"Nothing to Go Back To"
Song: Hurt -- Christina Aguilera
Tagline: You gave me peace, in a lifetime of war -- Achilles ("Troy")
Disclaimer: Yeah, like I enjoy watching Michael Scofield cry because he's lost the love of his life, instead of him being right by her side. So to sum up, I own no part of Prison Break, or even the portions of the song included, or the quote. Nor do I reap any financial profit from the publication of this fic.
He felt the earth cracking beneath him, anger seething, memories seeping through his veins, cutting his core. Something damning his soul. His soul-saving something no longer alive to free him.
He knows what is coming, knows what is about to come out of his brother's mouth, but denial still devours him, and the pleas from his brother fall on deaf ears. He walks away feeling everything breaking, hatred burning his eyes. Hatred for those who drove that good woman to her death.
He closes his eyes as thoughts of her sweep through his heart, and his humanity threatens to die on him.
---
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face, You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away, If only I knew what I know today
Origami.
Flowers, birds, roses, cranes.
Looks, words, numbers, touches, kisses.
None of it enough.
Not the calls, not the messages.
I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done…
He a patient, she a doctor.
He a convict, she the guard.
There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you, But I know you won't be there
Roles reversed. Lives endangered.
Peace brought on by their unprofessional flirting.
He's never known this. He'd never felt this. The culmination of so much angst.
Oh, I'm sorry…For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
God, he put his plan in danger. His brother's life on the line, but he endangered it for her.
Was it worth it?
Every second.
Some days I feel broke inside But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye When it comes to this...
Was his brother's life worth hers?
Guilt. Pain. A world shattered.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes, And see you looking back
Her eyes. He remembers them, exchanging it for the knowledge of breathing.
What's the point.
Dammit, she's gone.
If I had just one more day,
I would tell you how much that I've missed you Since you've been away
He falls against the wall, mouth agape, eyes tarnished with sobs. It's worthless. Lincoln has a son to make a living for.
What does he have?
If not for her, he would never have known true love to begin with.
It's dangerous, It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
Now what?
---
What is this life worth, without something that motivates you to walk everyday. Something that keeps you moving forward. What keeps your blood pulsing, keeps your veins warm, keeps your heart warm. We live in this world presumably to keep the human race, racing. But what keeps us wanting, instead of having, to keep the cycle going? Isn't there another purpose to life. Is keeping the human race thriving the only reason we go on?
You find that one thing or one person that makes you go 'no.' No, as in there are things out there that make you believe that there are things worth living for, things that pale in comparison to the things outlined in the world. Like a thing, so unique in the universe, that it never counts on you finding it. You find it, and things go on one of two ways. One, you fight and keep it. Two, you fight and lose it.
So if it goes the latter way, why fight any longer?
The thought infuses him, doesn't leave his mind, just runs through over and over. He stares at the last picture he will ever have of her, resents he'll never hold one of their wedding day, resents that there'll never be a photograph of her and him, of them together. Resents himself for taking away from her that which every little girl wants--a family. He begins regretting coming into her life, but she would have been mad had she seen him thinking this. She'd told him he loved her, and despite him never having been in love before her, he knows that love isn't a thing to regret. So instead his fury is driven to those responsible for her death.
Thoughts of how they've taken his everything from him, and anger drives him. He starts hitting at the wall, mindless, just reaping war on whatever is near him, because they thrust war into her world. His breathing is shallow, and he still can't grasp his mind around her death, 'cause she seems to feel so near. Used to feel like she was warming his heart, but since learning of her departure, it has turned too cold for the Panamanian heat to keep balanced.
Tears finally wreak through his body, sobs muting any sounds, but not the thoughts and hurt that keep running throughout his soul. He does not know how long he cries, does not care because it'll take years for him to mourn her. His lifetime really, until God forsakes him and he is taken back into her arms.
He wonders why the hell he should keep going on with this. Why risk his neck to free a man he isn't sure is an innocent individual, when he's already lost the one thing in the world he never expected to find. The one thing that changed his breathing pattern--for the better.
She came into his life without a clue. He went into her life with a plan. Needless to say, neither could foresee where they would land together, but upon their first meeting, both could feel the chemistry.
She brought with her a laugh, laughter so light and sensible, he felt surroundings fade when she would permit him to hear it. Her smile brightened the bleak walls of the prison walls, made him take risks to bring her a smile. A little origami rose, a few jokes he'd never before be caught reciting to anyone, small touches that a guard could beat him for. Just for those smiles.
The way her auburn hair fell around her hair made her look like an angel. Her porcelain skin just like the perfect doll. Her wide, brown orbs would look at him like an optimistic, pure child. Her lips pink and lush, that melded perfectly with his like they were one person.
His body trembles with his heart, as united they mourn the way she was. She was her own person, an amazing individual that had astonished him. And she was all he wanted in life. Wanted. No, it is what he wants. To hold her, to have her in front of him, looking into his soul, loving him for him, reminding him that he is so much more than an expert at breaking out of prison. But without her to run to, that is all he is now. Just a puppet in this whole prison break game. There seemed to be no use in continuing this charade anymore.
There would never be another kiss, and even more tragically, he'd never get to make love to her. Could never prove to her how much he really loved her, and how she meant so much more than the world to him.
He only has their moments now. He won't led them fade to black, and he swears to the heavens above that only she will ever fill the voids marked in his soul. He'll have her one day, on a land where conspiracies are nothing but extravagantly weaved tales. Until then, he will have to settle on declaring war on those who had to mix love and chaos.
She was unexpected, and real, but she was gone now. At least Sara had given Michael moments of peace in the midst of war. So now, only armed with a brother and a nephew, his heart gave way to rage for her being yanked away.
He almost feels a warm breeze pass through his heart when he sets the plan into action, and he believes the warmth is real. As real as their last kiss, as hasty and finite as their last kiss in that cottage, before he surrendered himself for her, and it had been encompassed all their emotions, practically a perfectly rehearsed farewell. More time would have been great, more words to tell her would have been nice, but he did what he could. He would sacrifice his freedom for hers again, he realizes. And he wishes her freedom was never in question to begin with, but it was, and in return he got to have her love. And he'll fight tooth and nail, the person who took her from this physical plane, just for her, just to momentarily forget he didn't get a proper, peaceful goodbye.
So he goes back and continues with this prison break game, because without her on earth, there's nothing else to go back to.
Please Review...
There were so many other feelings I wanted to input into this piece, but this is how it flowed from my mind. I am not completely sure about it, but I know that the character is not at peace with her death either, therefore the piece must not feel finite as well.So, feedback is really appreciated on this fic. Peace.