By: Morgan Lewis
The muffled sound of Obi-Wan Kenobi's heavy steps seemed to echo unnaturally loud in the otherwise peaceful hallways of the Jedi Temple. The simple fact that he couldn't bring himself to put forth the effort to lighten his steps let him know just how tired he truly was. He couldn't remember the last time that he had been able to get more than a few hours of sleep. In fact, it felt almost as if he had been going non-stop on adrenaline ever since the queen had decided to return to Naboo to face off against the Trade Federation.
Obi-Wan suppressed a quick twinge of sorrow that threatened to become an overwhelming wave. If he was to be completely honest with himself, part of the reason that he had been driving himself so hard these past couple of days was so that he wouldn't be have the time to stop and dwell on the recent events of Naboo. His Jedi training continued to rebel at the fact that he was simply burying his emotions rather than dealing with them. However, for the moment, he justified his actions with excuse that he simply had too many tasks to accomplish to allow himself time to mourn.
First and foremost, there was his official Jedi Knighting ceremony that had yet to take place. The council had already bestowed upon him the rank of Jedi Knight back to the world of Naboo, but tradition held that the official ceremony needed to take place upon Curascant, within the Jedi Temple itself. Less than a month ago he would have looked to the event with the same anticipation as a young child waiting for his next naming day. Now, he wished that he could simply skip the entire affair and get on with more pressing matters, such as the training of his Padawan.
The young Jedi had to suppress another sigh at the doubts and worries produced by that line of thinking. In all fairness, he really wasn't anywhere near ready to be a Jedi Master. Most Jedis on being raised to the rank of Knight would spend years gaining additional training and experience before the council would deem that they were prepared to take on a Padawan. And even in these instances, the Padawan normally had at least eight years of experience with the force. Anakin had almost none. Obi-Wan almost wished the Council had insisted on selecting another, more suitable and experienced Jedi to be the boy's Master.
However, whatever their reasons, the council had collectively decided to honor Qui-gon's final wishes and had allowed him to take on Anakin as his apprentice. For some reason, Obi-Wan couldn't shake the feeling that most of the Jedi within the temple were waiting to see him fall on his face. After all, Jedi were often judged by how quickly the council raised them to the rank of Master. Obi-Wan knew that there were probably more than a few Jedi who had already been knights for some time now who felt that they had been more deserving of the rank than he.
The young Jedi quickly cleared these thoughts from his mind, knowing that such jealousies and backbiting were not the way of the force. Obi-Wan lifted his head at the sounds of exited whispering coming from the end of the hallway and caught sight of a small group of Padawans talking in hushed tones. From their furtive glances and hasty bows, he inferred that he was most likely the topic of their conversation.
"Good evening, Master Kenobi," one of the young boys in the group said with a small hint of awe in his voice.
Obi-wan suppressed a groan at the looks of adoration in the young faces before him. He had quickly tired of being the object of hero-worship simply because he had managed to survive where his master had not. "And good evening to you as well, young Padawan."
The boy's face broke into a grin and another Padawan quickly spoke up. "Master Kenobi, I was wondering, if you have a few moments, could you work with me a little on my light-saber technique?"
Obi-Wan nearly shook his head at the hopeful solicitation in the young boy's voice. "K'ann, is it not."
The boy shook his head enthusiastically, pleased that he should know his name. Obi-Wan continued, "If memory serves me, your master is Telenon Catton. And I can tell you now that, growing up, Telenon was always able to best me three out of five times when it came to dueling." Obi-Wan paused to let that information sink into "K'ann's mind. "I think that you will probably be better off training with him."
The young boy's face fell slightly, but he was quick to recover. "Yes, master Kenobi."
"Now, run along. I am sure that every one of you has a great deal left to do before the sun sets." The four boys all bowed their heads respectfully before hurrying off down the hall.
Obi-Wan watched them go with a slightly wistful expression. It was odd how, in a matter of days, he had gone from being known within the Jedi simply as Qui-gon's apprentice to being the great Obi-Wan Kenobi, the first Jedi to face and defeat a Sithlord in over a millennia. Like it or not, he had suddenly become a known and respected Jedi in his own right. He was now the one that slew the Dark Jedi, as he was now one of the fastest Jedi's ever to advance to the rank of Master.
