Chapter 1

"Arizona, are you being serious right now?" I ask half shocked, half intrigued.

"Of Course!" she responds perkily. "I cant wait to have kids with you…lots of kids…and chickens! I want a lot of chickens too!"

"Chickens? Ok babe—as much as I want to hear about the chickens I have rounds in a few minutes and I have tons of clinic prep to get through. Besides, ½ the people here have no idea that we've even involved and we just started…don't you think we should ease into this transition?" I reason with her.

"1/2 the people here don't know that you're married to the new Chief of Peds Surgery? Well we can fix that…" she says as she reaches in, grabs the collar of my lab coat and plants on me the most romantic kiss you could imagine much leaving all of the passerby's in utter shock.

"There" she says brightly…"Now they know that I'm the lucky wife of the new surgical oncologist they flew all the way here just to invite her to their program." With that she spins on her heels, flashes me that million dollar smile and a wink before heading off down the peds wing. "See you tonight wifey" she belts out before the double doors close behind her.

"You're with Robbins?" one of the other oncology fellows asks. "Uh yeah, we've been married for a couple of months now." "Wow that must be rough…being married to a rockstar chief of a service and you're just a fellow." "Actually she's the best thing that's ever happened to me-its not rough at all." I snap back, probably a little ruder than I meant. The smug fellow nods in acknowledgement and walks away. 'Great first impression' I mumble to myself making my way to my locker. Inside my locker there's a card from all my colleagues at my old hospital, SGHW. I never thought I'd miss the likes of Christina Yang and Alex Karev, but I definitely miss being in a group of friends vs. the vultures here. A few months ago the chief of surgery from Sloan-Kettering in NYC flew out to Seattle to meet with Webber about me. Apparently my research on Gestational Trophoblastic Disease earned me a nod by some of the foremost Gynecologic Oncologists in the country.

XxxxxxX

(Chief Webber's office SGMW)

"Hey Chief—you paged?" "Yea Torres, come on in—this is Dr. Scardino—chief of surgery at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York." I extend my hand; "Sir." He nods and shakes it. "Torres, Dr. Scardino is here to offer you a fellowship at MSK."

XxxxxX

(Arizona and Callie's apartment—kitchen)

"What do you mean they offered you a fellowship?" Arizona basically screams out jumping off the barstool in the kitchen. "He just showed up, said my GTD research showed promise and he'd like me to coma aboard. Apparently they have a new hotshot attending GTD specialist who is revolutionizing treatment options on the east coast and…well…he offered me a place in the program." "Omg baby that is AMAZING! You realize that is one of the hardest surgical oncology programs in the world and they just offered you a place before you even finished residency?" "I know" I laugh, "im pretty speechless, nothing has set in at all." Arizona walks closer to me…her voice softer and her eyes grabbing mine, "I am so…soo proud of you. Youre…youre just amazing" she says before leaning in to kiss me which I graciously return. We pull apart and we smile at one another and her smile suddenly starts to fade to a look of worry.

