Edward Elric, the great Fullmetal Alchemist, was utterly and completely stumped.
Standing in the middle of Procrastinator's Hell, our favourite little chibi was searching for last-minute Christmas presents to give to all of his co-workers and friends.
Too bad all the good shit had already been taken.
'Damn, I should've listened to Al when he told me to go earlier...If I hear one more kid ask if I'm one of Santa's elves I'm going to explode...'
The blonde had already been roaming this particular mall for three hours, without so much as some useless item like a mini-skirt for Roy to show for it.
'Heh, the Colonel in a mini-skirt...'
He grinned to himself and flipped his braid away from his shoulder, hobbling along on uneven legs. He kept forgetting to ask Winry to adjust the auto-mail one; he'd grown a bit taller and the artificial leg was due for a refitting to match the real one--but somehow he still had the same confident posture.
After all, Edward was much too proud to allow himself to limp much, or show ANY sign of pain, for that matter.
...Didn't mean he wasn't above acting like a baby in certain situations, however.
The boy paused between the Iron pony ('Might be something for Alphonse in there') and some sickeningly pink girly-girl shop, the kind with plastic flowers and prancing unicorns on the walls. Immediatly the previous image of Mustang in a skirt surfaced in the alchemist's mind.
A small laugh left his throat,"If only I could see that..."
"See what, Fullmetal?" A familiar voice asked. Edward jumped and turned around, meeting Colonel Roy Mustang's stoic gaze with a deer-in-the-headlights look.
"Jesus! You can't sneak up on me like that, you bastard!"
Mustang regarded the elder Elric with his patented half-amused, half-disgusted smirk. "Oh? Can't I?"
'Keep cool, Ed...He's trying to bait you...Stay calm...'
"Maybe, just maybe..." the Colonel continued when Edward said nothing, "...You're too goddamn SHORT-sensed to realize someone behind you?"
'Must...not...kick...Colonel...in...nuts...'
Ed rolled his eyes, fists clenched and teeth gritted. "What do you want?"
The raven arched an eyebrow. "Umm...to shop? That's generally what people do when they go to the mall."
"What the hell is your problem?!"
The Flame Alchemist sighed. "Loosen up, Fullmetal. I was kidding. Where's your holiday spirit?"
His lips still held that evil, annoying smile. Ed wanted nothing more than to rip Mister Holier-Than-Thou's head off and play tennis with his nuts. Ah, how rewarding that would be.
For some reason, one of his mother's old sayings came to mind; though he'd only heard her utter it once. It was also the only time he'd ever seen her cheerful mask crack. She'd probably broken down before, yes, but he hadn't been aware of it until one night after she had put her beloved sons to bed...
//K.eep Q.uiet//
Alphonse had fallen asleep, so when Ed heard the sound of someone crying no one was there to convince him to stay in bed as Al usually did.
Curious, he crept from beneath the warm sheets and slowly--so slowly-- made his way down the hall to his mother's room.
He had crouched down and pressed his ear to the door, and for a moment he couldn't hear anything.
Someone was crying--no, sobbing-- but the sound was muffled as if they were hiding in a pillow. Ed had to listen closely before he realized that there was another person in the room.
"Pinako, I-I don't know what to do," his mother cried brokenly, the sound making Edward want to donate his dinner to the nearest toilet,"The boys have grown up not knowing their father, as horrid as he is-- and soon Edward's going t-to be...be old enough to understand that his father doesn't want h-him...he doesn't e-even c-c-care..."
'My father...doesn't want us...?'
Pinako's voice: "Trisha, dear, you're ill. You have to conserve your energy for the children and forget Hoenheim. I know you love him, but he's not coming back. The boys need you..."
Her voice was comforting, but Trisha's son didn't feel any comfort at all. Confusion swirled in side him like a thick mist, three words chanting in his head like a spell: "He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care."
"Christmas is tomorrow," The old lady continued, "and it's a time for miracles and healing. Maybe it'll do you some good to see smiles on Ed and Al's faces again."
"Bah humbug," the boy's mother ground out, "Bah fucking humbug"
//K.eep Q.uiet//
"Edward?"
Snap. Back to reality. Back to Roy. Back to Close Encouters of the Pyro kind.
"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"
Mustang twitched. The omg-you-fucking-retard-twitch. A classic Roy gesture.
"Aren't you even the slightest bit happy that it's Christmas?"
The vertically challenged alchemist's face turned into a rather loathsome sneer, his lips curling against white teeth, "Bah humbug. Bah. Fucking. Humbug"
//K.eep Q.uiet//
"Brother!"
Ed's sunflower eyes twitched upward at the sound of Al's voice, watching as the younger Elric struggled through the thick snow. For some reason, the elder felt a sort of don't-talk-to-me annoyance, but he smiled just the same. "Hey, Alphonse."
"Brother, what're you doing all the way out here? The Colonel called for a meeting about the Christmas Party."
'Mental note: Little brother can telepathically find you no matter where you may be hiding. DAMN!'
"Sorry, I didn't get the memo." Lie.
"Are you sure? Mustang said he told you days ago..."
"I forgot." Another lie. 'Damn, I'm getting good at this!'
Alphonse sighed, "Let's go then, okay?"
"...okay..."
The two brothers trudged indside and walked down a narrow hallway into the conference room, where most of the soldiers had already assembled.
"Thank you for joining us, Fullmetal," the Flame alchemist said, a hint of sarcasm playing with his vocal chords.
The blonde chibi scoffed. "Not like I have a choice."
"Exactly. Now, we just need to work out an official date for this party thing and then we can all go our seperate ways. Any suggestions?"
'Yeah, next time you're blowing that bum in the back alley, remember me and strangle yourself with his dick, why don't you?'
Oh yes, how Edward would love to say that.
"Any ideas, Fullmetal?"
All eyes were on the blonde Elric, and he hated it. 'Roy mutherfucking Mustang I hate you, you smug all-knowing sonuvabitch...'
Probably not the idea the Colonel was looking for.
"Um...Christmas day?"
Whoosh. Wrong answer. Hi-ho, it's King Dumbshit with his incredibly stupid answers! And the crowd goes wild!!!
Edward wasn't concentrating, didn't want to. And Roy knew it. He could bait the little chibi, get Mr. Short-Shit riled up, but he knew that even if he said anything, Ed probably wouldn't notice.
"I was thinking Christmas eve," Mustang said, "so that we have the next day to ourselves."
The raven-haired alchemist looked at his military dog for any sign of...anything. He only saw indifference.
"Great," Ed said irritably, "Wonderful. Can I go to bed now?"
Mustang sighed, his dark eyes showing an emotion that the blonde couldn't read.
"...Sure. Go."