Rukia-chan
By C. LeShay
Summary: Death was preferable to this. Ichigo is trapped and unable to do anything as his hollow goes out and goes after the one thing valuable than his life. As he watches his body perform unspeakable acts – he wonders: Could he have that many similarities with his hollow?
Rating: M (was originally a T, but I agree, it should be rated M for Mature
Warning/Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. A long chapter. Really Whacked-Out thoughts are here… Nor am I making any form of profit with my fanficts. Just to set the records straight; I don't want Kubo doing a JK R.
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This was sick. All of it was making Ichigo sick to his stomach. He could feel it; the heat unfurling in him, the sadistic waves of pleasure rolling awash over them; and he could even hear the satisfied sounds that he was making.
If his throat weren't so hoarse, he would have screamed some more. But this time he would scream in agony and because of the self-disgust he was feeling. Gods above, no. This was not turning him on. No. Ichigo knew that he was still lying on his back trapped within his mind; tired from all the effort he made trying gain control of his body. Weary and disillusioned from screaming and pleading to a deity he did not believe in anymore.
He should have died. He should have fucking died back then. In fact, death would be very much preferable. Now, anything would be better than this. If anything, there really was no reason for him to be allowed to live anymore. Not after this thing, this filthy act he helped commit. Three hours ago he was screaming, putting up a hell of a fight to prevent the hollow from getting his way. But now…
He just wanted to die. If only the friggin' inner world of his would crumble and wither away.
"The power is not yours to wield anymore, Ichigo." Zangetsu said somberly as he stood on his perch once more. "You lost the right the moment you allowed him to rule over you."
At this moment, who cared? He could go to hell; Zangetsu could go to hell. Ichigo wasn't even giving a shit if his hollow wrecked and destroyed Soul Society. He didn't care if it took his body permanently, not anymore.
He saw Rukia's eyes. They were looking at it. Her beautiful violet eyes that was so vibrant, smoldering in its intensity and defiance. Now they were dull and vacant, seeing nothing ahead of her – only a vast, empty wasteland of regret.
Nevertheless, they were beautiful still.
Transfixed, he could do nothing more as he was utterly spent from a lengthy three-days worth of battle for domination, for the right to rule his body against the monster in him who wanted to be free. Then he was occupied with a fight to protect Rukia from the hunger of a deranged creature born out of his basic needs and instincts. To his dismay, he lost both battles… terribly.
Now he lay broken, just as much as her. Unable to do anything, just like her. Unable to do anything as he could see… feel his hollow take her, mark her, fuck her over and over again. He remembered his hollow insinuating before that once he had Rukia in his grasp, there was no stopping him from pulling out all the stops when he would be fucking her – no matter how tired she would be. As long as he wasn't satisfied, he'd fuck her to death for all he cared. It didn't matter if he had an audience or not, he had been driven to the brink of madness just by the mere sight of her through Ichigo's eyes day in, day out.
He could still hear her screaming Ichigo! Ichigo! Over and over in his head: ordering him, asking him, begging him to stop the monster that was all over her. And he friggin' couldn't do it! He was there when he heard her pleading for her dignity, her purity, that she didn't want her first time to be like this – that she was saving it for him because she loved him – HIM, not the monster that was out with her. Strangely enough, it only served to goad the hollow more, as he took her for the first time in the most violent way he could come up with, relishing in the actuality of finally making her scream in pain.
He was there, weak, as her hysterical voice shouted – babbled words that were soon incoherent; begged his hollow – no, HIM – to stop, she was too tired, too spent, too humiliated to allow him to continue.
To Ichigo's horror, the hollow fucked her more, for a good hour or so. Her boneless and pliant body was easily molded into positions that Ichigo would never admit intrigued him… aroused him…
Not content with taking her body in the most painful and humiliating way, he saw himself flip her on her stomach and take her from behind, uncaring of her protests and her screams for him to snap out of it and get control of his body.
That was a long time ago. Now, Rukia was just silent. Her breathing harsh, and her body shaking from a mixture of pain and pleasure, that was yet to end. She lay there like a rag doll whose stuffing was pulled out; broken beyond repair, bits and pieces of her scattered in confetti of cotton and cloth.
