...What had I done?
Was this really caused by me..?
Am I a monster?
I never meant for it to be this way.
It was just me being Lexi.
It's not my fault.
It can't be.
The note read that it was.
She had to be lying..making up some excuse..but
It said it all.
Why couldn't I see this before?
I can't sit here in denial.
I did this.
She should be standing here, soaking in grauduation pride. But she's not.
I should be where she is..but i'm not.
She is so pure
And i'm just trying to fit in...and it never really works..I just make people feel crappy,
I don't want that. But..
Girls follow me. They look up to me.
What am i suppose to do, you know?
Nevertheless
She literally has the power to walk in and light up the world, or maybe just mines but that doesnt matter and...well atleast she Had that power before it all went away..
She may not have been the smartest, nor the mosst talented.
Not everyone can have it like me..but
She was there for me.
And what did I do?
I talked about her when I felt down.
She never told me it hurt her.
I thought she was too stupid to understand most of my backhanded comments. My unintended slanders towards her when i was at a low point.
She wasnt.
She understood well and clear.
Did she really believe the things I said?
I really hope she didnt.
Paisley was better than me.
No matter how much i hate to admit it, she had a perfection to her. She did everything right without trying and I..
I'm just some wannabe who is too afraid to show her true self to anyone.
I'm a nerd. I like sci-fi. I like talking animals. I like BOOKS. But that will NEVER show, because i'm scared it'll ruin everything i worked hard to be.
Paisley..her genuineness. I wish i could have been a bit similar, atleast when i was with her.
Or maybe it's not to late?
It doesn't matter.
I'll never have her back..
She hates me.
I'm the reason she took that jump.
I'm the reason she has insecurities for stuff that make no sense in her predicament.
I bagged on her looks..I bagged on her intelligence, I mocked her for
Every, Little, Thing.
When she was beautiful, and smarter then i'd ever be in most prospects of life.
She's still beautiful..
But i'm the reason she can't walk.
I'm the reason she's in the hospital with broken arms, and a broken heart.
I'm the reason her leg is amputated.
It's all on me.
And i really, can't take that fact.
It's not about me, right?
I know, but how else can i feel...everyone is staring at me
Because i'm a horrible person..
It's not about them eithier, right?
I know. It's about Paisley.
Don't I have to try?
Try to make this right..
She tried to kill herself because of ME!
Of course I do..
The doctors won't let me in though..
They are all looking at me.
I always loved the attention but this time it was killing me..
It didn't matter how much I pleaded.
I'm not good for her.
Not at the moment.
Not at the moment atleast.
I can't wait. I HAVE to see her.
But they are pushing me out of the door.
Is this not illegal? Throwing me out by force,,i mean sheesh I wasn't trying to hurt anyone.
I was never trying to hurt anyone.
Especially not her. I never want to do that. Never again..
I'm a hazard, the security guard said. A hazard to her safety.
All the nurses knew what I had did.
This was too much.
This was it.
I will stop trying.
I'll do what i should of done before.
I will quit.
I'm a hazard to myself as well as I hazard to anyone else.
Standing on this chair, I looked at my window.
The sun was shining down on me ,and It wasn't fair.
Not fair to anyone who deserved that sun.
Memories of Paisley plagued my mind as I began to lose my breath the rope getting tighter and tighter around my neck.
This..
This is for you Paisley.
May you never be burdened by me again.
This..is..for..you.
A/N : Sorry if this is bad. My first A.N.T Farm fic-First un-fluffy happy ending type of work and I did it in 20 minutes :') so pretty please review. All I need is a simple 'it was ok' or a 'Needs work' and if you have any criticism please don't be afraid to give it!