"Mentalward" Contest

Pen Name: IrishLoveForever

Title: Waking Dream

Summary: Edward hates everyone and everything. To get through each day he decides to blur the lines of his reality. What happens if that is all his life becomes? AH

Word Count: 8,523

Authors Note:

First, I want to thank Rainbow Lies for looking over my story, especially doing so on such short notice. Thanks!

I had a different story in mind for this but I had to shift gears half way through since the deadline was coming up and I was running out of time.

Warning: So…this story has violence, a lot of swearing, etc…Edward's mind is just a little warped…or more than a little.

If anyone is reading this that reads my other story and likes that dark Edward, umm...this Edward isn't really like him at all, haha. This Edward is a little more on the crazy paranoid side who swears too much. Well I hope you enjoy!

Oh right, disclaimer…I don't own Twilight!


The rain started to come down even harder than it usually does in the worthless town. I almost regretted not leaving earlier for school to avoid the harsh weather, almost being the key word. I always make sure to leave at the latest so I can get to school at the very last second. My goal was to spend the smallest amount of time in this insufferable place. It's not that I preferred home to school, hell no, it was just slightly more tolerable. At least at home, I don't have to act. I don't need to go through the motions. I have the nice seclusion of my room where my parents barely venture.

I got out of my car after parking in the only available parking space, which ended up being the furthest one from the school. Figures. I was walking through the rain, not bothering to avoid the puddles. With no umbrella, I was at least thankful for wearing a jacket with a hood. However, I was mostly thankful that no one was left in the parking lot. I hate to be looked at.

I clutched the notebook and the one textbook I brought home the previous day. Rain was soaking the text and I did not attempt to stop it. Honestly, I don't give a shit and Mr. Banner can suck it for all I care.

People may call me "unhappy," actually; they really wouldn't because I don't think anyone has a second thought about me.

I'm just the quiet shy kid. I'm sure it goes something like this, "There must be no reason why he is this way. He's just shy, even though he never was before. Huh, well I guess what I will do is not think about it and assume everything is fine."

It's not the fact that I'm unhappy right now that concerns me, it's the fact that I can't even remember the last time that I was. Every time that thought pops in my head, when the initial feeling of pain fills my body, I almost immediately push it away, back down to whatever box it resides in. I was getting better at that, if I didn't think about it then it doesn't exists.

After opening the door to the school, I pulled my hood down, running my hand through my short bronze hair to get rid of any water droplets that still lingered. The pit of the stomach feeling came on, just like clockwork but I pushed forward.

After stopping at my locker to change my books I made my way to my first class of the day. Can I get a yay? The teacher was some old bitch, if I could put money down on it, she would be the definition of a crazy cat woman. She was shorter than fuck and she always was hunched over the projector scribbling some sort of math problem and doodling faces trying to make jokes, except they weren't funny and half the time you couldn't understand her. Seriously, do I look like Charlie Brown? At least that premature balding kid could actually understand what his teachers were saying.

I walked into the classroom with my eyes plastered to the floor. I bet you still feel their eyes on you though. I just shuddered at that thought and continued avoiding any sort of eye contact as I made my way to the seat in the back right corner. I always sit in the back, I hate when anyone sits behind me and teachers are less likely to call on my when it looks like I'm deeply involved in my work. In reality, I'm sitting in the back lost in my daydreams. It's the one thing, whether I like it or not, that gets me through the day. The countless hours filled with thoughts and events that were more exciting, more fulfilling than anything that I could accomplish here in Forks Washington. Yes, some may be a little on the ludicrous side, or maybe even on the crazy side, but they are the ones that pop in my head. It's not as if I control it, my mind goes on crazy trip and I just go along for the ride. It's better than drugs, I don't waste any money and my brain cells aren't destroyed. There's already too much of that from interacting with these mindless imbeciles. If stupid was a pandemic, it would have started here, in Forks.

Besides the daydreams that keep my mind occupied for the humdrum day-to-day activities, the thing that really keeps me going is that I will eventually get out of this fucking place. I just know I'll go back to being all right once I'm away from everything and everyone I know. I can just start new. I can go back to being Edward, the Edward that used to exist, not this shell of a person that I'm trapped in.

Class is about to start any minute, I'm willing for it to happen faster. The sooner the attention is toward the front then it can't be on anything else…or anyone in the room. The rest of the students were all around the room chatting away to each other. I could hear laughter from the center of the room. The sickening feeling came back to my stomach. I could feel my heart racing. I grabbed my notebook and opened it up to a blank page. They're talking about you Edward… you know they are, you can feel it.

