We Do Not Own Harry Potter
Chapter One: Intro and Cattermole
Hermione Granger always held a special place in Dolores Jane Umbridge's heart. Which was a rather miraculous feat, seeing as the poisoned organ had the capacity to hold as much as a leaky cauldron.
Dolores hated all her students, but none as much as that buck-toothed, bushy haired mudblood, Hermione Granger.
Tap, tap, tap. Dolores was impatiently tapping her polished pink nails on the arm of her wooden chair as she reciprocated the glare of the two hundred people facing her. But Dolores Jane Umbridge only truly focused on one of them: The sharp brown eyes of the bane of her existence, Hermione Granger herself.
Umbridge had been arrested six months prior while preparing for a meeting concerning what to do with all those damn mudbloods she had put in Azkaban. Now she was sitting in a chair across from the one she always wished she had the chance to put away (including one hundred and ninety-nine others.)
Her trial for her crimes against humanity was due to start in five minutes. She had not been issued a lawyer (not that she would have wanted one anyway) on the grounds that there was no left who didn't want to see her dead.
Hermione Granger was wearing her Hogwarts robes and was seated in the center of a large group of other blood traitors. She was tightly clutching a large manila folder, which Umbridge could only guess was filled with lies and deceit.
The whole room grew quiet and rose (apart from Umbridge, who remained seated) as the new Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt dramatically strutted in followed by the Wizengamot. He gave a quick nod to Granger as he sat in his chair.
After everyone was situated, Shacklbolt cleared his throat and said, "We are here today to decided upon the fate of Dolores Jane Umbridge for her crimes against humanity. Ms. Umbridge..."
"Hem hem." The entire court took one collective gasp and the minister looked thoroughly pissed off. "I would like to add, minister, that I acted perfectly within my rights as the head of the muggle born registration commission and that the only reason we are here today is because of petty vengeance. So, if you please, minister, I would like to get back to my work."
Kingsley Shacklebolt's jaw popped open and his eyes widened comically before he collected himself and cleared his throat. "Ms. Umbridge, you will have an ample amount of time to defend your actions, but until that time I beg that you contain yourself."
Umbridge crossed her arms and puffed out her chest, looking like a ruffled hen. Her beak-like nose flared its nostrils at the minister. Though offended, she knew her place enough to back down when necessary.
"Anyway," Shacklebolt continued, "I invite prosecutor Dorian Knight to the stand to deliver an opening statement." Knight, a balding muggle-born in his fifties, rose from his seat and picked his way through the crowd towards the minister.
When he arrived he took a deep breath and began. "Minister, ladies and gentlemen of the Wizengamot, we are here today to discuss the fate of one Dolores Umbridge, who committed crimes so cruel that the effects of these crimes are still being felt six months later. Umbridge was the creator and head of the Muggle-Born Registration Commission, which destroyed the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Today you will hear from witnesses Mary Cattermole, an employee of the Department of Defense who personally experienced the cruelty of one of the trials presided over by Ms. Umbridge, Garrick Ollivander, an esteemed wand maker, and Hermione Granger, a seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry who will be representing the muggle-born community. From the defense you will hear from only Umbridge herself as she attempts to explain her actions. I understand that the jury will make the right choice and will avenge the horrible cruelties committed by Dolores Jane Umbridge."
"I now call for Dolores Umbridge to make her opening remarks."
Umbridge slowly rose from her chair and faced the Wizengamot. She cleared her throat and began. "Ladies and gentlemen of the Wizengamot, what you are being told is a pile of dirty lies. I was simply acting under orders from the Ministry itself. The defense will present three witnesses whose integrity is questionable to try and convince you that I committed some outlandish crime against the wizarding world. They will present Mary Cattermole, who was subject to some light questioning during the Second Wizarding War, but this was purely for the security of the entire wizarding race! Next you will hear from Garrick Ollivander, a man of questionable sanity. Finally, you will hear from Miss Hermione Granger, a former pupil of mine with a known bias against me and a history of violence.
"In my defense, you will hear from myself, where I will explain to you the REAL truth of the situation- that I was only acting for the good of the wizarding world." Umbridge sat down triumphantly. The case was already won.
Dorian Knight stood up and announced to the judge that he would be calling Mary Cattermole to the stand. The witch slowly shuffled up to the witness stand and took her seat beside the minister. Her hands were shaking and she refused to meet the eyes of the crowd. Knight turned to face her and said softly, "can you please state your full name for the record, Mrs. Cattermole?"
Mary raised her eyes to Knights and stuttered, "M-Mary Eli- Elizabeth Cattermole."
"And where were you educated?"
"H-Hogwarts."
"And what was your house?"
"Hufflepuff."
"Where are you currently employed?"
"The Department of Defense." Here, Mary seemed to be gaining steam.
"Were you working there on the first of September of last year, 1997?"
"Yes I was, actually."
"Can you please describe the proceedings of that day's events?"
Hearing this, Mary's face grew paler. "Well, it started out like any other day, but when I was coming into the ministry, I was suddenly surrounded by guards. They demanded that I turn over my wand and then escorted me to a room of other muggleborns. There were d-dementors there, I remember- I couldn't get any sleep under them, I remember thinking that I could never be happy again, and when I did sleep I had horrible nightmares of losing my children. And I don't know how long they kept me there, but it was more than a month. The others came and went, and all I could think about w-was when it would be my t-turn."
"Can you please explain what happened when they finally did come for you?" Knight asked softly. Mary had grown even paler during her recounting of her time in the holding cell, but she nodded and continued. "They brought me into the room we're in now. There were three other people in the room- a horrible man named Yaxley, Mrs. U-Umbridge, and then there was this woman who turned into that girl over there-" she pointed at Hermione, and continued to explain the full events of her trial and rescue (A/N: we're far too lazy to write this entire thing out).
"Thank you, Mrs. Cattermole." Dorian Knight said as he sat down.
As Umbridge stood up, Cattermole shrank back, trying to hide the fear in her eyes.
"Now, Mrs. Cattermole, weren't you given all the basic necessities for survival during your time at the ministry?" Umbridge questioned, her eyebrows raised.
"Well, I suppose, but..."
"Thank for the answering the question, Mrs. Cattermole. Now, to the point. Weren't you the one breaking the law by associating with three of the most wanted criminals in the entire wizarding world?" Umbridge saw Hermione Granger put her head in her hands and groan.
"Err... No?"
Umbridge smiled, "Thank you, no further questions."
"Redirect, Knight?" Shacklebolt asked.
"No, minister. That won't be necessary."
WE'RE BACK BITCHES!
- Duck 1 And Duck 2