I wonder what the boys will say when they see me like this. If they see me like this.
God, I hope they never do.
I hope Alice never does.
I hate the way she looks at me. I remember telling her that I hated how she didn't. That seems like so long ago. Did it even happen?
Of course it did. Because I can remember the look she gave me.
Eyes wide open, eyebrows half-way up her forehead. Her lips frowning. Her whole face frowning.
The opposite of what she should be giving me. Of what I wanted her to give me.
Just like my boys.
But here I am, anyway. Sitting in a bridal suite with a killer. Staring out the window, checking my watch. Constantly.
I can feel him looking at me. Ben Wade. That sonofabitch Ben Wade. I don't want to look at him. I don't want to look at the room I'm sitting in.
Everything feels surreal. I've never been in a bridal suite. Even though I'm married. He has, even though he ain't. Telling me how he took so many women in here.
Staring out the window, checking my watch.
I want to blame him for everything. When really, I know he's done nothing.
The railroad is the one to blame.
I'm the one to blame. I could never be enough for nobody.
Yet here I am. About to do something good, for once. Something nobody else is willing to do.
God help me.
I've only been shot once. It was more than enough.
And even though I'm missing my leg. Even though there's just a man-made substitute in its place, I can still feel it when he puts his boot against mine. Feel my toes wiggle and my leg twitch.
I look away from the window.
When he smiles and tells me that I won't be able to stop time.
I look away from my watch.
When he puts his hand on my knee and tells me it'll be alright. That my family will get the money. That my boys will be proud. That my wife will have nice clothes.
That right now, it's just us two men. Alone in the bridal suite.
Anything could happen out there. Outside of the bridal suite.
I know his gang is out there. And I know that time is still moving forward. Though I wish it would wait for me to catch up. It doesn't.
Time waits for one man.
It just ain't me.
When I saw this movie for the first time, I was the only one in the theatre under 50. It was sort of cool.
3:10 to Yuma does not belong to me.