Hey all! So, this is my first Rookie Blue fic, hope you like it! As always feedback and suggestions are greatly appreciated! And, of course, I own nothing

Prologue

Whispers spread like wild fire as Andy McNally walked slowly, brokenly, into the office one morning. The rookie looked slightly disheveled, still wearing her dress from the funeral. Her eyes were red rimmed from crying, the past week had been hell and it was finally over.

The call had come late one night when Sam and Andy were out on patrol; shots fired at a known crack house. Sam and Andy were the first on the scene but before they could take a few steps out of the car shot started to fire again. They immediately took cover and called for backup; it didn't take long for them to arrive along with the swat team. They finally were able to storm the house; they shot tear gas, hoping to avoid as many casualties as possible. Nothing, could have prepared Andy for the sight that greeted them. Bodies, everywhere…some were shot, others looked strung out, and you couldn't tell if there were alive or dead. They fanned out to search room by room. Andy walked slowly up the stairs listening for any sounds of movement. The upstairs was eerily silent, making her unsteady and nervous. She went room by room and it wasn't until she checked the last room that she let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't know she had been holding.

It was then that that she felt the cool blade of a knife on her throat and a vice like grip on her waist. The voice that whispered in her ear was one she recognized, one that she never thought she would hear again. "Make a sound and I'll slit your throat."

"Mom?" Andy's voice was barely a whisper. This couldn't possibly be happening; her mother couldn't possibly be here after all these years.

The blade cut into her throat and blood trickled down as her mother moved them towards the stairs and began to walk them down. "Don't call me that. I haven't been your mother in years. I never wanted you. Her mother laughed cruelly, "I can't believe your father never told you."

Tears began to slide down Andy's cheeks; they got to the bottom stair and were stopped by at least 10 cops with their weapons drawn. Andy's eyes found her partners, Sam looked back at her sadly and she knew they had heard every word. Her mother's grip tightened even more, "Weapons down or I'll kill her."

For Andy, the rest happened in a blur. She vaguely remembered negotiations for her release, her mother's cruel laughter, stumbling backwards to the door while her own mother held her captive. Finally being pushed to Sam as her mother ran and jumped in a waiting car. She blacked out after that, waking up in the hospital later that night with her throat bandaged and Traci at her bedside. Traci told her that she had collapsed in Sam's arms and he carried her to the waiting ambulance and rode with her and only left a few minutes ago to get some coffee. Tears filled Andy's eyes, "And my mother?"

"Gone." Traci said, "We're looking for her and trying to figure out her connection with everything."

Andy was kept in the hospital overnight for observation. Sam stayed with her the whole night, neither one really felt like talking, just the fact that he was there helped keep Andy from going crazy. Ever since she had broken up with Luke, she and Sam were in this weird place. They were partners but not quite friends, neither wanting to make the first move to begin a relationship. Andy was released the next day and Sam drove her home. That next few days were extremely difficult, she avoided talking to her father as much as possible, and she could barely stand to look at him after he had lied to her for all these years. Doing her job became difficult too, Sam tried to shield her from as much of the gossip as possible but she could still hear the whispered conversations.

They were still looking for her mother. As it turned out Jane McNally or Sarah Jane Clark as stated on her birth certificate had a rap sheet a mile long, with several drug related charges as well as assault and armed robbery. Her record was spotted with shorts stints in rehab, she never lasted long. They lost track of her for a while, most likely around the time when she had Andy but she always turned up again. After that it looked like she had turned to the selling aspect as well as the using. Sarah Clark looked young and she made a habit of hanging out around local high schools where the kids were most receptive to the drugs. It nearly killed Andy to read all these awful things about the woman she called mom.

Then one day everything changed. Andy had just come home from work and was looking forward to a nice hot bath and going to bed early when someone began pounding at her front door. She considered ignoring it, but it quickly became clear that this person was not going away. Andy opened the door and her eyes widened in fear. Her mother was standing before her clutching her stomach. She was covered in blood, the wound on her stomach fresh. "Andrea, help me." Her mother choked out as she fell into Andy's arms.

Andy fell to the floor in the doorway cradling her mother. She ripped off her sweatshirt and pressed it to the bullet wound. Her mother drifted in and out of consciousness as Andy picked up the phone and called 911. Andy sobbed quietly, trying to keep her mother talking. Jane tried her best to keep talking and not fail her only child again, but the pain was too great. The sirens blared in the distance getting louder by the second as Jane pulled her daughter close and whispered in her ear. Andy nodded, the tears falling faster as she clutched her motherly tightly to her. Andy heard several doors slamming and Sam and Traci and several other coworkers shouting her name, but she didn't move. Her mother had gone limp in her arms a small smile still on her face from her last words to her daughter.

"McNally?" Sam knelt in front of Andy. He had led her to the couch a few minutes earlier but she hadn't moved or spoken a single word since they had taken her mother's body away. "Andy, I'm sorry but we need to know what happened." She looked at him for a moment, nodded slowly as the officers, her friends, took notes.

