An alternate universe story based on the Ship of Spies episode.
Chapter 1 - Dreams
Lee Stetson jerked awake, breathing loudly, his face and body clammy with sweat. He rubbed his moist brow and murmured, "Not again".
Every night, since boarding the cruise, he had had similar dreams. The first two nights, he woke up barely remembering it. But since the night of the 'wedding', the dream and the feelings he felt became more vivid and he woke up remembering every detail. Tonight, especially, it felt so real – the feelings he felt were so real.
"What's happening? Am I losing it," he asked himself. He slowed his breathing and forced himself to retrace the dream: It always started with the wedding, the lifting of the veil, the gazing into Amanda's sparkling eyes and the two tender kisses they exchanged. And then, scenes of life with Amanda. Walking hand in hand with her in the park, working in the kitchen side by side, dancing and laughing together, locking the office door and pulling her into his arms for a deep kiss, cuddling with her on the couch, making love to her while a feeling of completeness, caring, tenderness and happiness washed over him.
He dreamt of playing basketball with Jamie and Phillip, of easy banter with the boys, of pulling Amanda close to him as they all sat together watching the latest thriller on movie night. He dreamt of fatherhood and teaching Phillip to drive and working with Jamie on his science project. These scenes stirred a feeling of pride within him.
He dreamt of being in a hospital delivery room, Amanda crushing his hand, as she pushed and pushed and delivered their baby girl. He swallowed hard, "our girl….my girl….oh my gosh this can't be happening…." And again he rubbed his eyes.
And then, there was something else….what was it? Oh yeah, then, suddenly he was Amanda's room, holding his baby girl, gently kissing her brow, admiring how small she was, how soft she felt, and the new baby smell she wore. Amanda was lying on the bed, tired and sleeping. He whispered the baby's name lovingly "Samantha Lee Stetson". She had her mother's brown hair and her cute nose. The hazel eyes and dimples were from her father. He looked down at his sleeping wife and silently thanked her for the precious gift, a symbol of their love.
That's when they appeared. "Mom, dad? What are you doing here?" he asked in surprise.
"Son, we wanted to be here for you today, to help you welcome our first grandchild.
His eyes were moist and again his feelings threatened to overcome him. Here in the same room were the love of his life, his baby, and his parents. He shook his head slowly "I don't know what to say Mom, dad. I am just so happy. I am so glad you are here."
His mother came to him and hugged his left shoulder and reached out to stroke his beautiful baby's head. His father laid his hand on his back and congratulated him.
"Lee, we are so happy for you. We finally have peace that you have a family of your own to love and protect. Son, listen very carefully. Amanda is your future; the two of you were meant for each other. You are fortunate to have found one another. Promise me, you will always hold on to her, never let her go. Promise me."
Lee looked down adoringly at the form of his sleeping wife and shook his head. "That's one promise I plan to keep. I can't imagine what my life would be without her."
"I am glad son. Thank-you... Don't forget, never ever let her go…..'
And suddenly, the image was gone and that of course was when he awakened.
He got out of bed and splashed cold water on his face and the back of his neck and dried himself with a towel. "Why am I having these dreams? Why Amanda? What does it mean?"
He was overcome by an overwhelming desire to see Amanda, to touch her. He shook his head again. "I don't understand it but I have to see her." He walked quietly to the door that led to her adjoining room. Stealthily, he opened the door and stepped into the room. In the moonlight that shone through her window, he saw her form, curled up in bed, sheets covering her to her shoulders. She was facing him and a few curls fell across her face.
His heart tightened at the sight of her and very gently his hand reached down to brush her soft curls away. He froze as she stirred and rolled over to her side. He stood frozen for minutes, not wanting to be detected. He waited until he was sure Amanda had settled and was still asleep.
"That was close," he thought to himself. He brushed his hands through his hair, 'what am I doing here?" Quietly he crept out of the room and closed the door behind himself. He lay back on his bed. It was 2:30 in the morning but sleep alluded him and the dream replayed over and over in his mind.
