The Only *ONE* I Ever Loved
by Wing'dCallisto
Disclaimer: I don't own The Matrix or anything related to it, unfortunately... that belongs to the Wachowski siblings. However, if I could buy ONE Matrix character... t'would be Neo. Mmm, Neo. 3 I own Annamarie and Percentage but Nain owns herself.
Author's Note: Revised, Rewritten and Re... um... loaded. Hope you guys all like it. OOCness abounds, as well as Britney Spears, pointless humour, and implied Smith/Neo slash. Many thanks to Nain, my beta-reader, who has a cameo appearance. Squeeful.
Summary: When Neo starts to lose his mind, Trinity realises that she must leave him, and the only way to do that is to introduce him to a not-so-stereotypical Mary Sue clone... who may hold the key to destroying the machines, once and for all.
--------------------------**
It was a bright, sunny, happy, joyous, gleeful, enlightening, euphoric, wonderfully happily joyougly gleefully enlightening morning in a dingy, graffiti-ridden, crime-infested, dank, dark, shadowy cold part of the city. Annamarie was happily relaxing outside on her flat's balcony in an inflatable inner tube, reading the newspaper and munching on a carrot. The front page of the newspaper proclaimed, in large black letters, 'Terrorist Attacks Continue- Rebel Group Responsible'. The grainy black-and-white image showed a guy in a black trenchcoat, half blurred, soaring through the air, barely distinguishable from the background. As Annamarie stroked the paper, she did not notice that it was dated three months back, in May.
'Oh, Neo.' sighed Annamarie, twisting a lock of bleached blonde hair on her pinkie. 'I wish that you'd let ME join your rebel group. Then,' she added with a slight giggle. 'I could spend all day with you!' She examined her fingernail. 'You could paint my fingernails...' she said, flicking a loose flake off the end. 'And I'd give you a bit of colour, because black is so bad and not your colour. I think you'd be a pink. Like me, oh my GOD!'
She reached behind her and extracted a fluffy pink notebook with a matching fluffy pink pen. She flipped it open and sighed, reading it in her mind. It said:
My SeAcReT dIrY, FuLl oF pEoMz aBoUt NeOh Ho I lUv VeRi MuCh. by AnNaMarY, AgEd TwEnTy-TwO aNd a HaLf, OmG I LuVz0rZ brItnI. NeO izZ A hOtI hOtI HoT! OmG. PlZ dUn ReD DiZ cOz ItZ mY mOsT iNnAmOzT fOrTz. U r HuRtIn MeH iF yOOo ReD iT!!!!!!11111111111
'I do love to write poetry!' Sighed Annamarie, turning to the next page and reading her first poem aloud. 'This poem,' she said to a crow which had landed on her balcony, 'Is called "My Love, Neo." It's very beautiful, and it goes like this.' She took a deep breath.
'Neo is so pretty, and I'm sure he's very witty.
He must be very smart and his face is a work of art!
When I grow up I want him to marry me
Except he's dating TRINITY!
Someday I will hurt her bad
Then Neo will be mine, there is fun to be had!
The Nebuthingy will love me,
And they will all hate Trinity!
'And I wrote another one, called, "Neo! My Love!"' Annamarie giggled. 'Do you want to hear it?'
The Crow died and fell off the balcony, landing with a soft flump on the ground below.
***
Neo was sitting, alone, in his quarters. He was kicking a pipe that came out of the floor, ignoring the fact that he was stubbing his toe and it was quite painful. 'TRINITY,' he yelled after a few moments, seeing that his toenail had fallen off and his toe was now bleeding. 'I NEED ASSISTANCE.'
Trinity, who had been sitting outside the door, waiting for him to call her, raced inside. 'What?' she asked, then saw his bleeding foot. She gave a heavy sigh and gazed into his blank eyes. 'Neo, sweetums.' she cooed, ripping a strip of material off her shirt and wrapping it around his foot, 'I told you before, you're not invincible in the real world. You'll really hurt yourself soon.'
'I am so INVINCIBLE!' Neo yelled, standing up straight and hitting his head on another pipe. 'OW!' he screamed, sitting back down on his bed, clutching his eye. 'TRINITY!'
Trinity gave a tired smile and she patted Neo on the head. 'I'll get your dinner. You don't need to get up on your injured toe. You wait here. I'll be back in a few minutes.' she got to her feet and smiled down at him. 'Don't move. If you're good, I'll let you into the Matrix for a few minutes so you can play with Morpheus' slinky.'
That sealed the deal. Neo's eyes glazed over, and his face went blank. He rocked back and forth, singing to himself. 'Lalalalala.' he sang softly. He was still singing when Trinity shut and barred the door.
The newest crew member, a girl called Nain, watched her close it. 'I have no idea how you put up with him, Trinity.' Nain smiled.
Trinity laughed, but it was tired and sad. 'Me either. His brain has just ... disintergrated.' she sighed. 'We should have freed him earlier. I have seen what happens to the minds who get freed too late. They have trouble letting go. Their minds... well, they just sink into a state of... Dumbening.'
'Dumbening isn't a word, Trinity.' Nain had honours in English from Oxford, and although they meant little out in the real world, she was proud of her achievement. 'He's sinking into a state of low cranial capacity.' the two of them walked, side by side, and Nain ran her hand through the stubby, scrappy hair that was beginning to grow on her scalp.
