Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, but I have a full package of toilet paper – the kind with the puppy on it.
Spoilers: In the Zone. Sorta. I guess it happens before the events in the ep. So, pre-ep for In the Zone. Also, quasi-spoilers for Friends and Lovers and Family. Ask yourself what all three eps have in common.
Summary: Finally came up with an In the Zone fic. Unfortunately, it doesn't actually occur in the zone and is really more of a crack fic. Ziva finds herself in a strange room, which Nikki has to explain to her.
Ziva stepped into the strange room with some trepidation. She had assumed she'd been in every room in the NCIS building, including the ones with locked doors that she may not have been supposed to have been breaking into, but apparently she had been wrong. This room did seem oddly familiar, though with some glaring differences.
She took a few cautious steps forward, her hand resting on the handle of her knife. If only she'd thought to bring her SIG! She paused to mentally admonish herself, Get it together, Ziva. You're at work and there was no reason to bring your weapon to the bathroom with you. She still pulled her knife from its sheath and held in front of her body defensively.
Taking a deep breath, she continued past the sinks and kicked open the first door. She cocked her head and stared at the toilet that confronted her. Apparently, she was in the bathroom. But…why was it so different? Had she not used the bathroom at work in weeks and missed some sort of remodeling? No, she'd definitely gone to the bathroom the previous day because she remembered having a conversation with Tony over the sinks about the man who continually walked out without washing his hands. Then what was the explanation for…?
She spun on the balls of her feet as she heard a noise behind her. Nikki Jardine dropped the file folders she was holding and threw her hands into the air. Ziva slipped her knife back into its concealed sheath as she smiled and said, "Nikki. Hello."
Nikki's hands remained in the air, although it now seemed like she was just trying to keep them as far as possible from the papers strewn across the tile at her feet. "Hel-hello." After staring at the files for a moment she removed a package of tissues from her pocket and used a few of them as barriers to collect her papers. "Glad I was just going to deliver these and be done with them anyway. I wish Director Shepard had listened to my idea about laminating. You'd be shocked about how many germs are passed when people exchange papers, but all of that could be solved with simple disinfecting procedures if we laminated everything that needed to be passed around."
Ziva was conscious of the fact that her hand had decided to move back to the handle of her knife and didn't seem to want to move.
"Is everything all right?" Nikki eventually asked when she didn't move or explain why she'd been wielding a knife in an empty bathroom.
"Of course. I just…seem to have taken the wrong door."
"What were you looking for?"
"The bathroom."
Nikki drew back, keeping the papers far away from her body but still managing to take a surgical mask out of her pocket. "Um, are you feeling all right, Officer David?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Because you're in the ladies' room but don't seem to realize it?"
"Ladies' room?"
She stopped trying to put her mask on and left it hanging from one ear. "Are you saying…but you work on this floor. And you've worked here for quite a while. Have you really never been in here?"
"No." Ziva shrugged with indifference. "I always just go in the first door."
"What, did you think you were on Ally McBeal?"
"What is that?"
"It was a television show that focused heavily on a co-ed bathroom for some reason." She shuddered visibly. "It wasn't a real bathroom, so I'm sure it wasn't as dirty as it looked, but… Have you really never been in this ladies' room before?"
"It does explain why I've only ever bumped into men in the bathroom."
"Right." Nikki, still with her mask dangling from one ear, glanced at the papers separated from her hands by only a few layers of tissue. "Would you mind opening the door for me? I think I'd feel better if I dropped these off before I used the facilities."
"Of course." Ziva caught a glimpse of Nikki's disgusted expression as she gripped the doorknob with her bare hand.
"Thank you." She paused outside the door. "Would you like me to put a bottle of hand sanitizer on your desk? I'm sure you wash your hands, but you just end up getting germs on them again when you turn off the water and touch the door handle. And even the paper towels aren't very sanitary…"
A familiar man suddenly clapped her on the shoulder as he walked out of the men's room and down the hall past them. "Hey, Jardine."
Ziva glanced at him, and the man grinned and wiggled his fingers at her. She turned back to Nikki. "You did not even flinch when he touched you."
"Oh, that's Steve Grossman from personnel. He's one of the only people who actually accepts when I offer hand sanitizer to people buying food at the vending machines, so I know he at least understands the importance of cleanliness."
"You know, he…" Ziva stopped, wondering if not telling Nikki would be the kindest thing. She finally smiled and continued, "I see him in the bathroom occasionally."