"I have a suggestion," Maxie said.
They had been arguing for days over whether or not Spinelli would do what Maxie wanted and cancel out her betrayal. She had finally talked with Robin last night and gotten her take on the situation. She wondered if Spinelli would be agreeable to Robin's suggestion. She prayed he would, but he was a guy; he might resist.
Robin had made her see that she was trying to bully Spinelli into following her orders instead of treating him as an equal partner in their relationship. As usual, she was making a relationship that was supposed to include the two of them all about her. She knew that if she kept trying to push him in directions he didn't want to go, she could lose him. She wanted to change her behavior, but she needed his help, and she hoped it wouldn't be too hard to convince him to do what Robin had suggested. She also knew she had to be careful not to bully him into agreeing to this, too. He was standing his ground on the revenge sex matter, but she was fairly certain he would find this request reasonable. She'd been arguing with herself all night and had finally decided to approach Spinelli with the idea. Now all she had to do was voice her thoughts and wait for his reaction.
"I think I know a way that might help us get back on track and it doesn't involve you cheating on me."
"OK."
"I think we should go to couples therapy."
He blinked at her.
"That's all?"
"Yeah, what did you think?"
"I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not that."
"So will you do it? Will you go to couples therapy with me?"
"Yes."
She sighed with relief.
"Did you have anyone in mind?" he asked.
"Lainey Winters, unless you want someone else."
"No, Dr. Winters is perfectly acceptable."
"OK, I'll set up the appointment and call you with the details."
"OK."
She kissed him.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," he said, hugging her for the first time since he'd found out about her betrayal.
She held him tightly for a moment, savoring the hug, before leaving to go back to Crimson. She would make the phone call to Dr. Winters on the way.
The next day, they waited silently outside Dr. Winters's office. When she asked them in, they sat together on the couch.
"Does one of you wanna tell me why you're here?"
"I slept with someone else," Maxie said. "I want Spinelli to get even with me by doing the same thing and he's refusing."
"You want Spinelli to sleep with someone else to make up for what you did?"
She nodded.
"How do you feel about that?" Lainey asked Spinelli.
"I've been trying to tell her that I do not want carnal knowledge of anyone but her. I love her; I don't wanna sleep with anyone else."
"So you only sleep with people you love."
"Yes."
"And you, Maxie, slept with someone you don't love?"
"I love Spinelli."
"But do you love the guy you slept with?"
"No, I barely knew him. I was just trying to get him to do a photo shoot for Crimson."
"Were you honest with Spinelli from the beginning? Did you tell him you'd cheated on him?
She shook her head.
"How did you find out?" Lainey asked Spinelli.
"I overheard her talking to a mutual friend."
"Were you ever planning to tell him, Maxie?"
"I never wanted him to find out. I just wanted to pretend it never happened. I'm not proud of it. I mean, the guy was hot and famous, but I love Spinelli."
"But I am not hot and famous," Spinelli said.
"That's not what I meant," Maxie said. "I mean, you're not famous, but you are hot."
"Did his fame contribute to your decision to sleep with him?" Lainey asked.
"I was focused on me, as usual. I wanted the photo shoot and I was gonna do anything to get it."
"And did you get it?"
"No."
"What was your reaction when you overheard Maxie and your friend discussing this, Spinelli?
"I was hurt, angry, heartbroken, an entire range of emotions."
"And now?"
"It has all past. I would just like Maximista to stop asking me to cheat on her so we can erase this episode and move on."
"You're past it?"
He nodded.
"I don't believe he is," Maxie said. "I think he's lying to himself."
"Is she right?"
"Perhaps to an extent," he admitted.
"How do you feel about her insisting that you cheat on her to get even?"
Spinelli hesitated. He didn't know how to voice these feelings without making the situation worse.
"Just say what you're feeling," Lainey said, seeming to sense the reason for his hesitation. "It's the only way to deal with this."
"I don't think she respects me."
"How can you say that?" Maxie squeaked angrily.
"Let him finish, Maxie."
"I thought you knew me."
"I do know you!"
"Do you?"
"Talk to me for now, not to each other," Lainey said calmly. "Think of me as a mutual friend who takes no sides. Talk to me as you would your most trusted confidant."
Maxie huffed and looked away. Spinelli looked at Lainey and continued.