When she was finally finished Andy felt drained, physically, emotionally. Everyone started to leave slowly, Traci wanted to stay but Andy told her to go. Finally when she thought everyone was gone, she moved from the couch and stopped short at the sight of Sam, with a mop, cleaning her mother's blood off the floor. "I thought you left." Was all Andy could say.

Sam looked up at her; she looked like a scared little girl. "I didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you." She said softly, "I need to take a shower."

Sam answered her unasked question, "I'll be here when you're done."

And he was. He stayed with her and held her while she slept and while she cried. He stayed with her and didn't argue when she felt compelled to plan the funeral. He stood steady as a rock next to her doing the funeral. Whenever she needed him he was there, whether or not he understood why she felt the need to plan the funeral, it didn't matter. He never left her alone and he held her the whole time. They didn't talk about it, but by an unspoken agreement, they stayed every night at Sam's. Andy couldn't stand to stare at the spot where her mother died.

When Andy walked into the office after the funeral, she heard the whispers and ignored them as she walked purposefully into Best's office. Boyko had come from headquarters and also went into Best's office and shut the door.

"What's going on in there?" Shaw asked Sam

Sam looked worried, "I have no idea. McNally never said anything about talking to Best today."

Speculation increased the longer the three of them remained in Best's office. Everyone could see through the glass into the office. McNally was still speaking and both Best and Boyko had similar looks of surprise on their faces. The members of the 15th watched as Best and Boyko both spoke on the phone for a few minutes. They stayed in the office a while longer and finally all three stood and Andy walked out and came over and sat down next to Sam's desk. "What was that about, McNally?" He asked, sliding his chair over until he was right in front of her.

Andy ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "Nothing really; just tying up a few loose ends."

Sam looked like he was about to argue and press for details but seeing the pleading look on Andy's face made him stop and take her hand, "OK." He lowered his voice so they wouldn't be overheard." Why don't you take my car and head to my place, I'll be done here in a few minutes and I'll have Jerry drop me off and we'll make some dinner." Sam pulled the keys to his truck out of his pocket and handed them to her.

She smiled tightly and nodded, "That would be nice." And, really probably against her better judgment leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss and touched her hand to his cheek. "I'll see you in a little bit."

Sam blinked, surprised and also happy at her quick show of affection. Maybe they were ready for the next step in their relationship. Both Jerry and Oliver and a few other officers in the area were staring at Sam watching Andy as she walked away. They were all wondering the same thing. What was going on between the rookie and her former TO?

When Sam walked in to his house an hour later, she was curled up on the couch in one of his sweatshirts. He sat down next to her and she immediately moved to be next to him and Sam settled her on his lap, holding her tightly. "Thank you so much for being here for me." Andy said softly, "I don't think I could have done it without you."

Sam smiled, "Of course you could have, you're the strongest woman I know. But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with you through this." He kissed her softly then, not wanting to put to much pressure on her.

Andy groaned and wrapped her arms even tighter around him. He stood up while they were still fused together, holding her as though she weighed nothing and walked into the bedroom and gently lay her down on the bed, never breaking contact. He was next to her, kissing her everywhere while his hands explored. It wasn't until she started tearing at his clothes that he stopped, breathing heavily. "Wait, are you sure you're ready, Andy?"

Andy laughed softly, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

They smiled at each other and came together.

Later, while Sam slept, Andy reluctantly pulled herself out of his embrace. She slipped on his discarded shirt and crept quietly through the house to his balcony. She opened the door and stepped out into the cool night. She leaned against the rail and looked out over the city; her brain so full she could hardly separate one thought or feeling from the next.

Sam felt her leave the bed almost immediately. He heard her walk outside and he followed, pulling on his boxers as he walked. The sight of her clad in only his shirt took his breath away. She's beautiful. Sam walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. She leaned back into him, loving how safe she felt in his arms. "What are you over thinking about out here McNally?" He asked

She almost smiled at how well he knew her. "I'm scared." She finally admitted and she turned in his arms.

He brought his arms up to cup her face, "You want to know a secret? I am too a little." He kissed her then, "We'll just take this one day at a time."

The following week while Sam was at work Andy got to work. She packed up her entire apartment except for a few duffle bags and began to write letters that were harder than she ever imagined they would be to write. Best, Boyko and a select few officers who held ranking positions in departments throughout the state met at Andy's apartment in the afternoon the day before it was believed she would return to work. They arranged for all of her belongings to be transported to a secure location to be stored until a time when she would need them again. She was also given specific items to help her while she was away. And again she was asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. It broke her heart to say yes, but it was the right thing to do. They rest of the men exited her apartment leaving room for the movers to begin. Suddenly, it was just Andy and Best. "Take care of him." Andy said, both of them knowing she was talking about Sam, "Don't let him look for me."

Best shook his head; "You know that nothing on this earth will stop him from searching for you." His stomach turned sickeningly at what this poor girl was about to do. "We have several strategic plans in place in the event he ever gets close to discovering your whereabouts. You'll be spotted in a variety of different locations, far, far away from where you'll actually be."

