"Hey, it's Fred!" Fred Figglehorn's impossibly high voice rang throughout the early morning air. He was talking to himself, as usual. But today was not a normal day. Fred was on his way to see Judy, the girl he was madly in love with since the age of five and a half (the half was very important to Fred). Some people said that his infatuation was stalkerish, but he didn't care. He had to be there now, ten years after he started watching Judy's every move, to support Judy on her first day at her new job at Petco.
Fred ran face-first into the double doors. They split open at just the right moment, allowing Fred to burst in right in front of Judy's face. "Judy, I love you! I've missed you so much since I stopped staring at you in the parking lot just five minutes ago! Judyyyyy!" Fred paused for a moment, sniffing the air in an attempt to seem as if he cared for Judy's workplace's scent. "Eww, it smells like squirrel pee in here!"
As usual, Judy wrinkled her nose at Fred before strutting away. But Fred didn't care; it was the perfect time and place for him to impress Judy!
Fred knew that Judy loved kittens. She had one when they were younger. But Fred had kidnapped it, neglected its basic vetrenary needs, and it turned into the famous cat with rabies. Anyway, now was the ultimate oppertunity to show Judy that he was an amazing individual when it came to cat care, unlike several years ago.
Running through the aisles, Fred's excitement grew. "Rrr- aaa- agh!" he had yelled, throwing his arms through the air. "Cat food! Cat food! If I buy a ton, Jusy will be sure to love me!" But a new realization then dawned on him. "But if I don't get the best kind, she will know that I am a fake cat lover! Noooo!"
On another one of his classic rampages, Fred ripped the lids off of the cat food in a fast fury. "Yuck! That smells gross!" The stench of rotten fish overtook Fred for a moment. "But I have to do what I have to do. And I will do it for love! For Judy!" And so, cautiously, he stuck the tip of his tongue into the first can of cat food.
"Eww! Ahh- rar- ahhhh! What on earth is that?" Fred projectile vomited across the aisle before slipping in the puddle of spilled cat food. "That obviously is not the type of quality cat food a responsible pet owner such as myself would feed his cat!" Selecting a new brand, Fred tried again. But this time, he poured the whole can into his mouth at once.
"Ahh, gross, no, eww. Why would someone spend their life creating that gross monstrosity?! People are sick! I hate the world! I-" Fred paused his squeaky tantrum. "Mmm, actually, now that I think about it, this stuff is pretty good. Mmm, you know what? It kind of has a smoky salmon aftertaste. Now that I think about it, I think I'l get a few, maybe a few dozen, cans of this stuff. I mean, it's got to be better than the stuff my mom can cook. So, yeah, I'll get this!" Stepping around puddles of spilled fish sludge and vomit, he ran to Judy's cash register. "Clean up in the aisle of gross cat food!" His annoying voice reverberated throughout the store.
"Judy, my love, you have awaited my return! I come bearing cat products for the poor litle orphaned kitten I adpoted from a burning tree last week! I named it after you!" Fred reminded himself to have his mommy lock him in the cage later on for telling Judy these lies. But Fred then did a touble take at the hairy old lady who was in Judy's usual place. "Hey, you're not Judy! I'm going to have to go into the cage because of you! Where is my darling Judy anyway?"
The lady didn't even have to stop scanning Fred's cat food before he got an answer.
"Fred Figglehorn, you are so gross!"
"Judy, no, she's not supposed to be cleaning that up. Arrr- aaa- ghhh!"
And there is the story of how Fred Figglehorn got banned from every Petco in the USA.