Hollow of my Soul – Chapter 1
It was cold, terribly cold.
Not because of the cool air of this night, floating in the room. Not because of the heavy rain, knocking a slow rythm on the cold glas of the window. No, it wasn't that.
Lonelyness made her body freeze. The empty mind blocking her thoughts. The pictures flashing in front of her eyes.
In the background she heard the soft snoring of her brother, sleeping and most likely dreaming. Genis tended to talk in his sleep. And again he seemed to dream about his friends, giggling and mumbeling their names. He was really cute doing that and he didn't seem to have any problems.
Raine walked over to his brother's bed, carefully pulling the cover over his shoulders so he won't be cold. Her little brother froze so easily.
Never before she would have thought their group would turn out to become this big like it was now. Even a little half-elf joined theim recently and she never imagined seeing her brother that happy in his our her entire life. Thinking about the threat they had to face, she was glad to see her beloved brother carless, playing, laughing, talking with his friends. Yes, his friends. Not theirs.
Sure, she was accepted in the group and she accepted them, enjoying their company, but that was it. Raine despised humans. No, not only humans. Humans and Elves alike. Both for destroying her life, her family, her whole being. The only reason she was still alive was her brother and the hope their journey gave her. When she first came to Sylverant, she was consumed by despair and she survived only so her brother could grow up in peace. That was also why she still was with the group, hoping for a world where her brother could live in peace.
But why, for Martel's sake, did she feel so empty?
The feeling came only slow, but from time to time it struck her, got her off-guard and took her over. It was really like a blokade, preventing her to think and sometimes when she was so close to an answer bothering her, that blockade locked up her mind and the answer sliped right through her hands. All because of that feeling.
The first time she realised that clearly was back in Exire where they found what was left of that pityfull woman Virginia. Her mother. Back then, Genis had to comford her, not the other way around like it should be. That was when she realised that Genis slowly grew up and not needing her anymore. Now being refused both caring for her brother and supporting their journey, she felt the lack of a purpose in her life.
Slowly, after putting on her orange coat, she walked out the room silently so she wouldn't wake Genis. Her way lead her outside of Altessa's house into the heavy rain, which became heavier during that time. It was hard to see through the close curtain of rain and the dark of the night, but she didn't mind. She just enjoyed the cold drops on her skin, but she also noticed her body shaking and freezing. The night itself was not very cold, only the rain was. She was freezing and her clothes quickly became soaking wet.
Like she mattered. Nothing mattered to her anymore. Genis was the one thing she thought she would never loose, yet he slowly slipped through her grip. Yet she was willing to let him go. He became an adult and soon would live his own life without her. Presea would take her place as the most important person in his life, so what other choice did she have but letting him go? Chaining him? No, she was happy seeing him becoming a fine young man, so did Lloyd and Colette became a pretty young woman.
Sighing softly she closed her eyes, feeling the rain dripping down her short silver hair, turning into bigger drops and crawling down her face, hands and her whole body. It glued her hair to her face.
Oh how she was enjoying this and how it teared her apart inside. Their journey that is. She enjoyed the rare moments they had, but it pained her that she was unable to make her part in this journey, to use her skills. Zelos and Regal took over a great part of healing, so there wasn't much need for her, made her feel even more useless when she already did.
Zelos... Raine found out about his motives and what he was going to do some time ago, but she wouldn't tell. She never told anything to anybody. Not that her and Genis were truely half-elves, not what was going on with Colette or that she was supossed to die for the sake of the world regeneration, not about Kratos, not about Mithos' true identity. Yes she knew. She knew it all along. She felt his specific mana, which not even he could hide, exermined his unique behaviour. There was no doubt about it. The only thing she was glad about was that Genis did not seem to feel his mana the way she did. Her brother has always been a bit insensitive for this subjects. It was the same with the elven-language she wanted to teach him, but he wouldn't listen to her because of the subjects he was more interested in, like magic and sorcery. So why bothering him with this? She could not tie him up and force him to learn it.
Also how was she supposed to tell him about his very first half-elf-friend he had in his entire life? That he was their archenemy and they had to destroy him? No way... He wouldn't believe her at al. She...
"Aren't you cold, Raine?"
The voice she heard behind her pierced through her mind, pulling her out of her trance. Raine turned around, looking into the green eyes of the half-elf she just thought about. What a twist of fate.
"Mithos..."
It was hard to see him in the darkness, but the faint aura of mana made her see him clearly. It was a cold, deep blue color, matching his personality. The aura was stronger for those with elvenblood, strongest for pure elves. That made it easy to decide if a person was a pureblood or a half-elf, but most weren't trained in seeing this aura.
