Todoroki groaned and wiped a hand over his face. He tried to still his racing heart as it pounded through his chest. His room was dark, and he could feel the beading of sweat over his face and torso.
Another nightmare.
He turned his eyes to his clock on the wall, heart sinking as he read the time. 2am.
He worked on slowing his panting breaths and swiped the back of his hand over his forehead to remove some of the moisture there. He tried to lay back down, to forget the nightmare. Often, that would work. He would wake up from them, take a moment to collect himself and then return to sleep. However, tonight's tossing and turning spoke to the fact that he was unlikely to get back to sleep. He eventually turned his gaze to the clock again. 2.30am.
Todoroki sighed deeply, feeling nothing short of wide awake. He had back up plans for nights like this. Flipping the blankets back, he stood up from his futon and turned on a lamp. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a tank top to pair with his bed shorts, trying to calm his mind to curb some of his adrenaline.
He slid on slippers, and quietly made his way down to the common area. There was unlikely to be anyone else there at this time, especially since Aizawa had been working them extra hard in their studies- both physically and academically. Todoroki vaguely remembered Kaminari muttering something about going to bed at the same time as Bakugo and feeling, in his words "like a grandfather".
He walked through the hallways and down the stairs, still trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling of reliving the day his mother was sent away, and the events leading up to it. He was so deep in thought he hadn't noticed walking into the shared loungeroom adjacent to the kitchen. When he eventually became aware of his surroundings, he noticed a dim light was on in the kitchen. Unusual.
Stepping into the kitchen, he was greeted with the sight of Yaoyoruzo, sitting at one of the bar stools on the island bench, a drink in hand. She too, was dressed in her pyjamas- a singlet and bed shorts, much the same as Todoroki.
He observed her for a moment as she looked into her mug and sighed deeply. She seemed deep in thought.
It was of no surprise, then, when she seemed a little startled at Todoroki's quiet and sudden appearance.
Her hand flew to her chest, signifying her surprise. "Oh. Todoroki. I didn't hear you come in." She paused briefly. "What are you doing up?"
Todoroki walked past her and into the kitchen. "Couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?"
Yaoyoruzo looked down to her mug and ran her thumb along it. "Couldn't sleep." She relied softly.
Todoroki was never one to pry. He was a man of very few words, after all. For him, anything he said needed to be direct and short, there was no point in extending conversations needlessly. If he ever fully examined it, he was sure he would find a link to his father's training in there somewhere.
But. Even with this knowledge, he found himself wanting to prod and pry at Yaoyoruzo. Why was she awake now, and why did she seem so low?
Todoroki briefly remembered the time they had spent at the festival together. Neither of them had been before, and he could faintly remember Yaoyoruzo mumbling about someone disapproving of her being there. Somehow, in that instance, he felt they had grown closer together, even though neither of them had verbalised it. Be it their similar situations, or the fact they were there together, he wasn't quite sure. All he knew was that he had started to feel comfortable around her. Comfortable enough to ask how she was in the morning when she sat down next to him. Comfortable enough to listen to her answer out of curiosity for her wellbeing, rather than simply social politeness.
So, he supposed it wasn't too far out of the ordinary when he furthered the conversation.
"Why not?"
Yaoyoruzo looked up from her mug and smiled weakly. "Oh. You know. Family things."
Todoroki understood that. Hell, his own reason for being there in the kitchen was his family. He tilted his head slightly and made eye contact with her. "Oh?"
Yaoyoruzo eyed him carefully for a few moments before she answered. "Well. I suppose you understand a bit, coming from the family you do. Expectations can be..." she paused. "demanding."
Todoroki nodded, understanding her implicit meaning. Being from a high-profile family often had more cons than benefits. He continued to look at Yaoyoruzo, unsure of the best next course of action. Was she trying to stop the conversation, or was she inviting him to ask more. He was about to speak without thinking when he noticed Yaoyoruzo sigh lightly.
Breaking eye contact, Yaoyoruzo stood up from her bar stool and walked behind him in the kitchen. "Take a seat, Todoroki. I'll make you some tea."
Todoroki blinked once, twice, and then nodded. "Okay."
He understood the implicit meaning behind her actions. That she was offering to make him tea as a way for her to deal with her own anxious state. As if by busying her hands it would calm her mind.
