A/N: this story is big-time offensive. I expect hate reviews from COD fanboys who think there little whines matter, the FBI probing me for stupid shit, and Obama taxing me for a welfare mansion.

So, this is for my true homies, or anyone who has sense of rude as hell humor.

*cough cough colebrandonrobertjosiahs*

Call of duty: moderately predictable warfare 4

By: "lord" Michael Blackburn

Plot: Blackburn, against his better judgment, bought COD 75 modernly black operations of welfare in warfare (CODMBOOWIW)(75) and finally gets to "see" what is so good about COD to people….let's just say, that for a writer of parody, it made him pause.

(basically, I buy a COD game, and in a 5 chapter story, play it.)

Chapter 1: 60 bucks I could have spent on crack

Blackburn, rather annoyed, sat down in front of his Xbox; in his hand was the satin-spawn of his life…call of duty. But not just ANY call of duty; the new one the released 2 weeks after the last one, COD 74 copy-and-paste warfare. This one was called COD 75 modernly black operations of welfare in warfare. he didn't know why he had bought this game, really.

The first call of duty's with WW2 and even the first modern warfare, and the last good one, world at war…those were still his favorites; but, it was 2015; the new Xbox came out, wiping PS3 to being little more than a over-priced blu-ray player, and the WiiU was little more than a game system with a masturbation simulator. The PC still kicked ass royally, and ARMA 3 and even ARMA 2 kept his eyes riveted to the screen. Battlefield was fine, still…he hated EA. Ubisoft got their act together with the far cry series, and rainbow six patriots was challenging still.

Yet, the call of duty series still hung on, after its reign began to degrade via it's stupid managers; first they shrunk the maps down, then they began to make it even easier to play, with little challenge involved, putting even stupider scenarios in its campaign. But, worse, because it sold to the millions of 11-year old cattle, other companies of Jew-intentions (COUGHCOUGH*EA*COUGH) even had to gall to suggest to subsidiary developers to copy there single-player ideas. That was the first blow that he figured would kill the battlefield series, starting with 3.

But, it was time to cast out any form of logic, and originality; it was time to but in the COD disc.

As it slid into the Xbox, his heart sunk as a large dick and "activison" came, pun unintended, on the screen, revealing the words, in bold: CALL OF DUTY: YOU'RE A FAG IF YOUR READING THIS- GO BUY ELITE AND FEED OUR BASTARD CHILDERN.

It promptly went to the main menu, and he saw 3 main options, copied from MW2: single-player, special ops, and multiplayer. Being a unassuming sap, he pressed on the single player option and the screen flooded with brainwashing pictures of captain price in a thong, kissing satin's symbols as the American culture and identity burned in the background, with Castro pissing on Nixon's grave.

Blackburn rolled his eyes; he got tired of seeing these ever since the liberals took over the media. He pressed the 'skip cutscene' button and it went to the loading screen and the voice of captain price:

"we killed Sheppard….makarov….human dignity….one of the spice girls…but that was not enough. I have to be totally emo about ghost and soap's death while I quietly sob and finger myself at night. I have to tell the people, that history is full of liars, and that clubbing seals is bad…but, first….i have to find some old friends.

The screen turned white, and appeared to be in a first-person view of price, who was using makarov's skull as a fleshlight while he romanced his golden intervention with the words "soap" engraved on it; he put out his blunt as he stood up and looked out the window; as far as the eye could see, it was a city of smoking buildings, with bodies and destroyed cars everywhere.

A voice behind him said "Detroit's city council cleaned the place up; it looks much better, does it not?"

Price turned around and nodded to his friend, who stepped out of the shadows; it was his good buddy and pin-pal Viktor reznov. Price threw him a beer and said "so…after treyarch bought infinity ward, who else did they bring back from the dead?"

Reznov laughed and said "well, they brought back mason, sgt Sullivan who is now a game informer editor and monthly pin-up whore, then they brought back my bitch, Chernov, and my wet dream Dmitri!"

They both laughed when all of sudden, smoke grenades went off and Muslim zombie spetznaz rappelled in through the windows and began spraying laser guns and spamming grenades, hitting nothing.

Captain price got a hard-on and yelled "OH MY GOD! INSTANT UNEXPLAINED ATTACKERS…START SPRAYING REZNOV!"

he pulled a model 1620 musket out of his ass and the game let Blackburn take control; he looked over and saw reznov running in front of him any time he aimed down his sights, also noting that his gun was a gold and black desert eagle with a laser sight, acog scope, drum mag, and bayonet.

He pulled the trigger of the musket, and it fired 12 aim-bot missiles that killed the retarded spetznaz zombies in 1 hit. Reznov, suddenly somehow knowing everything, pulled out a bunch of shit-slathered helicopter parts out of his ass and in 3 seconds, built a chopper gunner and suddenly knew how to fly it. he yelled to price "GET TO DA CHOPPA! WE HAVE TO LEAVE TO RUSSIA AND KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE IN A THEATER!"

Price spoke up in a Marcus fenix voice and said "NICE!"

As price got into the helicopter, it turned into nyan cat and instantly teleported them to Russia. The loading screen was comprised of several scat pornos and Nikki minaj wailing about seals.

In real life, Blackburn stuck some gauze in his left ear as his brain began to leak out.

As the next part of the level began to show, price and reznov were hiding under folded newspapers with silenced sniper rifles in the middle of the side-walk in Moscow. Price whispered by yelling "DON'T BLOW OUR COVER! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MISSION WE ARE PISSING AROUND BY DOING!"

Reznov screamed "FIRE THE PANZERCHECK!" and quick scoped a pedestrian with his beta-mag equipped BARRET .50 SMG; a random hobo went up to the body and took the dead man's clothes and wallet, then ran into a alley. A Russian police officer walked up and lifted one of the newspapers and said "um…what the fuck are you doing?" in perfect English in Russia.

Price screamed "WE ARE COMPRIMISED!"

The policeman screamed as reznov and price pulled him under the newspapers and broke his neck, then ate him.

They then stood up and said "no Russia" and just as they were about to shoot people, a message came on screen:

"YOU ARE ABOUT TO PLAY THE TALIBAN TRAINING LEVEL; YOU MAY FIND THIS INFORMATIVE AS YOU ARE A STUPID WESTERNER; DO YOU WISH TO KEEP GOING FOR ALLAH?"

Blackburn sighed; he might as well, he was on the run from 3 major governments anyway.

He pressed ok, and it teleported him to a Iraqi bunker, where Osama bin laden beat his meat for 40 minutes, before he was quick-scoped by Obama, who was later voted supreme overlord of Africa/ the welfare states of obamica, formerly known as the USA.

It went back to Russia, and captain price stood over the body of several dead robo-hitlers as a message crackled in over his iPhone97.4:

"price…*COUGH*!..this is overlord….i am in a old-folks home in milwalkie, watching to trailer-park whores make out. I'm inviting them over, wanna have a gangbang?"

Before Blackburn was given the option of "no." and "HELL NAW NIGGA" it teleported him to a seedy old-folks home that contained a bunch of horny ass elders. Blackburn threw up from the next 30 minutes of this mission, as he couldn't even describe them.

(30 minutes later….)

As it said MISSON COMPLETE AT: 69% OF INTEL FOUND, it began to load the next mission. Blackburn paused it as he went to take a shower and cry himself to sleep in the bath-tub.

A/N: so, review his…monstrosity….and tell me what you think! Also, I am now taking bets on the COD kids who will rage. Place your bets in cookies in the reviews, also.

(there is no winner, your all right about COD kids.)