((This was requested a while back I believe. I cannot remember who asked it, but probably it was collection of requests for this including me. This is for people who are going through hard times right now. Please try to stay positive in these dark times. I luv you all.))
I always found myself standing outside those rusty gates. Staring at the old crumbling house that somehow still stood. From the rusty gates I always saw the table and the people sitting at it, always waiting for me...
They always waited for me... I reached out, feeling the cold bars on the gate against my pale hand, telling me this was very real. It comforted me.
I pushed against the gate, hearing it creak and groan loudly as it opened. I found myself smiling. I could see the familiar faces looking at me from the table. They were smiling as well. They had missed me...
I looked down, slowly stepping onto the barren ground. Grass rarely grew here... I felt the ground below my feet. Rock solid, void of moisture and nutrients...
I began to walk, hearing my footsteps thumping against the ground. I smiled as I approached the table, feeling welcome here. I always was welcome amongst them.
"'Ello my dear Ailish. Come to join us again?" Asked the familiar voice of the Mad Hatter. My eyes turned to look at him, seeing his familiar face. He was always unique and the same. Silver hair that was long and silky, reaching the back of his legs. A scar across his face that disappeared above his fringe. A rather adorable outfit he always wore, a skull bowtie he always fancied. His lockets hanging off his hip. That iconic top hat on top of his head with the tattered purple ribbon hanging off.
And then the others were always here. The March hare with his silly floppy ears on either side of his face. His bright green eyes showing some form of intelligence to them. He was always stern but always joined in the madness that was the Mad tea party. Then the sleepy door mouse who was always asleep. He was so cute with those mouse ears. He some times talked. But it always was funny when he did.
Once I realized Hatter had asked me a question. I gave a nod, before feeling my throat vibrate with a voice I haven't heard in such a long while. "Yes, still don't have room for me at the table?" I asked with a smile.
The Hatter snickered, his tea spilling onto the table cloth. "Of course my dear." He replied. "Of course." I agreed, a laugh escaping me which I also haven't heard from myself in a long while. "May I cut in anyways?" I asked. The Hatter laughed. "It's not like we will stop you m'dear. Now, would you like a cup of tea?" He asked, though now he was right behind me and he forced me to sit down at the table. I laughed softly. "Alright."
Once again we had our fun, telling silly jokes, having tea, scones, biscuits. I felt loved being in the company of mad men. When the March Hare handed me Tea using his garden tool I laughed hard, taking the spilling tea gratefully. I peeked at my reflection, seeing my black hair shining. My hazel eyes bright and happy. I never had to think of negative things here. My worries were gone. All I had to think of was my company of friends, if they deemed me a friend. My eyes stared at the scar on my neck in the reflection. I felt myself sadden...If only...
"My dear, won't you have another biscuit?" Asked the Hatter. I looked up, blinking at him. Oh yes, thats right. Why was I unhappy? There was no need. I agreed, taking another.
The food was delicious, exploding onto my taste buds, filling my empty stomach. So many sweets to eat, never having to care about stomach aches. Just pure fun...I was happy here...
But they always came to an end.
My eyes suddenly saddened, the company around me frowned. They knew what was coming.
"Ailish? Do you agree to this?"
My eyes looked up, seeing the familiar face of my case worker. I was no longer in the company of friends. And instead, was back to reality, in the meeting room with my case worker and staff from the state. I was confused, what were they talking about?
"You agree to have us become your guardian? And no longer receive transport?" He asked me. My eyes went wide. Whoa, where did this conversation happen? Why would they be my guardian? I frantically shook my head, unable to speak.
"Well, the state is making it required that we be your Guardian. You can say no, but thats what we have to do. And your service hours are depleted and we can not provide you transport." He said simply, not caring for my opinion...as always...
I kept shaking my head, my fingers quickly signing that I did not approve. But my heart saddened when my case worker stood up. "Well, it's about that time." He said, ending the conversation. I felt dumbfounded. So just because of the accident I was losing everything? When did this happen? I didn't require assistance twenty four seven. Only transportation. When did I become so disabled I couldn't be my own guardian? Why were they doing this? Jesus Christ this society was screwed all to hell.