I closed my eyes and took a breath that was supposed to be relaxing. I just told myself I was fine and that everything was ok. I went to my usual plan where I'll just continue looking down at my desk and look like I'm busy. If they were talking about me, than it will look like it doesn't bother me and they will move on. If their not talking about me than its fine and doing this won't matter anyways. As if it matters, it's not making that intense feeling in your stomach go away. Is it Edward? I could just hear my inner voice laugh at my pathetic plan.

I hated being on my guard all the time. I refused to look up at anyone. I knew if I did and saw only one pair of eyes looking at me, my mind would go to the worst place and confirm my suspicions. I hated that I thought this way. I hated the voice in that back of my mind, always pointing out what I didn't want to acknowledge, always making me in panic mood. I knew though, if I didn't look up than I couldn't see whether eyes were on my or not. In that case, if I don't see it or acknowledge it, than it doesn't exist. That trick has gotten me through so many days. I soon realized I could just play off any irrational thoughts I got, if I never fueled the fire that was my paranoia.

I honestly knew this wasn't the normal way to think. Hell, I never use to think this way and I most certainly started to notice when it changed. I also knew I shouldn't tell anyone. The voice in my head so thoughtfully pointed out key facts. The second you tell anyone they will just make you see someone. Do I look like I want to talk to anyone? Fuck no. That would just be another person in the God-forsaken town to hate. They will probably keep you in this town even longer to 'keep and eye on you.' You wouldn't want that Edward. No, I would just keep pushing forward and get out of this town…everything will be all right then, I just know it.

I heard the door slam shut. "Ok class, simmer down now," the old hag said while she shuffled her way over to her desk. The class went to fill their seats while I let out a breath of relief. I slouched back into my chair.

She went to her projector, pulled out a red sharpie pen and started to write what should be numbers but looked more like an alien language.

"Today we are going to go over…"

That was all I needed to hear before I gave my mind the cue to get me into my dream world.

"Oh, fuck this," I said while crossing my arms.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen?" The old bitch said in a shocked face.

"Oh, I must apologize, stupid for me not to take into account that your hearing is going."

I pushed my chair back and stood up. "I said, OH. FUCK. THIS." I made sure to enunciate each word in case her intelligence left this world along with her hearing, looks, and resistance to gravity. I gave her a nice smirk tilting my head.

Her eyes widened, to say she was taken a back would be the understatement of her lifetime, which would be like what, 120-130 years?

She placed a hand over her chest, "Oh my…M-Mr. Cul-Cullen, I…"

I started to walk up the row towards the front of the class, passing all my dimwitted peers. I placed a hand over my chest, "Oh…M-M-Mr. Cul-Cul-Cul…." I said in the most patronizing voice I could muster.

When I got to her, I looked down onto her small frame and gave her a fake apologetic look. She was as wide eyed as could be still clutching her chest with one hand while holding on to a sharpie in the other.

"Ex-cuse ME!" I said as I shoved her away from me as she fell over onto her side. No doubt probably breaking a hip, which is what old people do right? Break their hips? Go in for the early bird special?

The false sad face lifted and I smirked down at her. Bitch won't be having an early bird special any time soon now, isn't that right?

I turned my attention toward the students and in my best teacher voice said "All right class, it seems that I will be taking over the lesson today."

I reached over to pick up the textbook, nonchalantly flipping the pages with a look of disgust on my face.

I heard groaning coming from the ground and without looking away from the book, I kicked my leg over into her side. "Shut up you old hag!" Stupid bitch doesn't know when to shut the hell up!

After slamming the book shut with one hand, I tossed it onto her desk. "Change of lesson today. We don't need to learn something as mundane as statistics or whatever the hell we are learning."

"No, today class we are going to learn a proper way of murdering someone!" I stated clasping my hands together as my voice escalated into excitement.

I reached over to her desk and grabbed a letter opener by the sharp edge. Seriously, who in their right mind uses a letter opener these days? Well…I guess if you were around when they discovered electricity then it's hard to break a habit. I nodded, agreeing.

Flipping the letter opener over so I caught it by the handle, I turned back to the classroom pointing the dagger in their direction. "All right class, you want to make sure you grab something handy. It's not the time to start getting fussy; you don't need to go looking for your shiny revolver or something fancy or clever thing like a candlestick. You are not Col. Mustard and this is not Clue." I gave the class a pointed glare, to get my point across.

When no one contradicted me, I continued. I walked over the lump of meat that was my math teacher. She was curled up into a fetal position, moaning from the pain. I grabbed her by the hair that was pulled back tightly into a bun. Pulling her head up, she turned onto her stomach and her back was arching off the floor. My eyebrows shot up and my face turned contemplative. I didn't think the old bat could be so flexible, didn't think she still had it in her. She must have been quite the whore in her day.

I bent down slightly and placed the letter opener under her chin. "Now class, when you do this you want to make it one swift motion…" I saw a hand shoot up.