Disgustedly, he rubbed his eyes. "This is stupid. I can't continue this way. My mind is playing crazy tricks on me. I need to get back to reality. Hell, I have never even thought of a future. In this business, you live one day at a time, knowing each day that it could be your last. I don't need a wife and family to hold me back and I certainly do not need Amanda King. I like things the way they are. Like my parents before me, one of these days I am going to go down in the line of duty. And, I refuse to leave anyone behind to suffer and grow up alone. Things are good. I am doing something that makes a difference in the world and I am damn good at it. I am free to get up and go anywhere I want in the world with anyone I want. Hmmm….maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe that's what these dreams are really about.
He continued to wrestle with his thoughts until the first rays of dawn peeked thru the curtains. His rational, logical mind waged argument after argument to refute the dream. But, in the end he could not shake the vision. What he experienced in the dream gave purpose and meaning to his life. The feelings from the dream had carried over into his waking hours and overnight re-shaped his perspective on love, commitment, and family. Try as he might, the epiphany would not allow him to go back to his old ways of seeing the world.
What to do next? The voice from the dream came to him "son, don't let her go, don't ever let her go."
He whispered aloud, "No I won't. I promise, I'll never let her go."
"Yeah, we're already married. It's what I want. Now all I have to do is talk Amanda into staying married and giving US a chance. I just know if we stay together, she'll come around. But if we don't stay together I have this really bad feeling that she's going to slip away from me.
Chapter 2 - Talking with Amanda
Lee was lost in his thoughts. He had showered and changed and sat fully clothed on his bed. A light wrapping on the adjoining door brought him back to the present. Amanda's voice came floating through, "Lee? Lee, are you ready for breakfast?"
Lee looked over at his clock and realized it was now 8:00 a.m. He ran his hands through his hair and pushed off the bed. "Coming Amanda," he said loudly and opened the door.
His eyes fell upon her face. She had an infectious grin on her face. Her eyes sparkled and she looked vibrant and full of life. His eyes took her in and he couldn't help but smile back at her. "Good morning," he said softly.
She seemed to be looking at him more closely and her face looked concerned. "You don't look like you had a good night's sleep. Are you ok?"
He rubbed his hands over his face and then the back of his neck. "Amanda, I'm fine. I had a hard time sleeping last night so I'm just a bit tired."
"Yeah," she grinned, "you look beat." "How about getting some breakfast into you and then you come back for a nap. "
"Come on," she grabbed his hand and led him out the door and to the dining lounge.
Finishing her breakfast, Amanda looked up at quizzically at Lee again. "Lee, I know you had a rough night last night and I don't mean to pry but we are friends …..you've been awfully quiet, is there anything you want to talk about?"
Lee 's eyes shot up and he gulped. He had studiously avoided looking at Amanda through breakfast, his eyes instead focusing on the view around them or the hot cup of coffee in his hands. All the while, his mind had been busy wondering how to open the discussion with Amanda. Now, she had just given him the perfect opening….now if only he could pull himself together to go through with this.
"Ah…yeah, you know it might help to talk." He smiled at her wanly and looked down again.
"Oh great," Amanda gushed "you know Lee I really am a good listener and I really think it's important to talk about things and not to keep things bottled up inside. It's what I always tell the boys." Amanda smiled back at him encouragingly.
"Oh, god here goes," he groaned to himself and hesitantly began. He gazed at her, his eyes pleading for her support while he spoke. "Amanda, I need to say some things to you and I would really like it if you would hear me out before asking any questions."
She smiled and nodded for him to continue.
"Amanda," he reached out to touch her arm "you know ever since we were married the other day I have been having these dreams….I guess you could call them visions. I think…no, I know that we are meant to be together….for real. We went through with the marriage the other day to protect our cover. What I am trying to say is that I have a feeling that we really are meant to be together. Ummm…. Amanda King, I want to stay married to you."
There, he had done it. Lee felt relief.