'I'm worried about what's going to happen when he loses it.' Trinity said sadly. 'The one will be gone. There will be no more ONE. It's kind of depressing to think that the one guy I truly love is actually turning into a hunk of play-doh before my very eyes.'
When they reached the kitchen, and Trinity had grabbed Neo a bowl, Nain patted her on the shoulder. 'I feel your pain, Trin.' she said, attempting to hide a smile. 'Next time we go into Zion, I'll see if I can get some information on how we can either slow or reverse this state... or a new boyfriend for you, one way or the other.' she shrugged in a pointed manner, and went to sit next to Percentage, one of the 'new' guys that had been released a few months before herself.
As Trinity walked back to Neo's quarters to spoon feed him, she knew she had to get out. She loved Neo, yes-- but not the stupid Neo. And it was then that the lightbulb flickered into life over her head.
'Yesssssss!' she heard Percentage say from behind her. 'Finally, that stupid light works! Honestly, I've been trying to fix it for months. Hey, Trin, how did you do it? Did you do something to it?'
But Trinity didn't hear. She had broken into a run, dropping the food on the ground. She had to find Morpheus. She had to find Link. She had to put her awesome plan into action.
In the distance, she could hear Neo singing. 'I WANT CHICKEN, I WANT LIVER, TRINNY, TRINNY, PLEASE DELIVER.'
'Chicken doesn't exist, Neo.' Nain called.
'Oh,' said Neo. There was a moment of silence. 'CAN I EAT MY OWN LIVER THEN?'
***
'So, you're saying,' said Morpheus, frowning slightly as he watched Trinity, 'that we've got to get Neo a new girlfriend?' He was incredulous. 'I thought you loved Neo.'
'Of course I do,' replied Trinity as she leant across the table in Morpheus' quarters, head in hands. 'But, uh, he's so stupid.'
'He's always been stupid.' Replied Morpheus, a little sadly.
'No, he was a little dorky, but he wasn't ever stupid. He's stupid now, though.' Trinity paused. 'I think it's because we released him too late. His developed-- well, almost developed-- mind was suddenly wrenched out of the world it was happy in. He's been going downhill ever since.'
'Trin, he's always been stupid.' Morpheus pointed out. 'I mean, all the "Whoa"s and the "There is no spoon"s... it got a little repetitive. He's never spoken more than five sentences in a row. Let's face it, this is nothing new.'
'You haven't seen him with his slinky obsession,' retorted Trinity. Morpheus' eyes widened slightly.
'Slinky?' Morpheus was angry. 'SO THAT'S WHERE MY SLINKY WENT. I bet he took my Barbie Doll, too.'
Trinity send him a look that plainly said, 'I told you so.'
'Alright, we'll find a suitable girlfriend for him.' Said Morpheus, trying not to twitch. 'This is just so you won't have to feel guilty about abandoning him, right?'
'Bingo,' replied Trinity in a perfect imitation of the Oracle. 'See, this is usually referred to as a 'Mary Sue' in something called fanfiction. This Annamarie girl that I have chosen will be the 'Mary Sue'. Cool, huh?'
'Cool,' echoed Morpheus, scratching his pore-ridden head.
***
Link was bored. He'd been bored for a long time. Besides, he was just a boring character. But this ship was so unboring! I mean, late at night, he could hear sounds coming from Neo's quarters. Trinity told him that it was just Neo flinging himself against the walls and singing tunes from 'The Nutcracker'.
'LALALALALALA!' There he was again. 'I'M A SUGAR PLUM FAIRY!'
THUMP.
And Trinity! God, she was so scary. Link was kind of in awe of her. She didn't put up with his bullshit and crappy jokes. He hated that. He hated the ship. He hated Nain and Percentage, but not Morpheus. He wouldn't have minded actually going out with Morpheus. They could have a really, really great relationship. And the name 'Link and Morpheus Morpheus' had a really nice ring to it.
Oh, but most of all...
'I hate Trinity,' he muttured as he surfed the internet, looking for porn.
'What was that, Link?' Came an authoritive voice from behind him, causing Link to jump out of his seat. It was Trinity, and she looked pissed. Not literally, of course, since the alcohol on the Neb didn't get people drunk-- it got them stupid.
Like, duh.
'Oh, me, uh, nothing.' Said Link, inching away from her. She gave him an icy stare. Quickly, he did what Neo had told him and pressed Ctrl+X in an effort to close the window.
Both him and Neo had forgotten that that actually meant 'Cut'. Trinity was glaring at the screen, and Link let out a shrill yell of fear.
'Well, hurry up. I'm going in to get her.'
'Who?' Asked Link as Trinity made her way over to get jacked in.
'The Mary Sue,' she intoned.
***
Annamarie was sitting in front of her television watching 'Days of our Lives', a soapie that she was highly addicted to. Ever since she was two years old and had lived in the Trailer Park with her mother. They'd sat together and painted their toenails, watching TV and gossiping about the affair the lady in the next trailer across was having with the mail man.
There was a knock at the door. Fortunately, it happened just as the advertisements did, so Annamarie didn't have any problem with getting to her feet. 'Coming, Coming.' she said with a happy little gallop to the door. When she opened it, she got quite a nasty shock. A woman, dressed all in black, stood there, sunglasses obliterating her eyes so her expression was impossible to determine.
'Are you Annamarie?' she asked in a voice that was both commanding and gentle at the same time. 'I've been looking for you.'