Andy nodded wrapping her arms around herself fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. "I know this is the right thing to do. I want to do this. But, I hate myself for knowing that I'm about to devastate the people that I love."

Best had no response to that, undercover was never easy, but this operation took precedent. In any normal operation, you're division was normally aware of your location and you always had a contact. This time that was not the case. Andy was going in deep cover, alone. A select few knew who she was and what she was doing (and that was for her safety). The only contact she may have with superior officers would be if she were to get arrested and was able to call one of them for her one phone call. This mission was dangerous, more dangerous than anything they had ever tried before. But the rookie was adamant; it had been her idea. "Take this". He told Andy, holding out a cell phone. "It's prepaid, completely untraceable. The only number in here is to a prepaid phone that either Boyko or myself will have at all times. If you need to call us, it'll be safe for you to do so this way." He wished he would do more to help Tommy McNally's little girl.

"Thank you, sir." Andy said. They walked out together. Best took the remaining duffle bags that would be going with her and loaded them in to his car.

"These will be waiting for you in your new car at the location we discussed." He told her, "And, Officer McNally, Andy. Good Luck."

Andy nodded her thanks and turned away from her home and walked back towards Sam's house the tears falling swiftly down her cheeks.

That evening Andy met Sam and their friends at the Penny for a drink before they headed home together. It was hard for Andy to put on a happy face when inside she was dying, but she managed. Andy tried to make her last evening with Sam as perfect as possible, hardly able to let go of him for more that a few minutes. Not that he was complaining mind you. The next morning he needed to leave for work before her because he had a few briefings before parade. But as they had every morning since they began their relationship, Andy sat on the counter while Sam cooked breakfast and they drank their coffee together and just talked. Andy tried so hard to smile and not show her inner turmoil, but it was getting harder by the second. She needed him to hold her one last time. She set her coffee down and hopped off the counter, she reached under his arm and flicked the burner off. At his questioning look, she pulled him to her and they walked together back to the bedroom the breakfast forgotten.

Sam rushed into the precinct later that morning nearly late for his briefings with guns and gangs. But it was worth it. Andy was worth it, god he loved that girl and he couldn't wait to tell her. Maybe that evening depending on how her first day back goes. Sam watched the locker room door as Traci and Noelle came out, he looked everywhere for Andy but didn't see her, he was starting to get worried. He asked Traci, Gail, Dov and Chris but none of them had seen her. Parade started and assignments were passed out, and it wasn't lost on anyone that McNally's name hadn't been mentioned at all. Before anyone could even question it the alarm sounded, and all available units were requested for a standoff in downtown with a possible hostage situation. Sam's adrenaline started pumping and while his worry momentarily subsided that didn't stop him from continuing to try Andy's phone.

A young woman with bleached blonde hair and bright green eyes that glistened with unshed tears watched from across the street as the doors of the police station burst open and the officers ran to the vehicles. She barely flinched as the sounds of multiple sirens assaulted her ears. Her attire was out of place at a police station, unless she was being booked for prostitution, but since she was no longer Andy McNally it was only fitting she dress the complete opposite of who she really was. And, Annie Clark it seemed had a taste for the promiscuous attire. She took long purposeful strides across the street hardly hesitating as she walked in to the precinct. She slipped unnoticed into the ladies locker room and placed a plain white envelope in Traci's bag. In the men's locker room she did the same to Chris and Dov's bag. She even stuck a letter in Shaw's bag. Holding the final letter and her rookie badge, she moved back out and walked through the near empty building to Sam's desk; where she set the envelope and badge. She turned and backed away exiting the building at a near run.

She stayed hidden in the parking lot next door to the 15th and waited. They all returned several house later, excitingly chatting about the busts of the afternoon. It wasn't lost on her the worried expressions on Sam and Traci's faces.

Back inside, they were all changing out of their uniforms, "Andy hasn't answered her phone all day." Sam said to Shaw, "I'm really getting worried."

Shaw shrugged, "You know McNally. Maybe she just needed an extra day."

Sam wasn't buying it; he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. The battery on his cell had died so after he changed he walked out to his desk to use the phone there when he noticed an envelope with his name on it and a badge. His heart dropped in to his stomach, Andy's badge. Oh god, what did she do? He tore open the envelope.

Sam,

Writing you this letter is literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is no easy way to say this but I had to leave. I wish I could say everything that I feel in this letter. I guess the simplest explanation would be, I needed to get away and I'm not sure when I'll be back. There are some things I need to do first. Please don't look for me. It's better this way. I know I have no right to ask you this but wait for me. I love you.

Andy

He looked up into the eyes of Dov, Chris, Shaw and Traci. They were all holding similar envelopes. Behind them were several other members of the 15th who had seen the letters. Through an unspoken agreement they all bolted to the door, heading to Andy's house.

The blonde watched as her friends ran to their cars and took off down the street to her old apartment. Knowing what they would find there she closed her eyes and steeled her courage and started the engine of the car and drive in the opposite direction, trying hard not to look back.

***FEEDBACK