This is my first NCIS: LA fanfiction. I unfortunately don't own anything… thought I wish I owned Eric Olsen.
Thanks to melbelle310 for beta reading. :)
Summary: How did Kensi feel through everything with Sidorov?
Before he was caught, he kissed her on top of that hill. At the moment he kissed her, she froze and got scared. Later, she thought of her reaction and figured that she reacted like an idiot. She enjoyed the kiss, but she didn't know why she couldn't respond to it.
Later, they got the news that Deeks and Sam had been kidnapped and tortured by Sidorov and his man. At the moment she heard that, part of her heart broke. She was afraid. Afraid that she may never get to see him again, or hear his voice. Afraid that she may never get a chance to feel his lips, to respond to his kiss and to be the one to kiss him. That she probably wouldn't be able to tell him her feelings for him. She had poor communication skills, especially when it came to expressing her feelings, and she knew. They both did. His communication skills weren't a lot better than hers, but still, he maybe wasn't able to tell her how he felt, but he did show it to her. And then there he was, tortured for information, while her heart was breaking more and more every minute. She knew he wasn't dead because she was sure that the moment his heart stopped beating, hers would too.
When Granger and she came to put vests on them, she felt the other half of her heart break. He was beaten up, tied to that chair, without any possibility of protecting himself. She wanted, she wanted so badly, to get him out of there, but she knew she couldn't. Granger would never let her put their operation in danger in that way. Leaving him there was definitely the hardest thing she had ever done. She knew that if the situation was different, if she was in his place, he would never leave her. He wouldn't care about the mission or anything else. He would go against anybody to get her out of there. The fact that she couldn't do that was tearing her apart. She knew that he would have every right if he didn't want to see her ever again after that. Because she would never forget herself for leaving him; why would he?
In the hospital, after they saved Sam and Deeks, he refused to even look at her, and it was a final hit for her. Days after that, he wasn't coming to work, and she was sad and hurt because she missed him. Badly. On the top of all that, he didn't even respond to her calls or messages. But when she showed up at his door, he let her in, and just for a moment, everything seemed like old times. That was the moment she knew that he, and they, would be okay. He won't forget, how could he, but he'll recover. And that was everything she needed.
Just a little one shot at how I think Kensi felt through Deeks' kidnap and everything after. Like it? Hate it?
At the top I said that I wouldn't mind owning Eric Olsen, but I also wouldn't mind owning Chris O'Donnell. Which one do you prefer? Review and tell me. :)