'Who are you?' Annamarie asked, cowering in fear. 'I don't like you. Leave me alone.' she began to close the door, but the strange woman stuck her foot in it. 'No.' she said. 'I have an opportunity for you. It's something you don't want to miss. Something that will change your life.' she added.
'What?' Annamarie was no longer scared-- she was quite excited, now. 'Liposuction? I gained half a pound this like week.'
'No, you stupid bimbo.' Trinity snapped. Then she spied a large poster of Neo above the TV, covered in pink lipstick kisses. 'I mean, the opportunity to meet Neo.'
'OHMYGOD.' Annamarie took a step back. 'YOUMEANTHENEO?' her eyes widened, and she fell to the ground in a dead faint. Trinity looked at her in disgust. Slowly, a smile spread over her face. 'Excellent.' she cackled in a most un-Trinity-like-manner. She heard her cell phone ring, so she went to answer it. The sound revived Annamarie.
'HEY!' said Annamarie, taking the phone of Trinity. 'The normal ringtone is like so not classic. You need to put a different one on.' Annamarie stopped the ringing, much to Trinity's horror. 'Do you got 'Mary Had a Little Lamb?''
Annamarie pressed the buttons, finally selecting a sutable ringtone. 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' blasted out in it's tinny, beep-like glory, and Trinity groaned. How the hell was she supposed to be cool and kick-ass if her phone played 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'?
***
Trinity half carried, half dragged Annamarie to the hotel where they would unplug her. Annamarie was stopping at every shop to gaze at the clothes and ask Trinity if they could stop.
'Yanno, some blue eyeshadow would do wonders for your face. And mine. I want to look so beeeyotiful when I meet... NEO!' she swooned, nearly fainted in the gutter, then regained her composure. Trinity was losing her patience. Already she'd had to wait an hour whilst Annamarie redid her makeup and fingernails, then dressed in the most ugly and slutty outfit Trinity had ever seen. THEN she'd wanted to take her diary with her.
Trinity didn't have the heart to tell Annamarie it wasn't worth it. When they DID go to see Neo, he was probably going to be playing with his slinky. Or his sock puppet. One thing or another.
'Like, ew.' said Annamarie when they reached the Lafayette Hotel. 'Urbanization slash grunge is SO three minutes ago. DUH!' she waved her hand absentmindedly. One of the bare bulbs made her fingernail glitter, and Trinity gave another sigh. As they walked up the stairs to the large doors, Annamarie was constantly bitching.
'UGH. LOOK AT THE CARPET. IT IS LIKE... SO UGH.'
When they did, at last, reach the doors, Trinity felt like she was about to explode. If Annamarie didn't shut up, she WOULD--
'Um, excuse me. Your hair was long a few minutes ago. It's short now. Duh. Why?' Annamarie tugged on Trinity's hair.
Trin took a deep, calming breath and she pushed the doors open. 'Shut up.' she muttered through clenched teeth.
'BUT LIKE WHY?!'
Trinity sighed, barely able to supress her anger. 'Because,' she said sweetly. 'Continuity.' she saw the blank look on Annamarie's face. 'The Wachowskis didn't film the movie in sequence.' she explained. 'You'll also find that I wear three different types of sunglasses in the course of The Matrix and Reloaded. At least, I think I do... Wow, I'm confused.' Trinity pondered this confusion.
Although outside the hotel the day had been sunny and cloudless, as Morpheus turned around to welcome Trinity and Annamarie, there was a flash of lightning and rain began to pour. Trinity rolled her eyes. So much for hacking into the Matrix to make good things happen. Woo.
'Thankyou, Trinity.' said Morpheus politely. 'You may go. Annamarie, sit.' he motioned to a red leather chair, facing the table. Annamarie did not move. She watched Trinity exit.
'Annamarie.' Morpheus repeated. 'Come and sit.'
'UGH. LEATHER? HOW MANY COWS HAVE DIED?' she sobbed, but went and sat down anyway, crossing her
legs in a manner she hoped looked sexy. Not that she wanted to impress THIS guy, she thought grimly. Look at those pores.
'Annamarie, how do you feel?' Morpheus asked, taking the seat across from her. 'Do you know what will happen?'
'I'm gonna see Neo!' she pumped an arm into the air, sporting a cheesy grin. 'UH HUH!'
'... yes.' said Morpheus, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. 'Ah, anyway. Do you know what the Matrix is? Annamarie, are you list--'
Annamarie had jumped to her feet and started her favourite cheerleading routine, which involved a provocative full-body shimmy while spelling out the letters of a word. 'GIVE ME AN N!' She squealed, trying unsuccessfully to do the splits. 'GIVE ME AN E!' She added, almost toppling over as she did a backflip. 'GIVE ME AN OH! THAT SPELLS N-E-O-H!'
Morpheus gazed at her blankly until she sat back down. 'Are you finished?'
Annamarie was breathless with joy. 'Oh, YES!'
'...What is the Matrix, Annamarie?' He asked in a tone of voice you would use to explain that one plus one equals two.
'Oh geeez. I never went to school. Is it something to do with English? You know, numbers and stuff.' She examined a fingernail. 'Or is that mathematics? Or perhaps history?'
'It's a computer program.' said Morpheus.
'A what?'
Morpheus stared at her in horror. 'You don't know what a computer is?'
'Should I?' Asked Annamarie.
'The Matrix is like a big doll's house, and you're just one of the dolls in it.' Said Morpheus, hoping that his brain would not melt.
