Why must I write this fanfic? A certain someone is so demanding. Why can't we just enjoy a regular life, without all these fantasies that Haruhi is making a reality? By the way, this is 'Kyon'... I can't really say to enjoy the sequel, but please bear with it.

----

"Hey, Itsuki, did you forget your lines?" Haruhi yelled to Itsuki. "Skip to the next part!"

"Ah, sorry. I couldn't memorize it fast enough"

"Kyon! Pan shot! Now!" Haruhi demanded.

I sighed as I yelled "OK", following Haruhi's instructions.

----

"The day starts out with Itsuki walking to school, while Mikuru is missing from action. Where is she? I don't know. Yuki confronts him while Itsuki is walking! Be warned that very bad effects will commence in the heated battle that is about to happen!" I said in a tired voice. He was up late the night before, preparing to comment on every scene.

Itsuki was walking on the way to school, when he sees Yuki in front of him. "Oh, hello. You came back after your previous defeat, despite being sent flying away to the deepest reaches of space? Why?"

Yuki stares with eyes that look mysteriously difficult to understand. Her cape flutters in the wind as she says in a calm voice "Itsuki. Join us. You can learn to use your powers and master them."

Thinking about the right words to say, he replies "You still haven't explained the whole thing to me, if I remember correctly. If you did, this would be a perfect time to remind me."

"Itsuki contemplates the extended hand of alien Yuki Nagato! Wait, why is he even contemplating? Doesn't he like Mikuru? Hey! This makes no sense!" I yelled.

"Itsuki. Your powers are weak now. Join us, and you'll become powerful. Mikuru is making you weaker. Come with me..." Yuki says monotonously. Yuki apparently loves saying things over again in different ways.

"Stop evading the question or I'll be forced to decline" Itsuki said.

"Hey wait. Yuki's an alien, so why does she even bother coming to Earth? Why is she evading such an obviously needed answer? Why the heck does she want him? Maybe she likes Itsuki! That'd be a shocker" I added.

"I do not know the answer. My orders are absolute." Yuki stated.

"If you don't know, then get information from your superiors." Itsuki said. He did his trademark smile, and said "It would probably help if you told them it was required for success of this mission..."

I then thought "If only Mikuru had that same advice..."

"Orders are absolute. If you do not come willingly, I will take you by force." Yuki said, twiddling her wand a few times. It binds Itsuki with spells that were made with tacky effects programs.

"I tried to do this peacefully..." Itsuki said as he sighed. He looks at Yuki and he threw a blue-painted tennis ball at her with his psychic powers. "I'm afraid I won't allow myself to be captured."

Yuki then twiddles her wand again, shooting out a pink fluffy cloud at the tennis ball, making it float in mid-air. Itsuki uses his power to throw another tennis ball at Yuki, however Yuki dodges easily. The ball hits a school window, and the vice principal is yelling at the crew.

"By the way, if I go with you, will I have to use a wand?"

"No, you won't.

"Ah, I see." Itsuki replied as he throws a tennis ball on fire. The fire is also made with tacky effects. Yuki is hit and her hat catches on fire. "I suggest you leave now, before I'm forced to aim for your face." Itsuki says with his usual smile. Yuki takes off the burning hat, twiddles her wand, then puts out the hat with a mini cloud.

"I shall leave you for today. Contact me if you change your mind."

"How will I contact you?"

Yuki then walks off with her cape and drenched hat, fluttering in the wind. She then threw Itsuki a card with a number on it. He catches the card and looks at it. The information was for "Nagato Yuki aka Fuzzy Hat". Itsuki looks up, into the sky as I do another sky shot.

---

"Welcome to Kanakura's Candy Depot! This store has been open for fifty years, bringing the community such goodness as the triple-deluxe ultra-light strawberry candies, guaranteed to cheer up any body's day." Itsuki says with Yuki holding a sign in the back. Yuki then waves the sign around, which says "Please shop here".

---

"Finally, Mikuru is in her movie! Wait, where was she anyways? Doesn't the title even have 'Asahina Mikuru' in it? Well, she's returned now, finding Itsuki sided up with Yuki" I said, falling half asleep.

"Sorry Asahina-san, but after some negotiations, I've decided to switch sides. Yuki-chan can be very convincing," Itsuki said to Mikuru.

"I-Itsuki! How could you... she's evil! I won't let h-her harm you... I'll save you!" Mikuru says as she poses, wobbling around with cheap music in the background.

Yuki was beside Itsuki when she twiddled her want and shot a giant fake fireball at Mikuru. Then Itsuki reinforces it with tennis balls of various colors and effects into the air to rain down on Mikuru. Mikuru then retaliates with her cheap plastic pellet gun, firing them with little precision.