"You should get inside or you'll catch a cold."
"I'm fine. But why are you still up? It's late."
Like usuall, Raine decided to pretend not to know about him and his true being, even though she did not know why he did what he did or why he decided to join them.
"I...", Mithos started. "I couldn't sleep and I saw you go outside. And I got worried so I came look for you."
The boy looked down into the gras, avoiding her glance.
"I thought you are going away on your own again."
"I have no reason to."
He went silent all of the sudden, but walked over to the female half-elf. It was strange, but he felt comfortable in her presence. She was so much like his dead sister, had the same strange look in her eyes. It was like Tabatha got his sister's body, Raine her soul and mind. But for him, the soul and mind were way more important.
"Are you alright, Raine?"
She seemed to be lost in thoughts again, something he noticed her doing a lot. A few seconds past, silent seconds where only the fall of the rain was heard.
"Raine?", Mithos asked again, making her nearly jump as he touched her hand.
"What?"
Raine quickly looked down to the other one, crossing her arms then. A defensive stand she did when she did not want to tell her mind to others.
"It's nothing."
"You always say that. I can see something troubles you."
After 4000 years he could tell what people thought, look through their minds, but she was special. Not only could he construe her mind, she was like an open book to him. Every action she made and every gesture. Everything made perfect sense for him and that made him feel conected to her. A feeling he thought he lost when his sister died.
Raine just looked down on Mithos, silently, then back up to the dark sky. Slowely, the rain stopped and the clouds opened up, releasing a beautiful view on the nightsky. The stars were shimmering, sparkling in their whole beauty, being the only source of light because of the new moon. In a few hours the cold light of the new morning would rip the darkness once again. The young teacher couldn't tell she if she liked the sunrise more than the night itself, but it didn't matter anymore. The last time she saw a view like this she was the man who made her the wreck she was now. Back then, she hated the sun rising because it ended the night, the most precious moment in her memory. Still it was followed by the most painfull one. Treason...
She felt her body shaking, but didn't know if it was because of the rain still dropping down from her hair, her clothes and her skin or because of the memory.
"I was just wondering", she said. Raine felt like she was silent for a few hours rather than a few minutes. No she won't be responsible for another treason. She wanted to know. "Wondering about if you can manage to tell the truth to Genis."
"The... truth? What truth?"
The professor smiled down to him.
"I think you know what I mean, Yggdrasiel."
Mithos felt his heart skip a beat.
She knew? But how? He was so carefull! But more important: why didn't she tell?
He forced himself to smile, but it didn't quite work out. His cover was blown.
"What do you mean? Who..."
"Don't play", she interrupted him. "I know who and what you are. Your mana revealed who you are."
Mithos stared down to his feet, went silent again. How could he even think that he was able to fool her? She was highly intelligent. But why didn't she step away then? He could simply kill her right now for discovering who he was.
"I'm not going to tell", he heard her saying, looking up into her blue eyes again.
"What?"
"You heard me, Yggdrasiel. I won't tell them. Genis won't believe me. I would only hurt him."
She was just thinking of Genis then. Mithos noticed early that she would die for that little silverhead if she had to. It remembered him of his own sister, who died for him. Still it confused him. He felt empty inside again.
"But... I don't understand."
Again he started staring at the gras rather than looking into her eyes. He couldn't stand that. Raine knew he was going to betray them, still she decided to stay quiet?
"Tell me, Mithos..." She called him by his first name again. "...why did you join us? You had no reason to."
The little half-elf went silent for a few seconds, thinking why he actually did it.
"I actually don't know." He knew there was no way he could lie to her again without her noticing. "Maybe I wanted to know why half-elves are travelling with humans."
Mithos shrugged a litte when Raine carfully touched his head, let her wet hand ran through his just as wet hair, making Mithos bite his tongue a bit. He enjoyed this touch more than he was willing to admit.
"They are his friends you know."
"His?", he asked, looking up to her again, still having her hand in his hair. Without noticing he stepped a bit closer to her. The gentle breeze made her shiver a bit, which didn't bother him because he didn't feel hot or cold at all. Raine sounded like she didn't think that she was part of the group.
"It may sound confusing, but Genis and Lloyd grew up together. They are best friends. And he is also close to Colette. Genis would acompany him to the end of the world."
It seemed like she avoided what he was going to ask...
"And what about you?"
"I swore to protect Genis and support him whenever I can."
