A/N:This was inspired by episode 4x01 when Joe goes to shave Barry "because it made him feel better." I couldn't help but think that someone had to keep up with Barry's grooming during the nine months and that it would most likely be Joe. So, this came from that and the fact that nobody ever really talks about Barry's coma...like? Please, it was like 9 months of his life he won't get back- gimme angst! Special thanks to my roomie Colette for being my angst buddy!
Barry doesn't look right.
And no, Joe thinks, it's not because of the ventilator sticking out of his mouth, the tubes protruding out of him, or all the countless monitors beeping ominously.
In fact, it had taken Joe awhile to pinpoint the feeling of unease when looking at Barry. Because he's been sitting in this hospital chair for three weeks, he has had nothing better to do than to look at Barry and decide what he likes least about his predicament.
Barry is growing a beard.
The idea is laughable, that out of all the things happening that is what bothers Joe the most, but it's true. Maybe it's because he knows that Barry personally doesn't want a beard and has voiced his opinion on growing a beard when ever Joe jokes about it with him. Joe's breath hitches in his throat. Joked, not jokes. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to joke with him again.
Joe tries not to dwell on that.
He almost has half a mind to go ask the doctors if he can shave him because seeing Barry like this is not right. But, he knows it will be tricky, the tubes and wires are everywhere and if he has another seizure or codes again-
Joe takes a deep breath. He'll just have to deal with a bearded Barry until he's well enough to be shaved which will hopefully be soon. He starts drifting off, the sound of Barry's heartbeat is enough to lull him into a trance-like sleep. He startles moments later when Iris comes into scold him, telling him to go home, get sleep, do something other than sit here and dwell. At least he'd be doing something if he was allowed to clean Barry up; it'd make him feel better knowing that when Barry woke up he'd be nice and clean.
His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Barry coding, yet again, and he's rushing out the door yelling. Then he's being dragged away by clueless doctors who move to pump Barry's chest for him and Joe is left in a daze staring at the doctors and at Barry who has stopped moving because he's dead-
And then he turns to see a man sitting in a wheelchair.
Star Labs is nothing like the hospital where Barry was previously staying; it's bright, more modern and techy, and less sterile which gives it a more homey feel. Joe is thankful, albeit wary, of Harrison Wells, but after some research is done, it turns out that everything he claimed to Joe in the hospital was correct. This is the best place for Barry.
It also helps that after the first day, Barry is off the ventilator and is now sporting a nasal cannula and a few electrode pads with minimal monitors. The sight eases some tension off of Joe, but Barry is still growing a beard, almost looking like a hobo and that bugs him even more.
"Can I shave him?" Joe asks one of the doctors, Caitlin Snow, his brain provides absentmindedly. "He doesn't look like Barry with a beard." For some reason he says this aloud, unsure as to why, but he doesn't take it back, he knows he's right. Dr. Snow looks at him with a sympathetic gaze before answering and Joe expects her to turn him down completely.
"Can it wait until tomorrow? I just want to wait until I run a few more tests and am positive that he's stable." The request is reasonable and Joe finds himself nodding his head in agreement. They've gotten more answers here in one day than they've gotten in the three weeks from the hospital. Instead of sitting around he figures he'll go clock in some hours, Singh had been very forgiving over the last few weeks, but it would still be good for Joe to show his face and actually work. And now, it felt like he had something to work for. He had to help take care of Barry.
The next day, Joe is ready. He heads out earlier than usual and even stops by Jitters on the way there to say hello to Iris. Iris, who is visibly happier about Joe having lost his melancholy attitude and replacing it with a very much Fix-It-Felix one, was pleased that he seemed motivated. She wouldn't be surprised if her father willed Barry awake. She herself had faith that he would wake up, no doubt (and no it wasn't because she didn't want to imagine a life without Barry...it was just that she couldn't). She gave her father three extra coffees and some pastries that she knew would be welcomed at the lab and kissed him on the cheek, hoping his good mood was contagious.
As expected, the coffee and pastries were met with eager and gratuitous faces and it sparked a conversation that marked as one of the longest with the two lab techs.
Dr. Snow, please call me Caitlin, had just recently lost her fiance in the accelerator explosion and was slowly with time getting more approachable with Joe and Wells. Joe learned that she loved her job and was damn good at it too, and was thankful that such a bright mind was helping Barry. Another thing that Joe liked about her was that she was brutally honest. At first, Joe was scared to know the truth, terrified even. However, as time went on, he realized that to not be in the know was worse. As a detective he appreciated the bluntness that she sometimes exhibited when it came to Barry's condition.