And, he thought bitterly, I am the one that couldn't even manage to stay by my master's side in the hour of his greatest need. Obi-Wan once again felt that tightly controlled ball of ragged emotions threaten to rise and lodge itself forcefully in his throat once again. Relying on stubbornness more than anything else, he quickly beat it back down until he felt that he had managed to gain control once again. At the moment, he didn't have the time to indulge in his personal sorrows, when he still had so many duties left to attend to. He still had to see to the final details for Anakin's accommodations during his stay at the temple. And he still hadn't taken the time to perform his daily meditation and contemplation.
Obi-Wan suddenly realized that he was fairly close to the star chamber, where he and Qui-gon had spent countless hours in peaceful meditation and study of the force. Anakin was expecting to meet him sometime within the next hour, which would easily give him the few moments that he needed to commune with Force. The young Jedi only had to think about it for a few moments before he reached a decision and turned his steps towards the star chamber.
He was momentarily surprised upon entering into the room to find that it was already occupied and by one of the Council members no less. Adi Gallia was seated quietly in a cross-legged fashion on the floor, her blue tinged eyelids lightly closed, and apparently deep in her own meditation. Obi-Wan hesitated momentarily, before he began to turn to leave. He had hoped that at this point in the day, with the majority of the Padawans involved in their lessons and the majority of the Jedi involved in preparation for the other activity that was supposed to take place today, that he would have been afforded complete privacy for a few moments within the room.
Just as he had almost reached the door, when the dark skinned woman's voice halted his footsteps. "I was actually preparing to leave in a few moments, if you wanted wait for the room."
Obi-Wan felt his face turn a little red. She had obviously sensed his desire for solitude at the moment as well as his brief flicker of disappointment that he couldn't have the star chamber to himself. He was more than a little embarrassed that she had offered to inconvenience herself just to fulfill one of his indulgences.
"My apologies, Master Gallia. It was not my intention to inconvenience you in such a manner." Obi-Wan said, while turning back to face her. "Please, don't leave on my account."
The older Jedi's eyes opened to reveal a pair of intense dark irises, which never seemed to miss any details. "It's no inconvenience, Jedi Kenobi. I truly would be leaving in just a moment, even without your arrival." Her face broke into a gentle smile. "The council has called a meeting, and I must attend."
Obi-Wan nodded in understanding and relief. "In that case, I shall wait until you are finished." He turned to walk back out into the hall when her voice halted him once again.
"Actually, if you could spare a few moments of your time, I would like to speak with you, Jedi Kenobi." Her smile had faded into an expression of seriousness, and Obi-Wan knew that her request was not just for an idle chat.
"Of course, Master Gallian." He acquiesced, while turning to face her once again. In a few brief strides he crossed the room and seated himself beside the older woman, his posture mirroring her own.
Adi studied him intently for a moment as if she were examining the very contents of his soul, before she finally spoke. "The other members of the council have not addressed this matter yet, because they feel that it is not yet of true concern." Her gaze seemed to firm on him before she continued. "But I will address it. Why have you not allowed yourself to mourn the loss of your master?"
Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to the unexpected question. He had thought that he had been keeping his emotions carefully in check for the past few days, but apparently a few stray feelings had managed to wander though his guard. He sighed heavily before responding. "I have had a great deal of responsibilities in these past days. There just hasn't been a great deal of time to allocate to myself."
Her piercing gaze was still on him. "This is true. But it is not the reason, only an excuse." The Jedi Master's expression gave no quarter as she continued. "You have bottled up your grief because you are afraid to face it."
Obi-Wan flinched slightly at the remark but knew that he couldn't really refute it. He bowed his head in defeat, momentarily unable to meet those piercing eyes. For days he had been silently dreading the moment when he would have to deal with the realization that Qui-Gon was truly gone. The young Jedi had been desperately avoiding the tidal wave of painful emotions that would accompany such a reckoning. Thus, he had buried himself in details, trying his best to focus on something, anything other than the horrible feeling of loss that tore at his soul.
Adi, however, was relentless. "If you don't face your grief and come to terms with your loss soon, it could easily turn to bitterness and anger within you. This would ultimately lead to your own destruction Obi-Wan." Her voice softened marginally, yet still carried an edge of steel.
Involuntarily, his thoughts turned to his master and the Young Jedi felt the pain of loss surge within him once again, completely destroying his peace. Obi-Wan struggled for a few minutes, desperately trying to regain control of his roiling emotions. He shot a hesitant glance at Adi Gallia and could see that she still wore a firm, resolute expression, though it was slightly tinged with compassion.