Amanda opened her mouth a couple of times to speak but no words came out. Finally, she smiled nervously at him, her brow furrowed, wringing her hands as she spoke. "Lee, I am a very logical person and well what you have just said isn't logical. But, she raised her finger in the air to emphasize, I am sure we can find a way to explain what you are feeling if we just think it through together."
"Now Lee, you have been working very hard and is it possible that you are experiencing burnout and well some rather out of the normal feelings?"
"Amanda, I'm not burnt out. I feel great."
"OK, then you said you were having dreams and visions…do you think maybe you are hallucinating? I know, is it possible that you've been drugged?"
"Amanda, no…." he groaned.
"How do you know?"
"Know what?"
"Lee, how do you know that you have not been drugged?"
"I've been drugged before and I have had no symptoms that would point that way….anyways, I just know, ok," he said in a frustrated tone.
"Alright," she said a bit sceptically. "Let's put that aside and look at other possibilities. If it's not burnout and it's not caused by drugs then what else could it be?" She paused for a moment thinking, and then grinning she exclaimed "aha, of course, it's obvious."
"What's obvious?'
"Well, Lee, our cover marriage ceremony has obviously brought some suppressed feelings to the surface. Now, it's very natural for a man of your age to be thinking of settling down and well, I think this wedding cruise has just triggered some repressed desires."
"Yes it has…..I want to be married…to you."
Amanda reached across and patted his arm and continued patiently. "That's not exactly what I meant. I think you are realizing you want to settle down. But, then I think you are confusing that with settling down with me. Lee, we've never even dated."
"Amanda, I am very clear in my mind. I want marriage and I want it with you. As for dating, I've spent more time with you than anyone I have dated. Besides, we've known each other for a year and a half. I'd say we've gotten pretty close. " He paused for a moment, his brow furrowed, "I thought you liked me."
"Of course I like you Lee. You and I are good friends. But, you know friendship is not the same as marriage. And let's face it Lee, I am not exactly the kind of woman you date. You and I are very different kind of people. "
"Amanda," he reached across to touch her arm and pleaded, "believe me I have changed. I think you and I have a very special connection. I believe….no Amanda, I know we'll make a great couple. Please give us a chance. "
Amanda shook her head and sighed. In a gentle voice she said, "Lee, I don't know what to say. I can see that you believe what you are saying. But, it doesn't make any sense. I want to help you. I don't know how. Maybe when we get back you could see Dr. Pfaff? "
Lee felt a wave of desperation. "I'll do anything you say Amanda. But please you have to promise me one thing. "He paused, his eyes begging her to understand and trust him. "You have to give me a chance to prove to you that we belong together. Please give me that chance before we undo this marriage. "
Amanda looked at him nervously and thought "oh, my gosh, what do I do now?"
Aloud she said, "I can't stay married to you Lee. There is nothing going on between us. You remember, this is just business, just a cover. " How many times has he reminded me of that, she thought shaking her head.
"How do you know there is nothing between us. You said yourself we've never even dated. Give me that chance Amanda. Just a few weeks when we get back to spend time together, to get to know each other better. Please, please Amanda I'm begging you. "
She looked back at him, eyes worried, licking her lips nervously. "Alright Lee, I promise for a couple of weeks but only if you go directly to the agency doctors and get checked out at the same time. "
Chapter 3 – The Airport
Amanda and Lee made their way back from the cruise and took their flight back home. They arrived at the airport and disembarked from their airplane. Lee stood closely by Amanda as they waited for their luggage at the luggage carousel. Both were lost in their own thoughts and did not notice the approaching man pushing a cart ahead of him. The man ploughed his cart into Lee and Lee stumbled to the floor. The man rushed to his side, bent down, apologizing profusely. The man's tan raincoat and large brim hat hid his form and face. His back was to Amanda and his body shielded Lee from Amanda's view. Swiftly, he removed something from his pocket and plunged it into Lee's leg.