Yet like a spoiled, possessive child, his hollow – no, HE – held her closer. Enchanted with his toy, smiling in satisfaction as his hands touched her greedily. Triumphant in the idea that he claimed her; had her; that she was finally his to use as much as he wanted. Secure in the idea that no one will come to take her away.
He could feel his own lips ghost over her flesh without him controlling its movements, lapping up the blood and sealing the wounds. Figures, he wanted to continue so he was keeping her alive. Six hours, for god's sake he was watching himself rape her for six hours, and he still had the gall to feel aroused? He lost count at how many times he had orgasm after orgasm, from the small jerky motions she made and the whimpering cries she choked back – in a mixture of disgust, rage, and grudging satisfaction at the times her body was thrown into the throws of animalistic pleasure.
The whole ordeal was mortifying for the both of them. Her, turned into an object to relieve tension and lust; and him, the not-really-unwilling participant of the debauchery of the most important woman in his life. Ichigo felt tears leak from the side of his eyes as his body was caught between the wracking feel of guilt and mounting desire.
Ichigo remembers the hollow laughing in amusement at his inability to do so. He taunts his weakness and his own desire; that perhaps, at the back of his mind, this was what he wants all along. To take this shinigami, use her, and mark her; that he was unable to fight for dominion over his own body. The hollow laughs again and again, as he recounts how he took and used Ichigo's body to 'experiment' with the different sexual positions found in the Kama Sutra, with the intent of going through it all with Rukia.
The bastard actually did well on his threat. For a 15 year old who never had any previous experience with sex, he was surprised to find himself suddenly capable of complicated positions and maneuvers that could make even an adult blush.
Perhaps he really was like his hollow in the end.
Oh god, her skin was so smooth, her eyes were so luminous, and her hair was just so soft… Why? Why was he so weak? Why was he so pathetic that he failed her? He was supposed to protect her, keep her safe… it was the reason he risked his soul for in the first place. But now, here he was violating her – allowing her to be subjected to rape as he remained in his mind unable to do anything but get off on her suffering.
He wonders if he should have just let her die back in Soul Society. Perhaps that would have been better. If the only reason why he saved her was to make her a literal blow-up doll for his sexual frustrations, maybe dying was not a bad idea.
Ichigo closed his eyes against the sensations that assaulted his senses. Her scent, her feel, her body… why couldn't he stop the want? His mind was mercifully blank as he felt himself thrust his length into her repeatedly… fast and slow… fast and slow… harder… deeper… as his hand reached between them, fondling her moist depths while his mouth suckled on a nipple languidly – like one would take a slow drag of a cold drink on a hot, summer day. There was no part of her that was not explored by his hand, his tongue, or his dick. Some traitorous part of him felt smug at the knowledge that everything about her was his. Or theirs. Her body, her soul, her purity – all of it was theirs. No one had claimed her before, and no one but him would be able to claim her now.
Guiltily, he tried clamping down the feeling.
Why wouldn't it end? Why was he still doing this?
You think for months of frustration and denial, six hours would be enough, Ichigo?
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Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.
Oh shut it. The mocking, derisive voice hisses impatiently, as if he was a naughty child. You had your fun, now let me have mine.
It was deathly silent in the empty warehouse just outside Karakura. It was both a blessing and a curse that no one interrupted them. Ichigo didn't know if Ishida, Inoue, and Chad would survive if the hollow went bankai all over them. Of course, it also meant that their absence was a bad thing for Rukia.
Ichigo feels tears and bile escape him as his knees tremble violently at the sight in front of him. Stop it! Stop it!
Rukia. Oh god, please be alright… Please be alright.
She aint dead yet, if that's what you're askin'
Ichigo paid the hollow no heed. Agonizing moments passed yet all he did was look at the crumpled, bruised, and bloodied form of Kuchiki Rukia as she was sprawled face up on the white and cold cement. Rukia, the shinigami who saved his life and gave him power; now reduced into almost nothing as she bled from numerous wounds. Her pale skin now slick with crimson blood that slid from her limp limbs.
Suddenly, a hand twitched and Ichigo felt the air rush back into his lungs.
See? Told you she's alive. She won't be killed that way easily, and you know it. Our Rukia-chan –
Shut up! Don't call her that! Shut up!