"Maxie should know that I would never have a random sexual encounter for any reason. I need to feel something for a sexual partner. Sex is not merely about physical pleasure. There must be love and mutual respect. I thought we had mutual respect, but her encounter with Franco has proven me wrong. We made promises to each other. One of those promises was to be faithful. Maximista broke that promise. Then she lied to me, breaking another promise. Then, when I discovered her betrayal, she insisted that I do something that goes against every one of my core beliefs concerning love, romance and commitment. She's insisting that I go against my principles and sleep with a random stranger in order to erase her guilt. The same mutual friend who unknowingly revealed Maximista's betrayal to me told us both that another act of infidelity cannot balance the scales. I believe she's right. But Maximista has threatened to end our non-marriage if I do not comply with her wishes, indicating that she not only disrespects me as her partner, but considers me a subordinate rather than a partner. I feel that she does not acknowledge me as an equal partner in this relationship, and therefore cannot respect me as such."
Maxie was looking at him now, startled.
"How do you feel about what Spinelli just said?" Lainey asked her.
"Did you believe me? Did you actually take me seriously when I said that?"
"Of course. I take everything you say seriously. All words have significance."
"Maxie, why would you threaten to break up with Spinelli if you didn't mean it? Is he right? Do you consider him less than equal?"
"Of course not," Maxie said indignantly.
"Then why won't you respect my feelings? Why are you trying to force me to do something I have no desire to do? Why did you threaten to leave me if I do not follow your directive? Why did you sleep with Franco in the first place? He cares nothing for you. He is a dangerous man who was using you as a means to an end. I would never be so careless with you. I love you more than anything and would never intentionally hurt you and you slept with Franco for a photo shoot."
"I didn't just do it for the photo shoot."
"Then why?"
"I don't know. I always destroy what matters to me. You know that."
"You wanted to destroy us?"
"No."
"I don't understand."
Maxie hated the sadness and pain on his face. She also hated herself for putting it there.
Lainey interjected.
"So it wasn't just about the photo shoot, Maxie? You wanted to sleep with Franco for personal reasons?"
Maxie wanted to say no, but it would be a lie. Spinelli saw this and looked away.
"What's the real reason you wanted to sleep with Franco?" Lainey asked. "You said he was hot and famous, that you wanted the photo shoot and that you always destroy what matters."
"Do I?" Spinelli asked suddenly, looking back at Maxie as if he dreaded her answer. "Do I matter? If you wish to destroy something, it must not matter."
"You matter more than anything."
"The fact that you slept with Franco to further your career puts the lie to your words."
"I didn't just do it for the-"
"Then why?" Spinelli demanded angrily. "If I matter, why did you wish to destroy us? I wish you would answer the question!"
"I didn't wanna destroy us!"
"Then why did you sleep with him knowing that could happen?"
Maxie looked at Lainey as if for help.
"It's a valid question."
Maxie was the one to hesitate this time. She knew what she was about to say would hurt Spinelli, but he had asked and Lainey wasn't giving her a way out of answering.
"Because he was different."
"You mean, because he wasn't me?"
He was hurt and horrified. Maxie nodded.
"Please don't take that the wrong way-"
"What other way is there to take it? You didn't want me. You don't want me. You want someone different."
"No!"
"Are you gonna be honest?" he asked furiously. "First you say it was just to get the photo shoot. Then you say it was because you destroy what matters. Then you say he wasn't me, that he was different, and now you're saying that's not why either? Do I not deserve the truth?"
Maxie was crying now.
"It was for all those reasons," she admitted in a small voice, "but it doesn't mean that I don't love you!"
"Then what does it mean?"
He was tired of these games. He wanted the truth. This had been her suggestion, but now she was refusing to talk without going in circles.
"Have you been playing with me all this time? Did you not mean our non-wedding vows?"
"Wait," Lainey said. "This isn't the first time you've referred to your relationship as a non-marriage. Is that significant?"
"I thought so," Spinelli said, "but now I'm beginning to wonder."
Maxie gave him a tearful, reproachful look.
"We were engaged to be married," Spinelli explained. "The night before the wedding, I heard Maximista tell Stone Cold not to allow her to run screaming from the alter."
"You heard that?"
Maxie's voice was a horrified squeak.
"Yes. I shrugged it off at first as pre-wedding jitters, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw more of the signs I'd been ignoring. I unintentionally pressured her into accepting my proposal, and part of the reason for her acceptance had been her father's refusal to give me her hand in marriage."
"You asked his permission?" Lainey asked, hiding her blush, secretly wondering as a woman how Maxie could be stupid enough to throw away someone so romantic in favor of a photo shoot or anything else.
