Title: Episode Reactions
Author: eMu
Summary: My fanon versions of the characters comment on some of the more bizarre aspects of the show.
"How did it go?" Schuldig asked, after Brad Crawford finally emerged from his bedroom reeking of incense. It couldn't have gone that well if Fearless Leader had needed to clear.
"Someone threw a sword at our helicopter." Brad answered as he made his way past his team (all lazing around the living room in different modes of relaxation) and towards the kitchen.
"Someone threw a sword at a helicopter?" Nagi repeated, somewhere between incredulity and scorn.
"It's too dumb to make up." Brad answered. He sat down on the futon next to Nagi with a carton of leftover soba and a can of iced green tea. He'd changed out of the dress shirt and tie in favor of a Red Sox jersey.
"Why?" Schuldig asked. "Did he think he could hurt the helicopter?"
"No, I think he was just trying like hell to kill our new boss and pissed we had an escape helicopter. The guy tried to jump us while we were inside too. Oh yeah, the new boss is an idiot. Worse than the last guy."
"No one ever accused Esset of liking smart pawns." Schuldig observed.
"Yeah, but I mean seriously, normally they have some sense of self preservation. So okay, this guy we're meeting, Hikage? Someone placed a hit on him and it went down while we were there. I'm not kidding, the lights go, someone's hacked into the speakers and broadcasts threatening messages, people are panicking, someone fires a crossbow at us…yeah, I had to suggest we leave."
"You're kidding." Nagi said flatly, knowing Brad didn't joke about work.
"And this guy has enemies too?" Schuldig asked, after a low whistle.
"Well I don't think the kid with the sword was an admirer. God, we have enough shit going on without having samurai swords thrown at us." Brad snapped, clearly annoyed.
"So we're actually going to have to work to keep this idiot alive, aren't we?" Schuldig assessed. His lazy nature didn't sit well with this information.
"Not for long. Thank Christ Esset's plans for this jackass are short term."
"Aren't we not supposed to say the C word?" Nagi asked, looking up from his laptop in concern.
"Farf's got headphones on." Brad said dismissively. "Are you studying or chatting?"
"Little of both. Hey, I can do both." Nagi objected as Brad leaned over his shoulder, prepared to close any windows he objected to.
"I thought you wanted to learn English. It took a lot of wheedling to get the funds for that software our of Esset. Cheap pricks."
"It's coming slowly because you and Farf keep trying to help me and you both speak it totally differently." Nagi whined.
The word rubbers had created a lot of confusion in the multi-lingual household. Schuldig snorted, remembering Farf's reaction to that moment of realization (I'm talking about erasers. What the hell is wrong with ye, ye sick Yank?!).
"I picked up English quick enough. You're just slacking." Schuldig accused. Nagi muttered something darkly before resuming his chatting.
Brad started eating some of his untouched soba, and the assassins lazed in silence for a few minutes. Schuldig was draped over an easy chair, bouncing his legs up and down, clearly jittery but also lost in thought. After a few minutes he broke the silence.
"So who was the guy with the sword?"
"Hm? Oh, one of the Weiss."
"You didn't think that was worth mentioning before?" Nagi asked, annoyed.
Brad shrugged. "We'll be seeing enough of them soon anyhow."