Don't be that way Ichigo. She's OURS. We both saved her, right? She's ours to have and she's ours to take, just the way it was meant to be.
No! Ichigo shouted in his mind as he saw his body move towards the prone figure on the ground. Don't you EVER get near her! Stay away from her!
The hollow laughed. Ichigo, isn't this what we wanted? All those nights the heat was unbearable that you couldn't sleep –
Stop it! Screamed Ichigo angrily.
Couldn't stand the throbbing between your legs, the heat in your loins, thinking about her as you twisted in the sheets; sweating, panting –
Don't talk about her that way bastard! Shouted Ichigo in his mind. Somewhere in his inner world, he could see the way his hollow stalked towards Rukia. He was powerless to stop him, unable to regain control of his body. It was all made worse by a hundredfold as the hollow recounted all the dirty little details of the nights he thought about her in a not-so-innocent way. It was dirty and horrible; it was –
It turns us on, Ichigo.
Suddenly, the hollow was now in front of Rukia. Ichigo felt his breath hitch painfully as he saw the bruises and the cuts all over her. He hoped that these scars could be removed to spare Rukia and him the ill memories of how she got them.
To his horror, Ichigo saw his hand – controlled by the hollow – reach out and ghost over Rukia's face.
"I… chi…go…" she whispered brokenly, her eyes still shut.
Oh god, Rukia… Please be alright…
Oh she will be, Ichigo. The hollow said as he brought out his tongue and ran it over the cuts on her face before he sealed the wounds with kidō. The hollow laughed Why look so surprised Ichigo? Rukia-chan's been teaching you kidō, I was just paying more attention than you.
Ichigo doesn't know if he should feel relief that Rukia wasn't going to die from blood loss or be more concerned at why his hollow was letting her live. His answer came soon enough as the hollow lazily untied the obi of Rukia's shinigami robes.
What are you doing? He cried out in horror, realizing the intent behind the act. No, it was impossible; this creature would not dare to do such a thing!
Doing what we wanted for a long time, Ichigo, The hollow sneered. With nimble fingers, the robes were slowly flicked open. The black gi was first, followed by the white kosode underneath.
Stop it! Don't do that to her! Ichigo screamed desperately, his hands hitting themselves repeated at the grounds in his inner world as he tried in vain to get control of his body. Perhaps somewhere, there was still strength left in him… maybe he could try…
Oh be a man and just enjoy it, you prude. I told you before: I will have Rukia-chan. We will have Rukia-chan.
Ever so slowly, the hollow ripped the bindings wrapped around Rukia's chest with one sharp fingernail.
Lovely, isn't she? Asked the hollow leeringly as Rukia's breasts came into view. The small white mounds heaved up and down to the shaky rhythm of her labored breathing. Here I was thinking I liked bigger racks – like Inoue-chan… but really, I like Rukia-chan's better. Fits us perfectly. Came the eerie voice of the hollow, heavy with desire as it grabbed one breast and covered it with his palm. Oh yes… it murmured in arousal This feels SO wonderful, Ichigo! Don't you just love the way her skin feels in our hands? How soft her body is, how pliant it can be? She's too cold… let's warm her up a bit…
Don't touch her with your filthy hands! Shouted Ichigo, his face red with anger and embarrassment. As much as he tried, he couldn't look away, as his hollow's sights were focused on Rukia. He was unable to look at anything else but at his hand stroking her breast. Oh god, he could literally feel her skin in his fingers… the texture of her nipples as they puckered and hardened beneath his hand…
You're feelin' it too, Ichigo? Good, right? This stuff can get too addicting, you know. All these time I had to wait and watch, thinking about this moment over and over again… It feels good to know I can finally have her.
Ichigo was torn between screaming in anger or groan in arousal as he felt the hollow massage Rukia's breast as his other hand drifted lower to untie her hakama.
Stop it! He shouted hoarsely, as his felt his body heat up and something growing tight in between his thighs. Just stop it!
Don't you want it, Ichigo? I've heard you call out for her in your sleep. For all your intentions to protect her, does she know you moan her name while you touch yourself? Does she know that you fantasize about her often; imagining how it would be like to have her writhing beneath you?
