Sasuke x Naruto
NARUTO (c) M. Kishimoto
Warning: Language, implications, violence.
I was damn ambitious getting this done because I've been frustrated with my lack of uploading here. e_e I'm just never satisfied with my shit, ugh.
It was a long overdue argument and now everything laid bare. All whispered thoughts were now plaguing confessions; all secrets were now exposed like a heart on a battleground, bullets whizzing over it into a white noise hum that just felt like heat trickling along the valves. A heart in hell was probably more befitting a description - laid on a dry ground, carved messily out of a chest with no remorse. No - I don't believe he had any remorse. I don't believe he regretted any of this. I don't believe that because he's selfish. Anything he wants, he gets. If there is not a way to get it, he'll make a way, no matter how deceptive.
But he's not deceptive to me. He is honest with me. It's his honesty that hurts. It's his honesty that is the blade driving into my chest every time we meet. It's his overbearing truth that pulls the trigger and creates my sickness. All of what is wrong with me is his fault. All of what is happy inside me is his fault.
It's his fault I'm so tired.
The argument was useless - we both know this. We now stood with our chests heaving hot air and our fists clenched tightly at our sides. Our glares are boring into each other, trying to desperately drill through the walls the other has thrown up to block the invading party, neither standing down and neither succeeding an inch. We were but a few feet away, stark naked in the shadows of his extravagant room. This was my first time in his room and I'll be damned if I'd be here again - this would be the last time.
This was to be the last time for any of it. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was strong but this man - this one man - he took it all from me. He took it all by giving it all to me; filling a hole that I thought was so empty, but he ended up just overflowing it and drowning me. I'm drowning and I want him to know that but he refuses to accept my rejection. He wasn't use to rejection - I wasn't even sure he knew what it was to begin with but he was beginning to get very familiar with denial.
I don't know what I've screamed at him by now - probably everything - but I don't know what's actually gotten through. I'm just tired and I'm two seconds from just turning and leaving this cursed place. I should've never come here and I knew that from the very beginning yet I did anyway because I wanted to follow him. I want to follow him forever but not behind him.
I want to be at his side. And that is something to never be accomplished.
"Don't..." I realize I've turned my back on him as if I was going to go through with my thoughts but he called out to me, freezing me. "Don't go." I wish I hadn't heard the desperation in his voice before - I wish I hadn't ever heard the brokeness he's so many times hypnotized me with. I could never tell if it was real or not but why would it not be? He's never been false. No - honesty is his best bleeding policy. Always and forever.
"Why should I stay...?" I whisper back to him. I don't go any further but I certainly don't look at him again either.
"... I want you to stay."
Of course you do. You always do. And I can never do that. Or you can never stay with me. We just can't stay with each other - it's just not possible. And it's your fault it's not possible. "I can't..."
"Yes, you can."
"I shouldn't." What will you say to that?
His silence floods the room and the air is suffocatingly thick. He's thinking - frantically thinking. He doesn't know what to do. He's still trying to digest my earlier words. I've told him we should end this - that there's no point in continuing this. What once started out for fun was nothing more that a blasted curse for me and I wanted no further part of it. We're not breaking up because we're not together. We never have been. I was but a simple whore in the beginning but now all of this has become far too complicated. And exhausting. He knows this as well as I do and yet he still cannot bring himself to let me go. Not because he's strong enough to keep ahold of me but because he's too weak to see what isn't there anymore. Or what can't be there. He's dellusional and he allows himself to be so. I need to move on and he needs to grow up. This isn't childs play. This isn't a game.
I love you.
"I know..." is all he says, sounding as if those two little words winded him so much. I don't know why they do, but they twist that knife in my chest. I grimace from it and place a hand over my heart, lowering my head and wrenching my eyes shut. "... Please... Please - just... Just one more night... Naruto... Please."
"No," I reject instantly. No 'one more' anything. No 'one more' kiss, no 'one more' embrace, no 'one more' sorry - no 'one more' anything. We're done. Let me go.
"Naruto..." he bites out almost hysterically. Will he have a break down? Another one? I've never tried to leave before - will this break down be the worst? Will he miss me? I'm bitter, so I hope he does. I hope he thinks about me when he's with her - his wife. He met me when she was no more than a fiancée. He had time to let her go and he didn't. He didn't let her go and he didn't let me go and yet she's not the one who's snared - I am. I feel like a rabbit that's been so cheaply tricked, like it was caught by a carrot on a string, pulled away just before it takes a bite and is locked in a collapsed card board box. I knew I could get out, but I never did. I want out now. Let me out. Let me out.