Sighing, I straighten back up never releasing my grip on her gray hair, making her arch even more. Hmm…even more impressive.

Looking toward the students, I rolled my eyes. How did you not guess, of course…"Newton!" I practically yelled. "There will be a time for questions after the demonstration!"

He gradually lowered his hand and had the audacity to look sorry for the intrusion. He went back to diligently writing notes just like the rest of the class. I tried to ring in my anger. He should have known better but how could I fault him when he had such role models of these lovely Forks citizens.

Bending at the knees, I crouched back down to her and gripped tighter on her hair. I heard a groan come from her. At least she wasn't talking. Surprising, since in class you can't get her to shut up. "Don't I know it," I muttered under my breath, agreeing with myself.

Still facing the class in my position, I continued lecturing. Some students had to stand up from their seats to see the demonstration."As I was saying…you want to do it in one swift motion from one side to the next. Error is not acceptable," I exclaimed.

With that, I swiftly pushed the sharp edge against the wrinkly skin under her chin. Pressing in more I pulled it across her throat. Blood poured out and she made gargling noises. At the end, she finally attempted to claw at my hands but it was a feeble attempt and no sooner than she started, her struggling stopped.

I dropped her to the floor and a loud thud was heard. I threw the letter opener on the desk. Noticing the blood on my hands, I bent down and used the back of her jacket to clean it off.

Stranding back up I took a small step from the body when I noticed the mast amount of blood that was pooling from it. I most certainly did not want to get it on my shoes.

I looked toward the class and there was Newton again, hand stretched up so high that he was almost coming out of his seat. I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Yes Newton? You had a question?"

He lowered his hand and smiled, "Uhh, I was wondering is this going to be on the test?"

My face didn't change it stayed the same mask, emotionless. It was as if his stupidity was a rock pick hacking away at my brain and I could hear my sanity cracking. I could feel my mouth almost twitching into a smirk. His eyes widened anticipating the answer. They make it too easy Edward. My inner voice was beyond giddy at the prospective.

I smirked finally formed on my face, "Newton, would you be so kind to come help me out with the next demonstration?" I side stepped and motioned with my hand for him to join me at the front of the classroom.

"Uhh…O.K….I guess," he said as he pushed his chair back and stood up. He started to walk towa—

RRRIINNGGG

The sound of the bell ringing shook me out of my daydream. I smiled, happy that the whole class went by and it only seemed like seconds to me. Of course, I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to finish my scenario. Oh, what could have happened…the possibilities are endless…I sighed; maybe my mind will bring me back to that dream next time.

I grabbed my stuff and swiftly headed for the door. The old bitch was still blubbering on and pointing toward the board that had our next assignment on it. I kept walking; there was no way you were going to keep me in class longer than I had to be. Ignoring her presence, I headed to my locker and grabbed the next book that I wouldn't use in the next useless class.

I heard more talking and laughing as the halls filled with students. I clutched my things tighter. Wow Edward, you can't go anywhere without them talking about you… I kept thinking of my mantra, 'keep your head down, keep moving…less than a year and you are out of this place.' Keep deluding yourself Edward; you think that is going to work forever? Who knows how this will end and you'll only have me to keep you company.

What I hated more than people looking at me was being touched, which is practically impossible when you are walking down a crowded hall of students.

I quickly grabbed my books and made it to my next class, English. He was the one teacher I didn't mind. He was in his early 50's and you could tell he wanted to be here even less than we did. It made me laugh at the sad attempts that Fork's high school makes at provided us with adequate teachers. The only reason I didn't mind him was he hated when students talked and of his monotone voice. It made it easier to drift off into dream world with his voice talking on and on and with no interruptions from any annoying students.

I plopped myself down in my seat just hoping that this class will go by as fast as the other one did. The people were leisurely coming in and chatting away while I just pretended to look busy.

Finally, the teacher got the attention of the class. "Alright everyone…calm down, take your seats and shut your lips." He made that stupid motion of bringing his hands up to his lips and turning an invisible key.

You could hear the collective groan as everyone shuffled around. I stifled a laugh. What a fucking duckweed.

He sat down at his desk because they guy was one lazy-ass fucker. He took out a paper and started to read from it. A small smile spread across my lips as I let the next daydream run its course.

I was walking into the gym. It was covered in green and white balloons, our school colors, with a ridiculous amount of streamers going across the ceiling. It was the first time I have been back at the school in years.

Attached to my arm was some blond bimbo, whose name was probably something like Candy or Star, one can't really keep track of such foolish things. She had huge boobs and an IQ equivalent to the amount of brain cells Mike Newton probably still had left. It's not as if that is the type of girl I was looking for, hell no. It's just that this was my high school reunion and I wasn't going to attend it alone. Inner Edward smirked at me. Oh and your choice of company has nothing to do with showing up your high school peers and pointing out how pitiful their lives really are? I smirked since he was right, he's usually right.