"Face it Asahina-san, you can't win. Yuki would have defeated you if I hadn't saved you last time" Itsuki said cockily.

Yuki's fireball then swallowed the bullets, carrying them with itself. Then Haruhi outside of the scene, throws an old man in to make him block the fireball for Mikuru. Itsuki soars into the sky in his casual standing pose, then proceeds to continue raining down tennis balls upon Mikuru, who is somehow dodging every one. Then the old man is shown with fake severe burns. Then Mikuru holds up the old man who happens to be her old boss in the vegetable store, and begins to run, before setting him down, crouching behind him, hiding while shooting at Yuki. "Give him back you evil alien!"

Yuki's cape then has newly made holes, as well as her hat from Mikuru's attacks. Suddenly, a random cat knocked my camera over, and I hastily picked it up, hoping Haruhi didn't notice. Haruhi would beat me with words if she sees a mistake. Not that there isn't any in the movie...

Itsuki flies down landing next to Mikuru, grabbing her gun. "Give this to me, Asahina-san. We don't want to commit murders today, now do we?"

Then, the cat jumps onto my face and starts attacking me! Why the hell was a cat attacking me? I mean, it hurts!

"Shoo! Get away! CUT! CUT!" Haruhi yells, chasing the cat off. "Mikuru! Yuki! Chase the cat away!

Mikuru runs over and picks up the fallen camera, then runs back into position. Then Yuki throws the cat far away, and gets back into her position. Itsuki just stands there holding the gun.

"Okay! ACTION!"

"I... Liked these..." Yuki said as she took off her hat and cape.

"Umm.Umm..." Mikuru said. She clears her throat before yelling "Itsuki!" as she tries to conjure fake tears. "H-How could you turn on me!?"

Itsuki demanded for the gun, and saw that Mikuru wouldn't give in. He then said "Otherwise..." as he conjured a fireball into his hand.

Yuki sees this, and twiddles wand while shooting a laser at Itsuki. Itsuki dodges and jumps behind Mikuru, when Mikuru moves out of the way, grabbing Itsuki with her. Itsuki was dragged to the ground by Mikuru, when he pushed a ball of electricity into her back, at the center of her spine. Mikuru falls. "I-Itsuki... How could you..." she said as she passes out.

Yuki then twiddled her wand and appears in front of Itsuki and strangles him.

"Sky shot again!" Haruhi yelled. I responded by creating a sky shot.

"Ah, it seems my acting skills are still to-" Itsuki was saying, until stopped by Yuki's strangling.

Haruhi sees this and runs to Yuki, yelling "Yuki! Yuki! What do you think you're doing? STOP!"

---

"Despite the random strangling, our plan to defeat Asahina-san has been completed. So now what is on our agenda, Yuki-chan?" Itsuki asks. He sees Yuki's hand still on his throat, and whispers "You can let go. It's a different scene".

Yuki lets go of Itsuki's throat, and states "We will return to my planet." as letters form in front of them.

"Ow... I see. Hopefully you're not all random stranglers, or my neck will..." Itsuki said, rubbing his throat as he spoke.

Itsuki and Yuki start to board the cardboard cut out of a ship, and are halfway there, until they hear a desperate voice. "No!!!"

They turn around to see Mikuru in the pouring rain, looking very desperate. Itsuki almost gets clonked lightly in the head with the butt of a gun, but he sets up his forcefield as a barrier. Then, Yuki zaps Mikuru with her magic, which forces Mikuru to fall back dramatically.

"As the music plays, a sad dramatic scene is carried out by the depressed Mikuru, the Esper Itsuki, and the winning Yuki. It's such a dramatic scene... Sorry for the effects. Just deal with them for now, since our budget is-" I start saying, before I'm hit with a rolled up newspaper by Haruhi.

"Asahina-san, a little advice... Dramatic shouts aren't nearly as effective in sneak attacks as you may have been led to believe," Itsuki says to Mikuru.

Mikuru all of a sudden appears with fake scratched up clothes and fake scratches. She closes one eye in supposed pain. "I-Itsuki, how... How could you do this to me?"

Then a very tacky mother ship beam begins to pick up Itsuki and Yuki. The beam has holes in it, held up by a fishing pole.

"Simple. You're an annoying ditz, and a stalker. You're weak, unable to do anything on your own. Basically, you're an incompetent, incapable moron." Itsuki says as he almost reaches the mother ship. He waves as he disappears into the ship.

"Come back!" Mikuru screams, stretching her hand towards the now disappearing beam.

A Frisbee is now thrown, which looks like a mother ship is flying away. The Frisbee was covered in colored tin-foil for 'cooler' effects.

"WHY!!!" Mikuru yells into the sky. Then a shot of Mikuru is shown, with her on the ground, crying in her hands.