Christmas Eve in Symphonia
A stupid story released only because it's CHRISTMAS!
Hamlord: OKAY! Now it is time to do the disclaimer! Today's announcer…will be KRATOS!
Kratos: OMG HELP ME THERE ARE FANGIRLS HAUNTING MY EVERY STEP! ACK-ETH!
Hamlord: Dwarven Vow # 246: Better you than me. Honestly, if fangirls are chasing you, it's quite amazing to see that you're still alive.
Kratos: Hmph. Now why am I here again?
Hamlord: Because I summoned you to do this disclaimer.
Kratos: Nah, I can't. I've already exceeded my "999999999 disclaimers a day" limit because I am popular and you are not. And so I shan't do any more.
Hamlord: Ok, you still have 2 choices. One: Attend the "Pimp Rapper Convention".
Kratos: Never! I will never be one of those losers!
Hamlord: Ok fine. The other choice is to attend the annual convention of the "ToS and Otaku Club… Fangirl Division."
Kratos: Gah, NO! HamlorddoesnotownTalesofSymphoniaoranythingelseforthatmatter.
'Twas the day before Christmas… And everyone was in a snowball fight outside.
"Stalagmite!" shouted Genis, effectively creating a rock-interior snow fort.
"Throwthrowthrowthrow!" grunted Lloyd as he hurled about a million snowballs.
The teams were: Lloyd, Collette, Zelos, Yuan, and Kratos (who could fly) VS Genis, Raine, Sheena, Presea, and Regal. And… to be honest, the landlubbers were doing pretty badly.
Suddenly Kratos spoke: "'Quote Lloyd'' Quote Zelos' 'Y'all have no chance of victory because we PWN! End quote' End quote."
Yuan threw a bag of yoghourt at Presea and it exploded in her face. Lucky Presea .
Presea frowned. "Chances of victory if we keep losing at this pathetic rate of accuracy and this abnormally high rate of injury equals(the amount of brain cells in Lloyd's head) percent.
Regal frowned too. "Well what are we going to do about it?"
Raine smiled. "BEHOLD, and LO, for I have the ULTIMATE plan… we'll take 'em all down via subliminal messaging!"
"Ha! That's a great idea, almost as good as yoghourt!" said Genis.
Raine then proceeded to scrawl the giant words "YOU WILL FALL AND SURRENDER" into the snow. The other team members waited in suspense for results.
Needless to say… It worked!
The Angels fell out the sky and begged for mercy one by one.
"Muhahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Behold the power…of SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING!" laughed an EVIL-LOOKING Raine."
LATER…
"Yay! It's time to make CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENTS! You will ALL DESIGN YOUR OWN! I shall be judge."
Said Genis: "Who are you?"
I'm the narrator.
"Oh."
And so they all began work on their masterpieces of art.
"Hey whatcha doing Genis?" asked Lloyd.
"I'm going to make a glowing mana ball!" replied our vertically challenged friend.
"And how are you going to do that?"
"I'm done!'
And sure enough, when Lloyd looked around, every one was done.
Here were the results:
Lloyd: A cup of dirt.
What is that?
"It's… a cup of dirt… just go away!"
Collette: A fluffball made from real cat hair!
"MREOOW!" screeched the unfortunate donor kitty.
Genis: A glowing mana ball.
"Hey! It glows!" said Lloyd, making a GREAT observation.
Kratos: A sculpture of himself over Author's dead body, holding a bloodstained sword.
HEY!
"Blame your fate!"
Well YOUR fate is in MY hands, BUB!
Kratos dies
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Raine: A sculpture of a bunch of glowing spheres.
"The BIG YELLOW ONE'S THE SUN!
What are the others?
"The BIG YELLOW ONE'S THE SUN!"
(sorry, went over on the Regan jokes)
Sheena: Some traditional Mizuho ornament. Screw that.
Presea: An apologetic letter to the tree for having chopped down all of its relatives.
Zelos: …this story need not be M rated.
Hmph, philanderer.
-Zelos dies-
-Kratos is revived-
Heh, you owe me Kratos!
"Fine, whatever."
Regal: Well LOOKIE HERE. Regal used his Rheaird service to transport traditional ornaments.
Yuan: A sculpture of a yoghourt maker.
"It's my hero! YOGHOURTMAN!"
…okay.
A WHILE LATER…
Caroling Time!
