Jane
Disclaimer: I do not own Drop Dead Diva even though I wish I did. Just bored.
He didn't understand it, sometimes he thought he was going crazy.
There would be moments when he would think he had finally put Deb behind him and that he had moved on. And then there were moments when he felt like for every one step forward he had taken he would inevitably take two steps back. Mostly these moments caught him off guard like when he went into a restraint and would see Deb's favorite meal on the menu. Or when he flipped through the stations on the television and saw Deb's favorite movie or actress. These moments would inevitably take him back to a time when Deb was still alive and for a few short moments he would imagine that she was in another room and that any second she would come barreling over to him with that never ending energy he loved about her and want to talk about something she believed in so passionately.
And then there were other weirder moments when someone would say or do something that would remind him of Deb. At first, just about everyone would prompt a memory of Deb but lately Jane had been the one jogging the memories. He noticed that she had a strange habit of saying something that Deb might have said or doing something that would be typical Deb. Jane even knew things about him and he couldn't explain how she knew them.
And if he looked into Jane's eyes. Not just the polite meeting of the eyes, but a true hold your breath knock the wind out of you practically soul search kind of look he could swear that Deb was in there somewhere calling to him.
And that was why he felt he was going crazy.
Maybe he had been putting in too many hours at work and not devoting enough time to a social life. But he didn't like the way the apartment felt without Deb so he spent more and more of his time at the office just to avoid going home to an empty apartment. And his usual hangouts were with people who didn't really understand what he was going through. Yes they gave him the sympathetic nod or shoulder pat, but there were always awkward silences where everyone would flounder for something to say that would fill the silence, it was like they didn't know how to talk to him without Deb attached to his hip
The only person he felt truly comfortable with was Jane. Nobody but Deb had been able to make him feel calm and smart and needed and understood. With Jane it was the same way but more and because of that sometimes he felt guilty. Deb was wonderful. She listened and was always willing to help out but she didn't really understand the challenges or what being a lawyer really involved. With Jane he had everything that Deb and he shared but in some ways it was better because Jane always seemed to know what he was talking about. He had conversations with Jane that he never would have contemplated having with Deb. He didn't have to simplify what he was talking about with her.
He felt bad, like he had moved on too quickly, leaving Deb's memory behind. It shouldn't have been this easy to move on. He knew that there would be no "getting over" Deb. And that it was inevitable that he would eventually move on but he never, not in his wildest dreams, thought he would be ready to move on with his life without Deb this quickly. It was as if Jane was bridging the gap between Deb and the rest of his life. Their little conversations and stolen moments rejuvenated him, gave him a reason to smile, helped pull him through his day.
He didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. He didn't know if this scared him or made him happy. Mostly he tried not to think about it too hard. He was ready to move on. Move on to what he wasn't sure. But he did know that it had to do with Jane and that he was tired of trying to figure it out. He was just going to go with the flow. Deb would always tell him that when he got too preoccupied with studying or researching a case. And if that flow led him in the direction of Jane maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.