Stop it; Shut up!
I say there's no time like the present to have fun, Ichigo.
You have no right – we have no right – to violate her! Let go! Let her go, NOW! Damn it, his body was feeling things… unspeakable things that were too humiliating to voice out, let alone direct on Rukia herself. He could feel something rise in him as he throbbed with anticipation.
Sit still, Ichigo, it hissed. There's no way you're getting rid of me. You used three days' worth of energy, so you're pretty much useless right now.
With one yank, the hakama was off Rukia. The hollow continued on his task, removing other articles of inner clothing until nothing was left. From the pale moonbeams that drifted in from the small, high windows, her entire body lay bare to his eyes. Her dainty toes, slim ankles, shapely calves, and slim thighs… her rounded, feminine hips… the thatch of fine hair covering her sex…
Don't touch her! Ichigo choked as he felt himself grow harder at the sight of Rukia's nude body. His gut twisted uncomfortably as beads of perspiration trailed down his neck and into his robes.
Slowly, Ichigo saw his hand touch Rukia intimately. Caressing that part of her that never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine being able to touch. Despite his mortification, his body, his traitorous body begun to thrum with an unspeakable desire. He couldn't help it, not when he was getting sensory overload of the real thing – not a figment of his heated fantasies. From his throat, out escaped a heavy groan. Rukia… biting his tongue to prevent himself from feeling more, Ichigo focused his mind into fighting the awareness that was creating such a ruckus inside his body. Damn hormones…
Please… don't do that… to her…
You're saying please, Ichigo?
Don't do that to her… you'll break her, hurt her… you wouldn't want that, would you? He asked hoarsely, voice shaking with fear and warring desire. Please.
The hollow said nothing, merely ran its hand up and down Rukia's legs before stroking her sex once again. Soon, the other hand joined in the exploration as he parted her intimate folds.
It was really too much for Ichigo. Feeling all these things for real were causing his grip on his determination to be indifferent grow slack. Suddenly, he gave out a long, drawn-out moan that voiced out his needs.
You're such a weakling, Ichigo.
She's the one who saved me… I don't want to lose her… She'll hate me… Don't do this…
What if I ask for something in return?
Something in return? Like what? Would the hollow demand the right to use his body; the freedom to go anywhere he wanted? Did he want to eat souls? Ichigo didn't even debate on the consequences, just as long as Rukia was safe, he'd do ANYTHING. He'd protect her, especially from himself.
I agree –
"Ichigo?" Rukia's voice whispered, her eyes fluttering open. Ichigo could see that she was weak, her eyes still dim and unsure about her surroundings. Suddenly, her face flushed a deep red as she saw her body in a state of total undress, the hands of Ichigo touching her in places no man ever dared before.
The hollow chuckled appreciatively. "I changed my mind, Ichigo."
No, wait – don't –
Suddenly, he saw his body push itself onto Rukia down on the cold concrete, grasping her arms in a bruising grip, holding down her thrashing legs under his.
"Ichigo!" she screamed in nervous terror and unrestrained anger, realizing finally who it was in front of her "Wake up, Ichigo!"
The hollow brought his lips to her navel, swirling his tongue around it.
Itadakimasu! Chuckled the hollow as he drifted lower on Rukia's body.
Don't –
"Ichigo!"
-fin
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C. LeShay's corner: Well now… I hope you guys weren't confused by the non-linear storyline. I didn't want to write it the usual way, so I deliberately wrote the first half as the last part. Frankly, Ichigo's struggle wasn't the focus here, it was his guilt afterwards – or should I say current guilt, after all, he's not finished yet. C.LeShay snickers. And yes, Ichigo seems REALLY BROKEN here, wouldn't he be?
I'm still not comfortable with writing lemons, even if this was somewhat non-con. Thanks to my beta for this story, my e-twin sister jazzjackrabbit who asked me to write another dark-fic after reading Never and Forever. If you haven't read it yet, please check it out. It's a love story – but definitely not the normal kind, plus you get to see the hero become somewhat the anti-hero. Anyway, if you like this fic (and the other ones I wrote), please drop a line and tell me your thoughts. Just be careful with the flames – I might get burned. Nyah!