"Yes, I was trying to court her, and asking the father's permission is crucial to courtly love. But the longer the engagement progressed and the closer we came to the wedding date, the more reticent and anxious Maximista became. We had a minor disagreement over where we would live once we were married and she said if we couldn't come to an agreement the wedding was off. Then I overheard her conversation with Stone Cold and came to realize that she was not prepared for marriage. She told him she loved me and wished to marry me, but not at that time. Her happiness is more important to me than my need to be married to her. I felt that we could b a happy couple without being married. To me, our non-wedding meant that we were mature enough to be committed without being married. It was something I've never had before. I thought it meant the same to her, but then she cheated on me."
"It does mean the same to me," Maxie pleaded tearfully.
"I wish I still believed that," he said sadly.
"Maxie, have you put yourself in Spinelli's place? Have you thought about how you would feel if he cheated on you and then-"
"He would never do that."
"But you're trying to force him to do that or you'll break up with him."
"I didn't mean-"
"But you said it," Spinelli said. "If you said it, part of you must have meant it."
Maxie shook her head, feeling frustrated and miserable.
"OK, let's go back a bit. How did you two meet?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Maxie asked.
"It may reveal some things."
Spinelli explained how he was in love with Lulu at the time and Maxie explained how she had made a bet with Logan, cheating on Coop in the process, to get back at Lulu for breaking up Georgie's marriage to Dillon, after she'd already broken up Lucky's marriage to Elizabeth.
"So revenge sex is a pattern with you and that's why you want Spinelli to do it."
"It's the only way to make this right," she insisted.
"For you, perhaps," Spinelli said, "but not for me."
"Did it make things right for Georgie?" Lainey asked.
Maxie shook her head, looking like a child being scolded by one of her parents.
"Then how is this gonna make things right with you and Spinelli?"
Maxie was silent, staring at the ground.
"Will it make him trust you again?"
Maxie shook her head.
"But it will make me feel better. It'll make me feel like I've been paid back and Spinelli and I will be even."
"He might develop feelings for the woman he picked."
"That would never happen!"
Maxie was annoyed that she was having the same conversations with Lainey that she'd had with Spinelli and Lulu.
"It is theoretically possible," Spinelli said, offended that she seemed to think he and another woman might not develop feelings.
"No," Maxie insisted, "because that's not what I want at all!"
"Not what you want," Lainey said pointedly.
Maxie closed her mouth, looking guiltily at Spinelli, who didn't bother to hide his anger that she was still thinking only of herself.
"What if he did agree? What would it do to him? You're asking him to go against his core beliefs, his morals, his principles, in order to prove his love for you. Hasn't he already proven his love for you by respecting you enough not to coerce you into a marriage he knew you didn't want?"
Maxie's anger surged again, not because Spinelli wasn't agreeing to what she wanted, but because Lainey was right. She glared at him.
"You know, we wouldn't be here if you were selfish like me!"
"But I'm not."
"Well, why can't you be?"
"Because I'm not you!"
"You admit that I'm selfish?"
"There seems to be no other reason for your betrayal."
Maxie started to cry again. How could he? Spinelli was the one person who always believed in her. How could he have just accused her of being selfish.
Spinelli watched her, wanting to cry himself. He hated to see her upset, and it hurt him even more to know that he was the one upsetting her.
But he was so frustrated! Why couldn't she just be straight with him? Why all these games and mixed signals. One minute she wanted him to extol her virtues, then the next she seemed to resent it. What was he supposed to do? She couldn't even give him a solid explanation as to why she'd agreed to sleep with Franco.
"What do you want from me? I tell you that you're perfect and you go out of the way to prove me wrong. I tell you you're not perfect and you cry and get angry with me. What is it that you want?"
"I don't know!" she burst out furiously.
"Let's back up again," Lainey suggested calmly. "How did you two go from hating each other to almost being married?"
They talked about Georgie, about his friendship with her and how he'd found out too late that she'd been in love with him. Maxie talked about how she'd resented Spinelli for not seeing that her sister had loved him. She explained how, until their talk in the sewers, she had thought he'd seen something wrong with Georgie and hadn't loved her.
"So it was Georgie's death that connected you."
They both nodded.
"From what you've both told me, I'm seeing a pattern of behavior. Maxie, you seem to force Spinelli into doing what you want. You don't respect what he wants. In the case of finding Georgie's killer, that was all right because it was what he wanted in the first place. He just didn't know how to do it. Am I right, Spinelli?"
"Yes."
"But since then, you've forced him to do things you wanted that could potentially cause trouble for him, or that go against his beliefs and desires. You said you blackmailed him and Jason into giving you a backdoor to Couture. What was in it for Spinelli?"
