Steele Facing the Past
By Leire Gomez.
I don't own the characters you recognize here (though most of us would like to own them). Sean and Connor Muldoon do really exist; they are friends of mine with who I share my birthday and my obsession about Remington Steele. Their parents Thomas and Margaret and their big family are also real; I spent many wonderful days with them in Ireland.
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Remington Steele's diary.
I don't exactly know why or how I begin this but it is something that really must be done. There are times when you feel totally lost and suddenly a light appears and saves you. Not until everything goes away, do you realize what would happen if the light had never appeared. I know this sounds very strange and nearly philosophical. I am not the type of man who likes philosophical terms or explanations so I will start from the beginning and explain what caused such terrible impact in me.
I have been living in Los Angeles for the last 18 years. I still can't believe I have stayed in the same place for so long because all my life have been characterized by me running away from one country to another. The thing is I was a con man, a thief and everything that allowed earning a living. I arrived to Los Angeles to steal a piece of jewelry called "The Royal Lavullite". This could be considered a simple fact for a person like me but little did I know that it was going to change my whole life.
I met a beautiful intelligent woman called Laura Holt. She was there to protect the jewels I was supposed to steal but from the very first time I saw her, I knew something had changed. I assumed the place of her "boss", since the man was all an invention from her. I became the great detective Remington Steele and, in some way, abandoned my old way of life. We worked together for nearly five years and from the very beginning we felt a kind of attraction that none of us could explain. Laura was afraid of me running away from her and I didn't feel capable to stay. As time went by, we learnt to take care and to love each other and finally we married.
As first our marriage was a fake: I was European and the government was going to departed me, so Laura agreed to marry me so I could stay in the States. Then we went to Ireland, my homeland, and that's where we consummated our relationship. For the first time, I felt able to compromise myself with another person. We celebrated a real wedding there, in a little Celtic church. It was really wonderful, all our friends and Laura's siblings were there. I knew that that day my life began and I would do anything to make it improve.
Our marriage was, and still is, a very happy one. We were honored with two girls Caroline and Eireann. They make us feel extremely happy. Caroline is now 12 years; she is really beautiful with her ebony dark hair and incredibly blue eyes. I must confess I couldn't stop crying the first time I saw her. She was so tiny and delicate. I couldn't believe that this human being could be the product of our love. When Caroline was 3 years, her sister was born. I insisted this time that the baby girl would have an Irish name, so she was christened as Eireann that means Ireland in Gaelic.
If Caroline was just like me, there was no doubt Eireann was Laura's daughter with her brown hair and soft chocolate eyes. One thing that surprises about her is her quiet character. Caroline is just like Laura and me, she is always doing things, never able to keep quiet or calm, even in her sleep. Eireann is very calm; she seems to meditate everything she does and looks cautiously at everything that comes along. She is also very sweet; every time her sister or one of us is moody, she knows it and makes everything in her power to make us laugh and feel better. Laura and I have always known that our little girl is special and we thank God for her everyday.
Two years ago, Laura gave the girls and I a terrible surprise: she was pregnant. The news went off like a bomb. We have never thought of having another child, and as the girl grew up, we abandoned the idea of trying to "create" a little Remington. So when Laura broke the news, we were very shocked. From the very beginning the pregnancy was hard. Unlike with the girls, Laura stayed most of the time in bed. She felt very tired and couldn't keep anything in her stomach more than an hour. When the time was coming, Laura's doctor told us that the baby was a boy. All of us were delighted with the idea, even the girls who were excited with the idea of a little brother to play with.
On January 13th, Liam Remington Steele was born. He was very tiny with a little amount of black hair in his little head and big blue eyes that greeted both his sisters and parents. Everything was perfect and three days after the birth, both mother and son were at home. Liam was a very quiet kid; he barely cried except when he was hungry and we enjoyed his first months with us enormously. Both Caroline and Eireann liked the idea of being old enough to take care of the baby, what gave Laura and I some moments of quietness.
