A/N: Hello people this is my first twilight fic and well, hope you like it. Pleeeeaase review!!!

Warnings: Spoilers for eclipse I guess

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, the genius she is!!

"How to: Tell your parents your boyfriend is a Vampire" - A guide from Bella Swan.

If you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, you know, Vampire boyfriend, Werewolf best friend, oblivious parents, and you have no idea what to do, I may have a few pieces of advice for you. This time we'll go over some steps you might find useful.

Step 1: Stay calm.

OMG OMG!!! today, my life will end, I'm sure of it. The worse thing is my life won't end at the hand (well mouth) of my gorgeous vampire of a boyfriend. fiancé. Oh shut up mind!!!. anyway, as I was saying, my life will end and I'm pretty sure my own parents will do the job, you see today I'm telling them about my boyfriend's eating habits.

Oh and afterwards I'll drop the marriage bomb, if I'm dying anyway I don't think any one will mind a little more information, right?? Right!!??.

Ok Bella deep breaths.

I don't want to dieee!!! so young, so beautiful. Ok not so beautiful but so young. I think I might drown in the shower if I don't get out soon. huh, drown?

If drowning in your own shower begins to sound appealing to you I think that's quite wrong. Maybe I should get out. Edward get your ass here right this second!!!.

As if on cue, Mr. God appeared by my bed smirking at me. Why is he smirking??.

Ohh, my erm- clothing, or lack of more likely. I shut the bathroom door and get dressed quickly and next thing he knows he has a Bella on his lap.

Step 2: Do NOT let your mind wander off.

He embraces me while I inhale his delicious scent. so him!. I pull back and stare at those golden pools and my mind runs free.

If I could stare into his eyes forever, and be like this with him I wouldn't mind turning into a tropical banana if that's what it takes.

"You know it's still quite annoying not to know what you're thinking". He grabs my chin and pulls me just one inch from his face. I can almost see myself getting dizzy.

"Tr-tropical bananas" That's all I managed to say before what's left of my brain took a vacation to the Caribbean.

Step 3: Don't get mad at your fiancé. he's your allied.

He lets go of my chin and laughs so hard he has to burry his face in my pillow as to not wake my father up. instantly my face is so hot I could probably cook my breakfast on it, so naturally, I'm annoyed. Very annoyed.

"When you finish laughing Eddie" Ha! take that Mr.! "you could help me with my 'My fiancé is a vampire' speech.

Ohh that shut him up all right. He immediately went quiet and looked very serious.

"You're telling them today"

"Yes" Urgh!! his eyes are all gleamy. He's Eager???!!

Step 4: Prepare your speech with care. Collect your thoughts.

"Mum, dad" I gulped. "Edward is a - a"

"Yes Bella?"

"A vam - vam" I soo can't do this!!

"A vam vam?" That's it dad, awesome job embarrassing me, as usual. I see Edward try to suppress a smile from the corner of my eye.

"A Vampire" says Edward silkily. Using the charm on my parents huh?. I gotta admit, they do look a bit dazzled. or maybe it's the fact he just told them he's a vampire.

I Vant to Suck Your Blood!!! haha. seriously Not funny Bella.

And they're off. My parents aren't killing me, they're not freaking out either, no, they're laughing.

"Are you quite finished" That's two times I've used the phrase today. Boy do I get annoyed fast. Yes mummy, we're not kidding.

Mum blinks. Dad blinks. I blink. Edward smiles. Damns him and his calmness, I guess a hundred years of experience do pay off.

Step 5: Do NOT let your mind wander off. Yes. The wandering returns.

Someone please talk!!

This is unbelievable!! I finally manage to shut Mum up. If only I knew earlier all I had to say was vam-vam

Argh! Tell me off, ground me! just say something. Say anything!!.

…

Sweet Baby Jesus Eating Guacamole! This is the longest silence in the entire history of the world!.

In moments like this I'm so glad he can't read my thoughts, I mean, 'Sweet baby jesus eating guacamole' isn't the coolest thing to say, if you get my drift.

This Can't get any worse.

Oh-oh, spoke too soon Bella. I feel laugh bubbling in my chest. No-no pleeeeaaase I can't laugh now.

Apparently I can. My parents are looking at me as if I'm some sort of alien, and I probably am.

Step 6: Get Your Future Father In Law To Do It!!. It's way easier.

The bell rings. Edward gets up and opens the door. He's such a gentleman.

"Good evening" It's Carlisle. I release a huge breath of utter relief. He greets my still shocked parents and leads them to the kitchen to talk to them and Edward turns to me. He kisses me lightly and smiles.

"Vam -vam?? Is that my new nickname dear?"

"Oh shut up" He laughs and hugs me tighter, I'm so happy with him. I don't think I mind much about my parents. I'll deal with them later.

Edward is looking so very sexy right now.

Correct 'later'.

Much Later.