Maxie stared at the ground in silence again.
"You said that another time you told him to come to you within a certain time frame or you would end your friendship."
"I did not say that!"
"Telling him you would never speak to him again implies an end to the friendship."
Maxie hesitated, then nodded reluctantly.
"During the engagement, you threatened to call off the wedding if Spinelli didn't agree to live where you wanted. Now you're threatening to end the non-marriage if he doesn't cheat on you to get back at you for cheating on him. Do you see where I'm going with this?"
Spinelli did. Dr. Lainey was proving his point. But she was making Maximista feel bad in order to do it. On one hand, he resented that she was hurting Maxie when she was supposed to be helping them both. On the other, he saw her logic. Maybe causing Maxie pain would make her see that she was making the relationship all about her, and maybe that pain would make her want to change her behavior.
"I already know I'm selfish," Maxie said petulantly. "Tell me something I don't know. Tell me how to fix this because obviously I've been wrong throughout the entire relationship."
"No, Maximista, that's not-"
"She just said that, Spinelli, maybe not in so many words, but why else would she point out all my selfish mistakes?"
"Maxie," Lainey began.
"I get it. I'm selfish and you two think I don't care about anything as long as I get what I want."
"I never said that," Spinelli protested. "I've never even thought-"
"Then why did you let her keep doing that?"
"Because I needed you to see that you were not respecting me as your equal. It was not my intention to let you think I believed you to be selfish and uncaring. Nothing could be further from the truth."
His tone was gentle and he reached a tentative hand toward her. She allowed him to put his arm around her. She put her head on his shoulder and he could feel her tears wetting his shirt.
"That was the point I was trying to make, Maxie," Lainey said after giving them a few seconds, "that you're acting as the boss in the relationship rather than treating Spinelli as your partner. No relationship can work if one person holds all the power. There should be no politics in any friendship or romantic relationship. You and Spinelli need to be on equal footing. You need to communicate your desires without ordering or threatening him. He wants to make you happy. Do you want him to be happy, even if it means not always getting what you want?"
She nodded against Spinelli's shoulder.
"I'm not saying it's entirely your fault either. Spinelli, you need to stand up for yourself more, the way you've done on the revenge sex issue."
"True, but standing up for myself in most cases usually results in threats or bodily harm."
"One session is not gonna resolve your issues. Also, your time is almost up and I have another appointment after you. I want you to do an exercise this week and we'll make another appointment for next week."
"What exercise?" Maxie asked, lifting her head and wiping her eyes.
"I want you to disagree on something, no matter how minor, even if it's only hypothetical. In fact, hypothetical disagreements can be fun if done the right way."
She smiled, thinking of some of the hypothetical disagreements her past patients had told her about and how they'd been resolved.
"I want you to do this more than once before we meet again. I want you to resolve the issue either by coming to a compromise, or by having one of you agree after listening to the other. The key here is for you to listen to each other. You need to show respect for each other's opinions and feelings and validate them."
"Validate?" Maxie asked.
"For example, if you two are spending Christmas together and Spinelli wants one tree and you want another, you acknowledge that you understand why he wants that particular tree before you argue your point. I'm not saying that you have to do this every single time you make a point, but just make sure you do it, and no threatening."
Maxie nodded.
"I get it," she said to Spinelli. "Like when you tell Mack you appreciate his concern when he gets up in your face."
He nodded with a grin.
"I want you to tell me how the issues were resolved when we meet next week, and I want you to validate each other's points when we talk during our next session."
"OK," they said together.
It was time for Lainey's next appointment, so they thanked her and left, both feeling as if they really might be able to fix their problems with her help.
They went to Kelly's for dinner after leaving Lainey's office and decided to try their first hypothetical disagreement.
"Since we're not getting married yet," Maxie said, "which means we have time, why don't we settle the house issue. Where are we gonna live after we're married?"
Spinelli went over the points they had made before, then Maxie brought up another one.
"You feel that you need to be available for Jason twenty[fur seven," she said, trying validation. "I respect that, but I also need to be available for Kate."
"I understand that, but Stone Cold is literally in life or death situations at times and The Jackal must have crucial information available when he needs it. The Fashionista will not be killed if you can't reach her immediately, but Stone Cold frequently faces death and the sooner I can get information to him concerning his current enemy, the better chance he may have of surviving."
"You're afraid of failing him at a crucial moment because you can't get to him on time."
"Yes."
"But Sonny and Jason don't live together and he manages to get to Sonny whenever he needs him."