'OH!' Squealed Annamarie. 'Super!'
'I am going to give you a choice. If you take the blue pill, you will remain here in this city, believing whatever mindless, moronic and completely incoherent thoughts that are running through your skull.'
'What's a moronic and completely incoherent??'
'Alternately, you can choose the red pill.' Replied Morpheus, ignoring the blonde.
'Come again?' Annamarie didn't understand the big words. 'Look, I just wanna see Neo. But blue is this season's black.' she began to chew on her prominently displayed fingernail. 'Or was it snot green?'
'Smith told me that it was snot green,' said Morpheus, suddenly interested in the conversation. 'You know the fashion industry?' Finally, there'd be someone on the Neb that understood his love of fashion, feather boas, slinky satin dresses and high heels.
'You mean, AGENT SMITH?!' Annamarie's eyes were wide as she leant forward. 'The famous Drag Queen? YOU KNOW HIM?!'
'Well, not personally.' Morpheus replied. 'But him and Neo went on a date once--'
'OH MY GOD NEO.' Annamarie nearly fainted again. 'HE WENT OUT WITH AGENT SMITH?!'
'They went to McDonalds,' replied Morpheus. 'Neo ordered a Happy Meal. His favourite part was the little racing car that came with it. He was very sad when he had to jack out of The Matrix and leave it behind.'
'VROOM!' Squealed Annamarie.
'VROOM!' Squealed Morpheus.
Through a crack in the door, Trinity watched and rolled her eyes. 'He's a goner,' she mouthed to Percentage, who was busily chatting up Nain and didn't see her comment. Trinity rolled her eyes again before returning to the door.
'VROOM!' Squealed Annamarie.
'VROOM!' Squealed Morpheus.
'MORPHEUS!' Shouted Trinity.
Morpheus cleared his throat. 'Uh... Getting back onto the original subject, red pill or the blue pill? One pill or two pill?' He added, thoughtfully, not noticing how gramatically bad the sentence was.
'I'm going to go with the RED PILL!' Squealed Annamarie, snatching it out of Morpheus' hand and swallowing it quickly. 'OhmyGOD, this is better than the TELLITUBBIES!'
'You like the Tellitubbies?' Morpheus asked as they made their way into the other room. 'So does Neo. Him and Tinky Winky were actually in a physical relationship.'
Annamarie gasped. 'NO!'
Morpheus nodded sagely. 'It's the truth.'
Inside the next room was a bunch of computer gadgetry, including a rotary phone dialer, a monitor that appeared to have been made in nineteen-sixty-three, and an old (leather) chair that had so many holes in it, the foam was coming out the sides. The chair sat next to a cracked mirror. Annamarie supressed a shudder.
'Have you ever had a dream, and you were so sure it was real?' Morpheus asked as he motioned for Annamarie to sit in the chair. She sat, then turned and looked up at him. She bit the side of her lip, then her eyes lit up and she nodded happily.
'Yeah. Like, that one when I was sitting in that spa, and it was full of cranberry juice and bubbles, and I began to drink it, and mama appeared and told me I shouldn't drink bath water.' Morpheus opened his mouth to speak, but Annamarie continued, 'Mama told me that bath water was yucky. But I always drank it anyway. Do you wanna know something else? When I was little, I stuck my head in the water for a few minutes and then I fainted. Doctors said I had brain damage.' She tapped the side of her head gleefully. 'But I was still able to learn joined-up writing! Want me to show you?'
'No, thankyou, Anna--' But it was too late. Annamarie was busily running her finger along the newly-repaired mirror and writing her name in the dust. She did not notice the silvery, mercury-like material begin to slide up her arm. She hummed merrily. 'THERE.' she pointed. 'LIKE MY JOINED UP WRITING?'
Morpheus giggled.
Trinity was standing behind Percentage, watching him look for Annamarie's cryo-pod, and she kept out of sight.
'You're a fool, Trin.' Muttered Percentage as he leisurely scanned for the signal, not really caring that Annamarie was almost entirely covered in the stuff. The computer beeped, and he pressed the button. Annamarie squealed, and then she was silent, limp, her head resting on her shoulder. Percentage continued, without any recognition, 'You should probably get out of his way. Just look at that vein!'
Trinity sighed and watched as Annamarie's body gradually faded. Once somebody had been unplugged, their body was covered in the silver stuff, and slowly they would disappear from view. It had happened to Neo. Trinity smiled absentmindedly as she remembered. Mmm, Neo. So cherryish.
'Trinity.' Morpheus' voice stirred her out of her memories. She looked up at him. He wore a very scary grin. 'I love this new girl! Finally, someone who isn't neuter! I mean, no offence, but...' Morpheus examined her tight leather catsuit. 'That's kind of tacky.'
'Who cares.' Percentage rolled his eyes as he got to his feet and slipped on his leather coat. 'We could just leave her, you know. In the sewer.'
'Are you kidding? I want to see her reaction when she realises she has no hair.' Morpheus sniggered, and the other two stared at him with mock amusement and amazement. 'I might give her some of my Matrix Hair Gel.'
'I wouldn't wear it,' said Nain. 'Because then the Matrix would be able to control your mind easily. Besides, Morpheus, you're bald.'
Trinity's mobile phone rang, and she hastily answered it. Oh, God, they were going to hear...
