Title: Matsumoto – Fangirl Stalker
Characters: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Renji, Kuchiki Byakuya
Rating: T for mature themes, humour
Summary: Matsumoto ships ByaRen. Follows Fangirl Counsellor
Disclaimer: Own no part of Bleach, not even bleach
A/N Forgot to explore this motif in previous fics, how could I leave this out?
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"Taichou! I've an idea!"
"What now, Matsumoto? If it isn't about work, I don't want to hear about it. Go back to sleep, Hyourinmaru."
"No, no! Hyourinmaru should listen in too! My idea involves him as well! And Haineko. It is about work, in a way. It's about our training."
"Matsumoto, we train with the division everyday, and spar together every other day. That's as much as we can fit into our schedule. You ought to know that, you're the one who does the schedule." Despite her general disinclination towards paperwork, Matsumoto never shirked her duty in this area.
"That's what I mean, Taichou! The division needs to train together, but we're getting a little stale because we're so used to each other's fighting style. I think we need to train with other divisions!"
Hitsugaya's brush stopped, arrested. It was actually a good idea. He looked up at his fukutaichou, about to reply when he noticed the glint in her eyes. Matsumoto's bona fide good ideas were never accompanied by that glint. Hyourinmaru, is Haineko nearby? Do you know what Matsumoto is planning?
Not an inkling, Toushiro, came the suspiciously cheerful reply. Hitsugaya sighed inwardly. He should have known better than to ask. Somehow, the mental image of Hyourinmaru and Haineko settling into the front row of their own personal theatre eagerly awaiting the rise of the curtains refused to leave his mind.
However, it was a perfectly sound proposal, and try as he could, even knowing Matsumoto as he did, her true intent was beyond his scrutiny.
"Well, Taichou?" Her face was bright and expectant. And those sky-lit eyes were suffused with the most harrowing kind of glee.
Quashing his misgivings, Hitsugaya laid his brush down and sat back. "What do you suggest?" he asked. Division policy dictated that only proposals ready for implementation were brought to his attention. Matsumoto immediately launched into an appraisal of the combat capabilities and specializations of the various divisions she had identified as possible sparring partners, and the unique properties of the zanpakuto wielded by the higher seats, as well as the specific abilities of the fukutaichous and taichous. "I recommend that we also spar with uneven numbers and mixed division groups, perhaps seats against a greater number of unseated members, or higher seats, up to fukutaichous, against lower seats. Perhaps the taichous should also take part, either one on one, or with taichous-fukutaichous pairs which can be switched around," she concluded.
Hitsugaya could not but acknowledge that it was an extremely well-formulated plan. Even as he considered its purely technical aspects, another part of him was running a fine toothcomb through it, looking for Matsumoto's angle. But this was a proposal that stood firmly on its own two feet, and to reject it would be to do his division a disservice. Hyourinmaru, if this blows up in my face because of whatever Matsumoto has up her sleeve, I'm throwing you into the biggest kidou bonfire I can make and tell Haineko she's ash toast! The ice dragon merely chuckled lazily.
/hyourinmaruhyourinmaruhyourinmaruhyourinmaruhyourinmaruhyourinmaru\
Hitsugaya stood in the training yard dressed only in the standard shikahausho and hakama, arms folded, eyes intent on the group skirmish in play before him. Matsumoto stood beside him, equally observant, sleeves tied back and hair in a ponytail at her neck. It had been six weeks since Matsumoto's original training proposal, and the various divisions had taken to it like ducks to water. With the agreement of the taichous, the fukutaichous had created a timetable of round-robin joint training sessions, and this was the third session for the Tenth Division, facing the Sixth Division.
The sparring came to an end, and Hitsugaya nodded approvingly to his men before turning to Kuchiki. "A well-conceived project," said the latter in his usual deep monotone. "Please convey my thanks to Matsumoto fukutaichou." Hitsugaya inclined his head graciously. With Kuchiki, one had to observe all the niceties. But the rush of gratification did much to ameliorate the always lingering unease that Hitsugaya felt as weeks passed and Matsumoto made not a single move that was out of line.