Lloyd, Collette, and Genis decided to go first.
"Dashing through the snow
On a Noishe powered sleigh,
Through the barns we go,
Crapping in the hay!
The farmer stood outside,
With his sharp scythe in hand,
And what the farmer did to us
Makes violence seem bland!
Corrine's Bells, guide us to hell,
Or we'll get lost on the way!
We'll come back to the living realm
And haunt the dumb and gay!
Corrine's Bells, guide us to hell,
Or we'll get lost on the way!
We'll come back to the living realm
And haunt the dumb and gay!
After this every lost heart and decided to just sing the 12 days.
On the first day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"A tree that's a lifeless being!" sang Yggdrasil who appeared out of nowhere.
On the second day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Two wooden staves!" sang Raine.
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the third day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Three metal belts!" sang Kratos.
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the fourth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Four pointy swords!" sang Lloyd.
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the fifth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the sixth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"SIX MAGAZINES!" said Zelos, who somehow had revived himself via necromancy.
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the seventh day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Seven chopped-down trees!" sang Presea.
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the eighth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Eight cooking tools!" sang the Lezareno president.
"Seven chopped-down trees!" .
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the ninth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Nine kendamas!" burped Genis through his fifth gallon of yoghourt!
"Eight cooking tools!"
"Seven chopped-down trees!" .
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the tenth day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Ten new Rheairds!" sang Yuan, whose Rheairds Lloyd STILL hadn't returned.
"Nine kendamas!"
"Eight cooking tools!"
"Seven chopped-down trees!" .
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the eleventh day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Eleven fluffy cows!" sang Collette.
"Ten new Rheairds!"
"Nine kendamas!"
"Eight cooking tools!"
"Seven chopped-down trees!" .
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
On the last day of Christmas the readers gave to me…
"Twelve quarts of potion!" sang a thoroughly drunk Sheena.
"Eleven fluffy cows!"
"Ten new Rheairds!"
"Nine kendamas!"
"Eight cooking tools!"
"Seven chopped-down trees!" .
"SIX MAGAZINES!"
FIVE NASTY FLAMES!
"Four pointy swords!"
"Three metal belts!"
"Two wooden staves!"
"and a tree that's a lifeless being!"
Okay, next.
CHRISTMAS DINNER! With our MASTER CHEFS, Genis and Regal.
-weird noises heard from kitchen-
"Okay! Dinner's ready!"
Lloyd and Collette were playing Candyland™.
Everyone else was playing a round of Texas Hold 'em. Needless to say, Zelos won with his amazing poker experiences.
And then everyone gathered at the table because I said so.
It would have been a good dinner, but Genis tripped and all the food spilled.Oh well. The only food left was…
DUN DUN DUN…
Yoghourt and chicken!
Now NORMALLY this would have been fine, but the chicken was infected with Avian Flu, and the Raine had to use Restore on all of them. After that Genis used Meteor Storm and killed all the chickens in the world.
…poor chickens…
WELL NOW FOR THE ARRIVAL OF SANTA!
In the middle of the night… when everyone was asleep…
Santa came down through the chimney.
He came with presents for the two children: Genis and Presea.
But what did the kids wish for? Presea had wanted an axe. Fine. But Genis had wanted 100 gallons of yoghourt, which was, in Santa's opinion, the CENSORED-est thing on the planet. When Santa opened his bag, his worst fears were confirmed. The yoghourt had leaked and seeped through the bag.
"CENSORED!" he whispered.
As he lay the remaining yoghourt and axe under the tree, he saw the cookies.
Next to the cookies was MORE YOGHOURT!
He dumped the yoghourt into the flower pot, and proceeded to take a bite of the cookies.
..."WTF IT'S YOGHOURT FLAVOR!"
Santa was so mad he decided to leave, but he discovered the chimney had broken when Rudolph had accidentally kicked it.
As Santa opened the front door, the alarm activated and he was trapped in a cage of yoghourt.
And that was more than St. Nicholas could take.
Screaming like a madman, he took a laser and cut his way out. He then got onto his sleigh, delivered his presents, and went on another trip around the world to kill all yoghourt vendors.
Genis didn't see any of this, and instead was dreaming peacefully.
When the sun rose on Christmas Day, the world was white…with yoghourt!
WHOO! Released just in time for Christmas! Please, read and review!
READ AND REVIEW LEST THE YOGHOURT MAN COME FOR YOU!