"So are you going to take it?" she asks, almost sadly. "I don't know, this pretty much just happened and I came right here—what do you think?" "I think you need to go" she responds with a smile, hiding her real feelings. She starts to move about the kitchen unloading the dishwasher and making a lot of noise; "I think its an amazing opportunity babe and you'd be silly to let it slip by" I hear, barely over all the racket. "Ari the dishes can wait, come sit with me." I say, realizing she thinks she's losing me to NY right now. I see tears have started to form in her eyes. "Baby why are you crying" I ask, holding her in front of me as I sit on the bar stool. "They're happy tears" she tries to convince me with. "Ari—you didn't let me finish. I told Dr. Scardino and the Chief that the only way I'd consider this program is if there was an opening for my wife who is a pediatric surgeon. It just so happens that they're chief of peds is retiring in a few months and guess who was on their list for a replacement-you. I'm only going to consider this if you're in it with me. I know it's a lot to ask, leaving your home and all of this, but (I begin to ramble) NY is very close to DC so we can visit your parents often and you love when we go to NY and visit my family…and they'll be overjoyed for us to be moving closer….." She puts her hand over my mouth. "You're wife?" she asks, her heart in her throat. Red faced and slightly embarrassed I respond; "Yea, I mean I didn't mean to blurt it out like this. Truth be told I've been thinking about this for a long time, but yeah Arizona we've been together for a while now and I'm so madly in love with you and cant think of my life without you…(I start to sweat, realizing this is the moment I've spend daydreaming about-im actually going to ask my gf to marry my—I drop to my knees in front of her) Arizona Robbins…will you marry me baby? New York or not, will you be my wife?" I ask, tears in my eyes kneeling in front of her. She begins to cry, "Yes..(she says lowly at first), Yes Yes Yes a million times yes" she shrieks as she jumps on me and begins assaulting my face with kisses as we crash to the floor. "You don't mind being married to puny resident?" I joke with her. She gets all serious and strattles me from the kitchen floor. "Hey—I wouldn't care if you were a car wash attendant—I'd still marry you tomorrow. But you're not just a resident—youre the a surg onc fellow" she says, leaning down and kissing me with so much love and devotion I nearly pass out. I roll her over onto her back, never breaking our kiss. "Are we really doing this-moving to NY—getting married?" I ask her in between kisses. She pulls back and looks at me, her beautiful blonde hair strewn all over the floor, her cheeks pink and rosey from the kissing and her tears of joy…she smiles at me "Yes" she says simply. "Lets do it—lets start our life together. I cant wait to marry you" she says before wrapping her arms around my neck. "Stay right there I tell her" as I run into the bedroom and retrieve the platinum engagement ring I've had hidden for quite some time. She sits up and I sit in front of her grabbing her left hand and slowly gliding the ring onto her finger "Arizona you have just made me the happiest person on earth—I love you so much" I say, the tears taking over me.

Chapter 2

BEEP

Hey Cal-the last case got bumped so I'm leaving earlier! So excited for the game tonight! 3

Me too baby—get ready to experience your first NY Mets game!

Meet you in the lobby in 20 xoxo –A

"Hey you" she cheekily smiles at me coming over and giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. "Did I tell you how happy I am that we decided to come check this place out and spend a few days alone together?" "Nope" I joke, "but I'm glad youre having a good time."

"I am—so far everyone here has been super welcoming and the ORs are just amazing—I cant believe we're going to be calling this place home soon." Arizona says to me interlocking her hand with mine.

"Well then I think you officially deserve a private tour of your new home in the Big Apple" I flash her a bright smile and we take off.

"So babe, I know tomorrow is really packed with seeing family and all of that so I figured tonight we'd go to the game, grab some dinner maybe and just take it easy?" I ask Ari as we hop on the 7 train on our way to Citi Field.

"That sounds perfect—I am so excited to see everyone tomorrow!"

I snicker, "Oh just wait, you'll regret that after about 2 hours—the whole family all at once can be a bit overwhelming. Thank God the majority of them aren't coming to our wedding! You would have surely pulled a runaway bride."

"Never in a million years—I love you and I love your crazy Italian family…. every holiday surrounds food in some respect. What is not to love?" She jokes

We arrive at Citi Field and Arizona's childlike enthusiasm comes soaring through as she grabs my arm and yanks me as she sprints toward the gate. Practically skipping and dancing the whole way we finally get to our seats and enjoy the game. Field level seats, a gift from my beautiful fiancée, who knows that I've been a Mets fan since I was a little kid.

"Oh my God Arizona, these seats are insane! I cant even believe it-I've never been this close in my entire life!" I squeal. She smiles and kisses my cheek telling me that I deserve it.

The game was fantastic, the Mets beat the Phillies, Arizona ate her body weight in stadium food and we got ourselves matching Mets hats. We head back into the city and walk around a bit, taking in our new surroundings. Even though I've lived in NY most of my life, I feel like I see it again for the first time through Arizona's eyes. She smiles as we stroll leisurely down the city blocks chatting lightly about our plans for our new apartment. We found one a few blocks from the hospital that has a balcony, dishwasher and washer/dryer in the unit….virtually unheard of in NYC. I never thought in my life that I'd be moving back to New York, with a woman as wonderful as Arizona no less—or one who is going to marry me and is talking about starting a family with me. It's unreal.