He watched her boil the water, select a cup, and go about carefully measuring tea into a strainer. She turned from the stove briefly to lock eyes with him. "Chamomile? To help you sleep?"
Todoroki nodded in reply. He wasn't as well versed in the myriad of available teas as Yaoyoruzo was. He came from a strict traditional home. Their tea was green tea, barely tea, or nothing at all. Yaoyoruzo had the most expansive knowledge of teas he had ever heard of- from all sorts of different provinces all over the world. He found her knowledge and automatic hostess-like qualities endearing.
Yaoyoruzo brewed the tea, poured it without spilling a drop and carefully placed it in front of Todoroki, who had then taken his seat on a barstool next to Yaoyoruzo's previous place. He muttered a "thanks" and took a sip. Hot, sweet, soothing- exactly what he wanted.
Yaoyoruzo came around the island bench and sat next to him on the stool. They sat in amicable silence for a few moments, both sipping their tea and enjoying the warm soothing nature of it. Yaoyoruzo was the first to break the quiet.
"So, what kept you from sleeping, Todoroki?"
He slid his eyes towards her, before turning his attention back to his mug and taking another sip. "Family things."
Yaoyoruzo nodded slowly. "Not to pry, but what sort?"
Todoroki grunted. "Things from the past." Despite his internal analysing of the girl next to him, he found it difficult to reciprocate out loud with his own thoughts and feelings. He also rationalised that 3am was a difficult time to discuss childhood trauma.
She paused and looked at him. "Do you talk to anyone about them?" she paused again. "The things that keep you awake at night, I mean."
He suddenly found it difficult to keep a neutral face. Perhaps it was the time, perhaps it was her constant questioning, but he could feel the familiar bubble of anxiety rising to the surface. Taking a deep breath to quell it, he sighed long and loud. "No. Certain things are better left in the past."
He wondered if the reason he left them there was because addressing them now would be too painful. Perhaps letting them seep out in his dreams was just his mind's way of unbottling some of the stress of stuffing the memories deep inside a box in the recesses of his mind.
Yaoyoruzo looked at him curiously. "I apologise if I have over stepped a line, Todoroki." She rested a hand on his arm. "I mean only to let you know that I am concerned for you, and I am here if you need me."
Todoroki let the feeling of the simple gesture wash over him. It was as if her hand on his arm carried the genuine concern she had voiced, and it radiated right to his chest. He wasn't used to kind gestures such as these, and he relished the instant soothing effect it had on him. He briefly wondered if he would feel the same way if someone else had been the one to comfort him.
Yaoyoruzo removed her hand from him and went back to tracing her thumbs over her mug. "You know. My family is well off-"she paused and guffawed lightly. "Well I suppose everyone knows that…" she paused again. "My family are supportive and loving, but above all are traditional." She hesitated. "They expect me to finalise my studies and then find a husband."
Todoroki frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"
"I've never been able to participate in festivals, normal school activities, or any of those things, because they're below the family status." She frowned and pursed her lips. "They're common." She sighed deeply. "So clearly, being the only child, I'm responsible for carrying on the family line and traditions." She paused again. "Sometimes I think that's all I am- a tool for my parents to pass on the family heritage."
Todoroki was indeed a man of few words, but never a man who was lost for them. He knew all too well how it felt to be regarded as a means to an end. What he didn't know, was that there were other people who felt this way, too.
Todoroki let himself speak without thinking. "I understand.". He felt a shiver run up his spine at how honestly he had meant those words.
Yaoyoruzo look at him sceptically. She nodded slowly, "Perhaps."
After a fleeting moment of thought, he replied. "My father wants me to replace All Might as the number one hero. I don't have a choice." He paused briefly and pointed to his scar. "And it was my mother who gave me this."
Yaoyoruzo stopped gently fiddling with her teacup as she observed him. Her gaze was fixed, unreadable. The silence stretched on for what seemed like an eternity. Todoroki had become better with revealing his personal life, but discussing the particulars was still something he was coming to terms with. The stretching silence struck anxiety into him, as if he revealed too much, too quickly.
He decided to cut his losses.
"I'm going to try and go back to bed." He mumbled, rising from the stool. A firm hand on his shoulder put him back in his seat.
"Tell me how you live with this." She whispered. "Tell me how I can live with my own demons." She had started to well up with tears, threatening to spill over her cheeks.