Now everyone was getting up to leave, I found myself being alone in the meeting room. My eyes stared at the window, seeing it was raining outside. I would have to walk again...
I grit my teeth, before slamming my hand onto the table and getting up to leave. Why was this happening to me? I had no voice to speak up. I had no one to talk to. Everything was against me. So they refused transport, yet I couldn't be my own guardian. I was no longer in control of myself.
Would I lose my mind as well? Would I never be able to relax in my daydreams?
I grabbed my bag, heading outside and putting my hoodie up. I would have to walk four blocks...Like always. My shoes slapped against the water as I walked, trying to be careful of my walking. The ground was soaked. I didn't understand why the company was no longer giving me transportation. It still hurt to walk after the accident.
I possibly would never be able to talk again. I missed my voice, even though I hated it before the accident. I was stupid. I knew I shouldn't have gone out that day.
I was in the van with my staff friend. She was driving normally down the highway. But a semi had come out of nowhere and had hit us off the road. The van went flying off the road and into the woods and a tree branch had stabbed into my throat. When we landed I had broken my entire right side of my body as well. It was painful. I could have lost my head but instead I lost what had meant so much to me. I might as well had...
I couldn't help but think this way. My life was horrible at this moment in time. The only thing saving me was friends through the internet, anime, books, movies...
My daydreams...
Daydreams were my only sanctuary. My only safe haven...I suddenly fell onto my butt as I slipped in slippery grass. I sighed softly, wishing I could yell at the world. But it was always silence...
I felt like crying. Oh wait, I already was. The rain was hiding it. I slowly got up, shivering from the cold. I continued to walk, wincing as pain shot up my back. It hurt so much...I had to go to my daydreams. I had to focus on something pleasant. But right now it was unclear. I couldn't focus on him.
That familiar reaper from the anime Kuroshitsuji. Undertaker. It was impossible at the point. Reality was taking him away for now. I could relax better at home possibly. Maybe think about watching things on Youtube?
A lot of people had daydreams of their favorite person from either real life or from the story books. With Me it was part of my my life. Day dreams kept me going. That could be relatable to plenty of people in the world. Almost home...
I sighed softly, feeling a bit sick. I wanted nothing more then to curl up with my mangas and drink tea.
I crossed the street, sighing as I saw my apartment. Home sweet home? Not really. But it was my only safety... I walked inside the main entrance and climbed those horrible stairs. Each step made me cry silently in pain. Thank god these apartments were small.
I walked to my door, pulling out my keys. My nieghbor happened to show up. "Hey Ailish. You doing okay?" He asked.
I gave a small nod, pretending to be cheery as usual. I didn't like talking to them...I could barely maintain conversation since I was silent... As the signs clearly said on my door.
"Thats good, are you gonna go to the stores tomorrow?" He asked like a creeper. Why were my neighbors like this? I gave another nod, putting the keys in the doorknob.
"What are you gonna get?" He asked me, once again interrupting my "me" time. I gave him a look, before turning the doorknob and going inside the apartment, pretending I didn't hear him. God this neighbors were retarded or something off...I quickly shut the door.
I could still hear him outside my door as well. What a creepy person...
I locked my door, turning on my lights and going straight to my bed. Time for internet and text. I could feel relief in my body. I didn't have to walk...
I opened my laptop, seeing I have several messages from friends. I sighed silently, seeing it was at least good friends and not random people. I smiled.
"How did it go?" One of my friends were asking me on Skype. I frowned, quickly typing to her. Least I could voice through typing and texting...
"Not good at all. The state is apparently making them all my guardians because I dunno. State is stupid and all. Also I'm being forced to walk so soon after the accident."
"Thats ridiculous! Why? You're not that disabled! You're hurting so why are they doing that? Thats stupid!"
I frowned more, feeling my eyes get teary again.
"I don't know. I have no say in this either...Worst nightmare come true since I don't have a voice." I waited a couple of minutes, my eyes getting tired. Finally, a response.
"I'm so sorry Ailish..."
My head bowed. I grit my teeth in agitation. I hated this. Thats all people could do was say "I'm sorry" and move on. Why wouldn't anyone help me?...