"No!" I yell at him, emotions suddenly flaring. I don't like the burn in my eyes and I don't like how many times he's caused it - he's caused me so much pain and I know he doesn't care. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. I know where his loyalty lies - it's not to the person he's honest with, it's to the person he deceives. He's told me once he can never love me. He's told me once he can never leave her. He's told me once we'll never be. He's told me once that he'll always be with her. He's told me so many things I didn't want to hear - so many truthful things.
Just once, I'd like to hear a lie.
"I can't - I can't take this anymore!" I scream at him, breath hitching irritably. Roughly, I wipe at my eyes despite no tears falling yet. I wanted to stop them before so but the action was lost in itself since it just seemed to cause them to spill over. I don't want to cry for him. I want to leave. "And you know why I can't!" I didn't want to see the look on his face but I had to, so I turned a quarter and blasted him with my destroyed expression. I'm just as weak as he is, but so much more of an idiot. "I love you, Sasuke... I fucking love you."
If one didn't know any better, they would think Sasuke had just been injured with the painful grimace that crossed his face. We both knew why he responded with such a look - he couldn't accept those feelings, nor could he reciprocate them. "Naruto - "
"No," I growl, shaking my head. "Stop saying my name - just stop! I'm done with this! I'm done with you! I'm done with everything! I hate you! I hate that I love you!" I'm sobbing now and I wipe my arm across my face, vision blurred so I just end up closing my eyes again. I stiffen when I hear him near me a step and I shove my hand out to him, "Don't." Don't come near me.
He stops. Of course he stops. What else is he suppose to do?
"Just... don't," I say so quietly all of a sudden, my arms folding into my chest as I suddenly feel so pathetic. "... There's no reason for this... There's no sane reason. I'm going mad, Sasuke... I'm mad about you. How can you expect to me to accept your embraces when you smell like her perfume?" My fists grip against my chest. "How can you expect me to continue playing pretend when I can feel the coldness of your ring against my skin?" I shiver but I'm not cold. "How can you expect me to continue killing myself when you thrive with two lives? You expect far too much of me... I'm just - " I sniff, "I'm just some whore."
"No..." Sasuke bites out, nearing me another step but not daring further. "No, you're not!"
"Yes, I am!" I scream at him, startling him. I'm not saying that for me, I'm saying it for you. I know who I am. I know - but you don't. You know nothing about me. To you, I am just some whore, no matter how much we both pretend otherwise. Just let me be some whore. It's so much easier. I can't be your lover if there is no love. And I'm not your friend. We have no benefits. There's just a good fuck and remorseful pain, though you may tack on a cigarette. I hate that you smoke, but you don't know that. You stink when you smoke and I hate it.
"I don't pay you, so you're not a damn whore!" Sasuke snarls at me and I just snort at him.
"That doesn't mean anything..." I sniff one more time, finally stopping my tears and throwing away any emotions I have. I've finally hit my beloved switch and now I can handle this a lot better - like I'm twenty yards away and controlling a marionette on stage, no personal ties. I look at him with a hard hitting empty stare. "Just as I mean nothing. This whole thing means nothing. It's a fool's game and I'm tired of being the fool. You're just playing around. I'm not a toy - "
"I know that!" Sasuke hisses.
"You know it but you do nothing about it... You're praying even now that I just forget this - that we just go back to how we were an hour ago, but it's not going to happen." I shake my head. "I'm going to leave and you will stand here in the cold - alone. Alone until she comes back home to you. She'll embrace you and you'll return the action."
"Naruto..." he pressed, willing me to stop but I don't.
"But you won't want to." I turn my head away from him. "You won't want to be with her when I'm gone. Your marriage will fall apart. It will fall apart with me here or not because you don't love her."
"Yes I do," Sasuke says but I know he's only trying to convince himself of that. I continue on.
"You don't love anyone, Sasuke. You're incapable." I look back to him in the corner of my eyes. "You are meant to be alone..."
"No!" Sasuke yells, growing angry. He storms up to me and painfully grips my shoulders, jostling me as he burns his glare into my eyes. "I will not be alone! I'm not meant to be alone! I will always have someone!"