Obi-Wan felt a brief surge of indignation within his heart at the woman for forcing him to go through this. Why was it so important to her that he faced his pain and suffered like a noble Jedi? Why was she making it her personal quest to see that his heart bled out all his anger and bitterness while tearing his soul to shreds?
Obi-Wan tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, when he finally managed to respond. "I didn't know that my personal feelings were of such great concern to the council."
He felt her firmly grab his chin and forcefully draw his eyes to her own. Once again, he felt as if those darkly colored orbs were plumbing the very depths of his soul. "You are the first Jedi to defeat a Sithlord in over a Millennia, a task that not one in ten Jedi today would have been capable of accomplishing. More-over, you have been given the responsibility of training the single most powerful life-form that has ever been brought within these hallowed walls." She released his face with her hand but maintained her steely glare. "Make not mistake, Jedi Kenobi. The council watches you and your charge very closely."
In his heart, the young Jedi wanted to politely but succinctly tell her that his current disposition was no concern of the Jedi Council. But, try as he might, Obi-Wan could not deny the truthfulness of her words. He knew that the Council was always especially attentive to Jedis who were experiencing trying and stressful emotional situations because it was during these times that they were often most susceptible to the influences of the dark side of the Force. The young Jedi also knew that because of his unique position as the Jedi Master Anakin, of whom rumors had already begun to circulate that he was the chosen one, the Council would keep an especially close eye on his own progress.
"I understand, Master Gallian." Even though it was not directed at her his tone still carried tight edge.
Adi watched him for a few more moments before her face gentled once again. With a small sigh she fluidly rose to her feet, the loose garments that she wore swaying gently. "Then also understand that my worries stem from a genuine concern for you Obi-Wan. All on the council knew of the unique bond that existed between you and Master Qui-gon."
She paused a moment to close her eyes. When she opened them again, Obi-wan could see a distant pain reflected in their surfaces. "I had already been a full Jedi on my own for several years when my master died. Yet, the feeling of loss was still as sharp and painful as a vibro-ax."
Obi-Wan had known that her master was no longer among the Jedi, but had never even heard her mention the subject before. "I'm sorry." He finally responded awkwardly, but sincerely. "I know how painful it must have been."
Adi smile wistfully. "Then you know that I can understand somewhat the difficulties and challenges that you will be facing. I behaved much the same as you, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the pain festering inside of me, and accepting none of the comfort that my friends and colleagues tried to offer." Adi's smile slowly faded as her expression turned somber once again. "It was a very dark and dangerous time for me. I don't want to see you to make the same mistakes that I did. There are those who would seek to help you through this difficult time, if you would accept their aid."
Obi-Wan nodded slowly in consent, all of the bitterness at her intrusion draining out of him. "I will meditate on it Master Gallian." He finally responded.
Adi laid on of her slim hands on his shoulder. "Please remember, you are never alone. The Force can console and comfort you, if you allow it."
Obi-Wan nodded mutely once again, as the Jedi master slowly withdrew from the room. After she was gone, he continued to sit in silence, neither entering in meditation nor making any move to leave. The young Jedi stayed that way for several minutes as Adi's final words continued to play over and over in his mind.
*The Force can comfort you, if you let it*, He thought bitterly. The only comfort that he desired was to have his master alive and well again. He knew that the power of the Force was incredible, but to him it seemed, in that moment it seemed utterly incapable of filling the void that had been left in his soul.
He tried to open himself to the flow of the Force but found, to his dismay, that he was unable to find that calm center necessary for it's gentle influence of the be felt. Instead, his anger, bitterness and despair continued to get in his way, seemingly building and impenetrable wall between himself and calming and invigorating power.
With a sigh of frustration, Obi-Wan rose to his feet. His attempts at meditation had proven to be fruitless as well as time-consuming. He felt no more peace now than he had before entering into the chamber a few minutes ago. In fact the different elements, Adi Gallian's unyielding questions and the constant reminders of Qui-gon that seemed to linger within the room, had served only to increase the frustration and chaos that he felt tumbling inside of his soul.
He shook his head in disdain. How could he even think about meditation and communing with the Force when he felt like this. The elusive peace that he so desperately sought seemed to mock him from its lofty and unobtainable pedestal. Obi-Wan once again found his tenuous control over his emotions slipping and once again slapped them down with a savage frustration.
