I got inspired to create a little Dazai drabble, so here you go I hope you all enjoy!
The Mind and words of Osamu Dazai
Dazai's apartment 12:00 am
The moon was dimly lit for once as it's light gently flowed within Dazai's apartment. Dazai could be seen laying on his back as he looked up towards his ceiling. Something was wrong, no it's not that it was wrong, it was just happening again. This feeling that came after excessive use of using his ability.
"No, Longer, Human…" Daizai mumbled slowly.
"What am I? I am Osamu Dazai, but that is a who not a what. I am not human, yet my body is human. I am not some mythical creature or some powerful spirit, I am just not human.
I am nothing, nor do I desire anything-no that's not true I desire something, I desire death. But why? Or do I desire life? I do not want a painful death but I have found many nonpainful ways to commit suicide." Turning to left and then turning to the right Daizai slowly rolled around on his futon, forcing himself to move. He would accept this situation but he wouldn't lay still doing it, he didn't like to be still while in this mood, it almost scared him for some unknown reason.
"So why do I not use any of them… Well now that I think of it maybe I do have a reason, or to more precise just small reasons. I want to save people, I want to do as Oda asked me, in the long run, I am more happy with myself." As Daizai turned he faced his ceiling, staring at nothing.
"I wish I could have saved him, but there is no turning back…. Time is just too cruel." He whispered as tears fell from his face, they wouldn't stop, he didn't even bother to try and stop them. It was pointless, just like this mood.
"I like the A.D.A, I feel genuinely happy being there. But despite that feeling, it will sometimes slip through the cracks of my mind. I won't feel anything yet I want to at the same time, isn't that feeling something? What is wrong with me, why does everything I feel seep away into those cracks. Where do they even go?" slowly Dazai reached out his hands wondering if he could catch those feelings. He'd never be able to but for some reason, he felt the urge to reach within the darkness of his room.
"I am just I tired. I am something like that but tired of what, myself? For once that feels almost right haha. I'm so tired that when I can breathe I cannot at the same time, though I feel every emotion I feel nothing. As I touch anything I forgot it's feeling in an instant, as I taste it fades just before touching my tongue." Turing to his right side Dazai closed his eyes and tried to breathe, his tears still fell quickly down his face.
"I see clearly and yet right now I see something that should be human but isn't, I can't hear right now because I hold my ears down so tight that even the voice in my head can't make a sound." Dazai had opened his eyes and stared into the rectangle mirror in front of him.
"Why won't my body let me die? Why won't my mind let me live? Why am I no longer human? Maybe I was never human, maybe I will never be human, but if I am not human what am I? What was even the answer I said before… ?" Dazai asked with a frown that soon turned into a sad smile.
"Say do you know what makes a person a human… Do you know why I am no longer human, can someone tell me why. Can someone tell me why I am so conflicted, why does everything dissipate in my mind? Please just let me be human for once even just one day...Just one day please…" He lifted his left hand reaching out to the mirror that suddenly became illuminated by the dim light of the moon.
Dazai continued to lay there, reaching out not moving even an inch, he just cried as everything about him disappeared into the particles of the moonlight.
He no longer is human, nor will he ever be.