We retreat back to our hotel room and after showers we climb into our huge king size bed. The 2 hot dogs, nachos, and cotton candy have done their job on Arizona's stomach and she's curled up in bed with a stomach ache. She apologizes for it to me, saying shes sorry that she's ruining our steamy hotel sex night with a tummy ache. I kiss her forehead and snuggle in close to her, wrapping her in my arms. We kiss softly and she lays her head on my chest as we drift off to sleep.

The next morning Arizona wakes with the energy of a 6 year old ready to play in the snow. Delirious from sleep and not ready to leave this amazing bed just yet I pretend to remain sleeping. She doesn't buy it, resorting to tickling, sending me flying off the bed in defense. "Ha! I knew you were faking!" she accuses, chasing me with her tickling fingers. "Babeeee its too early for this," I whine. She reaches under the covers and gently strokes where she knows I cant resist and suddenly I'm up and dragging her into the shower and making her pay for waking me up this early on a semi-vacation.

We spend the day having brunch, walking around the city and talking about all the fun things we plan on doing together once we move here. I take her to Central Park and we get some dirt dogs. It never amazes me how many hot dogs my cute petite girlfriend can consume before feeling ill. Later on that night we head back to the hotel and dress for dinner out with my family. They want us to meet them at this Italian restaurant a few blocks from our new hospital coincidentally. We've been going to this restaurant for about 20 years and up until moving to Seattle, I've had every single birthday at this restaurant. Arizona comes out wearing a black dress and black heels, her hair straightened and her makeup looking flawless. After I pick my jaw off the floor I tell her just how stunning she looks. On the way to the restaurant I can sense that Arizona is a little nervous. She's met my basic family before: mom, dad, brother, but they have no idea we're engaged and the majority of my extended family barely knows Arizona exists. Ari's family is so small, it being just her parents and some distant aunts/uncles that we find ourselves much closer with them. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous too right now. We get to the restaurant and I lead her down the steps to the restaurant and instantly I'm flooded with all the memories spent here. We walk down the long corridor and I tell Arizona about the authentic bocce court they have in the backroom and that the food here is amazing…

"SURPRISE!"

Looking like a deer in headlights nearly falling over if it wasn't for Arizona's hand in mind I look into the back room and see my entire family and a good portion of some friends and Arizona sharing knowing smiles.

"What the hell?" I ½ laugh, ½ really want to know what the crap is going on, I say as I begin greeting my relatives. "Well when I spoke to your dad last and told them we were coming for a visit we thought your new endeavor was certainly deserving of a surprise party..and it kinda went from there," Arizona smiled at me brightly, giving me a wink of encouragement to relax, as she greeted the mass of Italians storming her. All my relatives are congratulating me and telling me how beautiful Arizona is and I look over and see her in the middle of what must be 8 of my aunts who, in the nicest way possible, are grilling her over topics like cooking, babies, how much do you make, youre too pretty to not have a nice boy—whats wrong with you. Arizona smiles and takes it all like a champ, flashing me her loving smile and knowing looks every chance she gets, knowing I'm getting the same torture. The food begins to come out so I take this opportunity to grab Ari and take her outside for some air while the animals feed. We step into the cool, crisp, air and I pull her in for a kiss. "I cant believe you did all this, Arizona" I say, kissing her again. "Well I didn't think it was going to be this big of a party" she says laughing and wrapping her arms around me, "But I'm glad it is now—I was hoping maybe we could tell them our other good news…" she says as she leans in to deepen the kiss.