The young Jedi hurriedly rose to his feet, intent on dismissing thought with action. His exhausted body groaned momentarily in protest, but he quickly ignored its cries. With a distinctive snap-hiss, the lightsaber in his hands, Qui-gon's lightsaber, ignited and he began to dance the forms that he had learned so intimately over the many years. They were the same forms that Qui-gon had taught him so many times before, endlessly drilling them into his mind until he could have done them in his sleep. The blade's gentle humming seemed to soothe his rattled nerves somewhat as he felt his body flow from position to position.
Yet, despite his efforts, the Force still eluded him. His mind desperately chased after the calm center with the single-minded desperation of a madman. Yet, at every turn, he found only pain, bitterness, and sorrow blocking his path. Obi-Wan felt his movements becoming more frantic, his form more ragged, as his frustration increased.
*The Force can comfort you, if you let it*. His minded repeated bitterly. Where was the comfort in his present circumstances? If the Force truly could take away the sting of his pain, why was it eluding him so? If the Force truly was capable of helping him, then why didn't it?
Obi-Wan heard a howl of anguish and it took him a few moments to realize that the sound had originated from his own throat. Somehow, he had to block out the pain. Unbidden, the details of his master's final moments came to the forefront of his mind. He remembered feeling rage, not just anger, but full rage for the first time. In that moment it had blotted out nearly every other emotion in his heart and mind, it had granted him release from the horrible agony that he had felt upon seeing his beloved master impaled on the lightsaber of a madman.
Obi-Wan's strength suddenly deserted him and he dropped his knees in exhaustion. Without the power of the Force flowing through his being and revitalizing his muscles, his body had quickly reached its limit of endurance. Sweat poured off his worn body and gathered in small pools beneath him, as he fought vainly to regain his breath.
Without the aspect of physical activity to distract his mind, the anguish, sorrow and pain that he had been trying so desperately to avoid came crashing down on him once again. Once again, his mind turned to how the power of rage and anger had deadened the pain. His Jedi training rebelled against the thought of giving into his anger, even for a moment. But, he had done so once already, hadn't he? He had certainly attacked the mysterious Sithlord in rage and hatred, rather than using the peaceful calm that he had been taught. The rage hadn't destroyed him then. Would it truly destroy him now?
Once again, part of him protested violently against the thought, insisting that even the slightest indulgence would lead disaster. However, another louder voice within his subconscious seemed to whisper. *There is no harm. Give in to your hate, your anger. They will protect you from the pain, sorrow and the agony.*
Obi-Wan shook his head violently in denial, repeating to himself that what he was contemplating couldn't be right. Surely this line of thought would lead down him down the same path as the Sithlord who had taken his master's life. The voice responded simply. *Is it right for you to have to suffer so, after all the noble service that you have provided for others? How could something that eases your pain be so wrong?*
*Anger and hate lead to suffering,* his Jedi training automatically responded.
*You are already suffering,* the voice replied disdainfully. *The anger will do nothing but ease that suffering.*
*The council would not approve.* The part of Obi-Wan that still resisted protested weakly, his resolve quickly leaving him.
*The council doesn't care about you. They only worry that you may misguide boy and thus inconvenience them. They can't understand what you are going through.* The voice responded.
Obi-Wan found that his tired frayed mind couldn't find any more excuses. The voice within his mind sounded so reasonable and made so much sense. Why should he have to suffer? He had done nothing wrong, certainly nothing to warrant his current situation. Worn and beaten, he slowly gave in to the voice's suggestions.
Reaching deep within himself, Obi-Wan found the anger that he had kept buried since Qui-gon's funeral. The rage surged forward quickly, easily, burning aside everything within its path. As his anger grew to consume his thoughts, the young Jedi realized with delight that he could no longer feel his pain. The anger and hate filled his heart completely, leaving no room for other emotions or feelings which may have been there before.
Suddenly revitalized, Obi-Wan leaped to his feet, re-igniting his lightsaber. Within his rage, he felt his mind focus with and intensity that he had never known. Using that rage, he lashed out and firmly ceased control of the Force. He instantly felt its power burning through his body, scouring his mind. Obi-Wan had never known that the Force could feel this way. He felt invincible, untouchable. His body sung in ecstasy at the powerful forces coursing through his being.
The young Jedi returned his lightsaber forms, with a new ferocity and vigor. The blade flashed wickedly back and forth between the different moves with speed and aggressiveness that he had not possessed a moment before. In his mind, imaginary foes fell beneath the wicked blade of his weapon, utterly incapable of hiding from the wrath that he poured out upon them.