Cisco was the complete opposite of Caitlin. He was full of energy and jokes and always the optimist. Joe wasn't fooled by his front of being a jokester and knew that, he too, was a bright mind and had lost a lot with the explosion. Joe wasn't exactly sure how he was helping with Barry considering he wasn't a medical doctor, but he wasn't one to question extra help. If anything, Cisco acted as comic relief and often relieved any tension in the room when present.
Harrison Wells...well, Joe had yet to see him since the hospital debacle, but he refused to pass judgement on the man considering he was helping him and he had yet to have a real conversation with him.
He makes his way to Barry, who is oddly in the center of the main lab, just lying there. For a few seconds Joe pretends that he's sleeping, and not in a state of nearly permanent rest. His face is still growing a beard, which brings Joe back to the reason he is here: to shave him.
He sits in the chair that is next to the bed and pulls out the supplies he brought: a little bowl, shaving cream, and a new razor. He sets them down on the table beside Barry's bed and goes to fill the bowl with water and to find a washcloth. He doesn't find a wash cloth, but he does find a towel thats branded with Star Labs in a large font. He doesn't think about how much Barry would like it.
He dampens Barry's face with the towel first and then moves to lather it with the shaving cream. Joe then attacks this with grace, slowly starting on the sides and he isn't appeased until he sees the smooth, pale face. It continues like this for a long time, working in complete silence, which would normally bug Joe to no end. But, today, Joe sees shaving Barry as a challenge, he sees himself helping as if Barry having a clean face would wake him up.
When he finishes, Joe taps the bowl with the edge of the razor and takes a look at his hard work. He has a feeling of accomplishment that makes him squirm in his seat, a high almost, from the feeling of finally doing something instead of just sitting vigil at his bedside. He looks at Barry, expecting and waiting for his bright eyes to open with mirth and stare back at Joe.
But Barry does not wake up.
Joe deflates.
This marks the first time that Joe needed to shave for Barry.
It's been three months now and Joe still trudges in to Star Labs to help shave Barry, and occasionally trim his hair. What started as something hopeful, something that Joe hoped would only last a month or two tops, was now going strong into the third-almost fourth- month. Joe tries to limit his visits to when he comes and shaves him, which is once a week, but he found that idea dissolving when he realized that if he's not there, he might miss something. So, Joe comes about everyday.
"Hey, Cisco," Joe greets as he walks to Barry who is, as always, sleeping. Cisco looks up from whatever complicated thing he's working on and smiles.
"Hello, Detective West!" Joe has the routine down to smile back at him, regardless of what he feels. He sets up his supplies, which he now keeps here, on the table next to Barry's bed. He turns back to Cisco.
"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Joe?" He gets a sheepish smile in return that falls when he speaks next. Joe's sullen mood turns worse.
"There's still no change, but if you have any questions Caitlin will be here in a half hour." Cisco looks at Joe with a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry, Det- Joe." Joe quirked his lip and looked back to Barry which signified the end of the conversation. Cisco understood. Barry had been here for quite a bit of time and he understood that Joe needed space.
Joe turned his attention back to Barry and he smoothed his hair down and rested his hand on his forehead like he did when Barry was eleven and not twenty-five.
"Hey, Bar," Joe said softly. As expected, he got no answer, but he continued to talk anyway. That was what Dr. Snow advised to him and Iris. "You didn't miss much this week, just some B&E's and a few muggings." He removed his hand and sorted out his supplies. He went to retrieve the towel that was now set aside just for this. He goes and sits back down and resumes his now down-pat process.
"Iris misses you," Joe continues as he lathers the cream on his face. "The house is so quiet without you." He moves to shave his cheek, the excessant low beeping keeping the three of them stares at the cheek, which was paler than when he came in and a tad more hollow due to his lack of solid food. He taps the razor on the side of the bowl and the sound reverberates in his ears.
"I can tell that the precinct misses you, even Singh, though he doesn't miss you being late all the time." Joe sighs, but continues nonetheless. "With all this sleeping you're doing here reminds me of when you first came to stay with us. You're making up for all the sleep you lost."
