Chapter 1

Why did she keep doing this to herself? This single question kept going through her mind. It nagged her while she bought the plane tickets, made hotel reservations, throughout the flight and while she drove to the hospital.

This hospital had seen quite a few of her life changing moments, what was one more? She ignored the question as she ran to the ER doors. Rationalized her decision to come back by telling herself they needed her here, as if every available doctor in at least three counties wasn't working the disaster. They could probably use another pair of hands, but it didn't need to be her hands.

Utter chaos met her as she went inside, her head snapping back and forth until she found a familiar face. Her eyes met his and they both stopped. She was the first to move.

"Where can I start?"

"Well, I'm sure why you're here would be a good place to start, but I've got all these bleeding and crying people to deal with so…"

"Now isn't the time to be cute, Chase."

She recognized the anger flaring in his eyes, knew it was justified, and although she felt a twinge of regret in the region of her heart, she couldn't make herself care all that much. She sighed impatiently and he motioned to the patient to his left.

"He just needs some stitches for a couple lacerations, nothing major. All of the critical and immediate have been dealt with or are getting treatment. We're sorting through the triage now."

Narrowed eyes met hers once more. She looked away first this time.

"Why are you here?"

"Not now. I've got to get-"

"Since when can't you speak and suture at the same time, Allison? "

Cameron grabbed gauze and alcohol to start cleaning the patient's wounds while she glanced at the chart. He had minor abrasions, bruises and cuts. No head trauma, good.

"You don't have privileges here anymore, so you'll need to notify someone that you're here. Check in is over by the entrance. Wouldn't want you to break any rules."

Looking up at Chase sharply, she continued cleaning the patient up.

"If you're that concerned, call Cuddy and let her know. I'm sure she'll be so grateful that you prevented me from playing nurse by interrupting this little crisis situation."

"She's not here. She came back after she was finished at the site to find House, but he'd already left. He lost a patient tonight."

Cameron looked down quickly, concentrating on picking debris out of a wound. She missed the narrowed eyes and thoughtful face of her ex.

"Allison, why did you come back? And don't give me some bullshit story about seeing it on the news and coming because we needed you. We need doctors and nurses, but not so badly that we have to fly them in from Chicago."

Her slight pause made her frown. She didn't have a good answer, and he knew it. She also wasn't very happy with the news that Cuddy was probably with House. Her mind was screaming at her to get over it. She knew she wouldn't listen.

"I…missed everyone. I even missed you and the job. I missed the hospital. I hate Chicago. I have a great job, I'm catching up with old friends and I absolutely hate it there. I told you I was broken and I didn't know the half of it. I needed to get away from the pain, and I discovered that I need it. I need the pain."

Looking up at Chase, she saw the flash of pity in his eyes and realized he thought she wanted to get back together. At the same time, she realized that he didn't want to get back together. Even if she didn't want that, it kind of hurt that he didn't either. Completely perverse.

"So, House lost a patient and Cuddy went running after him. What was so special about this patient? I mean, he gets upset whenever one of his patients dies, but not usually enough to warrant babysitting from the boss. He's usually just upset because he couldn't solve the puzzle in time."

"He spent most of the night at the crash site, underneath tons of rubble, with the patient. And then the leg amputation he performed on her down there caused a fat embolism to get into her lung. She died on the way here."

"House bonded, over a similar injury to his, with a woman in a crisis situation. Cuddy went to check on him. She thinks he's using again."

When she looked up, Chase was looking down at his patient in the next bed. He met her eyes.

"We all thought he'd slip soon. This is the perfect vicodin storm. He's gone almost a year without caving, and he's had a lot to deal with lately."

"So this was just icing on the cake."

She palpated the patient's forearm, and at his groan of pain, applied a bit more pressure.

"Can you wiggle your fingers for me? No? OK, you might have a fracture here in your ulna. I'll get some x-rays set up. Just go ahead and relax, and someone will be with you in a bit."

After she made the notation in the patient's chart, she motioned Chase to follow her while she set the guy up for radiology.

"I talk to Wilson all the time, Cuddy once in awhile, and Foreman about once a week, Thirteen and Taub rarely, and you basically never. I speak to House slightly less than I speak to you. What's been going on with him?"

Chase let out a harsh bark of laughter.

"Of course that's why you're here. I'm alright by the way. Still getting over the whole "my wife left me because I murdered a dictator and she never really loved me" thing, but other than that I'm-"

"Well enough to be having regular sex. I told you I talk to Thirteen sometimes. She has no problem telling all, we weren't best friends, so she won't sugarcoat. You're coping, not enough to have a meaningful relationship yet, but you're dealing with it and getting over me. What's up with him?"

"The guy's an addict, seeks regular psychiatric help, had two colleagues and his father die in the past year, all of his fellows quit and then came back, except you, which surprised everyone. Shall I go on? Oh, Wilson got back together with his ex wife and she wanted House out of the condo. Wilson told him to go. Cuddy is moving in with Lucas, and since House has a thing for her, that upset him. The pain in his leg is unbearable some days, and his patient died tonight."

Cameron's mind had latched onto one thing. House wanted Cuddy. Her stomach flipped. She swallowed hard.

"I think that's it. I've got to get back to my patient. Why don't you go where you're really needed, Allison?"

His sneer made her flinch. She should be used to that reaction when this topic came up.

"He's back at his old apartment. You know where that's at, don't you?"

Chase turned and walked away from her, and she stared helplessly after him. She didn't want to feel this way about House. It made her insane. Wanting and loving someone who could barely stand her was miserable. But what made her throat tighten was the fear that House loved Cuddy, and she knew that Cuddy loved House. If House knew that, her chance was gone forever.