'Hello?' she asked, ignoring the laughter and shrieking from Percentage. 'MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB?!' he shrieked. 'SO MUCH FOR BAD-ASS, TRIN.'
by Wing'dCallisto
Disclaimer: I don't own The Matrix or anything related to it, unfortunately... that belongs to the Wachowski siblings. However, if I could buy ONE Matrix character... t'would be Neo. Mmm, Neo. 3 I own Annamarie and Percentage but Nain owns herself.
Author's Note: Revised, Rewritten and Re... um... loaded. Hope you guys all like it. OOCness abounds, as well as Britney Spears, pointless humour, and implied Smith/Neo slash. Many thanks to Nain, my beta-reader, who has a cameo appearance. Squeeful.
Summary: When Neo starts to lose his mind, Trinity realises that she must leave him, and the only way to do that is to introduce him to a not-so-stereotypical Mary Sue clone... who may hold the key to destroying the machines, once and for all.
--------------------------**
It was a bright, sunny, happy, joyous, gleeful, enlightening, euphoric, wonderfully happily joyougly gleefully enlightening morning in a dingy, graffiti-ridden, crime-infested, dank, dark, shadowy cold part of the city. Annamarie was happily relaxing outside on her flat's balcony in an inflatable inner tube, reading the newspaper and munching on a carrot. The front page of the newspaper proclaimed, in large black letters, 'Terrorist Attacks Continue- Rebel Group Responsible'. The grainy black-and-white image showed a guy in a black trenchcoat, half blurred, soaring through the air, barely distinguishable from the background. As Annamarie stroked the paper, she did not notice that it was dated three months back, in May.
'Oh, Neo.' sighed Annamarie, twisting a lock of bleached blonde hair on her pinkie. 'I wish that you'd let ME join your rebel group. Then,' she added with a slight giggle. 'I could spend all day with you!' She examined her fingernail. 'You could paint my fingernails...' she said, flicking a loose flake off the end. 'And I'd give you a bit of colour, because black is so bad and not your colour. I think you'd be a pink. Like me, oh my GOD!'
She reached behind her and extracted a fluffy pink notebook with a matching fluffy pink pen. She flipped it open and sighed, reading it in her mind. It said:
My SeAcReT dIrY, FuLl oF pEoMz aBoUt NeOh Ho I lUv VeRi MuCh. by AnNaMarY, AgEd TwEnTy-TwO aNd a HaLf, OmG I LuVz0rZ brItnI. NeO izZ A hOtI hOtI HoT! OmG. PlZ dUn ReD DiZ cOz ItZ mY mOsT iNnAmOzT fOrTz. U r HuRtIn MeH iF yOOo ReD iT!!!!!!11111111111
'I do love to write poetry!' Sighed Annamarie, turning to the next page and reading her first poem aloud. 'This poem,' she said to a crow which had landed on her balcony, 'Is called "My Love, Neo." It's very beautiful, and it goes like this.' She took a deep breath.
'Neo is so pretty, and I'm sure he's very witty.
He must be very smart and his face is a work of art!
When I grow up I want him to marry me
Except he's dating TRINITY!
Someday I will hurt her bad
Then Neo will be mine, there is fun to be had!
The Nebuthingy will love me,
And they will all hate Trinity!
'And I wrote another one, called, "Neo! My Love!"' Annamarie giggled. 'Do you want to hear it?'
The Crow died and fell off the balcony, landing with a soft flump on the ground below.
***
Neo was sitting, alone, in his quarters. He was kicking a pipe that came out of the floor, ignoring the fact that he was stubbing his toe and it was quite painful. 'TRINITY,' he yelled after a few moments, seeing that his toenail had fallen off and his toe was now bleeding. 'I NEED ASSISTANCE.'
Trinity, who had been sitting outside the door, waiting for him to call her, raced inside. 'What?' she asked, then saw his bleeding foot. She gave a heavy sigh and gazed into his blank eyes. 'Neo, sweetums.' she cooed, ripping a strip of material off her shirt and wrapping it around his foot, 'I told you before, you're not invincible in the real world. You'll really hurt yourself soon.'
'I am so INVINCIBLE!' Neo yelled, standing up straight and hitting his head on another pipe. 'OW!' he screamed, sitting back down on his bed, clutching his eye. 'TRINITY!'
Trinity gave a tired smile and she patted Neo on the head. 'I'll get your dinner. You don't need to get up on your injured toe. You wait here. I'll be back in a few minutes.' she got to her feet and smiled down at him. 'Don't move. If you're good, I'll let you into the Matrix for a few minutes so you can play with Morpheus' slinky.'
That sealed the deal. Neo's eyes glazed over, and his face went blank. He rocked back and forth, singing to himself. 'Lalalalala.' he sang softly. He was still singing when Trinity shut and barred the door.
The newest crew member, a girl called Nain, watched her close it. 'I have no idea how you put up with him, Trinity.' Nain smiled.
Trinity laughed, but it was tired and sad. 'Me either. His brain has just ... disintergrated.' she sighed. 'We should have freed him earlier. I have seen what happens to the minds who get freed too late. They have trouble letting go. Their minds... well, they just sink into a state of... Dumbening.'
'Dumbening isn't a word, Trinity.' Nain had honours in English from Oxford, and although they meant little out in the real world, she was proud of her achievement. 'He's sinking into a state of low cranial capacity.' the two of them walked, side by side, and Nain ran her hand through the stubby, scrappy hair that was beginning to grow on her scalp.