"Lee, Lee, are you alright," Amanda called out frantically as she struggled to get around the man and reach down to Lee. The man's eyes darted to the sides and quickly he scurried up and fought his way through the crowd that was forming around them.
Amanda took in Lee's prone body on the floor. His eyes were closed and his face pale. Her hands probed for signs of blood and injury but found nothing. She felt for his pulse and it was steady. She stroked his face calling out his name. "Lee, wake up, please, please wake up." And still, he lay motionless.
The airport security guard arrived on the scene and as he leaned over, Amanda pleaded for medical help. The guard turned and immediately started issuing orders into his walkie-talkie. A second guard appeared and began to break up the crowd around them. Amanda stroked Lee's forehead, brushing back his hair and urging him to wake up. Worry was etched on her face.
As an ambulance approached, Amanda turned back to the security guard and identified herself. " I'm with a Federal Agent and I think he was just assaulted. I need for you to call in these emergency codes she said, handing him a card."
As the guard began to call in the information, Amanda turned around and followed the paramedics into the ambulance.
Chapter 4 – The Hospital
Billy Melrose paced the hospital floor waiting for the NEST team to brief him on Lee's condition. He had been alerted once the agent down emergency codes had been called in. He had arrived at the hospital shortly after Lee had been admitted. While the NEST team ran their battery of tests to ascertain Lee's condition, Billy de-briefed with Amanda.
The information that Amanda provided was scant. A large man had run down with his baggage cart. He had placed himself between Lee and Amanda and his actions were hidden from Amanda. His full length raincoat, gloves, and large brimmed hat hid his appearance well. Amanda was able to provide only a vague description of the assailant. Billy had dispatched two of his agents to go back to the scene of the crime uncover more information.
The NEST team had provided him with an update on arrival. Lee was unconscious. He had two puncture marks in his leg, made recently by a hypodermic needle. The NEST doctors were now running a battery of tests to ascertain what chemical agent had entered Lee's blood stream.
Billy's gaze fell on Amanda. She sat in her chair, clearly worried, biting her bottom lip. She had just returned home after a week away on the cruise. Surely, her family must be waiting for her, he thought. "Amanda, why don't you go home and catch up with your family. I can call you the minute Lee is able to see visitors."
Amanda looked up and shook her head. "No, sir. I'll call my mother and let her know where I am. But I need to stay here. Lee has no family. Someone needs to be here for him when he wakes up. You know how he hates hospitals."
Bill shook his head and a thin smile crossed his face. Lee was certainly lucky to have found a loyal and caring partner. He watched as she stood up looking for the phones. Nervously, she twisted the ring on her finger before heading away.
Just as Amanda departed, the NEST doctor arrived. "So, what do we have here? Has Lee regained consciousness?" Billy asked. The doctor quickly briefed him on the situation. The agent PDP-11 had been detected in his bloodstream. Had it remained undetected for 24-hours, it would have rendered Lee contagious, passing along a fatal virus to those with whom he came into contact. Ultimately, it would have led to his own demise within the week. It had been caught in time and the virus was being combated with a cocktail of drugs. Lee would likely remain unconscious for the next several hours as his body battled the foreign substance. He was expected to recover fully, needing only a couple of days stay in the hospital to monitor his recovery.
Billy spied Amanda returning and smiled broadly. "Great news Amanda, Lee is going to be just fine. A couple of days rest in the hospital and he should be back to his normal self. Now, the doctors do say he will be out most of the evening. How about if you go home and get some rest too and come back in the morning?"
Her eyes lit up at the news. "Yes, sir. I am so glad he's going to be fine. I'll catch a few hours at home and then come back and check on him. Sir, in case he comes to before I return, could someone call me? I really don't want him waking up all alone."
Billy nodded agreeably, "Tell you what, I'll call you myself. I want to see myself when he comes to. We need to get to the bottom of who attacked him and why. Lee just might have some insights that could help us."