I got up, shedding my coat and going into the kitchen, trying to get a right mindset. Maybe I could imagine myself in the Hatters house making tea? Nah, I couldn't focus...
"Hihihihiii~"
I flinched myself up, bumping my head against the cupboard. I flinched and rubbed my head. I realized my phone had gone off...Almost sounded like he was right there. God damn phone!
About five minutes later my tea was finished. Now I needed to cuddle up with my mangas. I went to my bookshelf, picking out my mangas and tossing them on the bed. Now to crash for the night.
I sipped my tea as I flipped through pages of my manga. I could feel myself relaxing already. Finally. Some quiet time. But once again. I was left feeling sad. Why did anime characters never exist. You could only daydream, write stories...but it was never the real thing. My heart ached for the real thing. To be away from this world would be amazing...
Hihihihi~
I gave a annoyed huffing sound. Stupid phone... I pulled out my phone from my purse, swiping the screen. I went to check my messages, only to see there was nothing... I blinked a few times. Oh right, my phone would always glitch. I needed a new phone...
Another problem to deal with. Since I couldn't talk to the people at the store...I hated always writing to people. My handwriting was shit. If only everyone could understand sign language.
I could find myself growing frustrated. I pursed my lips, before setting my tea on the end table. Maybe if I slept...
I grit my teeth and laid back, pulling the covers over me. I felt sick. I wanted my worries to just end. Maybe I could daydream before sleeping...I shut my eyes, trying to focus hard on my daydream. Where would I start? How about where I left off?
I found myself again in the Hatters yard in the same chair. The hatter looked up, the smile back on his face."Back again dear?" He asked.
I gave a silent nod, appearing sad. Hatter took notice of course. "Somethin' on your mind luv?" He asked in that silly voice of his. My eyes lowered. But I soon took notice that March Hare and The Sleepy Dormouse wasn't around this time. It was just me and him. Which was more then alright...I'd rather just talk to him...
"Do you wish to talk 'bougth this?" He asked me once more, seeming to show some form of sympathy. Of course he did, this was a daydream after all...
"I-I don't know if you would understand..." I stammered, feeling myself almost losing control of the daydream. I needed something, anything to keep me in my stable daydream. Why would he care anyways? I was just talking to myself. Why did any of this matter?!
I felt a hand touch mine and I looked up, seeing him taking my hand and gently rubbing it with his thumb. Wait, did I do that? Yeah. I did...I think... I stared at him, my voice suddenly gone from me.
"Try me..." He said simply, releasing my hand. I noticed he placed a biscuit in my hand. I gave a weak smile and nibbled it. I began to explain my problems, feeling more tired as time went on. Even if he didn't understand...He was there...always.
"My, that is rather troublesome." Said the Hatter finally. I gave a nod, my eyes feeling heavy. I had a long day. I thought maybe rest would get rid of some of my stress but I wouldn't count on it...
"Gettin' tired poppet?" He asked softly, leaning on the table, his arms folded. I nodded again, giving a tired huff.
"Why not rest then luvey? You need to gather some strength for the next Tea Party." He suggested, a wide silly smile on his face. Of course, the silly doofus...
I agreed, a smile returning to me. "That does sound nice..." I laid my head on the table, feeling the soft cloth under my face. I wanted to sleep here, where I felt needed and cared for.
Hatter said nothing as my eyes closed, and my dreams soon took over. The daydream ended. Or so I thought... "Poor dear...Life is very cruel..."
Hatter sat up, grabbing a cup of his tea. Could use some sugar... He grabbed a handful of sugar cubes, dropping them into the cup of tea, not caring he spilled it everywhere. "Smart choice indeed...Quite right. Real Life Isn't nearly so Sweet. Thats why we all crave a bit of sugar to sweeten things up..."
The tea reflected his face, only things seemed different. He wasn't wearing his silly hat. Or his regular outfit. But instead wearing a robe and a tailed top hat in the reflection. But of course he was still wearing his casual attire. It was like he was seeing an alternative version of himself. He then looked up to stare at Ailish's sleeping form, watching as she faded from this world to be in hers. She would return no doubt. She always did.
"Rest well Ailish...I am waitin'."
((Cute fact, Ailish is the Gaelic name for Alice.))