I looked over to the DJ and it was none other than Tyler Crowley. Either the high school was cheep and couldn't afford to hire anyone or that was actually his job. We walked further in and came face to face with Newton. He had gone bald and his beer belly protruding from his shirt. My eyebrow arched while scrutinizing his form. Hello Homer, would you like a donut….D'oh! Jessica walked up and locked arms with him. I was half expecting her to have blue hair sticking straight up to match her counterpart.

"And who's this?" She asked eyeing me up and down with a look that made me want to vomit. Not in a million years. She moved her glaze over to my date glaring at her, obviously noting the competition since her husband mouth was open and he was literally drooling.

After she smacked her husband's arm, he snapped out of his daze and looked over to me. "Uh...yeah…hey man! Don't recognize you."

My face stayed motionless and I just pointed to the nametag that the people at the front door made me display on my shirt. In big bold letters, it read Edward Cullen. They both leaned into read my nametag, Jessica getting a little too close for comfort.

They both simultaneously pulled away with confused looks on their face. "Edward Cullen…" Newton said pondering…."I don't remember you, are you sure you were in our class?"

"Yes," I replied shortly.

"Oh," he said scratching his bald shiny head.

"Then you must have graduated early then?" Jessica piped up and when I looked at her she gave me a wink. Disgusting.

"Nope," I replied as cold as before. Sighing, I decided to make some attempt at a conversation. "Actually Jessica at graduation we walked in next to each other, since we were paired with someone of the opposite gender based on height."

She brought her finger up and tapped it to her chin; her face was a clear display of confusion. "Umm…no that can't be right, I think I walked in with some weird kid who never talked, his name was Edmond…Edgar…Edwardo! Yes that's it Edwardo!"

"You know you're right Jessica. There was an Edwardo," I stated sarcastically.

She smiled triumphantly. What, does she want a cookie? "Ah, I knew it…what a strange kid he was…" She stated as she nodded her head. "…wonder whatever happened to him?"

I could feel my lip pulling back into a sneer. Pushing down my anger, I just looked at Jessica with my face frozen as stone. I leaned closer to her and she mirrored my actions. "I think he went crazy."

She gasped. "What? Really?" The excitement was not hidden in her voice.

"Oh yes, something finally pushed him over the edge after years of his sanity balancing like a dagger on its point."

Her eyes widened. "No way, what did he do?"

"Haven't decided yet."

"What? I couldn't hear you." She leaned in closer.

"I said…I haven't heard yet," I yelled a little louder as she leaned back away.

"That sucks you didn't get to hear the end of the story. I would like to have known what happened."

I lifted up the side of my mouth, smirking in her direction. "I'm sure you'll find out sooner than you think."

She just nodded her head, not quite paying attention to me. She looked over to her husband who was trying to chat up Tits McGee. Noticing this, Jessica quickly made her way over to Newton and scurried off.

I looked over to my date and she was just absent-mindedly looking around the gym. Her face was in awe, as she looked at the decorations and the lights flashing. I rolled my eyes at her. Hey, nice date you have there Edward. I groaned, and thought back that it was his idea in the first place to bring her.

Boobs said something about going to the bathroom and I just nodded…anything just to get a few minutes alone.

The second she left Lauren, the bitch that probably spent more time on her back then on her legs, came over to me.

She touched my arm and ran her hand down it squeezing as she did. She was more disgusting than Jessica and Mike combined. "Hello there," she purred which she probably thought was seductive.

I shivered at her touch, not in the way she probably would have hoped.

"Hello," I responded curtly. I picked up her hand with two of my fingers, moved it from my arm and dropped it. I wiped my hand off on my jacket not caring if she saw. It didn't matter anyways since she wasn't paying attention to my actions. She glanced at my name and laughed.

"Edward Cullen? HA! Good one, taking that losers nametag, I'm sure he wouldn't show up here. I think he was a hermit or something. Probably off in a 'home' talking to all his 'friends,'" she stated with doing air quotes.

I just continued to look at her not moving one muscle. "So who are you really? I don't recognize you."

I pulled my face back into a sadistic smile and reached out to shake her hand. "I'm just Edwardo, you may not recognize me, I graduated early."

She smiled and shook my hand and I may have squeezed a little too hard. Not hard enough if you ask me.

"Well…it was nice to meet you Edwardo; maybe you would want to--"

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" Someone said into the microphone, "We are about to announce the King and Queen of the reunion."