I felt our live was perfect with the three kids growing up happily and our work as detectives achieving more and more success as days passed. One day, everything changed. I was in my office trying to avoid some paperwork Laura wanted me to do when Mildred came and told me there was a woman who claimed to be an old friend of mine and wanted to see me. I was very surprised since every time an old friend of mine appeared, a trouble came along. So that was how Maggie came to my life again.
She hadn't change since our last time together. She had been my best friend when both of us were no more than 23 years. Her father was one of the richest men in Ireland and she was his only daughter. My first intention then was to court her and try to get some money from her father but as our relationship went on, I found a real friend in Maggie. She knew about my condition and didn't care. She was not like the other rich people I met; she really cared for me and tried to help me to get a honest job and a place by her side. I was unable to steal her father and felt in love with the wonderful sweet person that Maggie was. We were together for more than a year till his father discovered I was not the "right" man for his daughter. He separated us and threatened Maggie if she kept on with me. I left Ireland and never knew from her since the day she appeared at the office.
I was very happy at the idea of seeing her again but the way she spoke told me that her visit was not due to our old friendship. She was very sad and due to her tone she was going through a hard time. Without any prelude she exposed me the matter directly: She had had twins and I was the father of them. They had grown up and at that moment they were two 24. The girl was very ill; the doctors had detected a malfunction in her brain that was closely related with her bone marrow. She needed a transplant urgently but nor Maggie's family neither her brother could help the girl.
I couldn't react when she told me. She had told me that I had a son and a daughter and I didn't know them. Moreover, she wanted me to pass some checks in order to determine if I could help her daughter, *our* daughter to survive. I thought it was a very bad joke. There was no fair that after all I had been through, after looking for a real family, something like this arrived. I had been searching for my father most of my life and then I discovered that I was the father that two children were looking. And it was a matter of life or death.
I talked to Laura about it and she first comforted me and told me to do the right thing, that was to help the girl. She and Mildred looked for some information related with Maggie in the computer so we would be sure about all this. I talked to Maggie and asked her why she had hidden the babies. I knew her father imposed a bit pressure upon her so I was sure that the honorable Paul O'Meara didn't want anybody to know that his grandchildren's father was a simple con man.
The thing that surprised me most was to know that my children knew about me. Maggie talked with them about me when they were old enough to understand it and they just prefer not to meet me. I was totally shocked, they didn't want to know their father, their *real* father. Maggie told me that even now that the girl was very ill, both of them had rejected to know me. Both Maggie and her husband were desperate: they knew they would lose their daughter if they didn't find any solution and I was that solution.
I always asked Laura for help and support and she, as always, was there for me. We talked with the girls about the situation and they had a wonderful reaction. Both Caroline and Eireann offered to help me to save their *big sister*. I have never felt so proud of our daughters as I was in that moment. It was when I knew I had my family's support that I was willing to meet my children and to face the ghost of the past once more.
I arrived at the hospital where my daughter stayed and was introduced to Maggie's husband, Tom Muldoon. I had seen him before but that was 20 years ago, so the passing of time and the fact that he had a daughter facing death made the man looked older than he was. We were talking and they explained me the situation: Connor, my daughter, was in comma. She was unconscious and the doctors were maintaining her like that in order not to suffer the terrible pain she was going through. I asked Maggie to see her and she led me to her bedroom.
I still remember that it took me a couple of minutes to enter that room. I felt totally paralyzed looking at the door and it was Maggie who encouraged me to pass. Inside the room it was very dark. I could see the bed surrounded by machines that made constant sounds and that gave my daughter hope to keep on living. Besides the bed, there was a young man seated in a chair, with half his body near my daughter's and with his hand holding carefully hers. Maggie whispered that the boy was her boyfriend Ciaran. They had been together for nearly six years.
