Find Forgiveness Within You
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any of the characters except the plot and the character Ava.
A/N: This is my first Raine story so please read and review.
Chapter 1: You Can't Run From Your Past ;)
Sitting in her childhood bedroom drew Rachel Berry back to her teenage years. The dark colored walls plastered with rock bands she no longer listened to. The black curtains reminded her of her gothic self who hid in the darkness. In the back of her mind, she remembered the chest hidden in the back of her closet, the chest that held her memories and her secrets.
Rachel, never in a million years would have thought she'd be back in her hometown, let alone back because her childhood best friend was marrying the man she once loved. If she were still that gothic, teenage girl, she would probably be angry and hurt, but she wasn't. She was no longer that girl, so far from her that the wedding invitation had no effect. Obligation, the only reason she was back because she felt obligated to make an appearance at her old friend's wedding.
The knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts.
"Sweetie, dinner's ready. Are you all settled in?" Her mother informed.
"Yes, Mom, I'm all settled in. I'll be down in a minute."
After her mother's footsteps could no longer be heard, she ran into the closet and searched for the old chest. The memories of her first love flood back as she took out old pictures and songs. Blaine was the love of her life once upon a time. The memory of their break up still haunts her today. How could he? That's the question she constantly asked herself.
Five minutes pass and she finally, mentally forces herself to put away the pictures and go downstairs. She had to put a show on for her mother because she didn't want her mom to know just how pathetic she was. Four years have passed and the love she had for him was still burning as bright as it was years ago. Her mom, though she never said it, wished she would settle down like Brittany.
When she got to the kitchen, the two people she didn't and couldn't face yet were seated at the table. Blaine casts a glance her way, but looks away when he notices how tense it is. Brittany continues to smile like nothing is wrong.
"Hey, Rach, I'm so glad you're home. Thanks for coming. I've missed you!" Brittany says excitedly.
Rachel plasters on a smile for her friend's sake and pretends to be happy. "I wouldn't have missed your special day for anything."
Blaine sees the pain in her eyes, but decides to play along. "Hey Stranger, I've missed you so much."
They exchange hugs, but when Blaine holds her, he almost forgets to let go. If she hadn't let go, he would never have. The night flew by in a blur for the three. Throughout the dinner, Brittany caught Blaine sneaking glances at Rachel who was completely oblivious to everything.
The duo decides to leave and as Blaine is starting the car, Brittany asks, "Do you still love her?"
He didn't know how to respond, but he knew what the right answer was. "Babe, I only have eyes for you."
She turns away from him and mutters "Didn't look like that at dinner."
"What are you talking about?" He plays dumb.
She turns around quicker than lightning and yells, "You know damn well what I'm talking about!"
He puts his hands on her shoulders gently to calm her down. "Brit, please calm down. Rach and I have been over for years. I haven't seen or heard from her since…"
"Since that night?" She asks.
At that moment, Blaine couldn't breathe. His eyes stung and tears threatened to come out. He shook his head and tried to stop thinking. He will never forgive himself for that night.
"Blaine? Honey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go home."
After Blaine and Brittany leave, Rachel and her mother fight.
"Why didn't you tell me they were going to be here?" She yells.
"Would you have faced him if I did?" Her mother asks, already knowing the answer.
"You don't get to do that, Mom. I'm home aren't I? Doesn't that count for anything?" She asks desperately as tears begin to fall.
Shelby pulls her daughter into a warm hug and cries with her. "I haven't seen you in years. After that night, you left and never looked back. You have to move on, sweetie. Forgive him so you can be happy."
Rachel pulls away and replies bitterly, "Forgive him? What for?"
"My poor girl, you will never be happy this way."
"Yeah Mom, you're right because you're an expert on happiness."
"I don't appreciate that tone, young lady.'
"I'm not a goddamn kid anymore! I can speak to you in any kind of tone I want." She fires petulantly.
Rachel storms out without another glance. Once she feels the cool night air hit her face, she takes off on a run. She could hear her heart thumping rapidly. Her chest felt like caving in and she eventually stopped running.
That's all she's ever known how to do, run. She ran from reality when she plastered her face with dark make up in high school. She ran from the news of that night. And she ran from him.
Once Blaine dropped Brittany off at her parent's place, he drove to William McKinley High School. The place he met his first love and his fiancée. Football was his life until he met a weird girl after one of his games. After choking on the field in front of college scouts, he wanted to wallow in his self-pity, but she wouldn't have it.
"It's not the end of the world, Jocknuts."
He hadn't noticed that she was there. "You wouldn't understand because you don't have shit going for you. I see you and your weird friends. You guys smoke so much pot, I wonder if you guys have anymore brain cells."
The dark-haired girl stomps over to face him. He looks at her, really looks at her and realizes she's actually cute, but that thought was erased when she slapped him across the cheek.
"See, I have enough brain cells to know you needed to get slapped. "
He glares at her, but all she does is smile victoriously. He wanted to get even. "Aren't you afraid that I could possibly hurt you? You're here in the dark with a stranger. What if I wanted to see what's under all that dark clothing?" He says as he steps closer.
Her grin vanishes while she looks around for an escape. When she looks his way again, his face is centimeters away. He pins his hands on the sides of her head and leans in.
"Please, stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slap you."
He smiles to himself and gently pecks her lips, surprising himself. She surprises herself when she attacks his lips with her own, the fear being replaced with hunger. Never in her whole entire life had she ever done something remotely spontaneous. Before things got out of hand, she pushes him away and runs off.
He yells after her, "Hey! I never got your name!"
She never turns back or responds. He smiles to himself at the memory of that life changing kiss. He touches his lips with his fingers, replaying the kiss in his head. Yup, he's done for.