Title: Bravery

Author: tika12001 (aka Katie)

Rating: K

Summary: "Jane... what's it like?" "What's what like?" There was silence for a few seconds before Maura replied, "... being brave?"

Author's note: Based on a line that popped into my head... Written in an hour. Kind of happy with how it turned out, kind of not. Eh. I'll leave it up to you lovely readers to decide.

Also, I will have the next chapter of My Saving Grace up soon... once the chapter decides to stop KICKING MY ASS. *grumpy glares* Please be patient with me. :-)

Disclaimer: not mine, never will be, make no money, blah blah blah. But if I could just get onto the writing staff at least...

R&IR&IR&I

It had been a long, tiring day, but as Jane settled onto Maura's couch, she felt a sense of satisfaction. She had caught the guy... the one responsible for some of the most horrible, horrific murders she had ever seen (and Jane had seen quite a few). Well, she had caught him... and Korsak... and Frankie... and Nina... and Maura.

Jane glanced over at Maura, who was being unusually quiet. At first, Jane had thought it was tiredness rendering her friend mute... now she wasn't so sure.

"Felt good to catch that animal," she said softly, hoping to coax Maura into conversation. Maura twitched slightly then breathed in, appearing startled by the sudden voice.

"Yes," she agreed quietly. "Though I think the term animal may be far too kind."

"Yes..." Jane picked at the label on her beer bottle. Maura had been the one to autopsy all those bodies – what was left of them anyway – and while she always seemed to handle her job with grace and professionalism, Jane couldn't help but think that perhaps it had affected her more than she was letting on. "Hey," she waited until Maura glanced up. "You know I'm here if you wanna talk, right?"

Maura smiled slightly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "Yes. I know." As an afterthought, she tacked on, "Thank you."

Jane wasn't sure how to reply... saying 'that's okay' or 'you're welcome' seemed somehow... diminishing. She stayed silent, gnawing at her lip anxiously as she watched Maura's finger constantly circle the rim of her wine glass, only pausing when she absentmindedly brought the glass to her lips for a sip, but the nervous fidgeting returning almost immediately. Maura was hiding something, and Jane was ashamed to say that she didn't have the foggiest idea of what it was and, as she turned back to the movie they were watching, she started wracking her brain for potential reasons.

Had Maura heard from Hope lately? Or Constance? No... or at least, not to Jane's knowledge.

Had she heard from Doyle? Or the elusive adoptive father that Jane had yet to meet? Again, not that Jane was aware.

Had Frankie made another pass at her? Well, that didn't seem likely... though Maura didn't necessarily tell her everything about these things, did she?

Jane pulled at the label on her beer bottle more forcefully. She was beginning to feel like a bad friend. As her eyes drifted over to Maura, she caught sight of the ornamental giraffe that she herself had affectionately nicknamed 'Wally'... and her stomach sunk. She really was a bad friend, wasn't she? She had allowed her mother to mooch off her best friend's hospitality for far too long – Jane winced when she realized it had been at least three years now – and not only that, she had stood back and watched while her mother humiliated Maura over her spending habits.

Okay, so technically both of those were mostly her mother's fault... but still. Jane side-glanced at Maura guiltily, only to start in surprise when she saw a tear silently trickle down a flushed cheek. Maura wiped it away surreptitiously, but it was too late... Jane had already seen it. She immediately turned on the couch to face her.

"Maura."

Maura blinked at the TV steadily and Jane could swear that her heart broke when another tear silently spilled over.

"Maura, please." Jane didn't speak above a whisper... she wasn't sure that she could have spoken louder, even if she tried.

"I'm fine."

Jane glanced down at a clear chest and wondered when Maura had learnt how to lie. Did she even know her anymore?

"You're not."

Maura's face crumpled and Jane's hand flew to her own chest as she stared at her best friend guiltily. Could she even call Maura her best friend anymore? When was the last time that they had had a true heart to heart? Had she even heard Maura mention Jack these past few weeks? Were they still together, or were they...

"Maura, please. Honey... sweetie, please talk to me. Please talk to me, Maura. Please..."

There was silence for a few beats while Maura got a hold of herself. When she finally spoke, Jane almost missed it. "I can't."

"Yes, you can!" Jane jumped up and folded a leg underneath her for more height. "You really can. We can talk about... about everything. About Jack... and your parents... and Cailin... and..."

"Jack and I broke up."

"...and..." Jane blinked. "I... what? When?"

Maura was still looking down at the blanket. "A week ago."

"I... I..." Jane flung herself back against the couch, her leg coming out from under her and landing on the floor with a thud. "Shit. I'm sorry, Maura."