I stare at him for a long moment, just staring into those bottomless black eyes of his only intensified by the darkness in his room. His raven locks are outlined by the moon rays peeking through the split curtains. He really does look beautiful in his rage tonight. "... But it won't be me."
He takes in a sharp breath as if to spit out words but he catches himself and just turns the action into a throaty growl, lowering his head to where the top of it is pressing against just beneath my collar bone. He's still gripping tightly onto me and I make no motion of consolidation. I stare over him at the floor-to-ceiling windows mostly veiled by the curtains that are black by night yet a royal blue in the day. Everything in the room seems to have a monochromatic hue to it, if not for a touch of navy. Almost colorless; almost lifeless. Like us.
"You can't hold on to me anymore..." I say quietly.
"... Why..." It's not a question but a plea.
"Let me go."
"Don't go..."
"Let me go," I say again in the same gentle tone as I remove his defeated hands from me. He retracts them to his sides and looks at me with those glistening eyes, as if they may spill tears like mine had. I stare into them again but their watery state doesn't affect me. "I have to go." I have to. I take a step away from him so slowly it almost feels like hesitation before I go to turn but he utters words that actually do shock me into a reaction and cause me to whip my head back to look at him. "What?" Repeat that - fucking repeat it!
Sasuke seemed fired by the fact I responded and seems just as surprised as myself. "... What if I say... I love you...?"
Ow. Ow. Ouch. No. No! "You can't!" I suddenly scream at him and feel my body moving without my consent, feeling my fist collide with the left side of his face, spinning him around and making him clatter ungracefully into a groaning heap. The momentum causes me to take an awkward step forward to catch myself, my heart beating so fast in my chest that it felt deafening in my ears. My fist slowly coils back to my chest as I stare down enraged at him. "You can't fucking say that! You can't fucking say that to me! You can't lie to me! You can't lie to me! You can't!" I felt hysterical - I felt crazy, like a rabbid animal. I wanted to attack him. I wanted to beat his face in - I wanedt to claw at him and bite him and tear him to shreds. How dare he?! I wanted to scream. I wanted to explode.
I wanted to believe he was capable of actually saying and meaning such a line.
"Nng..." Sasuke grunts as he sits up, nursing his face and tonguing at the blood that pooled in the corner of his lips. He glances at my fist as if concerned it would lurch out again before his eyes flick to meet with my dangerous ones. "... I..."
"Don't," I snarl at him, silencing him. I jab a finger in his direction. "You have no right. You want to lie to someone - you lie to her!" I whirl the gesture towards the door. "You lie to her! Not me! To her! You do not lie to me!" Your honesty is the only thing that makes this special - do not ruin it. Do not break what is left that I can have. Don't ruin that. Don't ruin me even further. "You don't lie to me!" I didn't know what else to say so I kept saying that over and over again, continuously telling him to lie only to her and never to me, like he's always done, like he would always do if I let this go on. "You don't... don't lie to..." I'm not sure when my voice developed a tremble nor when I started crying again, but even my shoulders were shaking by the wave of emotion that damnable statement brought on.
"... But I have lied to you so many times..."
I still, eyes turning owlish as I stare into his seemingly black inky carpet. Slowly, I raise my head to him, staring at him bewildered. "... What...?"
"I have lied to you the most," Sasuke says, gaze fallen as his hand still laid idly on his cheek. "Never have I lied to a single person so much in all my life, Naruto..."
"... Wh... at...?" I feel like I've lost my voice just now. I feel like I've forgotten how to breathe. I don't understand. I don't understand! That's not - It's not possible! That's not true! That's a lie in and of itself! That can't be! "That's... No... No!"
"Yes..." Sasuke sounded so miserable in that one word as he lifted his eyes to me, looking so very tired all of a sudden. "... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry, Naruto..."
I stumble back a few steps, looking at him as if he were a ressurected ghost of a loved one. I didn't know what to say - I didn't know what to believe. What he was saying... I just -
"I do love you..."
Time froze. The air became so chilling that goosebumps prickled at my skin and the hairs on the nape of my neck stood. I didn't breathe and I didn't blink as I just stared at him like I was out of myself. "... What?" I breathed the word.
"I love you..."
The knife hurts so bad - it's still twisting. It's going deeper. I'm drowning even more.