Todoroki swallowed. "I- I don't know." His neutral face gave way to concern as Yaoyoruzo threatened to fall apart in front of him. "I'm still figuring it out."
Yaoyoruzo nodded and swiped at her eyes, wicking the tears away. Todoroki could see that she was urgently trying to repair a carefully curated emotional wall. She sniffled and smiled sadly. "Maybe-" She hiccupped. Her tears started again. "Maybe we can do it together."
With that, her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, as she desperately ran her wrist back and forth over her cheeks, trying to slow them.
Todoroki hadn't realised that as he watched her, he had started to cry himself. His rolled over his cheeks silently, quietly, down his face, dripping from his jaw, his own wall ever so slowly crumbling along with hers. How he wished someone had said that to him years ago. As he watched her try and control the tears she could not, he wished he could have said it to her, instead. Perhaps it was the late night that finally wore his emotions down, or perhaps it was the continual rumination on his past that caused it.
It didn't really matter either way. Todoroki felt something bloom within his tightly concealed neutral mask, something that made him want to feel inner warmth, some relief. Something that made him want to comfort her in the way he longed to be comforted.
He stood from his barstool and pulled her into his chest. He held her tightly as they cried, and she held him back in equal strength. Though they crumbled together, a passer-by may have considered them to be having a prolonged hug. There was very little evidence of the wild emotions they were finally liberating.
Her tears and quiet sobs were absorbed by his singlet, but it felt to him that they were being sent straight to his heart and mending it. His tears fell down his face and into her hair as he rested his head on top of hers. It was every bit as comforting, as they both let out some of the trauma they had kept with them for so long. Their misery seemed almost sweet in the embrace.
As quickly as she had fallen apart, Yaoyoruzo slowed her hiccupping sobs and turned them to quiet sniffles. Todoroki followed suit, and felt his tears dry on his jaw. Restricting emotions for so long was a habit that died hard, and showing weakness to another was a cardinal sin- in both their families.
When she pulled away he noticed her face was red and puffy and he briefly considered if his face was, too.
She sniffed and rubbed her eyes with her palms. "I- I'm so sorry, Todoroki." She laughed grimly. "I'm not sure what came over me." Todoroki felt himself wonder the same thing. He couldn't figure out why, after so long, he had chosen tonight to finally allow some release of his feelings, instead of stuffing them away.
Todoroki subtly dabbed at his cheeks with his fingers, checking to see if there were any tears left. "A cup can only hold so much before it overflows." He replied. It was true. Perhaps his cup had finally overflowed.
Yaoyoruzo nodded, her understanding showing in the simple gesture. Her gaze fell to her hands in her lap, and Todoroki observed her.
She fiddled with her fingers, rolling her thumbs over each other. "Todoroki-" Her voice faltered, and with it, her fiddling intensified. With a small nod of her head, she brought her gaze to him. "Todoroki, no one else knows about my… situation." She looked at him firmly, eyes searching.
He nodded and she continued. "So, if you're able, please forget what I've said. I don't want to worry anyone."
Todoroki felt the corners of his mouth upturn slightly, his neutral façade shattering ever so slightly again. "I can't forget." He said gently. "But we can face our demons together."
The relief that washed over her face was instant. It resulted in an uncertain, but hopeful smile and her reaching to grab his hands in his. "Together."
Todoroki and Yaoyoruzo parted ways not long after doing the dishes and tidying the kitchen. As they stood at the entrance of Yaoyoruzo's level, he going to his level and she to her room, she took his hands again.
"Todoroki." She looked down at their entwined hands. "Thank you."
She leant towards him and kissed him gently on the cheek. Todoroki smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in his adolescent life.
She gently squeezed his hands before she let them go. "See you in a few hours." She smiled, waved shyly and stepped into the girl's dorms.
He nodded and waved back. He walked up the stairs and to his room. Placing a hand gently on his cheek, he felt a smile bloom over his face.
The distress from his nightmares had vanished, but he really didn't feel sleepy any more. He opened the curtains to watch dawn approach the world, and sighed peacefully. The thought of someone knowing his secrets was terrifying, and at the same time reassuring. He pondered the thought, finding a great relief in halving his long carried burden.
The sun peaked over the UA grounds
"Together."