Lauren squealed and ran in the direction of the stage. I took that as my cue to head for the door. I ran into Destiny or Boobs-bigger-than-my-head or whatever her name was.

She saw me heading for the door and pouted. "Are we leaving already?"

"Yes, now go get into the car!" My patience was running thin and we made our way to the doors before she decided to open her big mouth.

"Oh, ok, I'm glad you invited me Eddie. You're friends seemed nice, especially that Mike person. He said that you guys were the best of friends and we should come over to visit and that he has a hot tub! Isn't that great Eddie!"

She clapped her hands and was jumping up and down. I was trying to ignore the bouncing show in front of me. You may be trying to ignore it but your little friend down south and I will be getting front row seats! I pinched the bridge of my nose. After a deep breath, I lifted my head up and smiled sweetly. "Of course it is…uh...honey. Would you be a doll and go inside, I forgot my jacket."

I plastered a grin on my face. "Oh sure…you came in with a jacket?" Her head tilted to the side. I don't know EDDIE, this might be too much of a task to ask her, maybe you should start out with something that she would know, like her ABC's or the different brands of condoms.

I hated being called Eddie. Not only did I have to hear it from Tiffani but also my mind is joining in on the fun. It was getting harder and harder to keep my anger buried.

"Yes I surely did…" I gritted out of my teeth, still keeping my fake smile plastered on. "It was bright purple with red stripes, with big neon words on the back that said #1 Pimp! I can't believe you didn't see that Babe," I voice was dripping with sarcasm. "You know what…I think some guy names Julius has it, just go in and ask for Julius, I'm sure you will find it immediately."

"I'll be waiting at the car," I spat out. The thin fabric that was keeping my sanity was quickly unraveling.

She smiled, pecked me on the cheek, turned and bounced back into the gym. My face dropped from the false persona I was keeping and I walked out the doors. When I got outside, I picked up a medal pole that was broken from the fence. Tossing it up, I caught it and walked back to the door. I stuck it through the door handles and tested it by trying to pull on the door. When it wouldn't budge, I walked back toward my car.

I had a spring in my step as I started to whistle. My anger was residing and happiness started to fill me. I popped the trunk open and grabbed the necessary supplies. I strutted back over to the gym, opened up the gasoline container, and poured it over the outside walls of the gym. Still whistling I retrieved a match from my pocket. As it lit up so did the excitement in my eyes. I hope Jessica is happy with the ending of the story. Hope its JUCIY enough for her. I chuckled darkly in response as I threw the match toward the awaiting gasoline.

It instantaneously ignited and I went back to my car throwing the empty gasoline container into the trunk. I maneuvered my car to face the school. Lighting a cigarette, I almost put on the music but opted to hear the screams of my peers over the soft melody of what was in the CD player.

I waited just for a couple minutes. How rude of Bambi not to meet you when she said she was. Shame. On. Her. He chuckled darkly.

I nodded and smiled, "I know." I flicked the cigarette out of my hand, put the car in reverse and –-

RRRIINNGGG

My eyebrows popped up and I straightened up in my chair. I couldn't believe it was over already. I smiled softly, amazed on how my days have been going faster as of lately. My daydreams have become so vivid that I didn't even realize where I was until someone or something jolted me awake.

The rest of the day went by just as smoothly as the first. I had only one more class before lunch, it was science with Mr. Banner. Can't say I remembered much. I faintly remember his saying something when I passed in my homework that finally dried from the heavy rain in the morning. I think he said some shit about not being able to accept it or something asshole-ish but I just continued to walk away and fought the urge to give him the finger.

It was time for lunch and I quickly made my way to the empty French room to eat. I usually eat there with my friend Jasper. He's the only one I can stand. I've known him forever and I just felt comfortable around him. I guess I should be thankful, without him I would probably have no friends and really become a hermit. I would be that crazy person who lives off in the woods sharpening his axe and ready to go take down a bear. I see nothing wrong with that.

Jasper didn't mind eating in a classroom instead. I didn't know if he could sense my uneasiness with being around people or if he really just didn't care but he didn't put up an argument with the change of venue. Many of the kids opted to eat in classrooms instead of the cafeteria anyways. The teachers didn't really give two shits where we ate.

Half the time Alice, Jasper's girlfriend, ate with us and the other half she ate in the cafeteria with her friends. She seemed nice enough and was always friendly with me. If Jasper could date anyone in this pathetic town than I'm glad he picked a good one. I've never seen her be bitchy or snobby like most of her peers. However, most of the time her attitude just gave me an uneasy feeling that she knew something, I didn't like it and the paranoid thoughts flew back in my head. I usually just talked to her the least amount possible and pushed down those feelings back into the box where they belonged.

