I am new, an anomaly. The only one of my kind—half Time Lord and half human. Even my existence is anomalous. Born out of an instantaneous biological metacrisis from a severed hand full of regeneration energy and the touch of Donna Nobel, I started life in a body that looked like it was in it's mid thirties with a mind full of hundreds of years worth of memories that aren't quite my own. Even being just hours old, my hands are already soaked in the blood of an entire species. I wiped out the Daleks, and was as good as abandoned by the man I was created from for it.
Being left on a parallel world with no way back to my original universe stung. It wasn't all bad—Rose was here with me. She's different, now, harder. And yet she was still the same underneath the tough outer shell. And I loved her with all my heart. She's uncomfortable around me, she doesn't know how to feel about me. I'm not her Doctor, but I am him at the same time. She looks at me and gives me a small smile, she holds my hand as we walk toward the nearest town to Bad Wolf Bay, and that gives me hope that someday she will accept me as the Doctor and love me as I have always loved her.
We reached the nearest town within two hours of walking, and then the hotel shortly after that. I tried to keep my disappointment hidden when Jackie asked for two rooms and said that she and Rose would be sharing. It made me feel alienated, like I was unwanted. Rose had let go of my hand ages ago and she hadn't looked at me since, making me feel even more insecure in my position in her life. I flopped onto the bed in my room after we parted and stared at the ceiling for hours, not thinking about anything in particular. There was a knock on my door at around six, and I sighed and picked myself up to open the door for whoever it was.
"Rose! Erm… hello…" I said, rubbing the back of my head awkwardly. "Would, you… like to come in?"
"Yes, please," she said, giving me a small, sad smile. I stepped aside for her, and she came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. I stood in front of her, shifting my weight from foot to foot and tried to decide if I should sit next to her or not. Silence fell between between us and stretched on for what felt like forever.
"Rose—"
"Doctor—"
We started to speak at the same time, and I indicated for her to go first.
"Why don't you sit down," she said, patting the bed next to her. I did as she asked and sat down, turning to face her.
"I don't know what to think of you," she said.
"I don't really know what to think of me, either," I said in a vain attempt to lighten the heavy mood that had descended upon us.
"The thing is, you're the Doctor, but you're not. And I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with that."
"I don't see why it needs to be dealt with, personally. I want you to treat me just like him, because I am just like him," I said.
"But you're not! You're almost like him, but you're different. You're part human, part Donna," she said.
"And isn't that a good thing? I can be with you, now. I can live with you for the rest of your life. I can love you in ways he can't."
"That's the thing, though. I don't know if I want you to love me. I don't know how different from him you are and until I do, I don't know what to think of you, how I should feel about you."
"Then let me show you, let me show you how much I'm like him. Don't pull away from me like you're trying to do. You're trying to block yourself off from me and that hurts me. It hurts me so, so much. I love you, Rose Tyler. Just give me a chance, please," I said, reaching out to take her hands. My eyes were watering, and I closed them to try and hold back the tears but despite my best efforts I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks.
"I don't know, I just—I spent so long trying to get back, trying to find him… and then he just dumped me back here. He couldn't even say goodbye to me. He couldn't tell me he loves me, when I know he does," she said, her voice breaking. There were tears running down her cheeks, too, and I wanted to comfort her so badly, to take her in my arms and hold her close, to kiss her hair and tell her everything would be alright, but I couldn't out of fear that she would just push me away.
"I love you," I said.
"I know," she told me. "You're not my Doctor, but I'm willing to give you a chance."
"I'll take it. I'll do whatever I can to convince you that I'm just like him," I said, squeezing her hands. I would take it, for now. I don't know how long I'll be able to last being second best. I know eventually I'll break down and go off my rocker if she's always comparing me to him, to the real Doctor, but I have to try. Giving up without even trying is the coward's way out, and when it comes to Rose Tyler, I'm no coward.
"Can I, can I hug you?" she asked
"'Course you can, Rose. Any time," I said. It wasn't much, but it was a step in the right direction. And that's all I could ask for at the moment.
A/N: So this is just something I wrote for an application to the film program at one of the colleges I want to go to. It's a bit more depressed than what I like to think happened after the Doctor dropped Rose, Jackie, and 10.5 off in the parallel universe, but the whole thing the college wanted was conflict so I played that up a bit. I might continue this to show how 10.5 and Rose are handling things and their feelings for one another if I get a good enough response, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I hope you liked it and please review!