Chapter 5 – Lee Awakens
Lee stirred in his hospital bed and slowly opened his eyes. He felt exhausted and weak. His head ached. He moaned softly as he turned his head towards the light. He was in a hospital room. There was a monitor hooked up to him to monitor his vitals. From the darkness of the room, he gathered it was evening. God, how he hated hospitals.
His eyes took in a form in the large seat at the end of his room. He blinked trying to make out the form. It was someone curled up in a ball, sleeping. "Amanda," he murmured softly to himself. Immediately, his thoughts turned brighter. "I am one lucky guy," he whispered before his eyes fell shut and he fell into another slumber.
The next time he awoke Billy Melrose was at his side. "Good morning Lee, I am glad you decided to join the living," Billy beamed. "How are you feeling?"
"Terrible," Lee croaked out with a sour look on his face. He looked across the room at the now empty seat. "Mmmm, where did my wife go?" he asked in a tired voice.
Billy stared at him for a moment, "Excuse me?"
"My wife Billy, my wife? Amanda?" Lee said rolling his eyes impatiently. Billy saw him twist the band on his ring finger. His mind flashed back to yesterday when he had seen Amanda do the same.
"Ah, Lee, what do you remember about your last case?"
"Not much, now can I see Amanda ?"
Billy side stepped his question. "Lee, what is the last case you remember."
"I don't know Billy, I guess when we took down Zurkov."
"Lee, that case was four months ago. You mean that's the last thing you remember."
"Well, no. I do remember the most important thing Billy," he said with a lopsided smile. "I remember getting married."
A half hour later Billy intercepted Amanda as she made her way hurriedly towards Lee's room. "Ahem, Amanda could I speak with you for a moment," he said as he beckoned her into an empty examining room.
"Yes, sir," she chirped cheerfully. "Have you seen Lee this morning? Is he awake yet? How is he doing?"
Billy pasted a smile on his face. "Physically, he is recovering fine, just fine. But, he seems to have partial amnesia. He has lost his memory of the last few months."
"Oh," she said furrowing her brow. "For how long? When will his memory return?"
"I've spoken to the NEST doctors and they believe his memory will return in a few days, maybe a few weeks. In the meanwhile, I have a large request to make of you."
"I'll do anything I can to help sir. You know that. Just ask."
He sighed in relief. "Amanda, the last thing Lee remembers is the cover marriage to you. Only, he doesn't remember that it was a cover marriage. He thinks it was real."
"Oh….oh …ohhh," she said again and then paused. She drew in her breath sharply and her eyes grew large, "Oh, I see. Don't you think we should set him right?"
Billy looked around nervously and cleared his throat. "Amanda, the doctors think it might be emotionally traumatic to break the news to him. They think it best that he uncovers it himself as his memory returns." Now that the news was broken, he rushed on, "Amanda, we would like for you to help us out and go along with this."
"I….I….really don't know," she stammered. "That is really asking for a lot, Sir. I can't pretend to be married to someone. That's just not right. Not for me and Lee deserves to know the truth too. Sir, I have a boy friend. And oh my gosh, imagine, if he wants to get ahem…you know..close, then what do I do?"
"Amanda, what I am asking you to do is in Lee's best interest. It is based on the best medical advice I have. As for 'getting close', we have a plan to get around that. Lee will believe he is contagious and will need to take precautions. As far as your family and friends are concerned, they will see no difference. You will leave and return home each day, at the same times you would any other working day. We're not asking you to do anything after hours."
"I don't know…..I want to help Lee any way I can. I am just not sure it's right to lie to him like this. How will he feel about this when his memory returns?"
"This is my call Amanda. I will tell Lee that I ordered you to do this." Softening his tone he said, "Why don't you give it a try at least. If it's not working, then we can see what to do next."
Grudgingly, she assented.
Chapter 6 – The Visit
"Hi there," Amanda said warmly as she popped her head through the doorway to Lee's room.
He was sitting up in his bed and on hearing her voice he turned and smiled broadly, "Hi yourself."