Walking into the room, I noticed Jasper was at a desk already digging into his sandwich. Alice was sitting with her legs crossed on top of another desk and they were talking. They were probably talking about you. I wanted to tell the voice to shut it and just leave me at peace for more than five minutes but decided against it when they stopped talking and turned to me. Oh, you don't want them to see you talking to yourself Edward? Why ever is that?

"Hello Edward!" Alice piped up and gave a nonchalant wave.

"Hey," I mumbled and took the seat next to Jasper. Jasper who had mouth full just gave a nod in which I returned.

Alice turned back to Jasper and continued the conversation that Jasper and she was having before. Allegedly. I just rolled my eyes at my inner voice, coming to the realization that apparently I really can't be left alone for more than five minutes.

"…yeah, apparently she lived here when she was younger and only recently moved bac--"

I heard the beginning of what Alice was saying and decided I ignore them and focus in on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I made right before coming to school. I wasn't much of a cook and I at least could make this.

My Dad was too busy at the hospital ever to be at home and my Mom was too preoccupied with my brother to pay attention to me. He was one of the reasons I am like this. My brother became quite the troublemaker and started to act out. I saw what it was doing to my Mom, worrying her to no end. It frustrated Dad so much that he started to put himself in his work more and more. If he couldn't help my brother, he would at least help his patients. He started to spend longer hours at the hospital and barely made it home.

Incidentally, that affected my Mom since she was left to put up with all of Emmett's shit by herself. He got in trouble with the law, he was gone for weeks at a time and he came and went as he pleased. My Mom would walk around the house holding onto the phone so not to miss any of his phone calls, as if he ever called.

One day I came home and I found my Mom sitting on the kitchen floor, uncontrollably sobbing. I came in and talked to her, made her feel better, did all the things a good son should. My brother apparently left to go to Vegas and emptied his bank account. My parents have been filling that since he was born to pay for his college tuition. It would be a cold day in Hell if Emmett went to College. He graduated a year ago with a 2.3 GPA and has not attempted to 'further' his education.

From that moment on, I vowed never to cause my family any trouble since they already had enough of it to deal with. So that's what I do…nothing. I go home, go to my room and do nothing. It rather scares me that I started to prefer to do that instead of anything else. Don't get me wrong, my Mom is great, she just has a lot on her plate and she doesn't see that anything is wrong and I won't let her. Things might be better if Dad was around her help her but he was probably at the hospital being blown my some receptionist.

Jasper, being the friend that he is, occasionally could drag me out of my seclusion. I give in now and then, so he doesn't get too suspicious. Another good reason he has Alice, it draws his attention some place other than my life.

I was pulled back from my thoughts when I realized I finished my lunch. Not only do vivid daydreams make time go by but so does analyzing and dissecting my life.

I looked over and saw Alice peck Jasper on the lips. "See you later Jazz."

He smiled back her, "Bye Love."

Her smile grew and she practically skipped out of the room, "Bye Edward" she chimed on her way out.

"Bye," I grumbled out. At least she didn't force you to talk this time. I was happy about that, sometimes she pushes me to join in on the conversation but she always knows when not to go too far. She has this uncanny ability to get people to do things they normally won't do. If I believed in that sort of thing, I would say she was a witch.

I wrapped up my trash, got up and threw it away.

Jasper copied my actions. "Sorry about that man, Alice had a lot to talk about today, she was just excited about her new frien--"

I held up my hand to stop him. "No need to apologize. I know how Alice can be."

He just grinned while starting to pack up his stuff. "So…apparently Alice, me and one of her friends are going out to eat tonight. You should definitely join us. It's only going to be three of us and not for very long, I swear."

He knew exactly what points to emphasize. It really made me wonder how much he really saw. I didn't want to go too much into that thought. No, he notices too much, you should just stop hanging out with him, what if he says something to someone? What are you going to do then? They will make you see someone. You'll be in this fucking place forever!

My heart started to race but I kept my face the expressionless mask that I have perfected so well. I shook my head at both Jasper and my inner voice. Not a chance in Hell was I going to stop being Jasper's friend. Behind the voice and behind the paranoid illusions a small part of me knew that his friendship was one of the few things keeping me from going those last couple of steps into crazy town.

"No man, I have a lot of work to catch up on. I'll just catch you next time."

He stared at me for a moment longer and shook his head. "All right, but you are definitely coming out with us next time."

I reluctantly nodded my head. Knowing he was right and I couldn't get away with saying no to him next time. He grinned at my response and we started out the classroom door. I became more and more relieved that he wasn't in any of my classes, Jasper was undeniably observant and I didn't want to been seen off in one of my daydreams.

