Breathe again
I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the feeling of being born again.
I am not talking about the moment where my body is born but the moment my consciousness realize that I am taking another breath in another time. A second ago, I would have told you that I am 20 years old and it has been 3 years since the title 'Hero of Twilight' has been bestowed on a goat herder from the far flung village of Ordon. But now, at this moment, I can tell you that I am so much more than that 20 years of consciousness.
In a second, my spirit rekindles memories long forgotten like water breaking through the dam of my previous consciousness. I relive several lifetimes in a single instant and the cycle of life and death becomes so overwhelming that I wish of a swift end rather than the knowledge that there is more, until the memories stop and I am made whole once more.
But this moment is different from so many firsts. This rebirth is different from seeing the a piece of the tri force show up at the back of my hand. It is different from reveling the weight of the master sword as I pull it out of its slumber. It is different from feeling the swell of courage surge in my body the moment I realize I am to play the role of the hero.
I have never questioned why I was gifted with the triforce, only believing that I was merely chosen as an instrument of the goddesses.
And now I know, more often than not, I regret never questioning my fate simply to have that strange feeling finally slam down upon my being the moment I realize this isn't the first time I have opened my eyes to a world different from the previous one where I had lain down upon.
I understand that the realization of my rebirth is always late.
It happens after everything is said and done. It happens after the foe is vanquished and peace is restored once again in the land of Hyrule. It happens after the crowds look at me in awe as the hero. It happens after I return the Master Sword to its original resting place. It happens after I return to a life before all the events that changed it.
It happens after I leave her.
Zelda.
And when it happens, I am paralyzed with sadness knowing what I had left behind when memories of countless lifetimes of knowing her either intimately or merely in passing lingers fresh on my mind. In this lifetime, I had known her briefly and our interactions have been swift with barely any chance of a blossoming friendship. But what is mere months to the lifetimes of moments that I have shared with a soul that shares the same fate as me? Lifetimes that forge a bond greater than the triforce that identifies the roles we play in a seemingly endless play.
In these lifetimes, we fulfill our destiny to vanquish evil over and over again. And after it is all over, we part ways and attempt to go back to a life without the other. At the end of our duty, we struggle to return to our lives before the whole ordeal started.
For Zelda, it had always been about responsibility. After one foe is vanquished she faces a foe that cannot truly be beaten by carrying the burden as the Queen of Hyrule.
For me, it had always been the ties I have with the life before I became a hero. Whether it be with some childhood friend turned lover or merely just to find some peace and simplicity where no one knows who I am.
It's ironic, we become great in times of adversity bolstered our the symbol we carry but in the end we continue as if it had never happened and attempt to go back to the way it was.
Even before this reawakening, I knew deep down that my life is no longer the same.
It doesn't matter if I wander the world in one lifetime or marry and have children in the next, or turn into a recluse in another; a part of my thoughts always wander back to her for a reason I never understood.
Until the moment I take the first breath with realization that I was born again.
All those moments where I thought we had a connection that went beyond the triforce but only to be brushed aside because I couldn't explain the feeling rising in my chest every time I look at the person who was supposed to be a stranger, finally have some clarity.
I know her.
I've known her for countless lifetimes with each lifetime adding more and more.
My knowledge of her different for each lifetime. From moments as small as her cloaked while sadly staring out a window trapped in her own castle to her being a rambunctious pirate enjoying the freedom of the open seas. All these memories shape the memory of a single person despite time and appearances.
All these memories make me fall in love with her over and over again not by destiny but by choice. It doesn't matter if I have fallen in love with her for countless lifetimes. What matters is, at this very moment my heart beats for her.
However, this moment always come too late. Too late since we had both forged a future without each other. And with the memory comes the immense sorrow of not being with her as we had in those moments where we were bonded by a same cause. Wishing that our bond can extend to something more than the roles that destiny allows us to play. Wondering if like me, she remembers me the way I remember her.
Hoping that this would not be the last lifetime after we already lost our chance at reaching for something beyond what destiny has spun.
With one breath, memories of previous lifetimes merge with my current one.
It has been 3 years since I had vanquished the recent incarnation of corrupted power. She was by my side at that time, as she had so many lifetimes before. 3 years have passed since I bid my farewell to the Princess of Destiny, wondering why my heart was breaking for a stranger I have known for a mere 6 months.
Unlike all those rebirths, today I realize that there is still time unlike before.
It is time to make my own destiny. To stop going back to the past I thought I lost when I became the hero and more forward to the future of what my heart inexplicably knows should be.
Today, I take my first breath and this old world is made new once more.
-000-
Wow my first published fanfic in a VERY long time! This fanfiction was originally created for Zelink Week 2015. Hope you like it.