She took in his appearance. He was looking tired but alert and his colouring was much better than the night before. "I am so glad you are ok," the sincerity of her words evident in her tone.
"So am I," he said and held his arms open for her. A feeling of relief flooded through her and without hesitation she walked into his arms and hugged him. "Lee, I was so worried about you."
"Shhh Amanda, don't worry. I am fine, really I am" he said stroking her hair. "The doctors tell me I'll be out of here in no time at all. And then, you won't be able to get rid of me," he teased.
She pulled away from his embrace and couldn't help the grin that graced her face as she saw his mischievous, sparkling eyes and dimples once again.
"Amanda," he said as his tone became serious, "there is something I need to tell you. " He reached out for her hand and squeezed it gently. "Now, it's nothing to get worried about. In fact I am beginning to feel like my normal self. It's just that the doctors tell me that I have temporarily lost some memory. I can't seem to recall the last few months. Well, other than that we got married of course," he said rubbing his thumb over the wedding band he had placed on her finger during their cover marriage.
She clenched her teeth and forcing a smile mumbled, "Yeah, you would remember that. "
She rushed on, "Lee, Billy told me. Are you sure you don't remember anything else of last week ? "
He shook his head no. "Amanda, I can't wait to get out of here. " He reached out for her hand and whispered intimately, "And, spend some quality time with my beautiful bride. "
Chapter 7 – Back at Home
"Lee-ee," she said plaintively, squirming out of his arms as they came around her again. "You need to get your rest. We had a deal remember," she said pointing her finger at him. "You stay on the couch but only if you lie down and close your eyes. Otherwise, it's back to the bedroom with you." With that, she moved away to the chair, placing some distance between them.
Lee shook his head, and lay his head back down on the couch and sighed in deep frustration. "Amanda, we've been apart so long. I just need to hold you for a little while. I had plenty of rest at the hospital. I need to get back into the normal swing of things now."
"Well, the doctor let you leave early only because you promised one day of complete bed rest when you got home. And, I plan to make sure to keep your word. " And then, in a soft voice she said "It's important to your recovery Lee and I want to see you get back to 100%. Please don't make it difficult for me. Please don't make me worry."
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can try to sit tight a bit longer" he sighed deeply. He couldn't hide the yawn that crossed his face just then and the eyelids that were suddenly heavy and threatening to close. "I'll just close my eyes for a bit…. to keep you happy…," and with that he was out. The medication he had taken a short time earlier finally taking its effect.
Amanda rose from her chair and placed a blanket over him. She bent down and gently brushed his hair off his face and looked warmly at him. "Sweet dreams Lee."
It was the next day and Lee was finally able to move about. Amanda had come in the morning and despite his protests, made breakfast, gone out and brought some groceries, and was cleaning up. She was a whirl of activity, chattering incessantly about her family and moving around the apartment picking up things off the floor and tables, dusting, and vacuuming.
Finally, he grabbed her hands. "Amanda, please sit down. You're making me dizzy." He sat down on the couch pulling her down with him.
"Oh, I'm sorry Lee," she said nervously. "I guess I'm just a bit restless."
He took both her hands in his. "Amanda, what's wrong ?"
"Wrong, what's wrong ? Well, nothing. Nothing at all." She quickly switched topics. "Lee, how are you doing? Are your remembering anything?"
He went along with the shift. "No, not really. I get flashes – just bits here and there but nothing is coming together," he said in a frustrated tone. "Amanda, is there anything you need to fill me on? Honey, what's gotten into you today? " He looked at her apologetically, "Hey, I know this is not the greatest way to start off our life together. Things WILL get better."
Pulling Amanda down on the couch, he pulled her in close and placed his chin on her head. "I promise I'll make this up to you. We ARE going to have a wonderful future together Amanda." He pulled away and looked into her beautiful eyes, "You believe me don't you?"
Amanda couldn't look him in the eyes but she managed to nod her head. His face was inches away from hers and she could feel his breath on her face. Her eyes darted around the room and she licked her lips nervously.