"What other good news?" my brother questions as she joins us sneaking outside. "UM…your sister asked me to marry her and I said YES!" Arizona squeals nearly jumping on him. My brother and his boyfriend, who have now both joined us outside, are all dancing around and jumping up and down at the news. After hugs and congratulations from them, we brace ourselves for the group inside. We sit down and eat some food with them, Arizona agreeing it's the best Italian food she's ever had in her life—and that's coming from a girl who may as well be 100% Italian because she could eat pasta every day of her life. After dinner when everyone is still in their respective tables chatting, Arizona and I look at each other and smile before I stand and thank everyone for coming out to celebrate. "I truly appreciate everyone coming out on such short notice to celebrate the new step Arizona and I are taking in our careers…while youre all here I'd like to tell you about another step she and I will be soon taking…" ( I reach down and grab her hand and pull her up to stand next to me) "I recently asked Arizona to marry me….and I SAID YES! (Arizona jumped in before I could finish causing my family to erupt in congratulations and whisking my fiancée away from me once again. Fiancee. God I will never ever get tired of hearing saying that word….of course until I can call her wife.

After dinner we're on such a high, that the boys convince us to go dancing. A few of our friends join us and we head downtown to Henrietta Hudsons and properly celebrate our engagement. I recognize a few friends from my days at the clubs and they take care of us all night. Dedicating Madonna songs to us and keeping the drinks flowing. Eventually Arizona and I are just on the pole together and making out in every corner of the room. She pulls me into the bathroom and I lift her onto the sink assaulting her with my tongue. She has her fingers clutching my hair pulling me to deepen our kiss. She slips her hand inside my zipper and growls that its time to go. My knees buckle and I can barely respond. She hops off the sink and pulls me out of the bathroom, quickly telling all our friends that were going to head out because we have an early flight….which of course they take one look at me red faced and disheveled and they know better…and start cat calling to Arizona to take me home and 'get her girl' To which she responds by winking and hailing us a cab.

Chapter 3

Callie's POV

Our first few months in New York were amazing. Arizona really seemed to grow such an appreciation for the city that I call home and suddenly we find ourselves talking big picture about staying here and raising a family. Family. A word that didn't always hold such meaning to me until a certain blonde bombshell walked into my life and made me realize that having children that bore her resemblance was just about the best thing earth could offer. 6 months into fellowship Arizona and I were ready to start trying for a family—and were successful on our first try. I'll never forget the night my gorgeous wife whispered in my ear that we were pregnant. We stood there staring at each other, for what felt like hours. Her glistening eyes comforting me that we would be amazing parents—and the hours we spent making love to one another that night—I'll never forget that night. Things seem different now.

Fellowship is tough. It's a different world in New York and a different world in the dealings of cancer. The competition is more cutthroat and the praise is seemingly non-existent. Not a day goes by that I don't question if I'm cut out for this. I feel like lately all I'm doing is making my severe patients comfortable when all their options have run out or I'm telling young wives that we had to perform a hysterectomy because the cancer had spread. Its hard going home and being excited about the starting of your own family when you have to end someone else's dream of one. Arizona has started to feel the distance I guess. I'm not trying to be distant, I don't want to be, but I'm struggling with connecting and I don't know how to feel about it. She's been on cloud 9 since we found out we were pregnant and I guess I'm a little jealous because I'm struggling with finding my cloud 9—even though I cant possibly wait to be a mom. God some days just know that she loves me so much that she wants to have a baby with me is all that gets me through the day. We want this baby so badly. We decided to wait until she was at least cleared of her first trimester until we told anyone. It's a mixture of my Italian catholic superstition and background in GYN that more prompting this. I can tell its killing Ari not to tell her mom when they talk everyday.

Arizona has been so patient with me during this few months of transition but I can feel her patience wearing thin. She's a surgeon who knows the demands and stress that I have right now, but she's also a wife…a wife carrying my child…and those expectations for me are starting to come out stronger than ever. She never used to get annoyed at me for checking my work email often when we were home, or getting paged to the OR in the middle of the night. Things seem a little more tense around here.

"I don't understand why you have to go, there's another fellow on call Calliope, you worked the last 3 weekends and we finally have a Saturday alone and you're running to the hospital?"