In his mind he pictured the dark Sithlord, with his double-ended lightsaber, standing before him. Obi-Wan felt his anger turn up another notch and quickly focused it to a red, hot point. The Force seemed to surge within him like a wild beast, begging to have its violence unleashed. The young Jedi brought his weapon to bear, prepared to vanquish his imaginary foe using all of his anger and hatred.
Suddenly, to the surprise of Obi-Wan, his imaginary foe calmly deactivated his own lightsaber and dropped it to the ground. The dark warrior smiled at him with a smug look in his eyes that seemed to mock him saying, *The Jedi code forbids you to strike down an unarmed opponent.*
Obi-Wan simply stared in confusion for a moment before his rage began to once again push all reason from his mind. Within him, a struggle was taking place between his deeply instilled training and the overwhelming desire to unleash his wrath upon this phantom of his mind. After all, it wasn't a real opponent? What difference did it make if he struck out in anger and vengeance against a phantom of his own imagination?
The dark being began to laugh at him, sensing his indecision. *You are weak Jedi. That is why you could not save your master from me. You could only watch, screaming like a little child, as I gutted him like a bantha.*
He felt the blood slow draining out of his knuckles, as his grip on the lightsaber's handle tightened furiously. All indecision seemed to withdraw from his heart as he considered the completely remorseless killer before him. All that remained was an all-encompassing desire to plunge the blade of his weapon into this creature's dark heart.
Just as he was preparing to make the killing stroke, Obi-Wan felt a small, but distinctive ripple in the Force. Every muscle in his body froze as his mind slowly began to comprehend what that disturbance meant. Anakin was close by, probably looking for him. The young Jedi felt a growl of frustration slowly start to rise within his throat. If the boy came any closer, he would, with out a doubt, be capable of sensing what Obi-Wan was doing. Though he was loathed to release the wonderful rush of power now coursing through him, he couldn't risk having anyone, especially Anakin discover what he had been doing. He would merely speak with the boy briefly, then send him on his way so that he could return to his own dark emotions.
It was a brief struggle, but Obi-Wan managed to banish the phantom along with his anger and contain them tightly in on of the recesses of his mind. Even Anakin would not be able to sense them when he had buried them that deeply. As the power of his anger and hatred left him, the painful emotions of sorrow and loss quickly rushed into fill there place. Obi-Wan nearly doubled over at the unexpected tide of emotion that once again threatened to overwhelm him. The pain had not left, simply waited for its chance to return seemingly more powerful than before.
Obi-Wan lifted his head at the gentle hiss of hydraulics, as the chamber door opened to reveal young Anakin. His sandy blond hair, newly cut in the style of a Padawan, still managed to maintain a lightly disheveled look, despite its length. His worried expression quickly broke into a cheerful smile upon seeing Obi-Wan.
"There you are," He said, while happily bounding across the chamber to meet him. "I began to worry about what had happened to you when you didn't return when you said that you would."
Obi-Wan was about to the young boy what he was talking about, when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the sun had long since set over Curascant, leaving the city in darkness. Was it really possible that he had been within the Star Chamber for that long? It had seemed like only moments ago that he had arrived.
"…well, then I began to get worried and look all over for you," Obi-Wan quickly pulled himself back out of his reverie as he realized that Anakin was continuing his account. "I must have looked everywhere, until I finally met with Master Adi Gallian.
Anakin leaned closely to whisper conspiratorially to his master, "You know, she tries to appear all stern and strict, but she really is a very nice and caring woman."
Once again Obi-Wan silently marveled at Anakin's perceptiveness. It had taken him years to understand the compassionate core beneath the hard exterior of the Jedi Master.
"Well, anyway," Anakin was continuing, "she told me that she had last seen you in here and that I should probably try looking for you here. She also said that I should try to stay close to you from now on because she doesn't think that you should be alone right now."
Obi-Wan hid a quick grimace by turning it into a painful smile. The seductive power that he had been wielding just a few moments earlier still called to him, still promised him relief from the painful emotions that now plagued him. Even now, he wanted nothing more but to return to it's dark embrace. But, he knew that he could not give into his desires in front of the boy. And Adi's request that Anakin stay by his side was going to further complicate the matter of extricating himself from the his presence.