As I approached the bed I saw my daughter for the very first time, I think my heart simply stopped. God! She was beautiful, even with all the tubes and the machines around her, I could see she was incredibly beautiful. There she was lying in the bed of a hospital waiting for the death and everything I could see was that my daughter was beautiful. She had very short dark hair and she was very tall, taller than me. Maggie told me her eyes were gray but you could also see some shade of blue in them. I asked for some time alone with her and after Maggie woke Connor's boyfriend, I seated besides her bed, as I would have had to do during her early life. Staying there, holding her hand, just as her boyfriend had done no long before, I came to the conclusion that I was going to do everything in my power to help her, no matters what her brother said or did. I was going to help her and I would wait for her to know me, to know my family and to be part of it.
I don't remember how much time I was there holding her hand and talking to her. I read that people in her situation could wake up at the sound of familiar voices. I was not really a familiar voice for her but I tried to introduce myself. I told her about my past life and about Laura and her sisters and baby brother. I told her how they wanted to meet her and that she would have to recover and have a good life. I was so focused on talking that I didn't realize that the door had been opened and that a young boy was leant on the wall listening. When I turned around, I saw tears in the boy's face. He was not Connor's boyfriend but my son.
He was just like her mother, soft blond hair and big green eyes. If Connor was tall, there was no doubt that Sean could be a basketball player. He had certainly the body of a sportsman but then all his strength seemed vanished in front of his sister. He was looking at me and in his face both sorrow and sadness could be seen. I couldn't move a muscle and simply stared at him with curious eyes. It was very different to see Connor than to see Sean standing there. After a moment I stood up leaving Connor's bedside and moved towards him. He was paralyzed and I felt a sense of fear in him as I approached. I offered him my hand and he held it strongly. I know it's a bit strange to say that but I saw the face of a tired and confused young man in him.
When Laura and I married, I said her that I never let the people I loved without knowing how much I cared for them. It's silly because I had never met him before but I loved him the first moment I saw him, just like happened with his brother and sisters before. It didn't matter that he was a young man and not a baby, and that actually he was stronger and much taller than I was; he was my child, my son and he needed me. I just did what a father had to do: I hugged him tightly, I let him know that I was there with him and Connor and I would never abandon them. I was afraid of his reaction but I felt his arms hugging me back and listened him crying in my shoulder.
We left the room and found Maggie and Tom waiting for us. Both were surprised of Sean crying face but he gave them some calming words. Then I went with Tom and Maggie to meet Connor's doctor. He told me about the situation and about the checks that must be done which I accepted without any doubt. The checks didn't have any danger for me; I only had to stay at the hospital one night and then if the checks were valid wait for the surgery. I spent some time more with Tom and Maggie and then abandoned the hospital where Laura was waiting for me.
We were talking the whole night about the surgery, Connor and Sean and how I felt with them. Laura listened very carefully, without interrupting me. I told her how was to see Connor and Sean for the first time and how he hugged me and cried on my shoulder. We also talked about the checks that the doctors were going to run on me. I was not scared of the surgery but felt a bit nervous. I hate doctors and the stay in hospitals but that was different. I was going to save my daughter's life and also I was going to join my whole family.
The next day Laura went with me and met Tom and Maggie when we visited the doctor for the second time. This time, he explained carefully Connor's disease as well as its cure. The doctor was very kind to explain everything in terms we all knew and at the end we understood what was happening. We also saw Connor. She was lying in the bed like the day before but this time Sean was with her. He was unaware of our presence while he spoke to Connor in Gaelic. I had not heard Gaelic for a long time so I didn't understand everything. Then I realized he was talking about me and how I was going to help her. His tone was very sweet and his voice calm and it reminded me of their mother and how she taught me this ancient Celtic language.
