not intended to be an accurate representation of joker/akechi's relationship
It was over the buzz of the dinner-time rush that he voiced his only wish.
"Akechi?" Ren asked, cutting a piece off his Nostalgic Steak and stabbed it with a fork. His fork scraped against the metal plate the steak was served on, and he thought he might flinch at the sound, but he couldn't hear anything over the thumping of his heart that only sped up and loudened with each passing moment.
Akechi stopped his own fork midair, put it back down and smiled, "What is it?"
Akechi Goro was the one that held the most threat over the Phantom Thieves, over the team that he needed to protect as a leader. Yet when he smiled, when the smile reached his eyes and they softened to hold what almost felt like warmth, Ren couldn't bring himself to keep his guard up around Akechi.
"Will you go out with me?"
The smile vanished from his face.
Perhaps it was something Ren said. Perhaps Akechi was not willing to enter a homosexual relationship and Ren should just leave and go fuck himself. Perhaps it was simply out of surprise. Perhaps it was Ren himself. He could list pages and pages of reasons, each making perfectly logical sense, but his heart still sank.
"I apologize, Ren, but I must reject your offer," Akechi's eyes clouded over and Ren couldn't read his expression. Was it remorse? Was it yearning? Why did he have that expression? "I hope you understand."
Ren didn't understand and couldn't understand.
Why would Akechi spend so much effort to join the Phantom Thieves, yet spend even more effort distancing himself from them? He couldn't figure Akechi Goro out.
"Of course, Akechi. It's your choice, after all. Thank you for giving me your answer, I appreciate it."
As he dug back into his steak, he couldn't help but to catch on a thought that nearly escaped him. If he did have Akechi Goro figured out, so to speak, would he still be interested in him? Or were his feelings simply an illusion crafted out of his needs to covet?
Akechi's heart nearly stopped at those words.
Ren's eyes wavered, yet they were filled with hope and promises of their time to come. Together, they'd be together to take on whatever the world threw at them.
The word "yes" threatened to spill from his mouth. He wanted to believe in Ren. He wanted to think that they could take on the world together. He wanted to think that they could take on Shido together.
But they couldn't.
Nor will they ever be able to.
However, alone, Akechi had a chance. He could exchange his humanity for the demise of Shido, but he couldn't ask that of Ren. He was sure that Ren would give up near anything (save his teammates) for him if he asked but Ren didn't deserve that.
Ren deserved to be in the light, surrounded by his family and friends who could support him. Ren didn't deserve the likes of himself.
So he tried to not let his muscles tense while rejecting Ren and prayed to dear God that everything would work out. But even if he begged, there were no Gods that would answer his calls.
They rarely spoke after that encounter.
The other Phantom Thieves noticed, yet Ann was the only one brave enough to bring it up in front of him. When Ren recounted the events of his rejection, she dropped the conversation quickly with an expression of sympathy.
How long would his friends stay together? Would they even stay, after the disbanding of the Phantom Thieves? Or would he be dropped, as fast as Ann had dropped the conversation? As quickly as his parents had sent him away?
He didn't want to know the answer to that.
To Akechi's relief, no one mentioned Ren's confession. It allowed him to carry on the way he always did, without thinking too much of what was going to come.
The chair was uncomfortable, but it was certainly not designed for comfort. The air stank of questionable torture methods and teenage angst.
Oh, wait, the only thing that reeked of teenage angst here was Akechi.
Ren lifted his head up to meet the deranged eyes of the one he loved. Gone were the days where they wondered if they were going to get kicked out of the diner if they ordered one more refill. What wouldn't Ren give to return to that place? In this cell he's been locked in the last... he didn't know how long, he couldn't think of anything worth more than the time they spent together.
"Have you figured it out?" Akechi snarled, and no, that wasn't Akechi talking to him. But it was Akechi talking to him, yet it wasn't his Akechi talking to him. He didn't want this Akechi, and perhaps he didn't want the real Akechi, he wanted his Akechi.
He opened his mouth and promptly shut it again. He wanted to spill the plan, to open up about all the doubt the Phantom Thieves harboured for him but he couldn't. He couldn't let his feelings nor his lust get in the way of the operation.
"Game over."
Ren jumped out of his chair and over the table, knocking the gun out of Akechi's hand and kicking him to the ground. A firm hit guaranteed the air was knocked out of Akechi and that he wouldn't be moving for the next while. Straddling Akechi's body, they shared glares that slowly melted into resignation.
"Makoto was against this," Ren began and Akechi looked pointedly away. "She said coming into the Metaverse with you would be dangerous. Actually, they all said it would be dangerous. But I didn't want to leave you in Shido's hands any longer. It's not that I love you or I pity you, I don't think. It's more like..."
Akechi could barely hear Ren's words over the waves of pain that assaulted him until Ren said "love", then it was like a button in him was pushed and all the noise stopped. All that remained were Ren and an absolute silence.
"It's more like... I dislike the idea that you belong to someone else?" Ren tilted his head in contemplation. "Well, I guess what I want to say is, stay with me? Please?"
Ren wanted to own him. Akechi hated that idea, from its essence to the way it sounded in his head. Yet it was an enticing idea, the kind of enticing that tempted at a person even as they curled their lips at the dire consequences that would follow.
Ren's face lifted into a smile and the whole room lit up, "Thank you."
You're not welcome.
No amount of surprise floods Akechi when he sees Shido's perception of himself: Obedient, yet easily disposable and probably easily replaced. Someone really should start investing in an Akechi recycling centre, shouldn't they?
He's uninjured, yet a glance at Ren's teammates tells him that they're in no condition to fight any longer. They're all quite useless. The targets they fought today were by no means difficult to do with, yet each and one of them took on so much damage. If he had been like that in Mementos, he would have long perished.
He should have died.
So it's a no-brainer, really, when he pushes Ren away and summons Robin Hood to shoot an arrow at the alarm that sends a shutter flying up from the ground. The sheer terror that washes over Ren's face is nearly comedic and he has to physically restrain himself from bursting into laughter.
"Will you go out with me?" Akechi quotes with a sneer. Shido's perception grins almost sadistically, but he can wait. Akechi doesn't know if Ren can even hear his words through the shutter, but perhaps that is for the better. "Don't fuck around with me. You never loved me. Shit, you never even liked me. What you were over in your head with was the belief that you deserved something this world was never going to provide you with. You projected that onto me because you thought I wasn't going to reject those ideals. Well guess what? I fucking did. So fuck off and look for your next target to continuing projecting your bull onto. Bye, fucker."
Akechi draws his gun alongside the perception, they raise their arms.
He wants to go down believing that even at one point, Ren loved him, even liked him would do, but he wouldn't let himself die surrounded by lies.
And fire.
"Who does he think he is?" Ryuji rages, placing a comforting hand over Ren's shoulder. Yet his hand offers no comfort, even less than that chair he was confined to when he was in jail. "Don't worry about it, Ren. We're all here for you."
"Ryuji!" Ann predictably follows up with a reprimand. "Akechi saved us! Even-"
"He's right," Ren says quietly, and a hush falls upon everyone around him. "Akechi Goro has been right from the start. I..."
He just wanted someone to stay beside him, someone that would never leave him. It could have been anyone: Ann, Ryuji, Yusuke, some prostitute off the streets, doesn't matter.
But as he takes one last look at the shutters that separated Akechi and himself, he can't help but to think that more than anyone else, he still wanted it to be Akechi by his side.