"Well, I apologize to have kept you waiting for so long, Anakin." The young Jedi's mind whirled frantically to find a way to excuse himself from the young boy. "I must have been meditating and lost track of the time." Which wasn't entirely untrue.
Anakin's guileless face broke into an even larger grin. "That's okay. I was just a little worried, that's all. Well, if you are done meditating, we can go and get something to eat together. Adi told me that you hadn't been able to make it to a meal in while, and I skipped dinner while waiting for you."
Obi-Wan's stomach growled slightly at the mere mention of food, but he quickly suppressed the urge for hunger. His desire for the return to the blessed, intoxicating rush that he had experienced a few moments ago was greater than any desire for food.
He smiled, trying to make his face seem as pleasant as possible. "Actually Anakin, I'm not really that hungry and I did want a few more moments of peace and meditation before I adjourned to the cafeteria."
Anakin nodded eagerly. "Okay, I'll just wait right here until you are ready to go."
The young Kenobi once again fought to keep his rising frustration in control. Why was this boy insisting on staying and making the situation more difficult? Already, the painful feelings of loss, that he had been so desperately avoiding for the past few days were growing to a point that seemed unbearable to him. He had to find relief somehow, and his only hope of relief was being blocked by one impertinent young boy.
"I know how hungry that you must be." He replied smoothly. "Why don't you run along to the cafeteria and I will join you in a few minutes."
Anakin's face changed from its normally cheerful countenance to a worried conflicted look. "I don't know," he responded hesitantly, "Master Adi said that I wasn't supposed to leave you alone."
Obi-Wan silently cursed the woman for her interference. "Anakin, I'm sure Master Gallian wouldn't find anything wrong with you getting yourself something to eat while I finish up my meditations." He kept his voice level and calm, trying his best to reassure and convince the boy. "In fact, she would probably scold me severely for not seeing that you had been properly nourished."
"Oh, don't worry," Anakin said hopping onto one of the several cushioned benches arranged throughout the chamber. "I'm used to going without food for a long time. Sometimes, Wattoo would barely give us enough food to last five days for and entire week."
Obi-Wan drew a deep breath to calm himself. It would serve no purpose to lose his patience because of an innocent boy. He would have to try a new strategy. "Anakin," he said dropping to one knee, "Things are different here at the Jedi temple. I don't want you enduring hunger, just because you feel that you need to fulfill some responsibility. Remember, I am the master and you are the Padawan. I'm supposed to know what's best for you." Anakin's face sobered slightly and he nodded his head slowly. "Now, I want you to go to the cafeteria now and I will join you in a few minutes."
The boy looked as if he wanted to protest once again, but held his tongue after another sharp look from Obi-Wan. "Yes, master."
Reluctantly, he drug himself back to his feet and slowly began to walk back towards the entrance to the Star Chamber. Just when the young Kenobi had thought that he had managed to rid himself of the boy's influence, Anakin suddenly stopped and turned back around.
"Master Obi-Wan?" his voice sounded full of trepidation.
Obi-Wan held a sigh of impatience in check. "Yes Anakin?"
The boy slowly turned to face him once again, he seemed to almost be afraid as he lifted his head to meet the older man's eyes. "I was wondering if I could ask you a question?"
His first and foremost desire was to say no and once again send the boy on his way. However, such an action may have raise suspision. "Okay Anakin, ask your question, then you need to go get something to eat."
"Okay," the boy quickly agreed. He walked back to into the center of the room and plopped himself back down on one of the couches. He studied his boots for a few moments fidgeting nervously for a moment.
Obi-Wan felt that his patience was about to reach its end when he finally looked back up at him and asked in a simple plaintiff voice, "I was wondering if… you could tell me… if you could tell me how Qui-gon died?"
The young Jedi felt almost as if someone had driven the air out of his lungs with a single well aimed punch. He carefully seated himself on one of the couches opposite of Anakin before his legs gave out from underneath him. That tightly sealed box of emotion that he had been trying so hard to keep closed seem to spring back open inside of his heart. Every emotion that he didn't want to think about pounded at him relentlessly now demanding his full attention.
"I…well…," Obi-Wan stared blankly at his hands for a moment. "What would you like to know?"
Anakin continued to shift nervously in his seat, also obviously uncomfortable. "Well, I know what the Jedi council and everyone else has told me, that he was killed by that Sithlord that we saw on Tattooine." The young Padawan looked up at him briefly with a pleading expression in his eyes. "But, I haven't ever heard you talk about it, not once. And, you were the one person who was there and would really know what happened."