It was true, when Joe first took in the boy he rarely slept. His nights were either filled with nightmares or he refused to sleep unless he saw his father. Joe had spent many nights up as well, arguing with Barry, reading to him, doing anything that would make him tired. On top of that, the worry the kid caused made him have even more sleepless nights. But, it was worth it. Joe wouldn't trade those days for anything. He had acted as the boy's father, something he didn't take lightly. He was the one who was teaching him how to tie a tie, how to talk with girls (regardless of his infatuation with Iris), and how to shave.
The thought choked him up as he moved the razor down Barry's face.
He remembered the first time he suggested shaving as a joke to Barry. As with any puberty ridden teen, he look scandalized at the thought until Barry had come back to him later that day and had agreed to it. Joe had been ecstatic that Barry had turned to him for help, given how it was difficult with his own biological father. Joe himself was surprised, more surprised that Barry had any facial hair. Seeing as he still had his babyface and lankieness, Joe didn't expect him to get any facial hair until at least twenty. Nonetheless, Joe agreed and took him upstairs where he gave him an extra one of his razors and took him through the process, laughing as the child in the both of them made long shaving cream beards and funny accents to go with them. The both of them shaving side by side in the mirror, Joe giving him pointers and toilet paper to stick to his face when he nicked himself. Joe had never felt closer to Barry than on that day, helping him move into manhood, do something that Joe's father had done with him and his father before that. It was so different from now, now that Barry was motionless under his hand.
If Cisco heard Joe get choked up, he didn't comment.
Joe removed the razor from his face, in fear of accidentally cutting him while shaking with suppressed sobs. The razor fell in the bowl of water and Joe moved to wipe his eyes as his shoulders shook.
"We need you to wake up, Barry. Please wake up."
Its six months now, half a year, and Barry is still oblivious to the time that has passed. Joe's starting to slow down, same as Iris, as they realized that there is a chance that Barry may never wake up. That still doesn't stop him from going to see him or clean him up. If anything, it has sort of become a routine for Joe now. After a rough day, he'd come here and talk to Barry, his presence so soothing he doesn't even need to be conscious for it.
"Hey, Barry," Joe greeted, taking off his wet coat and hanging it on the back of the chair. If Joe was honest, he was nervous. Today was the first real thunderstorm they had since the explosion, and though Joe knew getting struck by lightning twice was a rarity, it didn't stop him from worrying. He could still barely fathom the idea of Barry, or anybody really, getting struck by lightning.
He remembers that dreadful night, watching his partner die before his eyes and then hearing about his son. Joe marks that as one of, if not the worst, nights of his life.
He couldn't believe his eyes. While he was glad that the explosion had taken out Mardon and his goons, whatever happened, whatever exploded couldn't have been benign. His thoughts drift to Iris and Barry- wondering where they are…
Joe stills. The Particle Accelerator!
The thing Barry had geeked about for weeks and weeks! Barry was ecstatic to to see it and Iris was more than happy to go if it made Barry that happy. If that thing exploded and Barry and Iris were there...Joe shuddered.
His thoughts were brought to a stop by grief when he realized that he was the only living person in the vicinity. His partner was lying next to him motionless. He had to call someone- do something.
He does call and for the next forty-five minutes his mind is focused on making sure his partner gets the respect he deserves and informing officers of the situation. A patrol car comes along with an ambulance. He's about to ask one of the men what the hell happened when his phone starts buzzing. When he realizes it's the captain, he immediately backs up and goes somewhere a little more private.
"Detective West here," he says into the phone, his eyes drift back into the city, trying to see if he could somehow see any damage from the explosion.
"Joe?" Singh's voice came in a somber tone, reminding Joe about all that's happened in the past hour. "I'm sorry about Chyre." Joe sighs and puts on a strong front.
"I know, sir, he did his job well and should-"
"That's not why I'm calling, Joe." He's cut off sharply and a pit in Joe's stomach grows. "Something's happened."
"Okay..." Joe's heart is racing, he just lost his partner, he couldn't handle anymore devastation. "What is it?"
"The Particle Accelerator at Star Labs exploded, the city is in chaos, but relatively okay." Joe let out a breath, hearing that the city was okay relieved him, but if the city was okay, why was Singh calling?
"That's good, no lasting damage," Joe reiterated. He rubbed his forehead and realized that he was still in his clothes which were soaking wet. He scrunched up the end of his jacket and watched the water drip down, feeling the need to keep his hands occupied as he awaited the news that Singh said he had.
"Yes, but-but, Joe, the explosion did something to the storm-it escalated it somehow- and Barry was upstairs and we heard this crash and-" Joe's breath was taken away from him and his eyes started to water despite his protests.