"I love you so much." Sasuke pulled himself to a stand before he looks at me again, hand finally falling from his bruised cheek. Surely it would look worse by tomorrow. "I have ever since I laid my eyes on you the first time. Naruto," he neared me and I backed away, "Naruto - the first time I saw you, I had to have you. I wanted you mine."
No.
"I didn't want anyone else to look at you. I didn't want anyone else to say your name." He nears me again and once more I back up. "I wanted to buy you but damn it, they wouldn't let me! No matter how much I offered because your title just wasn't allowed to be bought... So I paid to reserve you time and time again until eventually you just didn't want the money and you wanted me - that made me so happy."
No.
"When I was with you - when I am with you - everything else fades away. Everything else disappears and you're the only one there. You're the only one I need, Naruto - "
"Shut up!" I scream at him, causing him to stop in his efforts of nearing me again and actually take a wavering step back in surprise. "That's not love!" I yell at him, my eyes sewn shut. "That's not love at all!"
"What - " Sasuke began in bewilderment but I didn't let him continue.
"You're possessive and desperate! That's all you are! I'm the best at what I do - I've earned the business plenty of money, especially with you!" I glare at him. "You wanted me solely because everyone else did. You saw how everyone else was throwing money in my direction for my attention and you just had to be the one to buy it at the highest price so you did! That's all that was! The only reason I started to reject your money was because I wanted to just see if you'd still have interested in me even when I was no longer being grabbed at by others!"
"And I do!" Sasuke shouted in an outrage.
"No, you don't! That's why you're still with her! That's why you married her! You wanted her as a visual prize and you wanted me as a personal prize! Nothing more - "
"There is so much more!" Sasuke growls at me, stomping his foot forward and slicing his hand through the air. "You have no idea how much more there is!"
I scoff at him, shaking my head. "You're insane. You're insane and you're driving me insane." I shake my head again. "This is enough - no matter what, Sasuke, this is where this ends! This is where we end!"
"No!" Sasuke snarls so animalistically it actually scares me. I see him suddenly turn and head for his nightstand. In that moment, half of my mind was whispering something to me - telling me to run while the other half questioned why I would need to do that. I ended up just standing there in a daze, only letting out a small gasp and slapping my hands to my mouth when I saw Sasuke pull out a revolver from his nightstand. My back hit a wall as I stared terrified at him. He opened the magazine and rotated it before snapping it back into place and aiming it towards me with a narrowed gaze. "Do you still want to go?"
"Are you - Have you gone completely mad?!" is all I can think to scream at him.
"Apparently by your analysis, I have, yes," Sasuke said, suddenly having boiled down to a scary calm, it seemed. He nears me a couple feet, gun in a shakeless hand, pointed at my chest.
"What the hell do you plan to do with that?!" I ask him as if it's not obvious. I'm so beyond stunned I really can't even process my own name right now. I never would've thought he'd be capable of this - I wasn't even aware he owned a gun!
"That all depends on how you answer my question..." Sasuke says in a low, calm voice that's just chilling.
I swallow thickly and continue to stare at him like he's crazy - which by now I'm beyond sure he is. I've fallen in love with a crazy person. They're holding me at gun point, threatening me with death if I leave them. I'm not sure if I'm insane enough with him to be touched by such deranged devotion or if I'm sane enough without him to realize that I could be dieing right here and now and more than likely no one would be none the wiser. No one knows I'm here. No help will come. It is only he and I right now.
My life rests in the sterdy hand on the otherside of the staring barrel.
I can't even get my lips to move. All I can do is stare at the gun. I'm shaking, feeling petrified more and more by the moment. I don't see his face and I barely see his attached hand to the piece. All I can see is that gun and blood on the floor and my lifeless body. "So - S-So what?" I somehow manage to stammer out, eyes unmoving. "If... If you can't - If you can't have me, no one can? Is th-that was this is?" At receiving no reply, I finally yank my gaze to his to realize the scowl on his face, but it wasn't at me, I think - it was at himself. "... This - This is only proving what I said!" I yell at him daringly, suddenly recalling the fact I have nerves and have never been known to be smart with my mouth before and that this isn't the first time my life has been in danger - first with a gun, but not overall. Sasuke wasn't aware of that fact. "This is only etching you out to be the very man I know you are!"
"I'm not!" Sasuke snarls at me, suddenly looking conflicted. "I'm a better man than that! I'm a better man than what you think I am!"