"Arizona please, you know what I'm up against. This is a huge debulking and if I don't at least show face in the gallery I'm not going to be in anyone's sight to scrub in. Please baby, I wont be long—we can still do something tonight."

"That's hardly the point Calliope, I finally feel energized and not wanting to puke my guts up and I wanted to go to the park with my wife. Remember we're married now…that should mean that I spend more time with you than the doorman!" she growls at me.

"Give me a break ok, I need to do this. You're parents will be here in two days and I took off so we could spend time all together…." she cuts me off "Oh what am I supposed to thank you for taking some time off work to spend with your wife and your in laws so we can tell them that we're going to be grandparents?"

"Arizona you know that's not what I was saying…" cut off again "Oh I hear you loud and clear Calliope..go ahead…go to your surgery. I'd rather be alone now."

Defeated I grab my keys, kiss her on the cheek which she accepts coldly and walk to the hospital. Once in the gallery I take a seat with some of my colleagues.

"Well look who decided to show up" scoffs Miller, one of the gyn onc fellows. I ignore him and continuing viewing. They're operating on a 29 year old newly wed with newly diagnosed cervical cancer. I met her husband while rounding on the chiefs service and he told me how they were trying to have a baby and the cancer was discovered during a routine visit with their fertility specialist at NYU. Before they knew it, she had advanced metastatic disease and the prognosis wasn't good. Her husband, obviously concerned with the well being of his wife was trying his best to be supportive of her wishes to preserve her fertility by any means possible—even if it meant postponing adjuvant chemotherapy. The surgery looks looked like it was going well so far until they came across significant ascites and adhesions. They were discussing closing her up and referring her to Med Onc as her surgical options were slim with the recent discovery. They called us into the OR to go over a differential diagnosis, as this was a teaching hospital, and the general consensus was agreement to close and refer for chemo with hopes of returning to the OR one day. "What about a radical trachelectomy?" I offer. A few of the fellows scoff, as it's a procedure only a handful of surgeons know how to do let alone utilize. Jewel, the surgeon on this case, asks me to continue. "If we do a radical trachelectomy we can preserve her fertility." Miller pipes in, "Yea that's a great idea Dr. Torres….if she were low grade cervical cancer and a prime candidate" he says condescendingly. "Actually Dr. Miller in Europe theyre exploring the use of the trachelectomy procedure in advance cases and finding great success especially when paired with lymphadenectomy." Jewel offers that its worth a shot and invites me to scrub in. I hear Miller and some of the other fellows saying that Arizona probably told me that…and that there must be some perks being married to a service chief. I'm constantly undermined in this hospital because I'm a fellow and my wife is a service chief. Its things like this that make me miss SGMW.

7 hours later we're done and our patient is off to recovery. Jewel asks me to join him in talking to the husband before I leave for the night. "Mr. Robson I'm happy to report that the surgery went remarkably. We performed an experimental procedure that essentially removed part of your wife's cervix and we attached the two remaining pieces and have found great success. I'm confident that her fertility has been spared." Mr. Robson thanked us both profusely and as we walked away Jewel turned to me and said "This one was all you. You gave them a family."

A Family. Shit. Its almost midnight.

I rush home, not even changing out of my scrubs and find Arizona asleep on the couch with "What to expect when youre expecting" open on her lap. I slowly and carefully remove her reading glasses from her beautiful face and sit there for a minute watching her sleep. She begins to stir. "Callio…" I interrupt this time. "Hi baby, its late let me take you to bed." She nods sleepily and lets me guide her into our bedroom. I lay her down and crawl up behind her putting a protective arm over her and our unborn child. I stroke her stomach over her tshirt and hold her close until her breathing tells me shes fast asleep. I'm soon to follow.

The next morning I awake to an empty bed. She's in the kitchen making breakfast and when I go out to join her she smiles at me and hands me a cup of coffee. "You're all the buzz at work this morning you know" she says to me.

"What are you talking about?"

"I went over there this morning to grab a few files and several people came up to me telling me you rocked in the OR yesterday…saved a woman's fertility."

