Just Breathe
Disclaimer: Sadly I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies
Pairing: Joel & Alex (Jalex)
Rating: T
Summary: A patient reminds Alex of a painful moment from her past.
Author's Note: Mentions 02x18: "Broken Hearts"
When Alex Reid answered the page from the E.R. she was nearly dead on her feet. It was almost the end of her shift. All she wanted to do was go home and tuck her kids into bed and fall asleep in Joel's arms.
She trudged wearily into the E.R. where she ran into Zack. "What've we got?" She asked, pulling her hair out of its ponytail and redoing it with a sigh.
"Thirty-three year-old male. He was stabbed during robbery at a convenience store.
"Sounds like it's gonna be a long night." Alex said softly, watching as the EMTs wheeled the patient into the E.R.
There was a knife protruding from his chest. His t-shirt was covered in blood.
Alex raised her hand to her mouth, her breath catching in her throat, "Oh my God," she whispered turning away.
Maybe it was a product of her exhaustion.
Rationally, she knew it couldn't be possible.
But when she looked back at the gurney she didn't see the patient lying on it.
She saw herself.
She saw herself opening the door to the on-call room, and walking inside with a tired sigh.
She heard the door shut behind her with a soft click as she turned on the desk lamp.
She saw herself slowly removing her white lab coat, and hanging it over the chair.
She heard the dull thud of her cell phone as it hit the floor and got on her knees to retrieve it.
There was a noise behind her and Alex got to her feet to try to find the source.
She recognized the man in the hospital gown with his back to her scribbling mathematical equations on a chalkboard.
He was Joel's patient.
Ian Taft.
"Excuse me," Alex said softly. When he didn't answer she tried again speaking a little louder this time, "Sir?" She took a step towards him, "You know you can't be in here…Sir" She said, tapping him gently on his shoulder. You can't be in here..."
Alex looked into his eyes and she couldn't help but feel that he looked as exhausted as she felt.
And there seemed to be a hint of sadness in his eyes too.
"You know you can't be in here," She repeated, softly, "C'mon let's get you back to your…"
She couldn't even cry out in shock or surprise as he plunged the scissors into her chest.
She pressed one hand against her chest, and it came away bloody.
She was unsteady on her feet as Ian hobbled away on his badly broken ankle with Alex's bloody handprint on the front of his hospital gown, oblivious to what he'd done.
Alex fell slowly to the floor struggling for every breath leaving a trail of blood behind.
"Help…" She whispered her voice barely audible, "Help me…"
She reached for her cell phone with bloodstained hands, "Help me…" She repeated desperately.
Alex moved across the floor at a slow crawl, pain radiating through her body with every inch.
She pulled herself up using the bed and was able to press the code button on the wall by the door.
"Code Blue. Five East. 64. Code Blue, Five East 64."
Zack's hand on her shoulder brought her out of her reverie, "Hey Alex? You okay?"
"I can't do this…" She replied, her voice shaking.
She turned and ran in the opposite direction trying to fight the persistent ache in her chest and struggling to catch her breath at the same time.
She took the elevator up to the fifth floor, and when the doors opened she saw her husband standing in front of her, as if she'd conjured him in her distress.
"Hey, Reid?" He whispered, taking one look at her pale tear-stained face, and wild eyes. "What's wrong?"
God, she's beautiful.
Even exhausted and upset she's beautiful.
"Joel?" She asked, looking at him as if she was unsure he was really there. "Where are the kids? You're supposed to be at home."
Joel nodded, putting both hands on her shoulders, "The kids are fine. They're downstairs with Malanda. What's wrong?" He repeated, smudging away her tears with the palm of his hand.
"A stabbing victim came into the E.R. I don't know what happened. It's probably because I'm so tired. But I saw that guy with the knife in his chest. And then I didn't see him anymore."
Joel looked at her, trying to discern what she meant, "What did you see?"
"I saw me. Joel, baby this is going to sound totally crazy. But I saw myself on that stretcher. I thought I was over all this. And then it was like I was in that moment all over again."
Over all this?
Only Alex Reid would ever believe that she could get over being nearly stabbed to death.
He certainly wasn't over it.
Even now, years later the thought of it made him shudder.
"There was blood everywhere. My chest hurt. And I couldn't breathe…"
"Alex, love come here," He whispered, pulling her to him, "It's okay."
His voice was confident and familiar and could make her believe almost anything.
"I can't breathe, Joel. I can't…" Alex whispered, the words coming out of her mouth in desperate gasps.
"Hey, Alex, hey," He pulled away, slightly so he could look into her beautiful hazel eyes as they danced back and forth with panic. It's okay." He repeated, "Look at me."
When she met his eyes, he whispered, "Breathe."
It was only then that Alex was able to take a deep breath.
The pain and tightness in her chest had disappeared.
"Let's go downstairs, get the kids, and go home." Alex whispered, leaning into Joel's embrace.
"Yes ma'am." Joel replied softly, leaning in to kiss her.
"Thank you, Doctor Goran. I love you."
He flashed her one of his trademark grins and answered, "You're welcome, Doctor Reid. And I love you too," just before he pressed his lips to hers.