Lee could feel the tension in her body. Puzzled, he slowly let her go. "Something is definitely wrong," he thought to himself. "But, Amanda is not ready to talk to about it. Okay, I can give her a bit of time and space."
"Amanda, how about if you help me fill in some of the blanks. You know, with my memory gone, I am having trouble understanding some things."
Relieved, Amanda moved away and nodded her head. "Sure Lee, what do you want to know?"
"Amanda, we're married now. Why aren't we living together? Why don't your mother and the boys know about us?"
"Oh, well…" she drew out the response. "You know that really is a good question Lee and you're really going to get a kick out of the reason. She rambled on for a while to buy time and then in a roundabout way came to the answer, "and so you see we do it to protect my family."
The next day, Lee was feeling much better. Amanda was coming over at lunch time and he wanted everything just right. She had not complained a bit about the disruption to their honeymoon. She was one in a million he thought. He cooked one of his favourite dishes from his travels and set the table with flowers he had picked up this morning.
His heart skipped a beat as he heard the knock at the door. 'Hi there,' he grinned and pulled her into an embrace and shut the door with his foot. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed in the fresh scent of her skin and her shampoo. 'Mmmm, I missed you Amanda,' he said as he kissed his way up her neck, along her jaw, and her cheek.
She pulled away and ran her hand along her collar, "Ah, it sure is hot in here, isn't it?"
He reached out to feel first her cheek and then her forehead. "You don't feel hot, do you think you are coming down with something?" he asked his voice laced with concern. "Come here," he said pulling her back into his embrace and kissing the top of her head. "Amanda, don't you know how much I worry about you. You give so much of yourself looking after others. I want you to take time for yourself too. Do that for me? Hmm?"
Amanda pulled back, sighing, ready to respond. But one look into his eyes brought her to a halt. He was looking straight at her with…..with a kind smile on his face and love shining through his eyes. She caught her breath and quickly lowered her eyes to distance herself from the feelings that were radiating from him. Shyly, she said "Ok." And, he pulled her back into his arms. For a moment, she tried to block out all feeling and then she succumbed. He smelled so good; she felt so good pressed against his hard body, enveloped in his strong arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist, closed her eyes, and hugged him back.
A moment later, he pulled back and led her to the couch and wrapped his arm around her. "Lunch is ready and warming in the kitchen," he said kissing her nose. "So, I thought we could just focus on re-acquainting ourselves with one another," he whispered kissing the corner of her mouth.
As he dove in again, Amanda put her hands on his chest and held him in check. In that moment, she decided. Lee was her friend and she could not let this deception continue. It just wasn't right. "Lee," we need to talk she said quietly.
"There are a lot of other things I would rather do with you than talk," he said in a resigned tone, "but I know there's something on your mind so let's get it out."
"I don't know how to tell you this Lee, so I am just going to come out and say it." She licked her lips nervously, "Lee, we're not married."
"What? Why would you say something like that Amanda," he said looking confused and puzzled and hurt. "I remember the ceremony. I remember putting the ring on your finger. And, I definitely remember kissing you. Are you saying I imagined all that," he said his voice getting louder.
"Now, wait a minute Lee. Yes, we did get married but it was a cover marriage. We were working on a case. Ohhh, why can't you remember," she said plaintively.
Lee rubbed his eyes and then moaned and buried his head in his hands. It was coming back. The pieces were falling in place. They had married, really married but all to protect their cover. And, then, the dream of Amanda and their child followed by the declaration to Amanda that he wanted to stay married. A sense of loneliness descended on him.
Amanda watched him, care and worry written on her features. She reached out to stroke his arm. Lee, I'm so sorry, so sorry, she repeated over and over.
Finally, he looked up. His eyes were pained. "What now? Where do we go from here," he whispered.