"It was a Jewel case, he let me assist. It's hardly anything to write home about." I say guiltily. How can I feel proud of giving a woman a chance to have a baby when I'm ignoring my own pregnant wife.

She doesn't push the topic, instead welcomes the silence as we enjoy breakfast.

"My parents will be here tonight. They called yesterday after you left to tell me they moved up their flight. My mom says its because they want some more time with us, but my money is on my Dad is obsessing over the big news we told them we have."

She asks me if I think I can get off a little early tonight to come with her to the airport and I know that its going to be nearly impossible, but right now I'm so thrilled to see her parents and tell them that were going to have a baby that I swear to her I will make it home in time to drive with her to the airport. She flashes me that dimpled smile that always melts my heart and leans in and gives me a tender kiss that says I love you and I forgive you for acting like such an asshole these past few months….but please don't hurt me anymore. I answer her by deepening the kiss and then reaching down to kiss her belly.

"Helloooo in there-mommy loves you" I tease to her bellybutton. She playfully swats at me and I head out to the hospital.

Today feels like a good day. My in laws are coming in who have really become more and more like parents to me every time we see one another. I'm so excited today to tell them about our news that I decide to make a stop and pick up a whole bunch of baby gifts that I feel justified in buying now that we're finally going to spill the beans. I buy an adorable NY Mets onesie, some stuffed animals, a few books for us to read to the baby and some odds and ends. 3:30 on the dot I pack myself up and walk out the door….determined to not let my wife down. Jill, one of the fellows I actually get along with enough to call a friend, has graciously agreed to field all of my pages that may come in tonight. I quickly dial Arizona on the way out to let her know I'm on my way but it goes to voicemail.

"Hi baby…its 3:30 and I'm officially on vacation! I'm hopping in the car and will come come pick you up. See you soon love."

Traffic is backed up for miles and what should only take me ten minutes has turned into 45.

"Babe, its me again…traffic is really backed up. You should probably head to the airport and I'll just meet you there. I don't want to keep you waiting any longer."

Another 30 minutes go by and I'm still not making any progress. I keep checking my phone for some sign of Arizona…but nothing. Cursing myself now for offering to drive and pick her up I resolve to the fact that she probably furious with me for one again letting her down when I said I'd be there.

"Baby its me again. I'm so sorry. I swear to you I left at 3:30 you can check the OR board. I guess you went to the airport without me, I'm hurrying as fast as I….." a call beeps in…

"Arizona? No, Callie its Daniel Robbins. Oh..hello sir…I didn't realize you had landed already…is everything ok?"

"Callie, Arizona never showed up at the airport so we took a cab to your apartment. Somethings happened. I need you to meet us at NY Presbyterian."

The fear of god runs through me as I abruptly hang up the call and make several illegal turns before speeding down York Ave. towards the hospital. Horrible images are running through my head.

I throw my car in a lot and bust through the ER doors. Throwing around my hospital ID like it's a badge I demand answers. Being friendly reminded by the nursing staff that my hospital is across the street, they begrudgingly lead me to a room where I see Daniel standing outside.

"Daniel…oh my god…whats wrong? Is it Arizona?"

"Calliope (oh god I think—he's never one called me by my full name) the ER doctor answered Arizona's phone when I called to let her know we were just going to take a cab. He told me that she came in bleeding profusely so they have her in transfusion and they're monitoring her. Barbara is in there with her right now."

Bleeding? I think to myself. What on earth could she be bleeding from? And then it hits me….

"Oh my god. I need to get in there."

"Callie right now isn't a good time."

"Why? Why the hell not Daniel, that's my wife they have in there!"

Chapter 4

"Callie!" I hear Arizona yell from behind the curtain. I barge past Daniel and whip the curtain back revealing my beautiful wife, so pale and fragile looking, hooked up to all of these monitors. Her mother is seated next to her, stroking her hand.

"I knew you'd come" Arizona whispers to me, almost smiling before she allows to tears she's been holding in to fall freely. I rush over to her and pull her into my arms as she wails. Barbara reaches over and rubs my back gently as I console my wife who is crumbling to pieces in my arms.