So she really didn't think of herself as part of the group. After all she was a half-elf, so it was only natural she didn't have her fixed position in the group...
"You're really facinating."
Raine softly shook her head.
"No. Genis is the only family left to me, so if he is happy I am too. It's only natural. He is everything to me."
Just like Martel was for him, Mithos thought.
"But you don't seem to be very happy with that." She rather seemed to suffer under that, like she was in pain with what she was doing. Something troubled her mind, that was obvious. And for a long time to. Even when he was still traveling with the group, he noticed her having that specific look you have when you are not happy with the situation.
"I can't help him right now. But I don't think we should talk about that."
She avoided him. Well not surprising. He was her enemy after all. But still he felt the strange urge to help her. He didn't want her to suffer. For the first time after 4000 years he actually cared for someone different then himself, even if he didn't know why. Mithos wanted to be close to her. He didn't want to loose her.
Mithos often watched her sitting a few feet away from the group, writing down something in her notebook and sometimes it seemed she broke her brain thinking about the riddles they discovered throughout the day. Sometimes he really wanted to comfort her. Thinking of comfort, why couldn't she help Genis right now? Genis once told him Raine's most important skill was to think around the problem and get straight to the answer, which often helped them a lot...
"Have you trouble thinking or solving puzzles lately?"
She didn't answer him. So that must have been the point.
"Raine please. I can help you."
"Why should you? Besides, if even I don't know what is blocking my mind, what makes you think you can help?"
She had a point there. But he would think of a way to remove her blockade. Actually, he found the solution already.
"Maybe I can not remove the cause, but I can still help you. The blockade you have is maybe just something that blocks the flow of your mana."
Irritated, Raine looked down to Mithos. He... could? Flow of mana? But how? She wouldn't let him lay hands on her, that was for sure.
"And why on earth should you do that."
"Just take it as thanks for not telling anybody. I have to repay you somehow. Also I... I like you really much."
"I won't let you cast a spell on my."
"I don't need to. I just..." He sighed. "Just stay here okay? I'll be right back."
He ran off before Raine could say a word. She saw him teleport after a few seconds, leaving her behind confused and kind of dumbfounded. What the hell just happened?
Instead of waiting, which took some time, she decided to go inside, silently, in order to change her still wet clothes. She still had some other clothes than that orange coat. The bad point of that: they were picked by Zelos. It was really sad that she actually liked what he picked out for her, but she never found an excuse for wearing it. It was picked by Zelos after all.
One day Zelos just came back to the group, some bags in his hands and smiling like there was no tomorrow. After asking why he was so happy he just answered that he got all (female) members of the group new clothes to "underline their beauty" or to quote him correctly "to point out the inner beauty of his beloved so they could bloom into never fading flowers" ... or at least something like that.
He got her a white, knee-long dress with some quillings and flower embroiderys. Also he got her a golden necklace and a fitting bracelet. The sandals were also white. After reaching her room, she changed into these clothes and hang her wet ones outside so they could dry when the sun was finally rising. What she was wearing was maybe more expensive than everything she possessed together, but it was sponsored by Zelos and he was the chosen. Most of the things he wanted he got for free. Not that he didn't have enough money anyway. But what he got her just was perfect for her. It made her appear female. Raine usually preferred trousers because it was easier to fight and move in with.
When she was outside again, she heard something inside. Through the window she saw Sheena, tired and a cup in her hand. It was still too early to get up, so she would definitely go to sleep again. Raine could only smile on that. The others always were really sleepy, also slept for a long time. Raine herself couldn't get a lot of sleep, had nightmares and got up earlier than the others so she could do some work before it got noisy again. She just couldn't calm down in the evenings, was too restless to sleep.
Footsteps cut her thoughts again, so she turned around and saw Mithos again.
Mithos, back from the Tower of Salvation, got a slightly confused look on his face when he saw Raine in that white dress and even his jaw dropped a little. She was indeed very beautiful. He didn't even notice their clothes were wet before, maybe because he wasn't feeling neither heat nor cold. The female's hair was still sparkling from a few drops in the light of the stars. She looked like an angel, innocent and pure.
Raine, guessing his thoughts and feeling uncomfortable that he stared at her that way, blushed a little.
"What are you staring at?"
Mithos approached her slowly, slightly embarrassed for staring at her for such a long time.
"I'm sorry. But... would you hold out your hand for a second?"