"What happened?" He demanded. Oh, god, Barry.
"He was struck by lightning, Joe. Found him on top of an overturned shelf." Joe's heart clenched. Lightning? What the hell? How? His mind was racing and his emotions were threatening to take over.
"Is he- is he-" Joe couldn't finish the thought, let alone the words. The idea of the sweet, caring Barry, the boy he raised, the boy he loves, being struck by lightning or dying-
"No, Joe." Singh cut Joe's thoughts off with a stern voice. "I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't pretty, but he had a pulse. It was fast and weak, but it was there." Joe sagged in relief, a few tears leaked out.
"Okay, so, he's okay and Iris is okay?" He felt selfish asking this, but his father-mode overrode any thoughts or feelings. The city could go to hell, he didn't care, he just wanted his family to be okay.
"Yes, she's with him right now at City Hospital, you can make your way there now," Joe was rushing towards his car, not caring if he had to show up in squelching clothes, his children needed him.
"Thanks, Captain," was all he said.
"No problem, Joe," and then he clicked to hang up. Joe slid into the car and jammed his keys into the engine, not caring about the looks the surrounding officers were giving him. As he sped away he fumbled with his phone and called Iris.
"Iris? Hello?" Joe was speeding trying to get to the city despite all the traffic and all he heard through the phone was sniffling.
"Dad? Are you okay?" Iris sounded awful, her voice was congested and full of tears and Joe knew she had been crying.
"I'm okay, baby. Singh told me what happened, are you okay?" His eyes were stuck on the road as he willed it to be a shorter drive somehow.
"I'm fine, I'm great, actually," Joe doubted this. "But, dad. Dad. Barry he- he's not okay. We're at the hospital, but dad he st-stopped breathing." She burst into tears and Joe went numb. His body kept rigid and he could only stare at the road ahead. "They had to keep shocking him." She stuttered with her speaking and then went fully back into crying. Joe felt helpless.
"I'll be there soon, baby. I'm on my way."
Joe was brought out of his reverie by by a loud burst of music coming from Cisco's station. He turned quickly and found a sheepish looking Cisco with his hands flying over the buttons on his station.
"Sorry, we try to play music for him and that was one of his favorite songs." He shrugged and turned red after seeing Joe's tearful smile. Broken from his trance completely, he set out for his work, carefully shaving Barry. If he jumped or flinch when he heard the sound of thunder or saw a flash of lightning...well it wasn't like Barry was going to call him out on it.
He worked hard and kept up a conversation, he was going through the works of getting a new partner-something he wasn't so sure about, so he voiced his opinions to Barry. He talked about everything from his fears of getting a new partner, to what was happening to Iris, to what he ate that day. He also maybe may have made big food promises to Barry if he woke up: taking him to his favorite restaurants, making his favorite foods for a week, and even compromising on where they get their rival food truck tacos.
"Come on, Bar, we all miss you so much," Joe finished wiping the residual cream off of Barry, not liking how his face was left with a blank expression and moved so pliantly under his hands. When he was finished and put all of his supplies away, he grabbed Barry's hand, squeezing tight. When he let go, his hand fell limp back to his side. Joe sighed.
It's late into the seventh month now and still no change. Joe still goes to clean Barry up, still in some sort of denial that this is happening. Today, he's also trimming his hair, making sure that when Barry wakes up he doesn't have to worry about it, he can focus on healing. When Joe thinks of this, he doesn't like to think how his brain is starting to change when to if. If Barry wakes up, Joe thinks and the thought is abhorrent.
"I could open up a barbershop with all the practice I'm getting," he tries to joke, attempting to make the thought leave his mind. He turns to see a reaction, any reaction, but Barry's face remains impassive.
When Joe leaves, he feels numb and everyone at the station gives him a wide berth and sympathetic look.
It was into the ninth month now, almost tenth, and Joe was starting to lose hope. It would be a year in three months and it had been the longest and fastest nine months of Joe's life. Fastest because Joe can't believe that nine months has passed. Slowest because Joe can't believe it's been nine months since he's seen Barry's eyes or heard his laugh. He still makes his way to Star Labs, however. Joe doesn't quit something once he starts it. Plus, he misses Barry and it makes it feel like they're having a movie night or are just spending time together.
On top of just visiting Barry, he had also had to make the time to visit and talk to Henry, who had been extremely upset when he first mentioned Barry's predicament and was now near inconsolable. Joe may not like Henry, due to the convicted murderer status, but even he was impacted by the emotions the man gave off.