"Baby I'm so sorry I'm late…the traffic…i…should have…" just then the doctor walks in. Barbara joins Daniel in the waiting room to give us some privacy.

The doctor introduces himself to me and explained he's the GYN emergency fellow on call. He tells me that Arizona came in to the ER bleeding very heavily and almost incoherent. They ran a myriad of tests and unfortunately have confirmed that she has miscarried.

Her cries get louder as he continues.

"The pregnancy seems to have terminated on its own, so I don't foresee having to go in and do a D&C, but I'd like to keep her overnight for observation to make sure."

He leaves us to grieve the loss of our child. Everything goes silent. I can see her crying, I can feel her body shaking in my arms. Finally I can hear again.

"Callie…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I should have called you. I just knew how busy you are at work and didn't want to bother you if it was nothing serious."

I can feel my heart crumble when she says this. I've been so busy and neglectful to my wife—and in her weakest and probably scariest moment—she was thinking of me and not wanting to bother me. I am such an idiot.

Daniel and Barbara walk in, the sadness in their eyes as they've put together the scenario of what must have happened. Barbara engulfs Arizona in a tight hug and they just let one another cry. I get up from my seat on her bed to give them some privacy. I go to leave the room and walk blankly through the hospital doors. I bum a cigarette from a visitor outside and light up. I haven't smoked in years, but right now….right now I know my wife wants a cigarette…and I want to join her.

Daniel comes outside and stands with me. At first eyeing the cigarette, but then ignores it figuring if there was ever a time for one—this was it.

"I made a lot of mistakes with my family, Callie."

"Sir?" "I always let my job come before them. I was gone months, sometimes years, and when I was home it was constant preparation until I went away again. It was the life I chose, and I do not regret one moment of it. But my family struggled and it took me a long time to realize that. Arizona is the light of my life. She means everything to her mother and I."

I look at him, not sure where this is coming from.

"My daughter calls me every day, Calliope. Every. Day. You are most certainly a good man in a storm who works hard to provide for her family and I respect that. I know you love her…but you need to straighten your priorities out. Like my daughter, I too protect the things I love."

With that, he turns and walks back into the hospital. I stand there…stunned. Did Arizona's dad really just threaten me…5 minutes after I found out my wife lost the baby? Did that seriously just happen? Jesus, Arizona must have been talking to him about what's been going on at home.

I head back into the hospital and head towards my wife's room. Barbara is standing outside and as I approach she gives me a hug. "I'm so sorry sweetheart." She offers. "Me too-we were going to tell you this weekend. We were so excited" I return, starting to feel the pain in my words I pull back. I need to be strong.

I walk into Arizona's room and she's laying there. I take Barbara's seat next to her bed and bring my face down to hers. I hold her hands and kiss her forehead. She looks beautiful. She hasn't lost that glow. Despite her being pale and looking like she's going to throw up….she's never looked more beautiful. We don't say anything. I trace her face with my finger and she scoots closer to my chair. I stroke her hair with my free hand. She takes my other hand and leads it to her stomach, her now empty womb, and holds my palm over it—as if wanting me to fix it. I want to fix this all. I climb onto the bed with her, keeping one hand on her belly and the other wrapped around her. She eventually cries herself to sleep and I just hold her until her parents come in. They tell me they're going to go back to the apartment and, knowing there was no way I was leaving my wife, offered to bring me a change of clothes. I told them I was ok, that my hospital was right across the street and could get something from my locker if I needed. I gave them the keys to my car and told them to make themselves at home and that I apologize for not being home with them. I then also ask them to get rid of the contents of the bag in the front seat, knowing Arizona couldn't handle seeing baby stuff right now. Barbara gives me a kiss on my forehead and brushes the hair away from her daughter face. Daniel comes over and leans down a kiss to his daughters forehead and puts his hand on my shoulder briefly…silently apologizing for his timing earlier and wanting me to know he was sorry for our loss.

They leave us alone and I spend the rest of the night holding my wife…silently praying that the tiny coffins she sometimes dream of, don't have new meaning for her.