'I'm worried about what's going to happen when he loses it.' Trinity said sadly. 'The one will be gone. There will be no more ONE. It's kind of depressing to think that the one guy I truly love is actually turning into a hunk of play-doh before my very eyes.'
When they reached the kitchen, and Trinity had grabbed Neo a bowl, Nain patted her on the shoulder. 'I feel your pain, Trin.' she said, attempting to hide a smile. 'Next time we go into Zion, I'll see if I can get some information on how we can either slow or reverse this state... or a new boyfriend for you, one way or the other.' she shrugged in a pointed manner, and went to sit next to Percentage, one of the 'new' guys that had been released a few months before herself.
As Trinity walked back to Neo's quarters to spoon feed him, she knew she had to get out. She loved Neo, yes-- but not the stupid Neo. And it was then that the lightbulb flickered into life over her head.
'Yesssssss!' she heard Percentage say from behind her. 'Finally, that stupid light works! Honestly, I've been trying to fix it for months. Hey, Trin, how did you do it? Did you do something to it?'
But Trinity didn't hear. She had broken into a run, dropping the food on the ground. She had to find Morpheus. She had to find Link. She had to put her awesome plan into action.
In the distance, she could hear Neo singing. 'I WANT CHICKEN, I WANT LIVER, TRINNY, TRINNY, PLEASE DELIVER.'
'Chicken doesn't exist, Neo.' Nain called.
'Oh,' said Neo. There was a moment of silence. 'CAN I EAT MY OWN LIVER THEN?'
***
'So, you're saying,' said Morpheus, frowning slightly as he watched Trinity, 'that we've got to get Neo a new girlfriend?' He was incredulous. 'I thought you loved Neo.'
'Of course I do,' replied Trinity as she leant across the table in Morpheus' quarters, head in hands. 'But, uh, he's so stupid.'
'He's always been stupid.' Replied Morpheus, a little sadly.
'No, he was a little dorky, but he wasn't ever stupid. He's stupid now, though.' Trinity paused. 'I think it's because we released him too late. His developed-- well, almost developed-- mind was suddenly wrenched out of the world it was happy in. He's been going downhill ever since.'
'Trin, he's always been stupid.' Morpheus pointed out. 'I mean, all the "Whoa"s and the "There is no spoon"s... it got a little repetitive. He's never spoken more than five sentences in a row. Let's face it, this is nothing new.'
'You haven't seen him with his slinky obsession,' retorted Trinity. Morpheus' eyes widened slightly.
'Slinky?' Morpheus was angry. 'SO THAT'S WHERE MY SLINKY WENT. I bet he took my Barbie Doll, too.'
Trinity send him a look that plainly said, 'I told you so.'
'Alright, we'll find a suitable girlfriend for him.' Said Morpheus, trying not to twitch. 'This is just so you won't have to feel guilty about abandoning him, right?'
'Bingo,' replied Trinity in a perfect imitation of the Oracle. 'See, this is usually referred to as a 'Mary Sue' in something called fanfiction. This Annamarie girl that I have chosen will be the 'Mary Sue'. Cool, huh?'
'Cool,' echoed Morpheus, scratching his pore-ridden head.
***
Link was bored. He'd been bored for a long time. Besides, he was just a boring character. But this ship was so unboring! I mean, late at night, he could hear sounds coming from Neo's quarters. Trinity told him that it was just Neo flinging himself against the walls and singing tunes from 'The Nutcracker'.
'LALALALALALA!' There he was again. 'I'M A SUGAR PLUM FAIRY!'
THUMP.
And Trinity! God, she was so scary. Link was kind of in awe of her. She didn't put up with his bullshit and crappy jokes. He hated that. He hated the ship. He hated Nain and Percentage, but not Morpheus. He wouldn't have minded actually going out with Morpheus. They could have a really, really great relationship. And the name 'Link and Morpheus Morpheus' had a really nice ring to it.
Oh, but most of all...
'I hate Trinity,' he muttured as he surfed the internet, looking for porn.
'What was that, Link?' Came an authoritive voice from behind him, causing Link to jump out of his seat. It was Trinity, and she looked pissed. Not literally, of course, since the alcohol on the Neb didn't get people drunk-- it got them stupid.
Like, duh.
'Oh, me, uh, nothing.' Said Link, inching away from her. She gave him an icy stare. Quickly, he did what Neo had told him and pressed Ctrl+X in an effort to close the window.
Both him and Neo had forgotten that that actually meant 'Cut'. Trinity was glaring at the screen, and Link let out a shrill yell of fear.
'Well, hurry up. I'm going in to get her.'
'Who?' Asked Link as Trinity made her way over to get jacked in.
'The Mary Sue,' she intoned.
***
Annamarie was sitting in front of her television watching 'Days of our Lives', a soapie that she was highly addicted to. Ever since she was two years old and had lived in the Trailer Park with her mother. They'd sat together and painted their toenails, watching TV and gossiping about the affair the lady in the next trailer across was having with the mail man.
There was a knock at the door. Fortunately, it happened just as the advertisements did, so Annamarie didn't have any problem with getting to her feet. 'Coming, Coming.' she said with a happy little gallop to the door. When she opened it, she got quite a nasty shock. A woman, dressed all in black, stood there, sunglasses obliterating her eyes so her expression was impossible to determine.
'Are you Annamarie?' she asked in a voice that was both commanding and gentle at the same time. 'I've been looking for you.'