He gestured towards Kuchiki. "After you, Kuchiki Taichou." It was now their turn to spar. It was training for them and an exhibition match for their divisions. Glancing at Matsumoto, he heard her concluding a side bet with Abarai involving something utterly farcical about sake and ponytails. Hyourinmaru was humming under his breath, but that would end when the spar began.
The two taichou-fukutaichou pairs took their places. The spar was a test of the cooperation and coordination between each pair, and their grasp of the full range of tactical possibilities provided by their different zanpakuto. This match was of particular interest to Hitsugaya, since Hyourinmaru and Zabimaru both extended, while Haineko mirrored Senbonzakura in disintegrating.
They began with zanpakuto sealed, testing the waters. As the fight deepened, they moved to shikai, petals, ice, ash and blade flying in dangerous counterpoint. At some point, Abarai lost his ponytail and a large hunk of hair, accompanied by Matsumoto's triumphant shout. She, in turn, had her sleeves slashed to nothingness by a spiral of petals, as Hitsugaya blocked Zabimaru's extended form. Then, Haineko snaked past in fine threads of ash to razor across the back of Kuchiki's shikahausho as Hyourinmaru continued past Zabimaru to attack Kuchiki from the front. Hitsugaya's clothing, too, was the worse for wear, his sleeves were slashed, and a large bite had been taken out of the leg of his hakama.
Finally, the spar came to a close, and the participants bowed to each other and dismissed their divisions. Honour had been satisfied on all sides, and apart from light scratches, they were physically unhurt. Hyourinmaru was rumbling with cheerful satisfaction and Hitsugaya was feeling the pleasant lethargy following a challenging bout.
When he entered his office later that evening, he was surprised to see Matsumoto at her desk. He had assumed that sake was in the offing from her earlier bet with Abarai. Looking at her desk, however, the vague dread he had felt over the past weeks suddenly coalesced into horrified disbelief.
"Matsumoto!"
She looked happily up at him. "Oh, Taichou, welcome back!" Seeing the confounded expression on his face, she gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Taichou, I haven't lost it or anything like that! You know, all those fan-fiction stories have got it right, Abarai-kun's hair is really much softer than it looks! In fact, I think it's as soft as mine. I wonder how he keeps it so nice and glossy!" She picked up a lock of night black hair. "And Kuchiki Taichou's hair is magnificent as well. It's really unfair that men can have such nice hair. Yours too, Taichou!"
Hitsugaya finally found his voice. "What's all that hair doing here?" In all honesty, he truly did not wish to hear the answer.
Matsumoto's fingers were busy as she spoke. "Oh, I collected it all after the spar of course. The next set of ByaRen stories I'm distributing are actually wonderfully romantic pieces about their hair and their mutual admiration, (1) so I thought it would be really nice if I could include entwined samples of their hair to go with the stories!"
Hitsugaya had to swallow a large mouthful of righteous indignation before he could speak again. "Do you mean to tell me that you organized all those training sessions just so that you could obtain hair samples?"
Matsumoto's eyes were cherubically innocent as she gazed up at Hitsugaya. "I'm no stalker, Taichou, I couldn't go to their barbers and ask for samples or anything like that, nor could I ask them directly either! Besides, it was an inspired training plan, and we got some really great training sessions in."
Deep, disbelieving silence. Then, "Stop laughing, Hyourinmaru! I am going to bury the three of you so deep you won't ever see the light of day again!"
x(1) I've read the stories, but I can't remember the titles or the authors. Please let me know and I'll acknowledge them here!
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The End
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A/N As I said, I couldn't leave this alone since hair fetish, for Renji's hair especially, is such a key component of ByaRen! Hope I kept up the suspense almost to the end!
"Chire…"