The young Jedi sighed in defeat as he once again felt his emotions getting out of his control. He slumped slightly in his chair and continued to study his own hands. "I don't really know what else that I could tell you. We were separated by a series of energy fields leading into the reactor core. Qui-gon and the Sithlord were isolated within…" He was suddenly interrupted in his story when Anakin's smaller hand suddenly reached out and settled on top on his larger hands.
Obi-Wan looked up in surprise at the younger boy who now suddenly stood in front of him. He hadn't heard him stand up and move. "That's not what I meant." Anakin began slowly. He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I mean, when he died, was he content. Was he at peace or did he die worrying about me."
Understanding suddenly flooded through Obi-Wan. The boy, sensitive to the needs of others as always, had obviously been worrying that Qui-gon's final moments had been made any more painful because of any additional concern for him. He shook his head in slow amazement.
Now, however, he was at a loss for words. He didn't really know how to respond to the boy's question and at the same time alleviate his concerns. Qui-gon's final words to him had been concerning Anakin's training. When Obi-Wan had promised his dying master to see to the boy and take care of him, he had seen weight lift off of Qui-gon's shoulders. In that moment, his master seemed to have reached peace.
"In his final moments," Obi-Wan began slowly, "Qui-gon found peace. I promised him that I would train you. He didn't die while worrying about you," The Master assured his Apprentice.
Anakin looked back up at him, a single tear of relief trickling down his cheek. "Thank you, master. I'm glad that Master Qui-gon knew that he could trust you enough that he didn't have to worry."
In the moment that those words left his mouth, it seemed as if the entire universe froze in place for a moment. With the memory of past few minutes still fresh in his mind, the thought of what Qui-gon would think of him right now filled him with a sudden and incredible guilt. Obi-Wan felt his shoulders slump in pain and defeat. The last of his anger quickly evaporated leaving him completely unprotected against the renewed assault of sorrow and agony. How would Qui-gon feel knowing that he had entrusted Anakin to a Jedi who turned to the dark side? He found that he could no longer find anymore bitterness in his heart, only immense sorrow and shame for what he had allowed himself to become.
Obi-Wan blinked his eyes and suddenly became aware of the tears coursing down his cheeks. He quickly brought a hand up to wipe the tears away, embarrassed to have displayed his emotions in front of the boy.
Anakin, however, looked at him with nothing but compassion and understanding in his eyes. "It's okay. I miss him a lot too." He gave Obi-Wan's hand a gentle squeeze.
Obi-Wan smiled weakly back at his apprentice, slightly amused that the boy should be the one to try to comfort him. He suddenly became aware of the fact that he could feel the Force again, strongly. And it wasn't the twisted unsatisfying rush of energy that he felt when using the dark side. Instead, it was calm, gentle flow that he had learned to recognize and welcome over the years.
The warm calm feeling slowly washed through him, cleansing away the rest of his bitterness and resentment from his heart. His anger was gone yet, somehow, the sorrow and pain had slowly subsided as well, leaving behind only a peaceful acceptance. Obi-Wan could only sit in awe and wonder at the feeling of complete contentment that filled his entire being.
*The Force can comfort you, if you let it.* He thought in amazement.
The two sat in peace for a few more moments until Anakin slowly stood up. "Well, I had better get down to the cafeteria before they close." He sheepishly ran a hand through his close-cropped hair. "I guess that I'll see you when you get down there, huh?"
"No, wait." He said, also rising to his feet. "I… I found what I was looking for Anakin. I think that I will come with you."
The young boy grinned impishly again and quickly raised in front of the older Jedi. "All right. Well, let's go. There was a big dinner earlier tonight and I here that the chefs really went all out."
Obi-Wan felt his forehead crease in confusion. The Jedi Temple was not often the site of large or fancy dinners. "Really. Why, what was the occasion?"
Anakin rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't be silly. Don't tell me that you didn't know about the special guest we have visiting the temple tonight."
The Master merely shook his head in honest confusion. "No, I didn't know that there was company in the Temple tonight. Who was it?"
The boy's eyes widened momentarily in excitement. "Why, the Supreme Chancellor Palpatine himself."
For some reason, that he couldn't entirely explain, a sudden chill ran through Obi-Wan's body.
-Fine
-una scimmia mangia una banana ogni mezz'ora