I had decided that I was going to stay in Oakdale while my father was, yet again, moved onto a different base. I didn't know why I wanted to stay here, but I felt as if I needed to, that there was some force that was pulling me towards it. Or maybe it was the fact that my father didn't know that I was gay. Yeah, that one was probably it.
As I walked down the road I was still thinking about why I couldn't tell my father about who I was born to be, why is it so hard? Almost all my friends knew, so why couldn't I bring myself to tell him? Oh yes, because I was convinced that he would hate me.
"Noah! Wait up." I turned around as I heard my name being yelled. I turned to see that it was Maddie, my best friend, the one that helped me come to grips with who I am. (To be honest, I even tried to get her to go out with me so that I had something to convince my dad that I wasn't gay. But she seemed to know better and she even got me to admit that I was gay.) "Geez Noah, I've been yelling at you for the last block and a half! What's on your mind? You upset about your dad being transferred?" she asked.
"Yes and no," I told her. "Yes because I won't be able to see for some time now and no because now, I'm free to be who I really am. And that means I'm finally free to look for someone who can love me back. Ha ha."
Maddie was looking around, I guess trying to think of something to say or trying to compose herself. I kind of hurt her when I was finally was able to come out to her, but she stuck next to me the whole time, never leaving me when I needed her the most. "Noah?" she said.
"Yeah?" I replied.
"Do think that Casey ever thinks about me in prison? I mean, how could he? I was told that he didn't want any calls from me. What am I supposed to do with that information? Does he expect me to just move on with my life?" she asked in one giant breath.
So this is what was bothering her. That idiot Casey, giving up the one person who could have loved him unconditionally, no matter what stupid mistake that he did! I was getting angrier by the thought. So I turned to Maddie and told her, "If that moron doesn't want to talk to you, then it's his loss, not yours. Personally, I think he only did it so that you could move on with your life, he didn't want to be the reason that you were alone until he gets out."
I could see how my words were calming her down, not to mention myself, so I pressed on. "And if that is what he wants for you then I say that you move on, find yourself a great guy and just get back in the game!"
She turned to look at me fully. "You know what? You're right Noah. Why should I sit around wondering about what can never be? I should move on with my life and see what lies ahead! And if the perfect guy drops by then all the better for me," she said, energetically.
-x- In Java
When Maddie looked well enough to go out I suggested we go out for coffee and scope out the eligible men here in Oakdale, straight and gay.
We sat in our usual corner in Java, no one ever bothered to sit here because Maddie and I had been coming here so often since we had been in high school. We had only been sitting there for about 15 minutes when this guy came in. He was the most beautiful thing that I had laid eyes on. His dirty blond hair and his lean body, and when I finally reached his face, I seen the warmest chocolate brown eyes in the world. He was a complete stranger and I was already falling for the stupid guy. I didn't even know if he was gay or not. (And with my luck, he was most likely straight.) I had to make sure to think as if he was straight, so I would not get my hopes up too much. And that would mean that, once again, Maddie would be the one to get him.
Girls (and straight men, of courses) just have it too easy: they can meet someone practically anywhere! We had to worry about offending people and that meant, really, the only place to meet someone, to know for sure, was at a bar. I finally turned away from the amazing looking stranger to see that Maddie was looking as well. "See something that interests you as well?" I asked.
"Umm… yeah I guess that I did," she responded. "Was it that obvious I was staring at the blond that just walked in? And did you say 'as well?'"
I guess I should have humored her and told her that if I wasn't so close to her I would have never seen her trying to look without looking. Ha. "Of course it was obvious; you've only had drool on you for the past two minutes is all." I couldn't resist that one. What with how many times she had seen me looking at a guy that I knew that I couldn't get.
The gorgeous stranger was beginning to turn towards the tables, having just got a coffee. I noticed that he had an application in the other hand that had to mean he was new to Oakdale. Which would explain why I had never seen him before, and believe me I would have remembered seeing this man before.
The next thing I know, Maddie is getting up. It looked to me as if she was going over to talk to the new guy in town. I ask, "Where do you think you're going?"
"To go talk to him. Is that a problem?" she asked.
I was silent for a minute, having to think of my answer. Did I want her going out with a guy I was so obviously attracted to? Or should I be the one to go up to him and see if he is gay? Or a third option, ask Maddie to see if he is gay and if he's not, let her have him? The last option was what I would be going with of course, I was still nervous about putting myself out there when it came to going out with men.
"No," I said. "But I do have a favor to ask of you."
"And that would be?"
"Well," I began. "Do you think you could go over and see if you could get a vibe about the new guy and see if he's gay or not?" Maddie was smiling from ear to ear. "I mean," I continued, quickly, "so that you don't get hurt when you get attached too quickly again. Like the last couple of guys you have dated."
"Oh, I see. It's only so that I don't get hurt. Well… in that case I guess that I could do that for you," she informed me
What did you think? Should I continue or no?