XXX
It's just – she's got all these freckles, and they're so goddamn adorable that James can't help but fall in love a little more every time she looks his way. He knows she's got feelings for the Doc too, strong feelings he can't really understand, knows she only gravitates towards him because they're both outcasts in their own ways (he's hated by everyone; she's always been a girl on the run).
But he knows that somewhere under that tough chick mask she wears every day, the one that fools everyone else, there's a scared girl too, a tired one, a girl who needs to let loose and have some fun.
They're on a damn deserted island. If you ain't gonna try to find time to have fun now, when will ya?
So James finds himself seeking her out more and more as he scans the beach from his beat-up airline seat, eyes trailing off the page of his latest book to find her. He feels himself smiling brighter, more genuine, every time she cracks a joke (usually about him). He isn't thinking about his Sawyer past so much when he's with her, just the present, living in the moment. Even when she's yelling at him, when she's siding with Jack, when she's regretting her actions or using him.
Somehow she makes him think, Maybe I can be a better man.
It's love, he knows. (And it's fucked up, considering everything. James knows that too.)
There's a first time for everything.
XXX
She's a fucking goddess, that's the only way he can describe her.
Somewhere between her smooth blonde hair, the cool blue eyes, those surprisingly long legs, and that absolutely assured, in control demeanor, James loses himself entirely, and does not mind if he's never found.
She's got a hold on him, totally and completely, effortlessly, like he was always supposed to be under her spell but got sidetracked. He is pulled towards her without realizing, until one day he looks up over his Dharma-brand cereal and juice and there she is. There she is. She's been there all that time, helping Jin learn English, putting up with Miles' attitude, working as a mechanic like she was born to fix vans, having his back.
He doesn't know what she sees in him, but he'll ignore her obvious insanity if it means being with her. She makes him grow up in a way no other woman has accomplished. It's easy with her, this domestic bliss. He hadn't understood why anyone would want to settle down and get into routines, but now he knows. If you find the right girl, you will gladly give up a night of drinking beers with the guys to lie in bed and read your favorite passages from your favorite books to her.
(It sounds so fruity, especially to James, but then he sees the way the moonlight comes in through their frilly drapes and bathes her pale skin and he's all right with being a little fruity.)
She's strong. She doesn't take shit from anybody, including him. She's resilient. She's caring, considerate, thoughtful, devoted. And those eyes… they could make a man wish he were dead one minute, and make him feel like the luckiest guy in the world the next.
She makes him think, I am a better man.
He's in love, he knows. (And it's real, and mature, and true. James knows that too.)
He's gonna do his damndest to make sure she stays his. He's never been so committed to anything in his sorry life.
There's a first time for everything.
XXX