She tightened her hand on his arm. "Everything's going to be alright Lee. Things just got a little bit mixed up. Everything's going to be fine. We're going to back to working together and being very, very good friends. I'm so very sorry for having deceived you." She laid her hand on his cheek and said softly "Lee, you're such a special man and I'm so honoured that you would think of me that way. But, we both know this is not real. We just don't have the kind of relationship that, you know, leads to marriage."
"Don't let her go," he heard his father's voice in his mind. "No," he whispered to himself. He straightened his shoulders and took her hands and began to speak quietly. "Amanda, you may be able to forget everything that happened and go on. But, I can't and I won't." He put his fingers to her lips as he saw her open her mouth to object." "Shhh, Amanda, please let me finish." His hand moved from her lips to cradle her cheek and he held her eyes with his as he spoke. "There's more than just you and me to consider here."
"Oh," she asked shaking her head; this time it was she who was confused.
"Well, there's Samantha to think about."
"Excuse me," she questioned. "And, who in blazes is Samantha," she said her voice clearly indicating that her patience was finally wearing thin.
He squeezed her hands and chuckled. "Our child, Amanda. She's so beautiful just like you. And, along with her brothers, she's the most precious thing on earth to us. So, you see Amanda what we decide here and today decides the future of our baby girl. I've never had anyone of my own," and here his voice cracked slightly. "And, Amanda King, I plan to move heaven and earth to hold on to my wife to be, my child, and our family. You are my life. You hear me."
She sat silent, completely stunned. He had gone mad, what else could explain this? She smiled to herself, he had picked a beautiful name though, Samantha. If she ever had a baby girl, she could imagine naming her so. Where had that thought come from? She was not remotely thinking of children much less marriage. Somehow today, everything had gone topsy turvy, and she was being swept along in the craziness.
She shook her head to bring her back to the present. And then, he said the words that pierced her heart. "Please Amanda, I'm desperate. Only you can help me. Just trust in me and I promise you I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret it. Please?"
Amanda flashed back to train station when he hand handed her the package. He had looked the same way at her then. He had needed help and he had turned to her. She had let her instincts rule and had trusted him that day and she had never regretted that decision, not once.
Now, she looked at him again and a sense of déjà vu took over. She felt the pull of the dream of maybe someday having a loving relationship and being together. But she had her family to consider. This was too big a step to take, too quickly.
"Lee," she said softly. "I would do anything for you. You know that. But I have my boys to think about too. And I have to think of them. This is moving far too quickly. If you'd like Lee we can spend some time together and if things go well, maybe we can move to the next step."
"I...I guess it is a bit fast," he said slowly, the wheels in his mind turning. "I have it," he snapped his fingers. "An engagement, let's get engaged Amanda. That way, you can have some time to get used to the idea and I can get acquainted with the boys. I am one hundred per cent sure about marriage but if it's time you need then we can go slow and start with the engagement. How about it," he looked anxiously at her.
She wet her lips. "We wouldn't have to tell anyone about the engagement until we were certain, would we?"
He shook his head and a smiled as he sensed victory, "Not at all Amanda, we wouldn't tell a soul until you're ready. I just need for you to know that I am totally committed to our relationship and to taking it to marriage and I need for you to give us a real chance. Can you do that?"
With that, he dropped on one knee in front of her. At that moment, his dancing eyes, lopsided grin, and dimples took her breath away. He took her hand and said in a loud clear voice "Amanda King, you are the most wonderful, the most beautiful woman I know. I want to marry you, raise a family with you, and spend my life with you. I know with every fibre of my being that we're meant to be together. You can trust me Amanda. I will devote my life to making you and our family happy. Will you be my fiancée?"
She stood with her eyes wide and mouth open. He rose, put his arms around her waist and said "please say yes." And he leaned in and their lips met as he gave her a gentle kiss. "Please?"
Her lips tingled from the kiss. He was standing so close and she was having trouble thinking clearly. She looked up and was overcome by the love shining from his eyes. And suddenly, she knew as well. She smiled and shook her head. Reaching to bring his head down for another kiss, she whispered "yes, yes I will".