We said our goodbyes as we parted and I made my way to the last class of the day, History. Finally… I don't know what I hate more, an old saggy bitch who shouldn't be teaching anymore or a young 'hip' teacher who tries to act as if you best bud and has new and creative ways of teaching. I think he has seen too many inspirational films and I bet he had some sort of fantasy in his head where it ends up with us on our desk saying 'O Captain! My Captain!' We are teenagers for fuck's sake. It doesn't matter if you offer us food and cigarettes; it still wouldn't make us want to come to school any more than we already do. Just teach the damn class and cut out all this unnecessary shit!

On the first day, this fuck-face actually had us move our chairs into a circle to 'get to know us better.' I was seriously waiting for him to have us hold hands and sing 'Kum By Ya.' That couldn't have been a worse day for me. Everyone could see me. I couldn't hide. Asshole thought it was a better 'learning environment' or some stupid shit like that. I just kept my head down resting it in my hand. I think I was spazzing out because I realized my leg was bouncing up and down at a very fast pace. That day I daydreamed of chopping his head up with a machete. Good thing he never did that again, you know, for sanity reasons.

I walked quickly in the room and sat the usual spot in the back, hoping that this class will go by as fast as the other ones did. The people were leisurely coming in and chatting away while I just pretended to look busy.

Finally, the teacher got the attention of the class. "Alright everyone Take your seats."

He walked up to the board and started to write something. "So today we are going to…" That was all I needed and I was off to my happy place.

I was in a boxing ring, opposite was my brother Emmett. I was bounced around, warming up for the fight. I stopped when I noticed he held up his hands to inspect them. I almost laughed my ass off when I realized his gloves were two pillows taped to his hands.

My eyebrow raised, curious I looked down at my hands. A grin spread across my face when I noticed the two brass knuckles on each hand.

Just then the bell went off that signaled the fight. I took a step forward and—

"Excuse me?" I heard a voice say.

I was abruptly pulled me from my daydream. I didn't understand why it was over so quick. I wondered if class was already over, it wouldn't be the first time that I hadn't noticed the bell. I looked at the time and realized we had about five minutes left. What the hell?

Embarrassingly I looked up at the voice like a deer in the headlights. A girl, a fucking hot girl, was standing right in front of me; she had brown hair and eyes to match. She slowly lowered herself to the empty seat next to me without breaking eye contact. I didn't know who she was, I've never seen her before, the panicky feeling was returning to my chest. She must have noticed the confusion on my face. My perfect mask was not placed since this unknown person caught me off guard.

She smiled softly, "I don't know if you heard but the teacher put us in groups of two to work on a project." She pointed towards the board. It read Pick a U.S. President and give a report by the end of the week. You will have all of class time during this week to work on it.

I rolled my eyes and waited for my inner voice to say something, knowing how foolish this assignment was but he never got a chance.

"Fucking idiot," I heard the brown beauty mutter.

Warning bells went off in my head. HA! Did you hear what she said about you! I told you, they always talk about you…

Before I could properly react, before the stupid voice in my head went off on another tangent, she turned to me smiling. "The teacher is a fucking idiot. A U.S. President report? I guess we can just use the one I did in forth grade if you don't mind." She snorted and rolled her eyes.

I froze in my chair. Everything seemed to slow down and my eyes just widened at her.

She faced the rest of her body completely toward me and grinned. "Seriously, you can tell he doesn't want to do anything. He just gave us this lame ass assignment so during class he can go on some dating website because he can't get any in real life," she said a matter-of-factly.

I turned to look toward the teacher, eyes still bulging out of my sockets. He was ferociously typing on his computer with a silly smile on his face. I grinned, her assumptions seemed accurate. My inner voice was about to chime in and say something regarding the situation but the bombshell beat him to it.

"Do you see thelook on his face and the way he is uncomfortably shifting in his seat? Ten bucks, right here, right now, he is sporting wood. You in?" She had a devilish smile. There was something about her, I just didn't know what and surprisingly, for the first time in a long time, it didn't bother me that I didn't know something.

Her grin stayed in place. I was still frozen in the chair, too in awe of her to move or speak. Her eyes inspecting me and looked further down my body, stopping half way.

"How about you? Pitched any tents recently?" Her eyebrow shot up and like an idiot, I just sat there too amazed to speak.

One fantasy after the other rapidly flashed through my mind, no more revenge on stupid classmates or dealing with idiotic teachers. There were no more thoughts about absent fathers, crazy mothers or irresponsible brothers. Just this beauty of a person who has left me speechless. Her lying under me, her hair sprawled out, her creamy skin, her deep brown eyes…

Her face formed into a knowing smile and leaned closer to me. Right next to my ear she whispered, "Don't talk much eh? That's ok, I don't do much talking either." I felt her hand slip down my front and rub up against…um, certain things.