"Hey, Bartholomew," Joe said as he walked in. He had started calling Barry different names, hoping it would provoke some sort of reaction. Joe waited a few seconds before continuing, disappointed. "Sorry I'm late, we had a case today, but it was pretty open and shut, but still, weird things have been happening." He moved around, seeing that he was alone (which he knew wasn't always true, there were always people in the building, just not always in the room. Joe learned that the hard way when he accidentally hit one of the monitors and Cisco, Caitlin, and Dr. Wells all came rushing in) and got to work.
His pace today was slow. It had been a hard past couple of months as he and Iris had to sit down and have the 'What if Barry doesn't wake up' conversation. It wasn't a happy one. To be honest, Joe and Iris were at a complete loss. Barry wasn't brain dead so they couldn't pull the plug (the thought made him and Iris cry) and there wasn't any ventilator to pull him off of anyway...so they just had to let things be. It was an awkward situation to say the least, nobody would really know what to do and Joe and Iris were just numbed by the whole thing. So, he had slowed down a bit, anyone would when they're emotionally spent.
Joe was applying shaving cream, trying to decide if Barry had aged at all. He couldn't tell, Barry still looked like Barry, but just an empty shell with no life or laughter. That was a conversation that was next for Joe and Iris: what happens if Barry takes years to wake up? It's a strange thought because as long as Barry wakes up it doesn't matter, but still thinking about the future for Barry was strange now and that's what's awkward and weird. Not to mention if there were any residual effects. That damned lightning.
"How you doing, bud?" Joe asked softly. Despite his feeling slow and empty, the day had been beautiful and sunny and it was something he wanted to share with Barry. "It was nice out today, everyone was out and about enjoying the weather." Well, everyone except me, Joe thought bitterly. He moved to wet Barry's face and found that as he was leaning over Barry a teardrop fell onto his cheek. Joe was surprised at his sudden outburst, but then as he thought about it, not really. It had been such a long time since he had actually just flat out cried about this and Joe needed that cathartic feeling of a blank slate.
He shaved Barry in tears, some rolling down his face, but he got the job done. Barry's face is smooth and maybe Joe's isn't from his ever-present five o'clock shadow around his goatee, but nobody's perfect. He grabs his hand and tearfully tries to will Barry to wake up.
"Please wake up, son. We need you." Joe takes a breath. He had been avoiding saying this, because saying it somehow made it more real than it already was. "I need you." He sits there for a few moments, the low beeping from the monitors becoming white noise to his ears. He gets up and leaves after seeing his begging has done nothing.
It was the last time Joe shaved for Barry. Four days later and Barry is awake.
Or so he thought.
It's been six long months, feeling almost longer than the coma. He doesn't know how to process this except to treat it like he did when Barry was in the coma.
Except Barry's body isn't here, he can't help him in any way. He sticks with his routine, work, Iris, Cecile, everyone trying to keep their mind off of the fact that Barry's not here.
But, somehow a second miracle occurs.
Barry exits the speed force.
But, he's different. He's speaking in a language they can't understand. It could've been hundreds or thousands of years he was stuck there, alone. His mind, everything that makes Barry Barry, could be gone. Joe shudders not knowing if this is better than the coma. He shudders thinking that if he can't get better-
Joe shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Instead of crying, whining, or cursing everything: he sits.
He sits next to Barry, shaving him like he did years ago, except now Barry is staring back at him with a foreign look in his eyes. He goes up and down, waiting to see the familiar pale, smooth skin before moving on. Joe hopes that having a clean shaven face would somehow right all the wrongs. He finishes and gives his work a once over. Their eyes meet and for a second Joe thinks that he has Barry back. That things are finally going to go their way. But it doesn't.
And Joe deflates.
1) so I tried to stay as close to the episodes where we saw Barry's coma, but understand that its difficult, as said earlier no real attention is given to this 9 month period.
2) based off a fic i read by trufflesmore (First Response, I believe) I inherently like to think that it was Captain Singh who first found Barry, not Iris, and I believe that he would be the one to call Joe. Perhaps Iris was too emotionally compromised to, or just dealing with watching Barry made her unable. I don't know, it's something I prefer.
3) if you know any good coma Barry fics lemme know, the more the merrier.
4) let me know how well or badly I did, this is my first time writing anyone from Flash, and Joe is a very complex character, so just let me know.
5) Thanks for reading!