Raine hesitated, but did how she was told to. Carefully the small half-elf placed something he held in his hand in hers. It was cold, but the surface was smooth, the object itself very small. When he removed his hand she raised an eyebrow, Mithos for his part smiling brightly at her.
"It will help you calm down. It eases the flow of mana in your body and opens your mind."
"An exphere? But I already got..."
But wait. That twist of mana she felt around that stone. Could it be?
"A Cruxis-crystal?", she said in slight shock.
"Most of my most valuable ones, too", Mithos answered proudly. "It's really old. But you have to put it closer to your heart on order to make it work instead of your thigh."
Under the dress it was clear where the professor wore her keycrest. Raine all of the sudden went quite angry.
"And what in the name of Martel makes you think I want to use that?"
Why was she so upset? He just tried to help, thought Mithos. He didn't do anything wrong.
"But I don't force you to use it. You can use it for whatever you like. For example for your research. After all it's yours now."
He knew that sooner or later Raine would equip herself with the crystal. He knew her curiosity by now and it would take her over. He watched her making a fist around the crystal, thinking apparently.
"Let's go inside. The others will get up soon."
She nodded and followed him inside. Raine left him in the main room, went to where Genis was still sleeping and putted the crystal in the small pocket where she kept research notes. Right now, she cursed herself for not throwing that thing away or at least give it back. But from the very beginning she was fascinated by those crystals. How they were able to change a persons whole body and being, how they give something in return in a way expheres could not, but at the same time take so much more. She wanted to know everything about the Cruxis-crystals, wanted to know how they worked.
Raine sat beside Genis on his bed, shook him softly.
"Genis. Come on wake up. It's time for breakfast."
Before she went in her room she had noticed Tabatha preparing breakfast and right now the whole house was filled with the scent of it. Her brother mumbled something about 'just five more minutes' and turned around, so she went back to the main room with the big table. Tabatha was schooling Mithos for being up and outside so late. For her it was even worse that he went wet down to his bones.
"I was with him, Tabatha. So he was not technically alone."
"It is still dangerous to be outside in the night."
"I know. But nothing happened, did it? He was only worried about me."
The pupped smiled a little, then went back into the kitchen. She brought some coffee for the professor, but before the others showed up, Raine went outside to see the sunrise. She heard the others inside, more or less sleepy, but definitely loud, laughing. It seemed that Zelos made a stupid comment again. Sheena screamed and was chasing him in the house.
Mithos came outside and stand beside her, then sat beside her feet. For him it was too loud inside. Raine, the cup in her hands, looked down at him, smiling a little. He seemed to be relaxed and not aggressive at all. She hated to admit it, but she liked him. And she liked him a lot. He was so much like Genis...
Her attention went back to the sun which was about to rise. The first rays of light made the mist sparkle like a see of diamonds and a light breeze was playing with their hair. The view was really pretty. It was like a new beginning. Again she thought of why Mithos was so peaceful in her presence. He really seemed to care for her giving her a Cruxis-crystal. She knew how difficult it was to create a crystal.
"Let's get inside. I'm starting to get hungry", Raine said and looked down to Mithos. He smiled again and got up, followed her back inside. Just as she shut the door behind her, she heard Zelos.
"OH RAINE My gorgeous magnificent cool nymph you just look stunning, my love."
"Wow professor. You look pretty", said Colette.
"Thank you", the half-elf said with a half smile. Getting compliments from Zelos, she was used to, but also the others seemed to like what she was wearing. She sat beside her little brother and he leaned over to her.
"Raine? Why are your wearing Zelos' clothes?"
"Because she now realized what a gentleman I am getting her those", Zelos said in his flirting voice when he got beside her. Raine's answer was a step on Zelos' foot which made him scream in pain as he sat down next to her.
"But Raine~", he whined.
"My clothes are still drying and because I can't walk around naked I decided to put this on."
Zelos started a comment again, but got hit by Raine again.
"OUCH."
"Don't you dare say anything."
Genis decided to interfere.
"Well, sis, you definitely look wonderful."
Raine smiled warmly at him and he back to her.
"Thank you, Genis."
Mithos, standing in the door to his room, looked over to them. Raine was really beautiful, but she never would give him this warm smile he desired so much when he complimented her. It was only meant for her brother, and for him alone. For some reason, he was jealous...
He wanted this sisterly comfort. He wanted that smile. He wanted her to be his.
Looking away he went into his room, leaving the room and let the others have their breakfast. Meanwhile a new idea formed in his mind. After he found out that Yuan was about to betray him, for Yuan being the leader of the Renegates, he leaked one Seraphim...