I took a quick second to glance around the room, I didn't mind what was happening, of course I didn't, but I didn't want to be giving anyone a show either. So far, everyone was preoccupied with his or her partners. Her teeth then nibbled my ear. Umm…scratch that, I don't give a fuck who is looking at me. My eyes rolled back into my head. She abruptly pulled away and I wanted to whimper at the loss. I didn't, of course, because I was trying not to look like a girl.

She lingered next to my ear for a second before pulling away and whispered, "Looks like I was wrong, Forks isn't the hell hole I thought it was going to be."

I kept my eyes closed, basking in the scent of this devil in disguise…or angel, I haven't decided yet.

I realized the bell rang and half the kids were already out the door. I grinned and picked up my stuff. I headed for my car. I was actually smiling, not a fake smile or the half ass attempt smile I do to please people, but a real smile. I didn't even notice the people around me. I wasn't in panic mode. It had been so long since I felt at peace with myself; I wasn't used to this feeling of relief.

I could have floated out of the school and down the parking lot for all I known. It was the first time in a long time I actually felt happy. All it took was one encounter with the right person. I should thank that stupid ass teacher for partnering her up with me. Hell, I'll stand on any desk, any day and say whatever the hell he wants. If that fucker wants to sing Kum By Ya, then I'll get out my guitar and lead the damn song.

I practically jumped into my car, thinking that maybe I'll give Jasper a call. I was more the up for going out. It was Friday after all and teenagers are supposed to do stuff on the weekend. Smiling, I adjusted the mirror ready to pull out of the car when I realized that my inner voice was very quite. It's never been this silent for this long.

Suddenly I heard it laughing, very manically staring at the car mirror my face formed into confusion.

What's a matter Edward? Why stop your happiness to think about little old me? Enjoy yourself while you can.

I gripped the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were turning white. "What are you talking about?" I growled out.

Oh, are we actually addressing me aloud? I guess I should feel honored. Oh nothing, I was just laughing at you. I didn't realize you became so dense.

Anger was overcoming me and I punched the steering wheel. I can't believe he was ruining my happy moment. The first time that I felt happiness in a long time and I have him here, messing with it.

Me? I didn't ruin anything. You brought me into this. I was just sitting back and enjoying the show.

"What show?" I yelled not caring if others could hear me.

You being happy over some girl. As if you didn't know we just thought her up.

"Thought her up? No, we didn't you asshole she's real. She interrupted our daydream!"

Ouch, name-calling hurts. You do realize you are inadvertently calling yourself an asshole right Edward? As for you lover girl, she just joined in on the dream. Changed the scenery, changed the characters.

Edward, we have done this a million times before, why are you acting like one of your idiotic classmates? Did you actually catch their stupid?

Everything he said finally weighed down on me. I shook my head quickly, slightly giving me a head rush.

"No, I know she was real." I clutched my forehead with my hand. I was rapidly getting one hell of a headache.

Are you so sure? Wow, Edward, I guess you were lonelier than I realized. I never thought you were one to believe in your own delusions. Well…scratch that, you are, as of now, in your car arguing aloud with yourself.

Can I get an order of crazy, a side of nuts and hold any rational thoughts please; apparently, none is wanted at THIS table.

I groaned loudly, my hands formed into fists and hit forehead a couple of times. "She's real! I think I can tell the difference by now!"

Oh, really? I'm sorry then, what's her name? Have you seen her before? Did you see anyone else talk to her? Would you like me to continue?

I quickly thought, trying to come up with some answers, anything to explain her. When I didn't the inner voice just laughed at me.

I screamed in frustration and ripped the rear view mirror off. My breathing was erratic and I tried my best to calm it down. Finally, after what felt like forever I pulled my car out of the parking lot and drove home.

It took more effort this time. I had to push all my feelings back down into my stomach, into the box where they belonged. The box seemed to be getting weaker, there were more holes and rips in it now but it was going to have to do.

I almost was back at my home when I became the emotionless and expressionless person I have grown so accustom. I didn't want to believe she wasn't real but there were undeniable facts and an annoying voice that was more than happy to articulate them to me. If I couldn't have her in the waking world, I would have to make due with the next best thing. I will go up to my room, dream about my lovely brunette, and be as close to happiness as I can get.

I parked my car in the drive way and let out a sigh. My head was bent forward, my eyes were glazed over and the void filled my chest. I was nothing and I felt nothing. I forced myself not to think of the possibility of never knowing someone as perfect as my dream girl.

Don't you worry Edward, you will always have me to keep you company.


Hope you liked it! I was really tired when I finished this and when I re-read it so I hope there wasn't too many mistakes.

Voting starts Dec. 30th. The link to vote: www (Dot) fanfiction (Dot) net/ ~mentalwardcontest