'Who are you?' Annamarie asked, cowering in fear. 'I don't like you. Leave me alone.' she began to close the door, but the strange woman stuck her foot in it. 'No.' she said. 'I have an opportunity for you. It's something you don't want to miss. Something that will change your life.' she added.
'What?' Annamarie was no longer scared-- she was quite excited, now. 'Liposuction? I gained half a pound this like week.'
'No, you stupid bimbo.' Trinity snapped. Then she spied a large poster of Neo above the TV, covered in pink lipstick kisses. 'I mean, the opportunity to meet Neo.'
'OHMYGOD.' Annamarie took a step back. 'YOUMEANTHENEO?' her eyes widened, and she fell to the ground in a dead faint. Trinity looked at her in disgust. Slowly, a smile spread over her face. 'Excellent.' she cackled in a most un-Trinity-like-manner. She heard her cell phone ring, so she went to answer it. The sound revived Annamarie.
'HEY!' said Annamarie, taking the phone of Trinity. 'The normal ringtone is like so not classic. You need to put a different one on.' Annamarie stopped the ringing, much to Trinity's horror. 'Do you got 'Mary Had a Little Lamb?''
Annamarie pressed the buttons, finally selecting a sutable ringtone. 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' blasted out in it's tinny, beep-like glory, and Trinity groaned. How the hell was she supposed to be cool and kick-ass if her phone played 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'?
***
Trinity half carried, half dragged Annamarie to the hotel where they would unplug her. Annamarie was stopping at every shop to gaze at the clothes and ask Trinity if they could stop.
'Yanno, some blue eyeshadow would do wonders for your face. And mine. I want to look so beeeyotiful when I meet... NEO!' she swooned, nearly fainted in the gutter, then regained her composure. Trinity was losing her patience. Already she'd had to wait an hour whilst Annamarie redid her makeup and fingernails, then dressed in the most ugly and slutty outfit Trinity had ever seen. THEN she'd wanted to take her diary with her.
Trinity didn't have the heart to tell Annamarie it wasn't worth it. When they DID go to see Neo, he was probably going to be playing with his slinky. Or his sock puppet. One thing or another.
'Like, ew.' said Annamarie when they reached the Lafayette Hotel. 'Urbanization slash grunge is SO three minutes ago. DUH!' she waved her hand absentmindedly. One of the bare bulbs made her fingernail glitter, and Trinity gave another sigh. As they walked up the stairs to the large doors, Annamarie was constantly bitching.
'UGH. LOOK AT THE CARPET. IT IS LIKE... SO UGH.'
When they did, at last, reach the doors, Trinity felt like she was about to explode. If Annamarie didn't shut up, she WOULD--
'Um, excuse me. Your hair was long a few minutes ago. It's short now. Duh. Why?' Annamarie tugged on Trinity's hair.
Trin took a deep, calming breath and she pushed the doors open. 'Shut up.' she muttered through clenched teeth.
'BUT LIKE WHY?!'
Trinity sighed, barely able to supress her anger. 'Because,' she said sweetly. 'Continuity.' she saw the blank look on Annamarie's face. 'The Wachowskis didn't film the movie in sequence.' she explained. 'You'll also find that I wear three different types of sunglasses in the course of The Matrix and Reloaded. At least, I think I do... Wow, I'm confused.' Trinity pondered this confusion.
Although outside the hotel the day had been sunny and cloudless, as Morpheus turned around to welcome Trinity and Annamarie, there was a flash of lightning and rain began to pour. Trinity rolled her eyes. So much for hacking into the Matrix to make good things happen. Woo.
'Thankyou, Trinity.' said Morpheus politely. 'You may go. Annamarie, sit.' he motioned to a red leather chair, facing the table. Annamarie did not move. She watched Trinity exit.
'Annamarie.' Morpheus repeated. 'Come and sit.'
'UGH. LEATHER? HOW MANY COWS HAVE DIED?' she sobbed, but went and sat down anyway, crossing her
legs in a manner she hoped looked sexy. Not that she wanted to impress THIS guy, she thought grimly. Look at those pores.
'Annamarie, how do you feel?' Morpheus asked, taking the seat across from her. 'Do you know what will happen?'
'I'm gonna see Neo!' she pumped an arm into the air, sporting a cheesy grin. 'UH HUH!'
'... yes.' said Morpheus, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. 'Ah, anyway. Do you know what the Matrix is? Annamarie, are you list--'
Annamarie had jumped to her feet and started her favourite cheerleading routine, which involved a provocative full-body shimmy while spelling out the letters of a word. 'GIVE ME AN N!' She squealed, trying unsuccessfully to do the splits. 'GIVE ME AN E!' She added, almost toppling over as she did a backflip. 'GIVE ME AN OH! THAT SPELLS N-E-O-H!'
Morpheus gazed at her blankly until she sat back down. 'Are you finished?'
Annamarie was breathless with joy. 'Oh, YES!'
'...What is the Matrix, Annamarie?' He asked in a tone of voice you would use to explain that one plus one equals two.
'Oh geeez. I never went to school. Is it something to do with English? You know, numbers and stuff.' She examined a fingernail. 'Or is that mathematics? Or perhaps history?'
'It's a computer program.' said Morpheus.
'A what?'
Morpheus stared at her in horror. 'You don't know what a computer is?'
'Should I?' Asked Annamarie.
'The Matrix is like a big doll's house, and you're just one of the dolls in it.' Said Morpheus, hoping that his brain would not melt.
'OH!' Squealed Annamarie. 'Super!'