We both moved near the bed so Laura could see Connor and Sean. I touched my daughter's hand and introduced Laura to her brother. We stayed in the room for a while till the nurses asked for leaving. Both Laura and I could feel the turmoil that Sean was going through so I walked with him through the hall. We began talking first about silly things but then our conversation became more serious. We talked about their childhood and their family and I told him about my past life. I didn't leave anything, I wanted him to know how I had been and how I was. We spend the whole day talking and by dinnertime, we knew each other pretty well.
I knew about his stay first in Eton and then in Oxford, the wonderful travels he had made around the world, and his very big family. I was sort of jealous but very happy that both of them would have such a wonderful childhood. The next days I spent too much time at the hospital but not with Connor but with her brother. Connor's state was stable and nothing would change till the surgery so apart from being near her, there was nothing else to do. I dedicated my time to Sean. He was such a wonderful boy, the kind of boy any father is proud of. I realized he adored his father; I could sense it every time he talked about him and about all the things they had done together.
I had expected some remorse or anger from Sean but I found none. Both Connor and he had known about me from their parents. Sean explained me that their parents were very cautious of not hurting them and or not blaming me neither their mother for the situation. They didn't hate me or accused me of abandoning them. I asked him then why they had refused to meet me and his answer was clear and sincere: they had a father already and didn't want anybody to take his place. I was his biological father but Tom was there for them all this years and he was his father for them. He told me this in a way that didn't hurt me at all. I understood what it meant. They didn't want out of their lives but neither wanted me as a substitute of his father.
In the time that went before my staying at the hospital Sean met his sisters and little brother. They felt very curious about having such a big brother; both the girls felt in love with him immediately. Liam didn't realize what was happening but Sean was very good with babies and he spent much time playing with his baby brother while he was at home with us. Only one thing crossed my mind at that moment: Connor. I couldn't wait for talking to her or to see her beautiful gray eyes opened.
When the time of the operation arrived, I was ordered to stay at the hospital only for a night. The doctor took some fluid of my bone marrow in order to know if it was compatible with Connor. When the checks went right, the surgery was prepared. I remember being taken into a big operating room and find Connor there. I held her hand and gave some reassurance words to her. It was going to be fine and she was going to wake up. When the doctors gave me the anesthesia, my last thought was for my daughter, we are going to be fine, I thought and I drifted to sleep.
When I wake up Laura and Sean were at my bedside. My throat was dry and any attempt to talk was useless. Feeling my nervousness, Sean told me that everything was fine; Connor still was unconsciousness but the doctor were very happy about her reaction to the surgery. I was a bit tired that day but I had many visitors; most of them were Connor and Sean's brothers who wanted to thank me what I had done. In some sense I felt like if I belonged to this family then.
Eireann and Caroline came as well and Sean took them to see Connor. They couldn't enter the ICU but at least they could see her from behind the glass. My recovery was very fast and I was walking by the time the doctor came to check on me. Connor's recovery took much time. Her body was convalescent from the internal harm the illness had provoked but she was doing well. Two days after the operation she regained consciousness and asked for water to our delight. Her parents, Sean, Laura and me were in her room and when we saw her open her eyes, we jumped at her side. The doctors came immediately to know her state and gave us the better news they could. Connor was in perfect health now. Of course she would be weak during a time considering all the time she had spent lying but after week or so she would be at home.
The next thing surprised me a lot. I thought that it was logic for Maggie and Tom to go by her side but they told me to enter to talk to her. I couldn't move at that moment; I felt Sean hand in my shoulder guiding me through the door to Connor's bed. We stopped in front of her and Sean squeezed my shoulder gently offering the support I needed. Suddenly Connor turned her face facing us and opened the eyes. Her mother didn't lie when talking about her eyes, I had never seen so beautiful gray eyes in all my life. Sean went to one side of the bed and took her hand. He began talking to her telling her what the doctor had previously told us. Then I heard her voice for the first time; hello Mr. Steele, she said and my world turned upside down.