Maura didn't reply, and Jane rubbed at her temples tiredly.

"I've been a bad friend, haven't I?"

"You're the best friend I've ever had," Maura countered quietly. The rest of Jane's heart instantly shattered.

"Then I haven't given you a very good sampling of friendship. Or you've had mighty bad friends to compare me t..." Jane cut herself off quickly, remembering too late that she was the only friend Maura had ever had. She gnawed at her lip again and picked at the label once more. By the time this conversation was over, she mused, she'd have a completely label-free bottle.

Fantastic. Because that would definitely fix the colossal cock-up Jane had made. Not just of this conversation... but of her relationship with Maura in general.

It meant so much to her, Jane now realized as though for the very first time. So much. Sure, it was different for her. She had had friends, for one thing... and a family that adored her... she still had those things in fact. But yet, Maura was somehow the most important person in her life. She was... she was Maura. And Jane honestly didn't know what she'd do if Maura ever realized that she was too good for one Jane Rizzoli. She just didn't know.

Lose a great portion of her enjoyment in life, probably.

"Maura, I..."

"Jane, what's it like?"

The question is unexpected, and Jane takes a few seconds to respond. "What's... what like?"

Maura's fingers ran in never ceasing circles around the top of her wine glass as she stared into its depths as though they contained the mysteries of life. Jane was barely even aware of the movie's credits playing in the background.

"Maura?"

"...being brave," Maura replied on a breath of air. Jane blinked.

"I..." She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but it seemed to be okay as Maura was turning to her and speaking rapidly anyway.

"You shot yourself. You jumped off a bridge. You cut my leg open." Jane's gaze darted down to the long skinny white scars on Maura's leg. "You killed Hoyt. You talk down armed strangers. So please tell me... what's it like?"

Jane shook her head slightly. "Maura... that's not being brave. That's... that's me doing what I'm trained to do. You know? I'm... we're... we're trained to just jump in and not think about anything except, you know, trying to save as many people as possible, and... and talking down the gunman so he doesn't kill anyone... and doing what needs to be done." Jane looked at Maura beseechingly. "I'm not brave, Maura. I don't do any of that stuff to be brave. I do it because I have to. Do you understand?"

Maura stared at Jane searchingly, her eyes darting between each of Jane's own as though desperately seeking an alternate answer. Finally, she sighed heavily and stood up, gathering beer bottles in one hand.

"Maura!"

Not even hesitating, Maura straightened and headed for the kitchen.

"Maura!"

Maura did not turn around and Jane stood up quickly. She didn't know what to do, but she knew that if Maura went to the kitchen with those bottles, it would be a symbolic gesture... it would mean she was walking out of Jane's life forever. Sure, they'd still spend time together... they'd still be friendly and professional, but it would never be the same again. Maura would never be fully Maura again... and Jane couldn't have that.

"Maura, please!"

Finally, almost at the threshold, Maura hesitated, but did not turn around.

"I... I don't know what it's like to be brave," Jane began quickly, "because I don't think I've ever truly been brave. You, Maura Dorthea Isles, are the bravest person I know." Jane stopped briefly but Maura did not speak. "You... you're not ashamed to be yourself, and you're so kind and generous, and you are so forgiving, even though people have hurt you so much..."

"That's not bravery, Jane."

Feeling emboldened now that Maura had spoken, Jane stepped forward. "Yes, it is. It is, Maura. I..." Jane glanced down at her bare feet, "I've never felt unloved. I've never been all alone. I've always had Ma or my brothers to rely on if needed. I've had friends. But you haven't. And yet..." Jane's voice cracked as she tried to keep herself from crying, "and yet you're still the most amazing, sweet person I know. And I'm sorry if... that... I've taken advantage of you lately."

Maura's shoulders shook slightly, and, taking a breath, Jane stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder, turning her around. Gently, she plucked the bottles out of Maura's hands, placing them on a nearby table.

"Maybe, Maura..." Jane whispered, "maybe I should be asking you what's it's like being brave."

Maura's hazel eyes glimmer with unshed tears. "But I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not. Because if I was, I would..."

Jane rubbed her hands down Maura's arms, finally tangling their fingers together loosely. "You would what?"

Maura sighed heavily, and pulled her hands away. Jane barely had time to register the sudden feeling of loss that filled her body before Maura spoke again. "Because if I was brave, I would kiss you."

Jane stared as she walked away.

She wasn't brave. She wasn't. But... maybe she could be...

For Maura.

What's it like, Maura? Being brave?

Kissing you.

END

As always, I would love it if you could take the time to review but thank you for reading anyway. Lots of love, -Katie xoxo