'I am going to give you a choice. If you take the blue pill, you will remain here in this city, believing whatever mindless, moronic and completely incoherent thoughts that are running through your skull.'
'What's a moronic and completely incoherent??'
'Alternately, you can choose the red pill.' Replied Morpheus, ignoring the blonde.
'Come again?' Annamarie didn't understand the big words. 'Look, I just wanna see Neo. But blue is this season's black.' she began to chew on her prominently displayed fingernail. 'Or was it snot green?'
'Smith told me that it was snot green,' said Morpheus, suddenly interested in the conversation. 'You know the fashion industry?' Finally, there'd be someone on the Neb that understood his love of fashion, feather boas, slinky satin dresses and high heels.
'You mean, AGENT SMITH?!' Annamarie's eyes were wide as she leant forward. 'The famous Drag Queen? YOU KNOW HIM?!'
'Well, not personally.' Morpheus replied. 'But him and Neo went on a date once--'
'OH MY GOD NEO.' Annamarie nearly fainted again. 'HE WENT OUT WITH AGENT SMITH?!'
'They went to McDonalds,' replied Morpheus. 'Neo ordered a Happy Meal. His favourite part was the little racing car that came with it. He was very sad when he had to jack out of The Matrix and leave it behind.'
'VROOM!' Squealed Annamarie.
'VROOM!' Squealed Morpheus.
Through a crack in the door, Trinity watched and rolled her eyes. 'He's a goner,' she mouthed to Percentage, who was busily chatting up Nain and didn't see her comment. Trinity rolled her eyes again before returning to the door.
'VROOM!' Squealed Annamarie.
'VROOM!' Squealed Morpheus.
'MORPHEUS!' Shouted Trinity.
Morpheus cleared his throat. 'Uh... Getting back onto the original subject, red pill or the blue pill? One pill or two pill?' He added, thoughtfully, not noticing how gramatically bad the sentence was.
'I'm going to go with the RED PILL!' Squealed Annamarie, snatching it out of Morpheus' hand and swallowing it quickly. 'OhmyGOD, this is better than the TELLITUBBIES!'
'You like the Tellitubbies?' Morpheus asked as they made their way into the other room. 'So does Neo. Him and Tinky Winky were actually in a physical relationship.'
Annamarie gasped. 'NO!'
Morpheus nodded sagely. 'It's the truth.'
Inside the next room was a bunch of computer gadgetry, including a rotary phone dialer, a monitor that appeared to have been made in nineteen-sixty-three, and an old (leather) chair that had so many holes in it, the foam was coming out the sides. The chair sat next to a cracked mirror. Annamarie supressed a shudder.
'Have you ever had a dream, and you were so sure it was real?' Morpheus asked as he motioned for Annamarie to sit in the chair. She sat, then turned and looked up at him. She bit the side of her lip, then her eyes lit up and she nodded happily.
'Yeah. Like, that one when I was sitting in that spa, and it was full of cranberry juice and bubbles, and I began to drink it, and mama appeared and told me I shouldn't drink bath water.' Morpheus opened his mouth to speak, but Annamarie continued, 'Mama told me that bath water was yucky. But I always drank it anyway. Do you wanna know something else? When I was little, I stuck my head in the water for a few minutes and then I fainted. Doctors said I had brain damage.' She tapped the side of her head gleefully. 'But I was still able to learn joined-up writing! Want me to show you?'
'No, thankyou, Anna--' But it was too late. Annamarie was busily running her finger along the newly-repaired mirror and writing her name in the dust. She did not notice the silvery, mercury-like material begin to slide up her arm. She hummed merrily. 'THERE.' she pointed. 'LIKE MY JOINED UP WRITING?'
Morpheus giggled.
Trinity was standing behind Percentage, watching him look for Annamarie's cryo-pod, and she kept out of sight.
'You're a fool, Trin.' Muttered Percentage as he leisurely scanned for the signal, not really caring that Annamarie was almost entirely covered in the stuff. The computer beeped, and he pressed the button. Annamarie squealed, and then she was silent, limp, her head resting on her shoulder. Percentage continued, without any recognition, 'You should probably get out of his way. Just look at that vein!'
Trinity sighed and watched as Annamarie's body gradually faded. Once somebody had been unplugged, their body was covered in the silver stuff, and slowly they would disappear from view. It had happened to Neo. Trinity smiled absentmindedly as she remembered. Mmm, Neo. So cherryish.
'Trinity.' Morpheus' voice stirred her out of her memories. She looked up at him. He wore a very scary grin. 'I love this new girl! Finally, someone who isn't neuter! I mean, no offence, but...' Morpheus examined her tight leather catsuit. 'That's kind of tacky.'
'Who cares.' Percentage rolled his eyes as he got to his feet and slipped on his leather coat. 'We could just leave her, you know. In the sewer.'
'Are you kidding? I want to see her reaction when she realises she has no hair.' Morpheus sniggered, and the other two stared at him with mock amusement and amazement. 'I might give her some of my Matrix Hair Gel.'
'I wouldn't wear it,' said Nain. 'Because then the Matrix would be able to control your mind easily. Besides, Morpheus, you're bald.'
Trinity's mobile phone rang, and she hastily answered it. Oh, God, they were going to hear...
'Hello?' she asked, ignoring the laughter and shrieking from Percentage. 'MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB?!' he shrieked. 'SO MUCH FOR BAD-ASS, TRIN.'