He nodded thoughtfully.
"Can I make another point?"
"Of course."
"Do you really think Jason would want me living there? I mean, as you point out when I get mad at him for making us leave, it's his house. He got mad at you just because I put a mirror in his house and I have no intention of living in a man cave."
She saw his expression and backed off a little, realizing that she was becoming confrontational.
"Sorry. My point is that he and I have very different opinions and tastes. I could never live permanently in his house the way he keeps it and he would resist any effort I make to change it."
"Yes, and I would not wish to continuously play mediator. As it is, there are times when I feel as if I'm being pulled in two different directions trying to remain loyal to both of you and neutrality seems not to be an option."
"Lulu and I would probably put you in the same position," she said thoughtfully. "In fact, we have."
"More than once," he agreed.
"So maybe the solution is not to live with either of them. Maybe we should get our own house after we get married."
He thought about it, then nodded.
"Living alone together is, after all, the adult solution. I mean, Lulu and Stone Cold are not our parents and your father would never agree to have us live with him."
"It's agreed then? When we get married, we get a place of our own?"
"Agreed."
"Not bad, compromise and validation."
They grinned at each other, then kissed.
They had fun coming up with hypothetical disagreements and it helped them to resolve some of their real life issues also. Maxie came to respect and accept Spinelli's decision not to sleep with someone else to get back at her and they agreed that couples therapy had put them back on the right track. They intended to continue.
At their next session, they were pleased to realized that most of their hypothetical issues, and a considerable amount of their real ones, had been resolved by compromise instead of one giving in to the other. They also interrupted each other, and Lainey, much less in this session. Lainey complimented them on their validation skills.
That night was Karaoke night at Jake's and Maxie approached Coleman, whispered in his ear, then came back to Spinelli with the book of songs.
"Will you sing this?"
He looked at it in surprise.
"Maximista would not wish The Jackal to sing our song to her tonight?"
"No, I mean, will you sing it with me?"
"Oh," he said, his surprise turning to pleasure. "I would be honored."
He smiled.
"It is fitting, is it not?"
"That's why I picked it," she said, and kissed him.
Mack glared at them from a few tables over. Maxie gave him a "you shut up" look, took Spinelli's hand and went to inform Coleman of their song of choice.
"OK," Coleman said when Patrick and Robin finished singing "Never Gonna Let you go" by Sergio Mendez. "We have another duet tonight, and this is the couple who inspired Karaoke night here at Jake's. On the first Karaoke night, in front of this very microphone, Spinelli expressed his love for Maxie through song."
Everyone clapped and awed.
"Tonight, he's back, and this time his Maximista's by his side, ready to sing with him. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Spinelli and Maxie!"
Everyone clapped again and cheered as the couple approached the microphone.
"As a few of you know," Maxie said when everyone was quieter, "Spinelli and I have been having some issues that need to be worked out. We're doing OK-"
She paused, noting Mack's renewed glare at Spinelli.
"And the issues are being worked out between us-"
She paused again after emphasizing the phrase "between us" and gave Mack a pointed look that clearly said, "leave Spinelli alone."
"And we're sure we're gonna get through it. But this past week has made me think a lot about this song and Spinelli has agreed to sing it with me. It's a minor request, but his agreement to do this particular song is a reminder for me that we're still on the same page in terms of how much we love each other."
They put their arms around each other and Spinelli began the first line.
"I see your face cloud over like a little girl's and your eyes have lost their shine. You whisper something softly I'm not meant to hear. Baby, tell me what's on your mind."
Then Maxie began to sing her part.
"I don't care what people say about the two of us from different worlds. I love you so much that it hurts inside. Are you listening?"
Spinelli sang what he'd been begging Maxie to do since the first time he told her he didn't want revenge sex.
"Please listen to me, Girl."
Then the two of them went into the chorus.
"Can't we try just a little bit harder? Can't we give just a little bit more? Can't we try to understand that it's love we're fighting for?"
Everyone cheered at their harmony, causing them to grin.
"Don't let our love fade away," they sang during the bridge, "no matter what people say."
As Mack watched them, he thought Spinelli's eyes went to him during this part. He suppressed another glare. Maxie was having fun, and whether he liked it or not, she was with Spinelli, for now. He only hoped she would come to her senses before she actually did marry him. The longer they were together, though, the less likely that seemed. It only took one look at the passion in their eyes as they sang this particular song to see that they were going to try. Mack sighed, then picked up the rest of his nearly full drink and drained it in one long gulp.