The Collector

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue. I have nothing to sue for.

Summary: Technically a sequel to "A Twist to the Tale". Yuffie is well known for her materia collection, but its not the only collection she has. Dun-dun-DUN!

A/N: And you lot thought the previous story was weird.

---

Re-life sucks.

The ghosts tell you you'll like being dead, its as boring as hell. Then when you decide to come back to life for one last sprint at glory and WHAM! Someone shoves a sword in your face.

Then you think to yourself: "Okay so that time didn't work out, but next time it'll be better, just be more subtle and don't go for the big entrance accompanied by the orchestra this time." Sure, for a few weeks it was awesome, I was getting laid, getting drunk but then the whole "Vengeance drive" kicks in and I go out for revenge.

So what was the big plan this time? Kidnap and rape the lover. Only she knocks me out, drags me to some basement and uses a fucking manipulate materia to mind-fuck me!

Fuck that fucking piece of materia! I fucking hate it! AAGRHH!

But she didn't kill me! She released me. Big mistake, or so I thought.

Once again I was trapped beneath her, my consciousness fading, desperation on her face and her exposed breasts moving up and down…up and down… up and down…moving with her heavy breaths perfectly…

Come to think of it if that was my last view in the world I would have been satisfied. Seriously, I can honestly say now that they are NOT fakes. She is one lucky girl.

But now I'm bound and gagged again and she's placed me in a small box. I can barely breath in here bitch! Wait, did I just skip a whole bit of my memory? As though my subconscious is telling me that certain things should not resurface?

Where the fuck am I?

Sephiroth continued his internal monologue for the duration of the journey, but it wasn't as if Tifa noticed him, she was finally going to be rid of him for, well, not for good because even if he died he'd probably come back due to the planets aligning or some other bad plot device. Maybe one featuring

She was heading to Yuffie's because she was now one of the other people Sephiroth had been forced to fear. She was at sometimes a complete sadist, she'd go to northern crater only to slice a Dark Dragon in two and come back coated in its blood with an evil smile. At other times she was still that immature little thief, and even occasionally she was serious and responsible. But she was always there and could always do what was needed when it was needed.

She would be perfect, plus if ever Tifa felt the urge she could always crack out the whip and go visit. She quickly shook the thought from her head remembering that Cloud would really be disappointed in her if she fell back into these ways.

Cloud still held a degree of authority in the household even if she was the one who wore the pants in the family.

That thought gave her a little giggle, Barret made that joke every time he was round and neither kid was in earshot about Cloud being Tifa's bitch. And every time he was subsequently punched in the jaw by Cloud.

Anyway, back to reality. After 20 minutes of hearing subsequent "Ouch" sounds from Sephiroth every time she turned a corner. She made it to Yuffie's apartment.

"Teef!" Yuffie shouted as she squeezed the older woman "How've you been?"

There was really no point wasting any time, Yuffie's curiosity would get the better of her and she'd find out. Looking to see if Reno or Vincent was with her she whispered "Sephiroth came back."

Yuffie gasped then turned to laughing "Wow, that guy does not know when to quit and call it a day does he?"

"This is serious Yuffie!" Tifa said, placing her hands on her hips.

"What did you do to him this time? Cloud didn't kill him already did he?"

"No I got to him first, that's why I came to you." Tifa leaned in to whisper, "He's in a box in the truck, I need you to look after him."

"So you're giving me a Sephy pet?" Yuffie asked.

"What? Yuffie, your supposed to make sure he doesn't get out and cause more problems! Not treat him as a pet Alsatian."

"Okay, bring him in to the bedroom." Yuffie said, helping Tifa in with what seemed to be a very large and hefty box.

"Aww," Yuffie said looking in at Sephiroth, "He looks so innocent when he's helpless."

"Yeah well, he's yours. Don't tell Cloud about this Yuff. He'll get mad at me, I promised to stop doing stuff like this…" Tifa said, turning away to leave.

" 'S okay Teef. I'll take good care of him and keep him out of trouble." Yuffie said smiling.

"I'm trusting you Yuffie. Goodbye." Tifa waved before leaving, Yuffie waited until she heard the sound of the truck leaving. Withdrawing a shuriken from the top draw she cackled evily while standing over the bound general.

"Don't worry," she said with an evil smile, "Yuffie's going to take real good care with you. No sense in breaking my new toy now that I've just got it, is there?"

---

I am in-fucking-sane.