Sean gave her a kiss in the cheek and left the room leaving me alone with her. I sat at her side and looked at her tired face. I didn't know what to say so I let her begin. We spent some time talking until the door opened and Maggie and Tom came inside. I saw how they held her and kiss her and I felt quite out of place so I left the room. I know it's absurd but I thought I didn't belong there so I run away. I met Laura in the hallway and told her what had happened. We both agreed that the most important thing was Connor's health and there was no reason to risky it by exposing her to the new situation. I went home with Laura and the kids. It was the hardest thing I have ever done: to ignore my feelings towards Sean and Connor and wait.
I spent three days at home resting not much for the physical recovery but for the psychological pressure. In less than a month, I had discovered my two older children and I had saved one of them. Before Connor's recovery, I had never thought about what would happen forwards. All of us were sort of oversensitive but when Connor was ready to go to home, I felt very nervous. Laura suggested consulting a psychiatrist and so did I. He suggest me to make the first move, to approach them without any barrier. I had to be willing to break any obstacle and to face any trouble that came along. I was so frightened by the idea that I even wrote what I wanted to tell them in order not to forget anything.
I think those were the two most horrible weeks of my entire life. I tried to keep me busy with work and with my youngest children. Liam found a perfect mate for his games in me and I shared a lot of funny moments with him. Both Caroline and Eireann let me know about their schoolmates, teachers and everything. Laura was very pleased with my attitude towards the kids; she remained at the office more time knowing that I was taking care of them.
One Saturday evening I was playing with Liam and Caroline in the swimming pool when Connor appeared. I couldn't do anything but holding Liam and looked at her. Liam grew tired of being there without playing and began fussing. Laura took both he and Caroline so I was left with Connor. This was the first time I saw her standing healthy in front of me and I was really grateful for being the cause of such amazing thing.
That was the first of many occasions being together. We really gained the lost time and became very close friends. She told me about her job in a filming company (I felt particularly happy hearing that) and about her boyfriend and their plans for getting married. They were very young but they had spent half of their lives together and after all she had gone through, the marriage seemed the proper thing to do. She invited all the family to the wedding that would be celebrated in Ireland.
Six months later, I saw my daughter got married. It was such a wonderful ceremony. We were to a little town in the coast of Ireland and the wedding was held in a little church decorated with old paintings and Celtic symbols. The wedding was very simple: just a few guests, all members of the family since theirs were a very big family, and a Druid. I discovered that nor Tom and Maggie neither their children were Catholic so what we saw was a wedding ceremony just like the ones held by the Celtic tradition so long ago.
I must confess cried seeing Connor and Ciaran professing their vows, or which I thought was their vows, as all the ceremony was in Gaelic. In that moment I understood Tom and the emotions that his face was showing. After the ceremony, there was a big party where Laura, the kids and I were introduced to everybody. The entire group welcomed us immediately, the kids found new friends to play with and Laura and I chatted with everybody that came along. Well, to sum up, I will say it was the best wedding I have attended. So that's it. That went a year ago and now I am here writing about it like Laura does with our cases. I know she will kill me if she discovers this after all my rejecting towards paperwork.
Anyway, I feel good now after putting my feelings in paper. I will show it to Liam someday because he is so young that he doesn't understand what happened and I want him to know the truth. I must finish now and I have realized that it's hard to do so. This little document contains a small and very important portion of my life and it's hard to say goodbye to these things. Now I am going to bed. Tomorrow it will be a great day: Sean, his girlfriend, Connor and Ciaran come to stay a couple of days with us. I am very excited about it. Moreover, Connor has said she wants to tell us something. I am not sure but I think I know what she is referring. God! I am to young to be a grandfather but this is what my daughter is going to tell me. I will hold her and congratulated her, as any father will do. Because that's who I am, her father and a soon-to-be grandfather. Life reserves big things for my big family and me and we will receive each one together.
Remington Daniel Steele.
Los Angeles 1998-08-22.
The end.
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