"A better man doesn't cheat on the wife he supposedly loves nor lies to others with an 'I love you'! Let alone pulls a gun on someone!" I yell but rear my head back when the gun is shoved towards my face.
"I didn't lie!"
"To who?!" I snarl at him accusingly, glaring.
"You!"
"Bullshit!" I snap before bolting forward like a spooked cat, tackling Sasuke through his mid-section, catching him completely off guard and throwing him to the ground, the gun flying from his grip and skidding away from the both of us, the impact to the ground accidentally sending off a shot that barrelled through the curtain and through the window, shattering it into a millian diamond-like pieces, cascading moonlight off of them in many odd ways before they scattered all across the floor, the echoes of Sasuke's grunt filling the room. I grab his wrists tight and pin them at his shoulders on the ground before I bash my head hard into his own. I'm not sure why I did that and I instantly regret it after as it disorients the both of us and probably defeats any purpose I was going for. "Nng..." I grunt a little before shaking my head, glaring down at his turned face, his eyes still closed from my attack. "Just admit it! Admit it! Admit that you're selfish and you're never satisfied! Admit you need material, tangible things to be happy! You don't believe in love! You don't believe in committment! You believe in what you can pay for! You have a wife just to buy her things - you've bought her! You bought my time and you think you own me when you don't and you can't handle the fact that that very important piece of information is now being thrown back into your face by my desire to freely leave! You're seriously going to shoot me because you're an idiot!"
"Get off of me!"
My brow twitches in frustration before I end up head butting him again. "No!"
"Quit that!" Sasuke snarls, both of us more than likely now having a pounding head ache by my brilliance. "And get off!" I suddenly find myself thrown across the room by his upjecting force and I howl in pain as my side skids right across the endless pieces of glass.
I breathe out a thick breath of pain as I raise to a sit, that only causing glass to dig into my palms and legs. The pain is overwhelming and causes my eyes to water but I grit my teeth, staring down at the diamond-like pieces. I just barely notice the gun in my peripheal vision but turn the other direction as I hear Sasuke near me. With the fear that rushed through me from the expression on his face, I momentarily forget about the glass and try to skitter backwards away from him but just whimper again as glass now digs into my ass and even further into my hands and legs. I yelp when he grabs my hair and rips me forward and more into the center of the room, releasing me to allow me to collapse. I still have glass stuck in me and it hurts so much - it hurts yet it somehow makes me feel better, too. I let out another slow breath as I look to my bleeding palms. I slightly jump when I hear a click and lift my chin to peer into a deep gun barrel hardly an inch from my face now. I drop my hands to my lap. "... Is that it then...?"
"... That's it." He's quiet a moment. "... Do you really not want to be with me anymore...?"
I frown sadly, suddenly losing the burst of fire I had achieved. My eyes drop to my lap and to the smeared blood on my bare flesh. Everything stings and my head hurts and my chest hearts on the inside. I close my eyes. "I can't stay with you, Sasuke..."
"... ...I know... I'm sorry." I hear him whisper and I about leap out of my skin when I hear a shot go off the next second, my eyes whipping open and to him. Momentarily, I'm confused - I feel no explosion of pain. Everything is suddenly quiet until I hear something collapse onto the ground, his face having fallen from my vision. Then it hits me. He didn't shoot me.
He didn't shoot me.
"Sa..." My eyes are locked where his face once was. I don't want to look down. "... su..." Slowly, my eyes begin to drop as my eyes burn like never before, vision blurred by the pooling tears that quickly overflow with no restraint. "... ke...?"
Last I knew was my scream and the sight of a bleeding hole in his head before I fainted.
And they're naked through this the whole time, yep. Clothes - what are those even.
THIS WAS ACTUALLY inspired by a page of the wonderful yaoi webcomic Teahouse (Google that shit up) where Linneus shoves Atros away after glimpsing the ring. The section in this one-shot where Naruto mentions feeling his wedding ring against his skin was the basis for this whole story, lol. Originally, I had actually planned to have them in the midsts of sex where Naruto then actually feels the ring against him BUT I JUST skipped over all that instead and got straight into the drama with no sexy-sexy. ;DD I didn't have a set out plan for this other than that, so whatever else happened just sort of... happened, lol. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS INCREDIBLY HAPPY STORY WITH A HEART-WRENCHINGLY POETIC AND HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER ENDING. MygodIneedsleeporblueberriesorsomethingidfk.